• Member Since 2nd Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen May 20th, 2015

Donnys Boy

My name is Donny's Boy. I ship ponies.


A series of vignettes exploring various pony ships. Because shipping is magic.

Current: "Beginning a New Chapter" (TwiPie).

Synopsis: Pinkie Pie was not a pony who overlooked things. Sometimes Pinkie got a little too excited or a little too distracted by balloons or music or high-intensity explosives, but she didn't forget things. She didn't overlook things.

Chapters (24)
Comments ( 425 )


2/5. This doesn't even qualify for a short story.

2/5, the horn licking is just ewwww.
there's an interesting story of Rarity and Rainbow Dash being fed up with having to embody their respective elements, but i don't think that a ship fic is the best way to explore that idea.

Is in moments like this, when I wish have more confidence in my English. So, I'm going to espress my thoughts with four quotes.

A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.
Oscar Wilde

A man can be happy with any woman, as long as he does not love her.
Oscar Wilde

I can resist everything except temptation.
Oscar Wilde

Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess.
Oscar Wilde

I'll keep doing this with all the shipping here.
(I hope next pairing is ApplePie)

I apologize for not elaborating; I was having dinner.

You immediately rushed in a romantic scene; while not bad on its own, the experience felt forced, rather than flowing nicely. The scenes also didn't transition very well. The pairing was unexplained other than 'just a look in the eye', which is not only cheesy, but cliché and incredibly fucking unrealistic. It's also pretty damn out of character. Rainbow Dash, the embodiment of loyalty, ditching Applejack. Right. That also reminds me: You introduced OTHER relationships as well, not giving any reasoning. Would I normally care? No. I normally wouldn't give a damn; actually, I'd laud anybody doing that for giving the readers a sense of depth in the characters' relationships. Not in this case. You had the relationships set up specifically for the 'problem' of the two cheating on their loved ones with each other (and I hate to beat a dead...pony, but incredibly OOC).

Overall, your story is rushed and given no love.

Actually, lowering my rating. 1/5.


I have to say, the latter of these points is a valid one. I recommend taking this reader's advice.

I'm just gonna say it: This isn't as usual for you, Donny. Don't know if it's because of something unrelated to writing, or something completely related to it, but this just didn't sit well with me. I do think it deserves more than 2/5: 3/5 for me. Even if it is really, really short.

It's not that bad... but it's not quite good.

I'd be able to like it, I think, if you led us to this point instead of dropping us into the heat of it. Had you brought me through their frustrations, their realization, before their descent, I might've been on board despite not wanting to think of the characters doing this. As it is, it's just nasty and bordering nonsensical.

Still, you do your usual good job of grammar and sentence structure, so I can't give you a completely bad rating, however tempted I may be.

Hey, ev'rybuddy. As always, thanks so much for taking the time to read, review, and leave feedback.

So, apparently, this one went way off the rails. Believe it or not, I was actually pretty happy with it when I posted it--I'd never intentionally throw up dreck. And there's still some stuff in it that I do like, in the cold light of dawn. (Well, not quite dawn. Sun's been up for a few hours where I am. But you get the drift.)

However, and BIG however. I think a lot of what's been said and suggested is right-on. In particular, I think the issues with length and backstory were probably the biggest problems here. I'd thought I'd implied enough of their backstory to make this little vignette work (and to be clear, it was actually meant to be a vignette more than a short story proper), and I was wrong. I think, even given more backstory and lead-up, there were probably a few characterizations issues anyways, but I think the bulk of the problem was probably backstory and length stuff.

On a side note, I'm sorry that my writing was so unclear that it gave the impression that either Rarity or Rainbow Dash were cheating on a loved one. Neither were doing so. Applejack had a secret crush on Rarity, which Dash knew about, but that was all. I'm sorry for that confusion.

But I digress. I'm sorry this one fell short of the mark. For those of y'all who stick around, I'll be putting all of this feedback and reconsideration into my future additions to this series, so hopefully I'll be able to avoid the pitfalls that I fell into here.

Most likely. I can't promise that I'll never veer from the Mane Six, but certainly the bulk of the series will be Mane Six shipping.

