It was the perfect day for reading. The skies of Ponyville were grey, the clouds letting a light drizzle cover the town. It was ever so slightly chilly, but a crackling fire kept the chill at bay and filled the Golden Oaks Library with a cheery warmth. The smell of hot chocolate wafted through the air, almost rich enough to taste. On days like this, Twilight would curl up with a blanket and book, her mug of hot chocolate beside her, and whisk away into another world.
Today, her book of choice sat unopened on the ground. She sipped gently at her beverage and stared into the fire blankly.
Twilight shook her head, quickly taking the last swig of her cocoa. She winced as the hot liquid burned on its way down. She stood up and shook her blanket off, picking up the untouched book and returning it to its place on the shelf then heading into the kitchen.
Her brow remained furrowed as she washed the mug. The sounds of the rain and the running sink didn't quite cover the thick silence that hung in the library.
The clean mug was put away and Twilight sighed. Time to clean. She opened the closet, grabbed the feather duster, and returned to the living room.
Her horn glowed and the duster flew around the room eliminating the dust that marred the surfaces. Twilight's war for cleanliness was swift, brutal, and effective, eliminating every trace of dust in the room. She tried to smile at the job well done, the corners of her mouth twitching slightly.
Twilight returned the duster to the closet and looked around. A moment later and she was on her way back to her room.
Books, papers, and blankets covered most of the floor. Twilight's horn began to glow and with a sigh she began to clear the clutter. Blankets folded, books returned to their various shelves, and papers stacked neatly on her desk.
She seated herself at her desk and pulled out some blank paper and an inkwell. Setting those aside for a moment, she levitated over an envelope sealed with her brother's cutie mark. Though she had already read the letter, she took the time to read it once more.
Finally ready to pen her response, Twilight dipped her quill in the ink well and began to write. The address and recipients present, Twilight's brow furrowed. The tip of the quill hovered over the paper but didn't move.
After a minute, Twilight shook her head and put the quill back in the inkwell. She sat and stared at the blank parchment in front of her, tapping her hoof against the floor. The longer she stared, the faster she tapped until at last she stopped. With a sigh, she crumpled up the blank reply and threw it towards the trash where it landed among several other equally blank papers.
Twilight let out a groan and flopped down onto her bed. The rain pattered on the window. The only other sound was the sound of her own breathing. After a few seconds, Twilight shifted, curled up, and pulled a blanket over her. She stared out the window, watching the clouds and the rain.
The smell of bread and sugar filled the warm air in Sugarcube Corner. The shop was filled with the sounds of customers taking shelter from the rain and having something warm on the brisk day. Every now and then a bell could be heard tinkling over the sounds of conversation, invariable accompanied by a blast of cool, damp, air.
Pinkie didn't mind. She hopped around the tables taking orders and refilling coffees while she chatted with the patrons.
Pinkie whistled an upbeat tune as she made her way back into the kitchen, empty coffee pot in hoof. She came to a sudden stop, her body beginning to twitch.
"Ohh, itchy mane, floppy ears, shaking hoof!" she squeaked. Leaving the empty pot on the counter, Pinkie bounced back out into the shop just in time to see Rarity and Fluttershy close the door behind them.
"Oh my gosh! I'm so glad you made it." Pinkie smiled, practically shaking with joy. "Do you want something to eat? I could get you some cupcakes or some cinnamon rolls-"
"I think a little coffee would be perfect for today," Rarity cut her off.
"You betcha. I saved us our usual spot." Pinkie bounced away, pausing to check out of her shift then continuing on into the kitchen. The empty pot was refilled and balanced on Pinkie's head along with three mugs.
One balancing act later, the three mares nursed steaming mugs and chatted at their table.
"When are the others getting here?" Pinkie asked, taking a swig of her coffee.
"Well Rainbow Dash is busy with the weather and Applejack is doing some last minute work before the first snow next week," Rarity answered. "As for Twilight, I have no idea. It's not like her to be late."
"Oh dear, I hope she's alright." Fluttershy said.
"Come on, she's like the most powerful unicorn there's been in forever and she's super smart. I bet she's just busy with some crazy, sciencey experiment," Pinkie reassured her. Fluttershy frowned, not entirely convinced. Before she could open her mouth to protest Rarity began to talk.
