• Member Since 22nd Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen March 9th

Subsolar Drift


There is beauty in the way of things.

E

Twilight isn't sick. She's perfectly healthy in fact. And yet, something doesn't feel quite right, and it hasn't for weeks now and Pinkie's starting to get worried. Friends make sure friends are alright, don't they?

Chapters (6)
Comments ( 175 )

A few errors here and there, but you got me interested:moustache:

Whoa! New story from my favourite author! :heart:

I liked it, it was a fine job. I'll keep an eye out for more.

There is a fair share of spelling/grammatical errors, though. For instance, "coco" in one of the first few paragraph should be "cocoa". The pacing is just a touch too quick for me, but I guess that's more of a personal preference.

So, yeah! Good job and good luck!

A good story :derpytongue2: I like how it's portraying the characters, showing their weaker sides. It shows that they are not perfect, just normal regular ponies, and it makes them much more relatable than just another "face a dragon, return of discord, omg we are heroes" kind of fic. I Love it, give us more:pinkiehappy:

Like others have said, there are a few hickups in your grammar here and there.

But other than that, it's a solid start. Will be around for more.

4262003

*hiccups

Classic example of Muphrey's Law right there. "When pointing out the mistakes in another's grammar, one is bound to make a grammatical mistake of their own."

4262169 God damn it. :rainbowlaugh:

Brain farts, my mortal enemy. We meet once more. :trixieshiftright:

I'm interested so far. Look forward to seeing where you go with this.

4262206

Hehe that's why I avoid correcting grammar altogether unless I'm marking a paper :P

I relate to Twilight entirely too much in this story. :fluttershysad:

taking the last swig of her coco

Cocoa.

Mentioned before, less than 6 hours ago (but I still mention anyways.

After a minute, Twilight shook her head and put the quill back in the inkwell. She sat and stared at the blank parchment in front of her, tapping her hoof against the floor. The longer she stared, the faster she tapped until at last she stopped. With a sigh, she crumpled up the black reply and threw it towards the trash where it landed among several other equally black papers.

I believe you meant blank, after reading the full text and comparing anyways.

The only other sound was the sound of her own breath

Breathing.

Well Rainbow Dash is busy with the weather and the Applejack is doing some last minute work before the first snow next week

Extra The.

Twilight, It's dark down there

Extra capitalisation.

The reached a fork in the path and Rarity said her farewells

They.

"just a little bit of forgetfulness

Forgot to capitalise.

Possible Twinkie/TwiPie? I'm in!:pinkiehappy:


4262282 But... doesn't that also mean when you try to correct someone's grammar on paper, you would still make a mistake? Logic:pinkiecrazy: That or my head is just insanely bored:rainbowwild:

4262367

Doesn't really effect you when you correct stuff on paper, plus you're not writing out full sentences - "this sentence is not grammatically sound, go and rewrite it, you silly student" - you're just circling the mistakes or underlining them, hoping that when the student rereads it, they'll realise they've made a silly grammar error. Best I ever read was:

"I helped my uncle jack off his horse."

Not even grammatically incoherent, but an incorrect comma and lack of capitalisation was all it needed to turn an innocent "What I did in my holidays" report into a dirty clop fic.

Most grammar mistakes are typos. Tense errors, for instance, come mainly from D and S being close on the keyboard. "Paced" becomes "paces" with a single slip of the finger, and if you don't check that through, suddenly you have a fanfic with inconsistent tenses.

4262375 True enough, it happens quite often. More than people actually think especially in longer posts.

4262386

Ahh well that's just the standard law of errors. The longer any piece of writing, the greater the margin for error.

I like Crook's Law of Editing: every piece of writing can lose at least 10% of its wordcount without losing important content.

congrats being featured!:twilightsmile:

4262367 Thank you for spotting these

i hate when writers find the best worse place to end a chapter.
very interesting read thus far.

Ooo... Yeah this will be a rollercoster of a fic...

You have my interest.

~Skeeter The Lurker

It's been far too long since I read a Twinkie fic.
This looks promising, so I'll be waiting for the rest.
:pinkiesmile::heart::twilightsmile:

So. Twilight has Depression.

Well, it's technically an anxiety disorder, and those tend to travel in packs, so it fits right in with her panic and obsessive/compulsive disorders as well.

