- Member Since 25th Sep, 2011
- offline last seen 4 hours ago
Valtyra
Stories. Ponies. That's all. If you like my stuff, please follow! <3
Valtyra
Joined 25th Sep, 2011 ·
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Good show dear boy, good show!
Oh lordy, when I first read the title I thought it was a grimdark...
I love Twinkie and can't wait to see how this turns out.
Yep. Tracking
It needs a little polishing up, there are a few grammatical matters, some spelling flubs and it could probably use a Sex tag, but otherwise, it's great. Tracked and upthumbed!
Dis gun' be good.
Can't wait!
Not sure if you're aware, or if you care, for that matter, but your story shares a cover image with another (fairly popular) Twinkie story: "The Baker and the Scholar" by Emerald Flight. As a result, I sort of came into this story expecting it to be a rip-off of that one. You might want to consider changing your cover.
919822
I wasn't aware, thanks.
Ouch! You just got tag-slammed. You forgot to close your initial italics tag.
Other than that it's... it's a good story. But there are so many little errors everywhere that it's distracting.
922539
Yeah, i'm trying to get better at writing it, ect ect.
I'll try and get as many errors out next time at possible.
922539
Excuse me, but i'm not keen enough to see those little errors, would you care to show them to me?
Anyway, this is still a great story
922744
why thank you
:D
i'm glad you are enjoying it. if there are any stuff you'd like to see please pm me and ill see if i can put it in.
922772
I think you have the right idea, so keep your story as you would like it to be.
But other than that, I think you write excellent english pony novels. Keep up the good work!!
Also a little thing, it's said "If there is any stuff" not "if there are any stuff"
Yeah I can already tell I'm in for the long run with this story
922744
“You have a little meltdown" should be "You had a little meltdown"
There are few issues with missing possessive apostrophes.
It looks like he missed another italics tag.
Little things.
922900
Thank you very much.
Fantastic story! Really made my day.
blah blah italics oops.
I'm enjoying this story, and I'm keeping an eye out for more chapters
OH! Please do SpitDash! I would love to see one of those. please and thanks! <3
Maybe Applejack X Dash
This was quite cute. How about a Fluttershy/Rarity? Or Braeburn/Little Strongheart?
That was great! I would love another story as long as it involved Pinkie.
I've always been a sucker for TwiLuna and Twixie pairings. DO THIS. I COMMAND IT.
Awesome story. Nice even pace and flow of events. I love it.
Celestipie
Awesome TwiPie! Apparently this is my second time reading it. It started to look familiar. (The fact that I've already commented is of course a dead giveaway)
Twilight was a bit out of character while horny. Not because she was horny, just the kinds of things she was thinking of just didn't come off as Twilight. But since she was horny, I guess all bets are off there, it can really warp a person's mind.
However, Pinkie Pie should have been able to say "Inconvenience" without a problem. She's shown clearly in the canon that she can recite pretty much anything Twilight says word-for-word, or anypony else for that matter.
Pinkie Pie's confession in response to Twilight made me laugh. She was already kissing at her neck! I fought the urge to sarcastically blurt out "Nah, really? I'm sure she didn't notice!"
And it's a breath of fresh air that somepony isn't afraid to use "like" instead of "love" when two characters start a relationship, even if the characters had already been close friends for awhile.
Pinkie's hair deflating over Twilight being worried he would laugh is a bit much, even for Pinkie Pie. She's been sad many times without her hair deflating. And it all happened so fast...hair deflates, then she's fine again. It's not like her crying rivers and then suddenly being fine, because it went as far as hair deflation. >_0 But this is an extremely minor nitpick.
It tends to nag at my suspension of disbelief when characters use the word "love" at the beginning of a relationship, but in this case it fit because they were close friends to begin with, and they had actually used tamer words like "Like' to begin with. Indicating that the word "love" took some thought.
The affection and the sex was sweet, even with the oddity of the magic phallus (I have no complaint about that by the way). Definitely glad to see two characters that can kiss without drawing saliva bridges from each other.
