• Member Since 10th Jul, 2011
  • offline last seen Nov 8th, 2019

Krizak


T
Source

Twilight Sparkle may believe in Pinkie Pie's myriad abilities, but when an opportunity to study them from a perspective she never thought possible arises, how can she resist the chance at the understanding she's always truly wanted? More importantly, can Ponyville survive the trade-off necessary for this opportunity?

Chapters (5)
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Comments ( 480 )

Alright, time to wade into the murky waters of actually writing fanfiction. With a story that was born of the strange and simple thought: "why are all the 'trading places' stories about Applejack and Rainbow Dash?" Ooooooh, this will not end well. :pinkiecrazy:

Now, most of my writing experience is in either participating in or hosting competitive fanfiction tournaments with time-limited rounds, so it is entirely possible that I do things in entirely the wrong way. So I implore any who read this story to please, be ruthless. I can take it. :eeyup:

Well, you got me interested, so imma keep an eye on dis nao.
i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/254/999/41d.jpg

Tracking device activated

"and let's face it, with a name like Twilight Sparkle, you probably shouldn't hang out with vampires." LOL
I wasn't expecting that at all...

So for criticism, it's written well. I didn't see any spelling or grammatical errors in there (although I wasn't looking very hard =P), and it's a neat concept. I don't know if Twlight switching with Pinkie has ever been done before (I'm sure it has), but I haven't ever read one. I don't really think that Pinkie would react so harshly to Twilight saying she might not understand something, but this is coming from my head canon, and not the actual canon in the show, so if you have evidence that she would, feel free to prove me wrong. That's my only complaint so far. I will be watching this to see where it goes.

Also, the awkward moment when Pinkie is more powerful than Twilight incoming. Calling it now.

Looks promising.

Though in the end, it depends on what exactly the spell does.
Switch minds?
Switch memories?
Form a temporary hivemind? (That would be a scary possibility, methinks. Take two most mentally unstable ponies and merge them into one consciousness? The world was not ready.)

Great idea. But Pinkie Pie with Twilight's magic is scary. O.O Oh well, who needs sleep? Not me!

Very good start. Sounds like this will be a fun one.

Also, I have to disagree with you. I don't believe there is any wrong way to write fiction. Editors may think that. *Glares at his editor.* As a fellow writer, I don't think there is any wrong way to write. ... My English teachers hated me.

This will be cool as long as there is no -Sees Romance Tab-

....Fine..../me tracks.

First of all, I am glad to see that you're writing a Twinkie story after all, Krizak! Jolly good show!
Secondly, you've got a good thing going here! Shoot, son, you really reeled me in. I'm excited to see where this goes!
As far as critique goes, I don't have much to say so far. You've got good characterization, your pacing is good, and your formatting is easy to read. You forgot an f in "of" in this section, "And she knew that Pinkie would be feeling everything about her, and she suddenly felt a twinge o panic..." but that's easy enough to fix.
Can't wait to read more! :pinkiehappy:

OK, one thing:

"But before the panic took overtake"
The -take part here is redundant. Either switch these two words for "overtook", "overwhelmed" or change it to "took over". Besides which, overtake is as I recall present tense, whereas the text is otherwise using past tense.

Gosh, listen to me, I sound like Twilight. :twilightoops:

It's a small thing, but being in the last paragraph made it stand out.

Other than that it's a pretty good start, just keep an eye out for things like that. It really bugs some people.

I really like what i see thus far.

"she could feel everything about Pinkie Pie: the laughter, the songcraft, the insecurities that she held deep under the surface," <---- i'm a lil worried about this sentence here, but considering that the dark category hasn't been selected, i will push those fears away.

Also if this guy likes it, 477667 you've got to be doing something good.

Hope to see more soon! :pinkiehappy:

Starlitomega

Seems to be going well so far. I look forward to the resulting chaos.

477658
I kind of extrapolated it from both Pinkie's insecurities shown in "Party of One," as well as when she takes offence to not being considered responsible by Twilight in "Baby Cakes." It probably got jumbled up a bit in my head as well, but that's honestly what the Pinkie in me said when Twilight said that.

