Cleaned Corners has secured his position at Friendship Castle, so now he's securing the staff. With ropes. And gags. And threats. And hypnotism. And maybe a few drugs. Okay, it's possible that he's using lots of drugs.
voicing is great. like, starting out with an immediate ", darling" is probably a cheap trick, but it works. and you manage to keep it up, clearly presenting a different viewpoint than Cleaned's, which makes his stick out and feel fitting, despite it being just a dry and neutral. i love it
Twilight had appeared to not care about the opposite sex, or her own sex,
there was also a line in the first fic where Twi mentions she hadn't ever had sex with a mare either, and it's such a small touch but i enjoy it, thank you.
It's really hard to say if Rarity is spoiling the ending or if this is going to be misleading or what. I'll call it good foreshadowing regardless. Unless it turns out to be bad, at least.
8585081 Thanks! I assure you, I suck at foreshadowing. So it will be bad! Glad to get that off my chest, now we don't have to worry about it. Also, fixed the thing and added/cleaned it up a little.
As far as the call back, I'm trying not to mess up my own continuity here, but there are little changes. Note, he calls Spike Lord instead of Prince. My mind is a little frazzled lately, I made that choice intentionally, but I can't remember why for the life of me. Call me out if I screw up things! I'd appreciate it!
8585234 Actually, if you read from the beginning of the very first chapter of the first story, this was all written with a very specific voice in mind. I'm not sure if I managed it, but I've had an idea since inception about the storytelling voice here. I like to mess around with vehicles like that every once in a while, but I'm super not good at it. It should become simultaneously more and less clear as the story progresses.
voicing is great. like, starting out with an immediate ", darling" is probably a cheap trick, but it works. and you manage to keep it up, clearly presenting a different viewpoint than Cleaned's, which makes his stick out and feel fitting, despite it being just a dry and neutral. i love it
there was also a line in the first fic where Twi mentions she hadn't ever had sex with a mare either, and it's such a small touch but i enjoy it, thank you.
It's really hard to say if Rarity is spoiling the ending or if this is going to be misleading or what. I'll call it good foreshadowing regardless. Unless it turns out to be bad, at least.
("I assured twilight that" has a missing capital)
Didn't expect the "looking back" perspective, but that's one tsntalizing hook for the next chapter.
8585081
Thanks! I assure you, I suck at foreshadowing. So it will be bad! Glad to get that off my chest, now we don't have to worry about it. Also, fixed the thing and added/cleaned it up a little.
As far as the call back, I'm trying not to mess up my own continuity here, but there are little changes. Note, he calls Spike Lord instead of Prince. My mind is a little frazzled lately, I made that choice intentionally, but I can't remember why for the life of me. Call me out if I screw up things! I'd appreciate it!
8585234
Actually, if you read from the beginning of the very first chapter of the first story, this was all written with a very specific voice in mind. I'm not sure if I managed it, but I've had an idea since inception about the storytelling voice here. I like to mess around with vehicles like that every once in a while, but I'm super not good at it. It should become simultaneously more and less clear as the story progresses.
And here I was hoping for a happy ending for everyone o well
8598419
But everybody does get a happy ending! In fact, they usually get more than one!