This is actually nicely written, but I agree, there's so much detail left out of the backstory that it implies infidelity. I don't think that's a technical problem in and of itself, but if you meant different as comments indicate it is a problem. As it stands, it is still an effective portrait of raging lust between two individuals who just want to forget the world for awhile and the responsibilities that come with it.

I likedthe vagueness of it, I liked the length too.
Its not a full story but the implied situations were interesting.

Or, or you could edit this chapter first and make everybody totally super duper happy.

183747 Well, I'm glad you can see where we're coming from; otherwise things would be very awkward.

I will say that I think the main issue is in characterization: were these blank-slate characters, I think I'd have liked this piece as is, even without a lead-in, but because of who the characters are I need to be shown how they reached this point to take it seriously.

I hope I'm not repeating myself, sorry if I am.

Rewrite is in progress. I make zero promises as to the super duper happiness of anyone who reads it once it's posted, but I think it should be stronger in terms of backstory, motivation, and characterization.

You wrote outside of your comfort zone Donny, it was interesting. I'll be watching for more.

I have to say I didn't really find anything wrong with this other than characterisation seeming a bit off. That said, the characterisation of the characters differs between every story and author as they all make their own version of the ponies in their story.

Other than that it was fine. I had no confusion over whether RD and Rarity were cheating on others - the only way I can think of getting confused after reading "Applejack will never forgive me, thought Dash, burying her face in her the mane of the pony her best friend so secretly and dearly loved." is by skimming through it. I'm also not worried about a backstory - although it could be interesting - due to the fact that, as stated in the description, this is a mini-story.

I wish I could favourite things twice.

This rewrite makes it so much better. I'm changing my star rating :pinkiesmile:
Le drama :rainbowderp::raritydespair:

I'm glad I waited a bit before reading this one and thus caught it after the update. I quite enjoyed this, and your scene jumps worked quite well (something that I am noticing becoming much more frequent in your stories). Even if it was a little tragic. (:raritydespair: )

I look forward to the next one! Keep up the great work!

I am reminded of an episode of Frasier ... "Why should two people be happy when four people can be ecstatic" implying they should break a happy couple up to re-pair them with people who love them even more than they love each other. Rainbow and Rarity love Fluttershy and Twilight, but console themselves with each other instead of making their shy socially awkward friends unhappy. How generous and loyal of them.

Oh, this is just fantastic! Miles and miles above what it was before!
I could practically feel their heartbreak. It's beautiful. :raritycry:

"To pretend that this horn belonged to somepony else, somepony too brilliant and too intimidating and too unreachable to ever be touched like this."
Oh my freaking God, that segue!

Also, TwiDash? RariShy? New ground for you, if I'm not horribly mistaken. Congrats on branching out!
Rarishy is one of those underappreciated ships that there just isn't enough of. Even if RariJack is one of my "ideal" ships.

Anyway, I'll stop myself from further rambling now.

That's very kind of you to say. Thank you.

Oh, yay! And thanks--though really, everyone should feel free to keep their star ratings where they were. The first go 'round wasn't good, and it's more than fair that this be rated based on what was initially posted. But thank you.

Thanks! I'm glad you thought the scene jumps worked okay--I kept tweaking them, trying to make the story flow better. I almost took them out and organized it more linearly, but I liked how this way you would get the backstory in small bites.

Was it Niles who said that? It's been ages since I've watched "Frasier," which is a shame as it was a great show, and it sounds like something Niles might have said.

Thank you! And you're correct--I've never attempted writing TwiDash or RariShy before, so hopefully I didn't steer those ships too far off course. Especially as neither is a ship I get as intuitively as some others, such as RariJack or my always beloved RainbowPie. But that kind of made it even more fun to write; it was like an experiment, to see how I could make it work best.


202694 yep, Niles. I prefer this take, the first attempt you really made it seem like Dash was cheating and Rarity planned to deny everything if Dash was caught. This take seems in keeping with the elements, its not very loyal to try to horn in on your nerdy librarian crush's first romance, and its not very generous to be openly jealous of your spa buddy's new happiness, even if she is dating someone with no fashion sense.

Yeah, the main overhaul was to provide backstory and change details so that Rarity and Rainbow were brought more in character. Glad to hear that it was at least somewhat successful.