477659
...darn it, why am I tempted to go with the hivemind route now? Oh, well, maybe another time... (:pinkiecrazy::twilightangry2:FOR THE SWARM:pinkiecrazy::twilightangry2:)

477662
I should hope two thousand words shouldn't keep you up too late (and you need your sleep for the big wedding tomorrow).

477663
I just wasn't sure if my experience writing under ridiculous deadlines and then being judged with that deadline in mind would translate over well to a more... relaxed venue, but it seems to have gone alright. :yay:

477665
Sorry, sir, I am the administrator of the Twinkie group, after all. Rest assured that the crazy consequences of this spell will likely overshadow any romantic aspects of the story, at least at first.

477667
What, you don't think a bit o' Irish accent fits my story? Well, alright... *fixes*

Having you watching me is almost intimidating - you are one of the kings of TwiPie - but I shall endeavour to make you proud!

477673
YOU WILL GET MOAR! ...as soon as I write it. I'm not the fastest author in the world, but I hope to have a second, longer chapter out sometime in this upcoming week. (No, I totally won't regret those words, not at all...)

477682
Oh, trust me, that sort of thing bugs me, and it bugs me that I missed it. (It was actually supposed to be "could overtake.") Thank you for pointing it out to me; it has been rectified.

477690
Haha, but you have failed to account for the Sudden Dark Tag Out of Nowhere! :pinkiecrazy:

No, no, I'm talking more "Party of One" and less Cupcakes.

>>Everybody
Thank you for all your feedback and interest so far! I hope that I live up to the trust you have placed in me!

Now everybody go to bed! You have to be up for ponies tomorrow!

477717
From one person's head canon to another's, I can respect that. :twilightsmile:
AND I SHALL NEVER SLEEP! I HAVE TOO MANY PONIES TO READ!

your avatar made me laugh.

It is now obligatory that I track and read all things that come from your brain.

477717
Don't be intimidated! I'm just a person who loves their TwiPie!
And who loves good fanfiction! :rainbowdetermined2:

477717

Because you can`t resist the challenge of giving your readers mental trauma, if nothing else.

Seriously enough, Pinkie/Twilight hivemind would be either awesome or scary. And would probably be asked out by Discord.

477717
I kind of extrapolated it from both Pinkie's insecurities shown in "Party of One," as well as when she takes offence to not being considered responsible by Twilight in "Baby Cakes." It probably got jumbled up a bit in my head as well, but that's honestly what the Pinkie in me said when Twilight said that.

Professor Piggy and I have been having an extended convo about Pinkie and her insecurities and, for whatever it's worth, we both have interpretations of Pinkie that line up pretty well with what you're saying here. In particular, I think Pinkie gets uniquely insecure/defensive when she thinks Twilight is acting condescending towards her--just scope out "Griffon the Brush-Off," "Baby Cakes," parts of "MMMystery on the Friendship Express." Maybe it's 'cause Twi can be extra condescending, maybe Twi's intelligence can be intimidating, maybe it's just that Pinkie cares extra about Twi's opinion ... I dunno, but there's SOMETHING there.

I will leave a proper review when I am not so dead tired (it is far past my bedtime), but I really dig this chapter. Very promising! :pinkiehappy:

Primo: Thank you for spelling Owloysius' name right!

Secundo: I approve of Pinkie's nod to and aversion towards sparkling vamponies.

Terzo: I am impressed you included the accent circonflex on "coup de grâce."

Quarto: Good for Twilight making Pinkie Pie make agree to those rules. And good for Pinkie in return for her rules, though at this point, as far as we can tell from her opinion of Twilight, our Miss Sparkle's character design is strictly Canon/Fanon. Don't overthink things and have some fun for once, you stick-in-the-mud. I look forward to seeing both their characters develop.

Verdetto: I'm excited to see where you're taking this. Four out of five for a solid beginning. :moustache: :moustache: :moustache: :moustache:

Ultimo: *muttering as I pen a note to self* Track... this... NAO...

Poscritto: No, I don't speak Italian. It's late at night, and I'm getting weird. :facehoof: And it's not my fault my roommate has un dizionario. :trollestia:

I'm excited to read more, alright? You're doing something right :pinkiehappy: It's definitely nothing I've read on here before.
I don't know where it's going, but I'm ready to find out. Your writing's not half bad either.
So- I'm tracking it.