"Well, Since the three of us are alone we could head to the spa. Normally I wouldn't suggest it, but since the two who would usually protest are absent, why not?" Rarity suggested.
"But what about the rain?" Pinkie asked. "We shouldn't go to the spa if we're just gonna get all muddy and nasty afterwards."
Rarity laughed. "Of course not, darling. Rainbow Dash and I were talking the other day and she told me that the rain would be sure to clear up by late afternoon, and if we walk carefully we shouldn't have to worry about the mud."
"Okie dokie lokie!" Pinkie said with a smile. "I think a spa trip would be just peachy today! We can soak in the hot tubs, and relax in the sauna, and get a hooficure, and-"
"And everything else the spa provides," Rarity cut Pinkie off. "Now I'll just have to pick up a few bits at home, and I'll meet you two there."
"Rarity," Fluttershy began before Rarity shook her head.
"No need Fluttershy. This trip will be on me." With that she finished the last sip of her coffee and made her way to the door.
"Umm, Pinkie," Fluttershy said as the earth pony took another swig of her coffee.
"Yeah, Fluttershy?" she replied.
"I know you said that it's nothing, but I'm still kinda worried about Twilight." Fluttershy lowered her head so that her bangs hid most of her face. Her eyes stayed trained on her hoof as it held her mug.
"Well, If you want we could go check on her." Pinkie offered, a warm smile on her face. Just as she'd hoped, Fluttershy looked up.
"But what about Rarity?" the pegasus asked.
Pinkie chuckled. "Well, you can go with her and I can check up on Twilight. I'm sure Rarity won't mind and I bet you'll have a lot more fun at the spa than I would."
"Well, only if you're sure," Fluttershy said, smiling again.
"It's no problem," Pinkie replied with a smile. The rest of the conversation went on uneventfully and soon the two finished their coffees and said their goodbyes. Pinkie took the mugs back to the kitchen and quickly washed them before grabbing a scarf and heading out.
Pinkie loved the rain. Rainy days meant hot chocolate, coffee, and warm treats. Rainy days meant the perfect cool temperature and nice warm fires. The only thing better than rainy days were snowy days. Her thoughts drifted off to the upcoming winter as she walked.
Before she knew it, Pinkie Pie arrived at Golden Oaks Library and knocked at the door. She waited for a minute but there wasn't an answer. A slight frown on her face, she knocked again. There was still no answer.
"Twilight always answers the door during library hours. If she's not home she at least leaves a sign out." Pinkie Pie frowned. "Maybe Fluttershy was right." After a moment's debate she decided to go in to check on Twilight.
Pinkie opened the door slowly, not sure what to expect on the other side. Everything was just how it usually was. The shelves were neatly dusted and everything was organized.
"Twilight?" Pinkie called out, making her way to the kitchen door. "You here?" The kitchen was empty so she turned back to the main room. The door down to Twilight's basement was open but there weren't any lights on.
"Twilight, it's dark down there so I'm just gonna assume you're not there, okay?" Satisfied by the lack of response Pinkie closed the door and went upstairs. She walked along the hallway, checking each room along the way. Finally she reached Twilight's room.
She pushed open the door which was slightly ajar and walked into the room. Pinkie let out a small sigh of relief as she saw the pony wrapped in a blanket on the bed. Twilight's chest rose and fell evenly with her breaths. Pinkie moved quietly around the bed.
The smile fell off her face. Twilight wasn't sleeping peacefully. Every few moments she would wince and whimper, a frown plastered on her face. Pinkie Pie paused before moving closer.
"Twilight," she said in a soft voice, causing the lavender mare's eyelids to flutter. "Hey, Twilight," she repeated a little louder.
Twilight's eyes opened, and in a moment she made eye contact with an unusually somber Pinkie Pie. As quickly as she could manage, Twilight rolled over and sat up. Finally, after a silence hung in the room for a few moments she spoke.
"Hey Pinkie," Twilight said, her voice dripping with false happiness. "What brings you around?"
"Well, uhh..." Pinkie trailed off as she cocked her head before continuing, "I guess, you missed the get together with the girls and Fluttershy was worried so I offered to swing by and see if you were alright, but you didn't answer when I knocked, so I decided to come inside to check if you were okay, and I found you here."
"Oh," she replied lamely. "Well, you stopped by. I'm okay. Sorry I missed the girls, I was tired and stuff." Twilight's hoof twitched anxiously by her side.