Niles was such a great character. And I love David Hyde Pierce.

Rarity's thoughts were excellent, this left a big smile on my face. Keep on!

Hehehe. That was cute. Seriously, though, you don't see country person/city person as a romantic item as much as Jock/Nerd, Beauty/Nerd, or Jock/Beauty, in cliches, or tropes.

Damn! Nice work, Donny's Boy! That was short, sweet and in-character.

So in other words it was everything that this story needed to be. Keep up the great work and I eagerly await the next one!

Okay, reading through the first comments for me was very confusing, until I realised that there had been a rewrite. What's up now is very good, love the theme.

Thanks, y'all! Glad this one seemed to go over well. :pinkiehappy:

Think the old-school Harlequinn romance novels vs. teen comedies, and you get more of the Aristocrat vs. Commoner trope. Ooh, or look at The Princess Bride. The beginning of that movie is a classic example.

Thanks! Glad you liked the rewrite. And the initial comments are all quite correct. The original version was very Not Good. Yikes.

Oh, looks like I'm late to the party. Not sure how this slipped under my radar.

Very sweet, humorous, and blasted adorable. Though very short, I'm quite satisfied.
Was very much looking forward to seeing a RariJack from you. More than worth the wait. Will we be seeing more?

Better late than never, as they say. :twilightsmile: And RariJack is probably my second fave ship, so undoubtedly I'll be writing more at some point or another.

Ooh, back to "very much looking forward", then!

Me too. I thought it was very good. And so very sad:fluttercry:

Awwwwww... :fluttershysad:

Man that was a clever take on this particular pairing, and an interesting one too for what it says about a certain pony's regard for Rainbow Dash.

Had a feeling that's who Daring Do's author would turn out to be. She quite often turns out to be a secret author too. Still a nice short story though :pinkiehappy:

at least it wasn't a clopfic writer this time...


Well, this does explain the funny smile Fluttershy got when Dash turned up at the library at the end of the episode.

What a twist, I like it.

Hahaha, now that was unexpected! Still, it was rather tragic. Poor mysterious pony who shall not be named for fear of spoilers. D:

I liked this one, so keep up the great work! :twilightsmile:

Damn. So three mini storys so far...

1st one was depressing.
2nd one was... well... idk. No emotion on my part. Just weird.
This one seriously made me feel competely shitty. And considering that I have to go to work to deal with angry customers, its not going to end well.

If I lose my job, I'm blaming you! :flutterrage:

Why didn't she just say yes? And we could have a wacky dinner meetup where RD sits alone for a bit, Fluttershy sits down, RD is confused, hilarity ensues.
Instead, we get :fluttershyouch:

Thanks, y'all. Glad folks liked the twist, though it wasn't completely unpredictable, I know. :twilightsmile:

I find the canon and fanon relationship between these two ponies fascinating. They shouldn't even be friends, really, at least not from a logical standpoint, and yet they are. There will be more of them in future installments, I'm sure.

She writes her clopfic under a DIFFERENT pseudonym.

Ha, sorry. I really didn't intend to write such downer stories when I first started ... it just kinda happens. I will try to make the ponies happy in at least some of these, though.

Because I am a heartless monster and feed off the tears of ponies. That's probably the truest answer. The answer I had in mind while writing ... being "outed" as Daring-Do's author would've probably raised a number of uncomfortable questions that she wouldn't want to answer.


Oh hush you. I've read all the RainbowPie series of one-shot stories you are doing. You saying you aren't going to make a sad story carries as much water as a bucket out of swiss cheese. No matter how delicious, it still doesn't carry water.

"The answer I had in mind while writing ... being "outed" as Daring-Do's author would've probably raised a number of uncomfortable questions that she wouldn't want to answer. "

...and yet somehow, knowing Dash, her first response would be along the lines of, "Sooooo you were basically writing all those Daring-Do stories about me? OH MY GOSH! You really think I'm that awesome?" :rainbowkiss:

(It would probably be her other friends who would ask the really uncomfortable questions, though I'm sure that Rarity would have the sense to try and talk to Fluttershy about this privately.)

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