Dimly it occurs to her, somewhere through the haze of magic and the relentless onslaught of images, that the spell has both gone very right and gone very, very wrong. A TwiPie story.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 2nd Dec, 2011
- offline last seen May 20th, 2015
Donnys Boy
My name is Donny's Boy. I ship ponies.
Donnys Boy
Joined 2nd Dec, 2011 ·
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probably shouldve taken an image off of google images instead of making ponysonas with HORRIBLY done colors
Holy crap that was awesome. Like, jeez! You continue to surprise me- you made me believe in DashPie again, then you're just like lolnope it's twipie and I'm like Damn.
You are
In the interest of being positive, rather than unnecessarily critical of something only marginally related to your story, that was incredibly well done. The changes in perspective were handled flawlessly, and though it could occasionally be hard to keep track of who you were talking about, I'm pretty sure that was intentional. Very nicely done.
That was very very good. Extremely good. Very emotional, and moving, I have to admit. :D
Wonder if you could do that POV from a RariJack?
Very nice story. I'm glad I re... wait a second...
*looks at author*
Danny Boy... well son of a... that's it. I've gotta say, I love all your works
The perspective changes... wow. Just wow. Elegantly intricate, revealing depths of the characters, showing the natural progression of their relationship...
I consider myself a person with some skill with wordsmithing, but this has the same unspeakable beauty of an untamed fractal. Well done.
Second person with referential ambiguity. That's gotta be a first. Somehow it worked, allowed for the understanding of the mutuality of the attraction. I've always been partial to the dynamics of the relationship between Twilight and Pinkie. Well Executed.
Switching tenses, lack of dialogue attribution and as BB said, referential ambiguity.
This doesn't make it artsy or clever, it just makes it difficult to read and feels very pretentious. That said, it isn't badly written and while the pacing is a bit off it's an overall enjoyable read.
I dunno what they are saying about difficult to read. It was quite easy and MEGA SUPER AWESOME AMAZING
Moar pls
Oh you magnificent human being! God damn! That was so much fun to read, haha. Keep up the amazing work!
Interesting story. The narrative style fit pretty well, the second person perspective was used in a manner I've rarely seen too, better than most really and the way you told it fit Twilight well.
I can't say the same about Pinkie though. It felt too dramatic for her, her sense of playfulness didn't seem to come out clearly. I have to admit I can't see her as having felt "isolated in a crowd" either. That whole bit seemed more Twilight than Pinkie.
Overall a fun read though, not the best, but enjoyable.
166448 What that guy said.
meh, TwiPie
I think you got the best out of this... yeah... idk, unnormal shipping?
The writing style feels like staring at raw emotion through a kaleidoscope of, ah what would be the word, whimsicality? Yeah, I think that covers it pretty well. The perspective changes forced me to stop and think to figure out for sure where I was looking at each scene from. It would have been disruptive in small doses, but as a constant thing, it became just another part of the story. Plus, I like thinking. All in all, this is another fic I thought was well worth reading.
166742 I agree on what he said.
This. Is. AWESOME! This may be the best written fic I have ever seen.
A very different style of writing and a new perspective to boot!
Great job
Yes. YES! TwiPie! My favorite pairing!
Holy crap! The story's up in that little featured box! That is both incredibly flattering and incredibly terrifying.
So. Hello there, readers. Thank you for reading and taking the time to review.
Re: charges of pretentiousness, I am pretty much guilty, yeah. I do lean towards the pretentious, though I make the occasional attempt to reign in those tendencies. At any rate, I wasn't actually trying to be super oblique in the story; at the start of each new section, I tried to put in signifiers indicating whose perspective we were now in, but I guess I didn't do a good enough job with that. Sorry, y'all.
Also, re: Pinkie's characterization, I think I agree that she's a bit too serious here and not silly enough. Always a danger when trying to do serious!Pinkie, I think. Though the stuff about her feeling lonely before Twilight moved to Ponyville came from my half-thought-through head canon where none of the Mane Five were really that good of friends before Twilight brought them all together.
ANYWAYS. That is enough rambling from me. Thank you so much for your reviews, everyone, especially those of you who thought the story fell short of the mark. Though of course I am enormously pleased to see that many of y'all have enjoyed the story and am very flattered by all of your kind words about it.
(And now I am off to finish baking a cake, which I will top with rainbow sprinkles.)
seriously this is my favorite pairing, if you think about it, they are the most compatible, both are genius but incredibly eccentric, both are inventors, both can teleport...
Wonderfully crafted; the art of a skilled wordsmith is hard to find.
Amazing story.
Wow, just wow! Now this is the type of story that I love. Lots of thought and the loops all around. Ending with what ya started made me one happy.... Ummmm.... I'm not sure what I am half the time.... but for now I'm a happy pony..... I think..... Well I'm happy anyways.