"Twilight," Pinkie began, but stopped herself. She took a deep breath then continued in a happier tone. "Okie dokie lokie, that's good to hear. See ya later, Twi!"
Confused, Twilight looked up and met eyes with Pinkie Pie who had made her way to the doorway. The earth pony wasn't smiling. "Twi, when you feel like talking about it. Your friends are here for you," she said simply before turning and trotting out of the room.
Twilight sat quietly, rubbing her foreleg as she looked after her friend. A war waged itself inside her.
"Wait," Twilight finally called after the pink mare, bringing her to a pause at the top of the stairs. Pinkie trotted back to the doorway and stood there waiting. Twilight seemed to struggle for a moment before she could say anything more. No matter how hard she tried, it seemed there was nothing more she could say.
Without a word Pinkie walked back and pulled herself onto Twilight's bed. She placed a hoof on Twilight's back and pulled the unicorn closer. They didn't need any more words; the hug was enough.
"Check!" Pinkie giggled around a mouthful of bishop. She released the piece careful not to disturb the rest of the board and looked over her situation. Things were going well. She was up a knight on Twilight, but the unicorn could never be counted out.
Pinkie's adversary sat across from her, wrapped loosely in a blanket and looking over the chessboard carefully. Knowing that it'd be a while before Twilight decided on a move, Pinkie closed her eyes, soaking up the warmth from the fireplace.
After hugging for a few minutes Twilight still hadn't felt like talking, so instead Pinkie suggested they play a game. Pinkie opened her eyes and looked over the board happily. It'd been too long since she'd played chess. She really enjoyed the game but hardly played it anymore. Her expression softened as she thought about all the afternoons she'd played games with her Granny Pie, chess chief among them.
A glow from Twilight's horn drew Pinkie from her revelry as Twilight lifted one of her pawns and moved it forward two spaces. "Check," Twilight countered, blocking Pinkie's attack while revealing one of her own.
"Wha?" Pinkie squeaked, looking over the pieces and groaning at her mistake. "Aww, shoot. You got me, Twilight. Nice move," she conceded and moved her king to a safe square.
"Thank you," Twilight chuckled as she captured Pinkie's bishop, placing it with the other fallen members of the earth pony's ranks.
From there the game went quickly downhill for Pinkie. Despite an extremely evasive knight and a dangerous rook, Twilight finally took down Pinkie's king.
"Wow, Twilight," Pinkie began as she returned the pieces to the board. "That might've been the best game of chess I've played in a long time."
"It was a lot of fun, Pinkie." Twilight replied. "Where'd you learn how to play chess?" She asked as she set the chessboard back on it's space on the bookshelf.
"Oh you know me. I know all sorts of games," Pinkie answered with a laugh. "My Grannie Pie actually taught me chess. We didn't have many other games on the farm so I got to play a lot."
"Well," Twilight began, swallowing thickly before continuing. " Thank you. You have no idea how much I appreciated it." Twilight blinked, trying to stem the flow of tears that threatened to leak from her eyes and hide them from her friend. Pinkie pretended not to notice.
"Any time, Twilight." Pinkie drew Twilight into another strong hug. "I'm always up for a game of chess." Pinkie gave Twilight another squeeze. "But I gotta hurry on back home. Mr. and Mrs. Cake are having a date night tonight and I'm foalsitting." With that she hopped towards the door.
"Pinkie," Twilight said as her friend reached the door, but she wasn't quite loud enough for the earth pony to hear her.
The sky had cleared leaving the air filled with the clean smell of the rain. Pinkie trotted through the streets, carefully avoiding the mud puddles that dotted the ground. She made her way to the spa, hoping to catch Fluttershy and Rarity. As luck would have it, she made it just in time to catch her two friends on their way out.
"Oh, hello again, Pinkie," Rarity greeted her. "The spa was simply lovely as always, though it wasn't the same without you. You'll have to come with us on another day."
"Cross my heart, hope to fly. Stick a cupcake in my eye," Pinkie promised.
"Pinkie, did you see Twilight?" Fluttershy asked.
"You betcha! She was super sorry she missed out get together, she was feeling really under the weather so she headed back to bed."
"Oh the poor dear. I do hope she feels better soon. Wouldn't want her to get any worse, especially with Spike away."
"I should make her some soup," Fluttershy added.