I should know, I also have that trio. :/

Thank the twelve gods this was marked as incomplete;
Otherwise, I'd have been pretty sure the ending would've meant Twilight'd committed suicide

Comment posted by SFC deleted Apr 21st, 2014

4263786 We don't care if you like Twi she one of the mane6 and will always be in the show so deal with it :ajbemused:

4263327 I'm glad that came across because that is precisely what I was going for.

4263786 She was already OP and needed a good nerfing. And then after those "wings"..
Requiescat In Pace MLP

4264077
I remember when TF2 jokes were funny. Five years can pass so fast...

4264282 The main engine of the internet locomotive. This fandom became famous because of that "used to be funny game". If we die, you are coming with us. My mustache is a part of you. Look at the second picture.


i.imgur.com/rgWzlbz.png
i.imgur.com/AsLbdZD.png

4263786 I'm pretty sure I've seen you making this statement or similar several times before... Do you feel some sort of desperate need to cram your opinion concerning Sparkle's character down our throats every chance you get, or are you just being a troll?

Keeping it simple and a bit dry actually seems to make Twilight's part all more... despairing? And I kinda like how Pinkie Pie, even with her special sense and logic breaking, can act "down to earth".
Look forward to the next chapter, Drift.

I love it. Gotta say, it's refreshing to see a fic that shows pinkie's actual thought process, rather than portraying her as a hypermaniacal idiot. That's one of my few quibbles with the show - Pinkie's smarter than she looks, and it's not fair to her to assume she doesn't make sense because that's simply what she does.

All ranting aside, though, this was very well-written. I look forward to reading more :twilightsmile:

Rarity seems a little out of character but otherwise this looks like a good fic.

4265064 Anything in particular that sticks out that I could improve?

4265258

I don't really know; I guess Rarity would just be more polite. What irked me was how she 'cut off' Pinkie, and without any reason.

4265284 Ah I see. I know what you mean and im kinda glad it stood out to you. It's there for a reason hopefully it makes sense later.

Well, now I gotta see how this turns out.

It was good, though it could use an editor's review, its still worth watching for extensions.
T̛h̶̨o͠u̷͞͝g̡h̛́ ́if͝ i̛̛t̕ ͢͝bec͘om̷̨e͟s̕ ̀͟a ҉P̴̀ín͏k̴͝i̸҉e͜ ̵̢x̴̕ ̸̧̀T̡͢͝w̧͜i̛͘l̛͏i͠g̴͘h̶t̨ ̛f҉̧íç̕,̨ ̷̷͟i̛t ̸͘͢m͟i͟g̢ht͢͝ ̸̕͡ju͞s̛̛͞t̡ ̵͝go̴̷̢ ͢d͟͏̷o͜w̨͏͝n̢h̸i͟͝ļ̸l̨̀ ͘͝i̷͠n̴͟͜ ̵͜m̵͏y ̴́͠o̴p͡͝į̵͘ņi͟҉o͡͏n͏.̢
Well that's your opinion. Other people have theirs too you know.
M̸e̷̕h͢͡.̢ ̧͝ ͜I'm ̵̧̛j҉u͢͜s̴t̨͠ h̕op̡̛i͜ng̶̡ ̕i͢t ̡͜͟w̧o̸n̢'͏t̛́ ̶b̀͘ec̴͜o͜m̡̛̕e̢͘ ̀a͜n̢͘o̷th̢͜e͜͞r͏ cl͘͏op͡҉f͢҉ic͟͞҉,̕͝͠ ̨͢t̢͢h̵a̷̵t'̷̨s̸͘͝ ̨͡͏a͝͠l͝l҉̸.
Well that is true. We already have enough of those to deal with. We don't need any more...
P͠e͟ǫp̴l҉e͏͝ ̡a̷r̕e҉ s͢͜ta͡͝r̸̨ţ̵̸i͞ņ͘҉g ͘͟t͜o ̵͞͝s̵͠ţa҉r͞͝e, ̛t͜h͜͡e͡y͟ ̡t͡h͘i̷̧n̷͝k̶͞ ̴͘y҉̧ou͘͟r̸̢ ͏͢t̡̧a͜lki͞ng̵͘͜ ̨t͝o͏ ̨́you̷͞ŕ̶͞s̶͝e̛͞l̕f ̕I҉ ͘͞͏t̨͘͠h̢í̸ņk̕.
Am I talking to myself?
No͜t̸ ͏͝e̵x͟͝a̸̛c͟t̷̷l̷y̶̷̸,̵͘͠ ̨҉bu͏t ̛͢i͏t͜͞ ̷͘l̴̕o͡o̷̵k͢͜͟s̨̧ ̡li̸̶ke҉ ̢̀́i̶͝t̶̨҉ t҉o҉ ̕t̵h͏̷̧e͘m̸.͟҉.͘.̛͘
:derpyderp2:I'm confused, so if I'm not talking to myself, but it looks like I'm talking to myself...then who are you?
T̶h̸a̴͜͞t ̵͜͠i̢̡͞s̨̢ ̴a̷̡͠ ̡q̶̵͡u͡e͜st̨͢͠i̸̢͏o̵n҉̶̀ ̡̢t̕͜h̸̡͘a̕͡t̷͝ ̵̧̛s̷͢h̡͠ò̷͢u̕l̀̀͠d͞ ̢́w̵a҉͡iţ͡ ́f͞͠ơ̷͠r̡ ͟a̵not̀h́͘e̷̡r̸͜ d҉̨a̴̵͘y̛͞.͟
But-
Nex̧t̡ ̸͏̛f͠i̕͠c͞!̨̀̕
._.