It was good. The repeating lines throughout felt unneeded, or could've been worded slightly differently, than copy+paste, at least that is what it seemed.
I rarely see well done second-person narratives, but this one was just great! :)
5/5 from me!
While this is very well written it wasn't all that convincing; they saw a what if scenario of themselves together and then said 'why not' smooch, smooch, smooch!'. I don't consider this very romantic but still it's an good story; four stars for it's writing and emotion.
I don't like TwiPie in the least... or any other shipping... but this was interesting. Tracked, but not favorited, even though it's complete.
I think it's romantic.
Everything that isn't dialogue feels like poetry. Your prose is fantastic and very moving. Kudos for your interpretation and characterization of PInkie Pie. this is awesome
This cover is quite possibly the only good thing to ever come out of pony creators. And by good, I mean marvelous.
DONNY'S BOY. WHY MUST YOU WRITE GREAT STORIES?
No, but in all seriousness, I love any story by you
interesting one shot twipie story.. but needs to be expanded upon... like lets see what those futures hold now
167405 I think it is more that they are already in love with each other, secretly; they see this vision of the possible future and realise that their pairing might just work after all.
I thought it was very poetic. Actually, more so a poem with a story to it. I liked it.
167405
I agree with this 100%. Since Twilight and Pinkie are my two favorite ponies, I'm just happy somebody shipped them. It's way too rare. That said, it came across forced. I want to see Pinkie trying to win Twilight's heart or something like that.
interesting to say the least, a very unique way of telling a story.
This. I want to download this.
This was formatted brilliantly.
Not even a fan of the pairing.
Fucking amazing.
166152 is that a Zatch Bell Reference?
This was a good read. I liked it a lot
Excellent job. The transition was handled well but, as is the nature of the beast, occasionally confusing. Still a 5/5.
Oh god this is amazing.
166742
"The writing style feels like staring at raw emotion through a kaleidoscope of, ah what would be the word, whimsicality?"
Meant to say this earlier, but that's one of the nicest things anyone's ever said about my writing. Thank you so much.
167405
For what it's worth, I'm not sure I consider this romantic, either. It's ... a romance, for lack of a better categorization, but it wasn't actually meant to be romantic in any traditional sense.
167581
Thank you! That's very kind of you to say. I do think this is more of a mood piece than a story proper, so probably does have a bit more in common with poetry than with prose.
167791
Aw, thanks!
168153
Fair enough! Though, this wasn't meant to be a "falling in love" story so much as a ... geez, I don't even know. Experimental character study, I suppose. But I do have plans to write something of a "falling in love" TwiPie story at some point or another, if you're interested.
Oooh, also! For some good TwiPie, I recommend the following stories whole-heartedly, if you haven't already read them:
Sir Gimp of Baath's "Causality"
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7474165/1/Causality
Twilight asks Pinkie out via time travel. Pinkie considers that incredibly romantic. There is romance, there is angst, there is a funny scene in a restaurant and a gorgeous moment involving fireflies.
Ringcaat's "The Combinatorics Project" (first chapter)
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7281053/1/The_Combinatorics_Project
Seekers of arcane knowledge! Balloon gas! Rarity being duly horrified!
Shrinky Frod's "Five Minutes"
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/297/Five-Minutes
I'm not sure how romantic this is, but it's a great little story nonetheless. It's very sexy, I'd say. Even though there's nothing explicit and very little even hinted at, the entire tone of the story is very steamy, very sexual. It's the more physical side of TwiPie, I'd say.
168691
Indeed it is not, and is purely coincidence. I'm commenting on the fact that it seems that I love anything this author puts out, and always before I know its him that made it.
Seriously, every single story I started tracking, and then realized later that they were all by him...
This was very sweet and crazy and a cool idea. I like how, as someone said, raw the emotion was. Very well done characterization. :)
Whoa.
I love it^^
I've read all of those Donny, but thanks for the recommendations. I'll be on the lookout should you write another one.
HOW
HOW DOES THIS HAVE 100+ RATINGS
HOOOOOOOOW
I wish I had something to say that hasn't already been said. An amazing story, good sir, and from two different perspectives too!
This fic is awesome, simply awesome 
.
Incoming critique:
While the story it's self is good there are some things that I feel take a way from the story as a whole. The POV change is an interesting touch but I feel that it breaks the flow of the story and makes it a bit of a hard read. I can understand why it was done and really cant see a way that it could have been written differently and kept the same feel, but I think the shifts could have been done smoother. The build up is well done if quick, but the speed is to be expected from a short one shot. The flash forward is done very well done and the initial reactions to it are perfect.
Over all this is a good read worthy of the thumbs up it is getting.