The conversation lulled as the three kept walking. They reached a fork in the path and Rarity said her farewells, heading back off to Carousel Boutique. Fluttershy thanked Pinkie again for checking on Twilight and then departed as well.
Pinkie headed towards Sugarcube Corner at an easy trot, mind not really focused. Her thoughts trailed back to the look on Twilight's face when she slept. The discomfort and unhappiness. A frown grew on her face. Twilight shouldn't be unhappy. A part of her just laughed it off, saying she was just sick. The rest of her wasn't convinced.
Pinkie was so caught up in her thoughts she failed to notice where she was. The next thing she knew she was on the ground, slightly dazed. She shook her head clear only to see that she'd made it to Sugarcube Corner already.
With a giggle she got to her hooves and headed inside. A few customers sat at the tables, but the vast majority of the store was empty. After saying hello to a few of the patrons, Pinkie made her way upstairs. She chatted for a while with the Cakes who had already set their foals to bed, until it was their reservation time. After quickly checking on the two foals, and headed to her room.
She stepped over the various games and other party debris that was scattered over the floorboards and leaped onto her bed. She let out a contented sigh as she looked over the familiar room.
Twilight's face came to her again and she frowned. Her stomach sank. The bed creaked as she rolled over to face the reptile tank that rested against the wall. Gummy was asleep on his rock under the heat lamp. Disappointed she couldn't talk to her pet, Pinkie flopped onto her back.
"I hope Twilight's gonna be okay." she muttered under her breath. "Maybe, I should make her some cupcakes tomorrow." Pinkie's mouth began to water at the thought of cupcakes. She shook her head. "No, I should make Twilight's favorite treat."
She paused, trying to remember what Twilight's favorite was. Nothing came to her. "Oh come on you silly filly!" she growled herself. "She's one of your best friends. How can you not know her favorite type of dessert?" Still, nothing came to mind.
Pinkie sat in stunned silence. Her body began to droop and her mane lost some of it's puffiness. "C-come on Pinkie, it's okay you don't know her favorite dessert. You just gotta think of something else she might enjoy," she stammered.
"I could get a new book for her, or take her to see a movie," she mumbled. "But where would I even begin with books? Does she even like movies?" Pinkie asked herself, trying to remember if Twilight had ever mentioned going to see a movie. Pinkie couldn't remember for the life of her.
Her hooves began to tremble. She slumped back onto her pillows, her mane slowly straightening out. "Come on Pinkie, you've known Twilight forever. You know more about her than she likes books and magic. I mean sure, you didn't know she had a brother until just a few months ago, but that doesn't mean anything, right?"
Pinkie bit her lip. "You must just be fretting right now, Pinks. That's it," she said in a forced chuckle. "Just a little bit of forgetfulness. All those little details you know about all your other friends will come back to you. Just gotta wait." She sat down and waited, willing for something to come to her anything. Nothing did.
Tears welled in her eyes and her body slowly slumped to the ground. "What kind of friend am I?" she asked herself in a half sob. She closed her eyes, struggling to keep the tears at bay. She took a deep breath. "It's okay," she muttered to herself. "Don't blow things out of proportion. You've just made a mistake. Twilight won't hate you for it." Her heartbeat slowed and her breathing evened out again.
"I'll just have to spend more time with Twilight," she decided, straightening up. "I'm gonna be such a good friend, Twilight won't know what hit her! I'll just head over tomorrow and spend the day with her! What better way is there to get to know someone better than spend time with them?"
With that decided, Pinkie rose to her hooves, feeling a little bit better. She got ready for bed, and quickly fell asleep, ready to make amends the next day.
mlp.bartstuff.eu/mlp-pdastardly.png
A few errors here and there, but you got me interested
Whoa! New story from my favourite author!
I liked it, it was a fine job. I'll keep an eye out for more.
There is a fair share of spelling/grammatical errors, though. For instance, "coco" in one of the first few paragraph should be "cocoa". The pacing is just a touch too quick for me, but I guess that's more of a personal preference.
So, yeah! Good job and good luck!
A good story I like how it's portraying the characters, showing their weaker sides. It shows that they are not perfect, just normal regular ponies, and it makes them much more relatable than just another "face a dragon, return of discord, omg we are heroes" kind of fic. I Love it, give us more
Like others have said, there are a few hickups in your grammar here and there.