4265658
I am confused why you just had a conversation with yourself or something in your own comment.

I liked this story. I also noticed that some of the people that lift you some of the other comments, bitched about your grammar. Save the proper grammar for the college level English major nerds. I know that they will just love this message.

You ain't got no good English like I gots. Yeall hearded me rite. I know it sounds like a really bad Applejack line, am I right?:ajbemused: So, please stop making fun of the way that some people write.

The quote isn't proper, but who cares? It's not like we are doing this for money, or writing speeches for politicians. As for me. I'm just a run of the mill country High school graduate. That just happen to be a happy go lucky redneck that loves being out in nature, and shooting varmints that try to ruin our garden. However if you want to talk about proper English I just ask my old man, at least he has four years of college. It hasn't done him a damn bit of good, but at least he managed to take a course in Latin, before he got a degree in accounting. Like that makes any since.

Would be better without the romance, if it was just Twilight being depressed and reaching out to Pinkie.

4266342

Some things are far beyond the grasp of mortal autistics like you and I.

This was quite an interesting premise, and you seem to have handled Twilight's depression pretty well.

4264336
These charts mean absolutely nothing with respect to what you are saying, congratulations. :facehoof:

4265658
What are you even doing? :rainbowhuh:

4264336
Wow, my eyes have been opened. Welcome back to Earth, oh mighty Messiah. Please don't let the insufficient me distract you from continuing your duty of being the most unique person I've ever seen.

-scratches head-

Not sure what to make of the story, to be honest. The job of the first chapter is to set down the premise, rules, tone, and over-arching goal of the story. Twilight is upset about something, and Pinkie wants to solve said mystery and help her feel better. That's great, but we have no ground-work to work with.

Did she get a B+ on a test?
Is she lonely? Sexually frustrated?
Not able to learn a super hard spell?
Did someone cut deep with a comment on her recently?
Did one of her friends say something offensive and not know it?

The CRUX of the story can't be what upset Twilight. That fact needs to be on the forefront. Once whatever it is is revealed, I feel as though the story will lose quite a bit of steam. Stories can be built around secrets, but "I am sad because (x)" doesn't seem like something that should hold an entire story. I'm getting the vague vibe (based on the title) that both Pinkie and Twilight feel Insufficient about something... in which case BOTH answers would be silly:

Twilight is powerful, smart, royalty (if not a royal protege), and surrounded by friends.
Pinkie is manic-depressive based around the happiness of others, so really her being insufficient at (Twilight's favorite treat?) is a moot point.


I just don't know what this story is trying to bring to the table. It upsets me. :unsuresweetie:

Edit: And if Twilight has plain old depression, then we need some less subtle hints about that. Paperwork from a doctor, a medication bottle, books on her work table about anxiety disorders, etc.

4267893 Hmm, I understand what you're saying. I guess I didnt really establish enough of where I'm headed. Part of the reason I'm not revealing the issue just yet is that both characters only know there is a problem not necessarily what is causing it. As to losing steam, I dont think I agree with you as there's still the issue of dealing with the problems.

As to the depression, it isnt necessarily just depression itself as the problem, but she has it and its making her other issues worse.

You say ,"Twilight is powerful, smart, royalty (if not a royal protege), and surrounded by friends.
Pinkie is manic-depressive based around the happiness of others, so really her being insufficient at (Twilight's favorite treat?) is a moot point."

The way I see it is that no matter the situation they're in, they can still have problems and they're important no matter how insignificant they may seem at surface

This needs a chapter two... So far it is intersting and I'd like to hear what is making Twilight feel like she is...

4267267
Random != funny

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