- Member Since 23rd Jan, 2012
- offline last seen Jul 18th, 2018
NorsePony
I am not a person, but I play one on TV.
NorsePony
Joined 23rd Jan, 2012 ·
Offline
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I love it! If this is what I get for spamming Twinkie then I'm never going to stop.
You captured the emotions of the scenes very well; the beginning was ominous and the ending was very tender.
I have to say that the tie in with the "Smile Smile Smile" song was pleasant as well.
One editing thing: "she couldn't make them sad by telling them about what made her said." very small and easy to fix.
350052 Thanks for the kind words. : ) And nice catch on the typo, fix'd (before approval, even)!
D'awwwwwww.
I really enjoyed this, was very sweet.
Cupcake is best Pinkie Pie pet name. Totally want to use that for my eventual Twinkie Pie fic. One day....
Anyway very sweet story. I want more from you!
The "Cupcake" bit was a good, very intimate touch. Extra points for that.
You made me cry my own tears, dood.
Hehe, Cupcake. Because of Twilight's position as Master Chief of the Eggheads, my own personal thought is she nicknamed her "Cookbook." But to each their own. The world can always use more Twinkie.
Manly tears were shed. Repeatedly.
Very nicely done, I especially liked how you incorporated the Smile lyrics in.
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Thanks, everyone. I'm flattered that you all liked it.
352171 I was aiming for short. I wanted to get in, tell the story, and get out. It came out pretty much as I imagined, too. Glad you liked it.
ALL MY LOVES for having Twilight sing "Smile, Smile, Smile" to Pinkie. I'm such a sucker for that. I am pretty sure that any and all of Pinkie's suitors should serenade her, as often as possible. (My single most favorite RainbowPie moment in fan fiction might be in ScyStorm's "My First Party," where Rainbow sings some of "Giggle at the Ghosties" to Pinkie to cheer her up.)
This was very well-written and sweet. I liked the touch of gentle exasperation Twilight showed, and I found her nickname for Pinkie adorable. Thanks for writing and for sharing.
Thought it was a great idea to have some of the mane 6 have some emotional baggage after the discord incident. can't belive I haven't seen it before and having twilight sing a reworked version of the smile song was genius. very well done great fic
That was great.
But one thing. Be careful with the word 'she'. You kinda used it much.
Good job
352863 354376 I'm glad you liked it. I d'aww'd when the idea for the song came to me, so I knew I was probably on the right track. : D
354376 I'm fascinated by the question of what lurks beneath Pinkie's exterior. I'm happy other people feel the same way.
356930 I don't like falling into "Burly Detective" Syndrome, so I prefer to use proper names and simple pronouns. And in a story with only one, and then two, characters, the subject of a sentence is rarely confusing, so there's a lot of "she", because it's the right choice. I appreciate the feedback, but it's a conscious stylistic choice to use "she" rather than calling Pinkie "the bouncy party pony" every other sentence.
363466 Haha, I was worried that people would make that association, but no, it just seems a logical pet name for Pinkie, given her abiding love for cupcakes.
And will do, I'll take any readers I can get.
So cute,
That was really adorable.
This fic is so cute it killed me. I am dead and you are a murderer.
upvote and adding to the watch list.
Simply beautiful.
dl.dropbox.com/u/46180627/Reaction%20GIFs/tumblr_ljlo63TMGB1qf6y79.gif
This was horrible.
I mean, how dare you leave us with just this?
More! more I say!~
Good of short read
Wonderful.
This is really good. I loved the variation on the smile song. And really creeped me out with the legs turn to water thing... I actually thought they legit turned to water and she was left a stump until you mentioned the cutie mark thing. So creepy.
Nice details on the grooming too. Not sure cupcake's the best name for Pinkie
but hey, it was sweet
http://th01.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/i/2012/021/0/3/manly_tears_by_dylandylan72-d4n7l51.png
And now I would like to see the role reversal, what would Pinkie do to comfort Twilight, and what is Twilight afraid of?
Darling, that smile smile smile by Twilight felt so intimate and real, I can't really put it in to words how much I loved it.
If I wasn't already following you I would start now
Ciao darling
this was so adorable you must do another one please
Upvoted for "Oh, Cupcake". Ergh, this is adorable, despite the fact that I've never cared for this ship.
I love songs. Working in "Smile, Smile, Smile" was great.
Never considered this ship until today. Why does this work so well?
*Goes on a Twipie search*
*finds this*
*slips into a euphoria-induced coma*
2465380 D'aww, thanks.
Completely random drive-by inquisitioning-ing.
She kept walking because she had to. She knew she had to, even though her stomach was sickly knotted with fear and her head whipped from side to side as though she could delay the inevitable by not looking where she was going.
Her hooves stopped walking. Instantly, her fear turned her legs to water, and she collapsed. She screwed her eyes shut against whatever she was about to see. Whatever it was, she knew she didn't want to see it, didn't want to own the memory of it.
These sections really pinged by telling radar and had me in critique mode for the rest of it. I find statements of what a character knows are best left to factual details that don't make the reader feel like they're being pigeonholed. 'She knew she didn't want to' is better written as 'she didn't want to', and even better as a description of the drives at play. To state the simpler, tellier, version creates a real sense of detachment—which is potentially worse for being in the introduction.
Even if the use of 'with fear' wasn't pretty telling in itself, it also comes across as redundant next the the description that ought to be showing the emotion on it's own.
The last red flag for me was the use of intention in the narrative voice: it's too easy to feel like negation of immersion if you connect what the reader ought to be connecting for themselves. To show it would be to imply there was something to be avoided and then have her 'screw her eyes shut'. To state factually that one was for the purpose of the other is textbook telling.
Now, if only I could learn to write by those rules myself, the world would be a better place :P
Anyway, beyond that it's nice to read a short piece that is simple and lacking pretentiousness. The ship is assumed and the tone needed to sell it is unobtrusive and vastly more conducive to carrying the emotion involved. It feels genuine, but then I'm going to knock some point off because your life experience probably makes that a lot easier than for a lot of authors on here. Harsh, perhaps, but I think it's fair. :P
-Scott
2535876 I'm picking up what you're putting down, but most of the things you listed as issues were intentional. Remember that the first part of the story is in Pinkie's nightmare, and the distancing, telly language in the narration was meant to invoke the sense of agency-free inevitability and that bone-certain yet sourceless dread that nightmares often feature. I definitely could have done a better job on the execution of that intent, but it's an old story written by a me with less skill, so whatchagonnado, right?
static4.fjcdn.com/thumbnails/comments/sandnigglets+rolled+a+random+image+posted+in+comment+987645+at+_790648273cb406b7c2a2ba9033f48e3b.jpg
2836686 Haha, thanks.
Luna: Celestia, what's the daw level?
Celestia: They're... over 9000!
Luna: Over 9000? That's impossible!
*I die from the overwhelming amount of daws at one time*
Bugle: Snap out of it.
*my buddy Bugle brings me back*
Me: Dude! If you had let me go I'd have gone to Equestria!
Okay well that was the cutest fuckin thing I've read in a while. And considering I came to fimfiction today looking for pinkiedash, and then found and enjoyed this as much as I did... Good job sir or madam. This was great, absolutely adorable.
And cupcake is such a cutesy perfect pet name for Pinkie I just.... Awwwww
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It's not even 9000
its a sideways 8.