But other than that, it's a solid start. Will be around for more.
4262003
*hiccups
Classic example of Muphrey's Law right there. "When pointing out the mistakes in another's grammar, one is bound to make a grammatical mistake of their own."
4262169 God damn it.
Brain farts, my mortal enemy. We meet once more.
I'm interested so far. Look forward to seeing where you go with this.
4262206
Hehe that's why I avoid correcting grammar altogether unless I'm marking a paper :P
I relate to Twilight entirely too much in this story.
Cocoa.
Mentioned before, less than 6 hours ago (but I still mention anyways.
I believe you meant blank, after reading the full text and comparing anyways.
Breathing.
Extra The.
Extra capitalisation.
They.
Forgot to capitalise.
Possible Twinkie/TwiPie? I'm in!
4262282 But... doesn't that also mean when you try to correct someone's grammar on paper, you would still make a mistake? Logic That or my head is just insanely bored
4262367
Doesn't really effect you when you correct stuff on paper, plus you're not writing out full sentences - "this sentence is not grammatically sound, go and rewrite it, you silly student" - you're just circling the mistakes or underlining them, hoping that when the student rereads it, they'll realise they've made a silly grammar error. Best I ever read was:
"I helped my uncle jack off his horse."
Not even grammatically incoherent, but an incorrect comma and lack of capitalisation was all it needed to turn an innocent "What I did in my holidays" report into a dirty clop fic.
Most grammar mistakes are typos. Tense errors, for instance, come mainly from D and S being close on the keyboard. "Paced" becomes "paces" with a single slip of the finger, and if you don't check that through, suddenly you have a fanfic with inconsistent tenses.
4262375 True enough, it happens quite often. More than people actually think especially in longer posts.
4262386
Ahh well that's just the standard law of errors. The longer any piece of writing, the greater the margin for error.
I like Crook's Law of Editing: every piece of writing can lose at least 10% of its wordcount without losing important content.
congrats being featured!
4262367 Thank you for spotting these
i hate when writers find the best worse place to end a chapter.
very interesting read thus far.
Ooo... Yeah this will be a rollercoster of a fic...
You have my interest.
~Skeeter The Lurker
It's been far too long since I read a Twinkie fic.
This looks promising, so I'll be waiting for the rest.
So. Twilight has Depression.
Well, it's technically an anxiety disorder, and those tend to travel in packs, so it fits right in with her panic and obsessive/compulsive disorders as well.
I should know, I also have that trio. :/
Thank the twelve gods this was marked as incomplete;
Otherwise, I'd have been pretty sure the ending would've meant Twilight'd committed suicide
4263786 We don't care if you like Twi she one of the mane6 and will always be in the show so deal with it
4263327 I'm glad that came across because that is precisely what I was going for.
4263786 She was already OP and needed a good nerfing. And then after those "wings"..
Requiescat In Pace MLP
4264077
I remember when TF2 jokes were funny. Five years can pass so fast...
it's sweet
4264282 The main engine of the internet locomotive. This fandom became famous because of that "used to be funny game". If we die, you are coming with us. My mustache is a part of you. Look at the second picture.
i.imgur.com/rgWzlbz.png
i.imgur.com/AsLbdZD.png
4263786 I'm pretty sure I've seen you making this statement or similar several times before... Do you feel some sort of desperate need to cram your opinion concerning Sparkle's character down our throats every chance you get, or are you just being a troll?
Keeping it simple and a bit dry actually seems to make Twilight's part all more... despairing? And I kinda like how Pinkie Pie, even with her special sense and logic breaking, can act "down to earth".
Look forward to the next chapter, Drift.
I love it. Gotta say, it's refreshing to see a fic that shows pinkie's actual thought process, rather than portraying her as a hypermaniacal idiot. That's one of my few quibbles with the show - Pinkie's smarter than she looks, and it's not fair to her to assume she doesn't make sense because that's simply what she does.
All ranting aside, though, this was very well-written. I look forward to reading more
Rarity seems a little out of character but otherwise this looks like a good fic.
4265064 Anything in particular that sticks out that I could improve?
4265258
I don't really know; I guess Rarity would just be more polite. What irked me was how she 'cut off' Pinkie, and without any reason.
4265284 Ah I see. I know what you mean and im kinda glad it stood out to you. It's there for a reason hopefully it makes sense later.