It also gets points just for being clop that's actually not literary trash.
Wow Just wow good sir I saw this as finished in my favourites but got a notice of a new chapter for something, so I decided check before I dosed off to sleep and I see an old story updated my heart soared at the thought will read instantly good sir
Your Regards
OnTheTrot
not normaly into twipie but this is good. looking forward to more.
Rushed...and you need an editor.
Not really much else that I can say about this. It's not really standing out for me.
Wow i didnt know this would happen....thank for bring this story alive again and well
2753399
AW, thanks for the comment.
The thing with trying to make something better, is that sometimes you actually make it worse. Please don't make that mistake. So far, so good.
I like this so far, but when did you start substituting apostraphes with quotation marks?! That was honestly the biggest bummer of this chapter; the content was very nice. Twinkie is my favorite ship, after all. I'm looking forward to more, despite the little errors here and there, as well as the... dreaded... apostraphe marks...
2772193
That's what I do now, because I'm British ;)
But honestly, it's because... Why not thb.
If it's a big deal I'll just stop using them :/
2772578
It's a pet peeve of mine, honestly. I mean, it's not that big of a deal. It just takes away from the story--in my opinion, of course. You're free to do whatever you like, by all means.
Ah, well, I don't see why you didn't do it in the first couple of chapters.
I really do like your story, though. Don't take any offense from what I pointed out.
2773014
Mainly because I created the other chapters quite a long time ago, and have just adopted the quotes.
I didn't take offense ;) just explaining. It's always nice to see that someone likes something I made.
2773035
I understand that an author's writing style does change over time--as mine did too. I hope that you update soon, though! I'm actually in the middle of reading your TwiShy right now--second favorite ship. I'll be sure to leave a comment there, too.
was that rarity who was hiding
3200963
:p Who knows... That barn did need a clean... So it could be anypony...
This intrigues me. You have a fav and a thumb.
3200975
Who knows? YOU knows?
I'm guessing it part of the plot, elsewise, you would have said who was hiding in the barn. I am guessing all her friends know Twilight is with Pinkie (if not the whole town.)
919822
Thank you for mentioning that fic. I have it on my read later list, but I'm looking forward to it. Do you know any other good Twinkie Pie stories?
The use of apostrophes instead of quotation marks threw me and kind of ruined the chapter. Mostly because it was such a huge shift from what you were using before hand. Kind of ruined the chapter a bit I'll admit, since I had to re-read the chapter when it kicked in that it was spoken dialect rather than some artistic use of internal monologue or what have you.
____________________________
What's that supposed to mean / be?
_________________________________________
The bloody apostrophes made it hell to read. But it was a rather cute chapter. Look forward to reading more, but please go back to quotation marks. Or go back to the original chapters and edit them. I do understand that a writing style changes overtime, but changing mid story made it harder to read.
Still a good fic.
Cute chapter. Were they really booked, or where they just saying that to keep Twi and her marefriend out of their establishment?
3203458
The apostrophies are used in english books as standard. American books can choose to use either.
I'm using them because I like it rather than quotation marks.
"and the promise of a fun filled date to kedo her company."
It's suppose to be: keep her company.
3203310
It's always weird to see someone respond to comments I made over a year ago… Regardless,
A Different Kind of Magic
Like an Unexpected Song
Finding Your Rythm (haven't read this yet, but it's Donny's Boy, so you can't really go wrong)
Experimental Variables (same with this one)
Separation (if you can stomach Amit)
Plus, you could always check out what's in the Twinkie Pie group, though I can't really vouch for any of it personally.
This is... thoroughly mediocre.
3210090
Thanks :)
3210175 I really like the story, but there's one thing that's bugging me. Why is it that you use apostrophes in the place of quotation marks?
3210523
This has been asked and answered twice now, but i'm going to answer anyway:
English books use apostrphies instead of Quotation marks, (at least in all of the ones i've read and yes, i've checked they are english books.) American books can use either, so it's not a common thing in america (at least i don't think so).