• Member Since 23rd Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen Jul 18th, 2018


I am not a person, but I play one on TV.


This is a lipogrammatic story. That is, a story in which I did not lay hands on that most common symbol, “E”. You shall not find a solitary copy of that symbol at any point in this story, including in this summary (barring that singular anomaly, naturally). I did this odd thing as a trial to my ability as an author—it's a workout, if you will.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 60 )

How the hay did you do this!?

I have trouble writing normal stories, and here you are writing a fic without the most common letter in the English language!
This fic reminds me of my British cousin who proofreads my stories... he talks like this!

But thumbs up for making a fic that makes sense without the letter E!

Holy shit... Not a single E anywhere but in this comment area. I'm... I'm freaking impressed. You deserve a cookie.

:derpyderp2: now look you broke derpy

Holy fucking shit... Not a single E in the entire thing... Author, I have only one thing to say to you:

I Tried to CNTRL+ F To see if you were correct. It was right but... SO MANY...

E's !!!!!


Really amazing story and a very interesting concept.
A congradulate you on such a masterpiece, as you were able to keep not a single "E" out of the story. :yay:

Faved and liked :pinkiehappy:

This reminds me of that guy who wrote a whole book without using the letter e. Well done.:pinkiehappy:

:derpyderp2: dayum, you got skills dood

Pure awesome sauce.

What's the point of avoiding the letter E? You scared of E's, bro?:trollestia:

It reads as if everypony were posh British ponies. I love it! :yay:

Balls. That is all.


This is insane. I can't even dream about such ability. You sir, have a gift for writing.

Taxing it is on my mind to find words that display my admiration of skills such as I find in this amazing display of skills--is it too daring to say it is amazing far past Chuck Norris proportions?


Several seconds later


I have spotted an 'E'! Right next to "Rating:" it says "EvEryonE"
You should be ashamed of yourself.

lol jk

Two words. HOLY. SHIT.
That is all.

Damn, this is truly an exercise of style :pinkiegasp: and from all the mane 6 only Rarity and Rainbowdash could pull this off :raritywink::rainbowwild:

I find your ability to do such work without flaws astonishing. 'Tis an amazing story. And your wording fits Rarity honourably. Rainbow would not word things so, but anyhow, good and most inspiring.

LOOK I DID IT! :rainbowlaugh:

398 "e"s on this page and none of them in your fic.Well done.
(Now 404)

I say, this story is forthwith in its Ability to astound, for at this singular point in the flow of chronos, I am in holding of gargantuan proportions of difficulty in writing this digital communication which your vision is now in throws of trying to know without using that Symbol which you said must be shown a cold top part of an arm, I only say good things of this story, it is both astounding and almost as humorous, mostly trying to bring such a thought as rainbow dash talking in such a way was forcing this guy to laugh on many occasion, I would ask that you do not stop putting words into a story with such ability, and I do find joy in the thought that in a distant point I might again hold in my hand (I am on a small long rang communication gizmo) a story of such such oustsnding ability. Good day

That dear sir, twath be a skill I most do not envy. I apllaud you in thine ability to writting.
(nay cease in art of skribe!)
or just don't stop writting.
I want ^ for a footer to all my comments.

You should of put one giant 'E' in the middle of the story just for fun. :pinkiehappy: Must of been hard, couldn't say Equestia, SpitFire, or a number of Pony's names. Maybe there should be a contest on who can write the best short fic without using an 'E'.

now try and do a fic without the most common consonant, S. She sells seashells by the seashore.

Most wondrous, sir or madam pony. I am full of admiration for your writing. Such skill!

(What? I thought I'd try also!)

That was amazing. Good show, good sir.

Talent sir. Talent. :rainbowhuh:

Could you possibly chill it by, say, a fifth?

Brilliant. I want that t-shirt.

It's like someone wrote a story and ran it through the thesaurus-o-matic. Still, it's the challenge and the feat of the accomplishment that makes it entertaining (plus some of the more... creative writing work-arounds). I love lipograms, and this is a good one.

