A party night in Ponyville, Pinkie went to visit her friend, Twilight, who was sick. She went with the idea of make her company for that night. But as the night goes, feelings start awakening in Pinkie.
Author's note: First fanfic. I accept tips and criticism!
Translator and Proofreader: By123445
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Well it's Twinkie so I'll start...
*opens fic in new tab*
Jegus. Quotation marks. Not -these- things.
Wakey should be Wiking to rhyme. Don't trust your spellcheck all the time.
Thoughts are in italicss
She shouted, or Twilight shouted.
Aside from that it's pretty good for a first story. Also it's good you're willing to accept criticism, just don't use the 'first fic' excuse to dismiss the criticism, or else you'll be in a lot of pain.
So... Have you heard about this hip new thing called quotation marks? Other than that, I didn't really notice much wrong with grammar besides a few missed capitals and some generous use of commas, such as "Now reassured, the little purple dragon started running towards the party, just to crash a few steps ahead with a pink pony, that was going in the opposite direction of his. However, you seem to be leaning more towards telling than showing. I don't have enough time to give examples, but there is plenty to work on.
1409714 Thanks a lot. In Spanish we use "-these- things" to start the dialogues. I will fix it right away!
I just put "Wakey" for no reason XD. I just gonna deleted i guess
I wanna do a good story and criticism It's very apreciate it. Thanks for your comment!
(Sorry for the Spanglish
)
Please get to the next chapter!!!!! This is fucking AWESOME!
1409768 Thank you sir! I'm gonna try to make my best in the next chapter!
1409872 Oh, Thank you! But this is only my first work, nothing really awesome.
I just thumb up my own work... I feel like an asshole
1410006
I see that you are doing well.
I will use quotation marks next time.
I told you this was good.
Missed capped I's in the first and third. Forgot to add a space between heavy and but in the second.
Thoughts in italics.
Pinkie needs a cap.
But aside from those errors it's hnngggs.
MORE! I'm loving this
1434583 Fixed!
I was kinda confused at the end, but awesome chapter overall ^‿^
1434583
Thank you, those errors won't be missed again.
I appreciate your keen eye for grammatic.
1434943 In what part exactly, did you feel confused?
1439895
oops, i think i commented on the wrong story...
1409857 no te hagas drama amigo. Buen fic y saludos desde "el fin del mundo"
1440173 ಠ_ಠ
1440191 Que comentario... interesante
Continue?
Are you gonna keep going with the story. I will like to read some more of this.