Twinkie, check
Bodyswapping insanity, check
Like, fav and comment, check
:pinkiehappy:

More Twinkie. Delicious. I love this new surge. Why, this might just get as big as Appledash.

Dammit! another shipping story for me to read? *sigh* And it's Twinkie... Now I'm obligated to read it and probably track it.

Great so far, but in the 5th paragraph which comes right after the single line "Jump into the air and scream like a little filly." In the first sentence "Shh! You'll wake up Spike!" the pink intruder whispered loud enough to wake the sleeping dragon herself,...." You appear to have changed up Spikes gender. Have yet to notice any other mistakes, also tracking.
Edit: Owloysius is spelled correctly, but it depends on which one you want to use, Lauren Faust clarified that "His name is spelled 'Owlowiscious', though 'it probably should have been Owloysius'", Hasbro uses the latter, but I personally prefer Lauren's spelling of it.

Ooo i'm intrigued. Tracking.

Very interesting! I do like Pinkie's admonition that Twilight has to use her magic to have fun and help other ponies laugh, because that's at the very essence of Pinkie's magic.I think Pinkie Pie shows a great deal of self-awareness in this scene. Looking forward to the next part!

I love that feeling you get when you stumble across something special :pinkiehappy:

I know you said to be ruthless, but to be honest, I can't really think of anything to criticise... or at least, nothing that hasn't already been mentioned. The plot is intriguing, the pacing is good and Pinkie and Twilight are perfectly in character ('cross-referencing historical mentions of advanced transformative spells with their modern counterparts'. Sounds thrilling, Twilight). It's funny as well- Pinkie's line about vampires really cracked me up! Lately I feel like I've been reading nothing but sadfics, so this is a nice change of pace.

I hope this gets featured. It deserves it :pinkiesmile:

477717 it was more of my imagination going wild with the thought of Pinkie Pie having Twilight's magic. It was like the season 2 opener, but with more candy.

I don't always read shipfics,
:coolphoto:
But when I do, I prefer Sparkle Pie.

But seriously, this looks interesting.

A promising start, I think. Interesting to see what the spell will really do!

Interesting... A mind-body switch where both parties know that's what's gonna happen? Neat-o. :twilightsmile:

I'm interested to see what else happens here *gasp* THIS WOULD MKE A PERFECT EPISODE!!!!!!!! TWI COULD LEARN ABOUT FRIENDSHIP BY TRADING PLACES WITH PINKIE!!!!!!!! IT WOULD BE PERFECT

Needless to say, I enjoyed the story. Krushnazag is pleased mortal. CONTINUE!

478107 Umm... that sentence is actually correct. Try reading it out loud. The sentence is referring to Pinkie whispering loud enough to wake Spike up BY herself.:facehoof:

More Twinkie is never a bad thing.

BR

I expect shenanigans.

Unfathomable power, you say?

Dis gun b gud...
<insert the .gif that I can't be bothered to find right now>

Hmmm.... Pinkie Pie with unicorn magic. I'm fine with this, because unicorn magic has it's own set of rules which make sense in-universe - so Pinkie is actually being _limited_ in her capacity for chaos... However, I do recognise that being limited generally forces people to get inventive, and in Pinkie's case, I doubt anything good can come of that. As for Twilight being granted reality altering capabilities and the capacity to ignore the fourth wall... eh, she was going to turn into a mad scientist sooner or later. I'm sure her friends won't mind providing test subjects _too_ much.

i'm concerned for twilight's mind. it may shatter when she sees what pinkie sees everyday.

haha! this is awesome! I want MOAR!:pinkiehappy:
tracking*

Interesting, very interesting.

My only question is if the "everything" is well defined and easy to understand what "this" and "that" would be. It'd be kinda funny if everything was labeled. Think about it.

A floating label or sign, stating "You Have Arrived at Deep Dark Secret Corner!"

"With a name like Twilight Sparkle, you probably shouldn't hang around with vampires."
http://mirrors.rit.edu/instantCSI/

Well, doesn't this look like an interesting start. I look forwards to more of this.

MOAR WRITANS :twilightsmile:

HOLY FUCK TWIPIE

this is good and has gained my track and thumb:twilightsmile:

Nice start, looking forward to more.

Holy balls I'm favoriting this.

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