New Challenge: a Twilight-centered fic without the use of the letter T.

312023 Gadsby was an inspiration, for sure. I first learned about the idea of lipograms a few years back, and I thought it was a pretty great trick.

312119 Es used to beat me up when I was a kid. : (

312137 While I was writing it, the circumlocutory style kept reminding me of Alexandre Dumas' work. Or more specifically, Steven Brust's affectionate parody of Dumas' style in Brust's book "The Phoenix Guards". Either way, it amused me greatly. : D

312985 Haha, I was hoping someone would un-translate that joke and get it. I giggled like a schoolgirl after coming up with that.

313024 I know, right? It reads like I was aping Stephen Donaldson's thesaurus-rex style of writing. But, you gotta do what you gotta do, haha.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, rainbow is speaking 'fancy' LOL i find that funny for some reason...

Haha, Gadsby was a good story, I must say. Good story, it was brilliant, knowing that it is usually difficult to accomplish a lipogram. I totally fail at writing, and your skill blows my own away. I will say, Rainbow talking in fancy was hilarious. It just sounds wrong. xP

(in a good way)

(What, I can't do lipograms?! Pshh, this is my shot at it, haha. I suck. Hard to act casual talking this way. xD)

- ZS

I actually had a lot of fun with this story. It truly says a lot about your skill as an author to pull off a work of this difficulty. Without a doubt, Rainbow Dash's infamous blurb "Could you possibly chill it by, say, a fifth?" was my highlight, though it was all truly at maximum hilarity throughout.

You win a thumbs up and a star. Thanks for writing this! :raritywink:

Very nice. Shredded the characters to do so, but this is still quite an accomplishment. Most likely the first of its kind for MLP.

412974 If I'd somehow been able to get Twilight talking to Twilight, it might have worked better, but on the other hand, a lipogrammatic monologue might have been even more awkward to read, haha.

That was really impressive.

>Chill it by, say, a fifth.
That is the greatest "20% cooler" I have ever seen. :rainbowlaugh:

This story banning our most common glyph, my good Nordic sir, has won you a position on my watchlist. I am mindful that many of your circumlocutions turn Rainbow Dash's orations glib in a fashion difficult to buy — Rarity, contrarily, was an outstanding pick — but laboring with said constraints is satisfactory basis to obtain a pardon.

In addition, it was all worth it for "Chill it by, say, a fifth."

1539176 Why thank you. :raritywink:

I could not do this if I tried. :ajsleepy:

You, NorsePony, ARE a wizard! :pinkiehappy:

Bravo, NordicPony. You did an outstanding job handling this constraint.

Just a small nitpick: "alright" should say "all right".

312287 Twilight and AJ could also work.

P.S. You gain my high admiration for choosing such a hard color of silk to discuss.

1571262 Ah-ha, right you are on the nitpick. It's been changed. Thanks. : )

I found an 'E', it's in the short description.

Now do it without any 'i'

I applaud you, but this story was sporadically more plum than optimal. Granting your basic notion, I saw various phrasings that could stand polish.

Author Interviewer

Firstly, I applaud your skill. Such a story will not craft in any way not difficult. I found it hilarious, for no pony talks in such ways as this, most of all not Rainbow Dash. I did laugh whilst taking in your words, good sir!

Rarity saying "Inspiration has struck!", not just "Inspiration!" looks of gratuitous padding, as did most of what Rainbow Dash said. Just dropping words should allow things to sound right. Was word count, but not using convincing diction as much you can, a goal?
Rainbow Dash's coat's colour is of a bright day's sky, not dark as cobalt: Not all "synonyms" truly carry matching connotations.
(Also, "snowy hair"? That's Rarity's coat... or body hair! Gross. Mayhap try indigo.)

You almost got my thumbs down for this, but "Could you possibly chill it by, say, a fifth?" avoids that, flipping it upward. Good work.

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