Well, now I gotta see how this turns out.
It was good, though it could use an editor's review, its still worth watching for extensions.
T̛h̶̨o͠u̷͞͝g̡h̛́ ́if͝ i̛̛t̕ ͢͝bec͘om̷̨e͟s̕ ̀͟a ҉P̴̀ín͏k̴͝i̸҉e͜ ̵̢x̴̕ ̸̧̀T̡͢͝w̧͜i̛͘l̛͏i͠g̴͘h̶t̨ ̛f҉̧íç̕,̨ ̷̷͟i̛t ̸͘͢m͟i͟g̢ht͢͝ ̸̕͡ju͞s̛̛͞t̡ ̵͝go̴̷̢ ͢d͟͏̷o͜w̨͏͝n̢h̸i͟͝ļ̸l̨̀ ͘͝i̷͠n̴͟͜ ̵͜m̵͏y ̴́͠o̴p͡͝į̵͘ņi͟҉o͡͏n͏.̢
Well that's your opinion. Other people have theirs too you know.
M̸e̷̕h͢͡.̢ ̧͝ ͜I'm ̵̧̛j҉u͢͜s̴t̨͠ h̕op̡̛i͜ng̶̡ ̕i͢t ̡͜͟w̧o̸n̢'͏t̛́ ̶b̀͘ec̴͜o͜m̡̛̕e̢͘ ̀a͜n̢͘o̷th̢͜e͜͞r͏ cl͘͏op͡҉f͢҉ic͟͞҉,̕͝͠ ̨͢t̢͢h̵a̷̵t'̷̨s̸͘͝ ̨͡͏a͝͠l͝l҉̸.
Well that is true. We already have enough of those to deal with. We don't need any more...
P͠e͟ǫp̴l҉e͏͝ ̡a̷r̕e҉ s͢͜ta͡͝r̸̨ţ̵̸i͞ņ͘҉g ͘͟t͜o ̵͞͝s̵͠ţa҉r͞͝e, ̛t͜h͜͡e͡y͟ ̡t͡h͘i̷̧n̷͝k̶͞ ̴͘y҉̧ou͘͟r̸̢ ͏͢t̡̧a͜lki͞ng̵͘͜ ̨t͝o͏ ̨́you̷͞ŕ̶͞s̶͝e̛͞l̕f ̕I҉ ͘͞͏t̨͘͠h̢í̸ņk̕.
Am I talking to myself?
No͜t̸ ͏͝e̵x͟͝a̸̛c͟t̷̷l̷y̶̷̸,̵͘͠ ̨҉bu͏t ̛͢i͏t͜͞ ̷͘l̴̕o͡o̷̵k͢͜͟s̨̧ ̡li̸̶ke҉ ̢̀́i̶͝t̶̨҉ t҉o҉ ̕t̵h͏̷̧e͘m̸.͟҉.͘.̛͘
I'm confused, so if I'm not talking to myself, but it looks like I'm talking to myself...then who are you?
T̶h̸a̴͜͞t ̵͜͠i̢̡͞s̨̢ ̴a̷̡͠ ̡q̶̵͡u͡e͜st̨͢͠i̸̢͏o̵n҉̶̀ ̡̢t̕͜h̸̡͘a̕͡t̷͝ ̵̧̛s̷͢h̡͠ò̷͢u̕l̀̀͠d͞ ̢́w̵a҉͡iţ͡ ́f͞͠ơ̷͠r̡ ͟a̵not̀h́͘e̷̡r̸͜ d҉̨a̴̵͘y̛͞.͟
But-
Nex̧t̡ ̸͏̛f͠i̕͠c͞!̨̀̕
._.
...You have my interest.
4265658
I am confused why you just had a conversation with yourself or something in your own comment.
I liked this story. I also noticed that some of the people that lift you some of the other comments, bitched about your grammar. Save the proper grammar for the college level English major nerds. I know that they will just love this message.
You ain't got no good English like I gots. Yeall hearded me rite. I know it sounds like a really bad Applejack line, am I right? So, please stop making fun of the way that some people write.
The quote isn't proper, but who cares? It's not like we are doing this for money, or writing speeches for politicians. As for me. I'm just a run of the mill country High school graduate. That just happen to be a happy go lucky redneck that loves being out in nature, and shooting varmints that try to ruin our garden. However if you want to talk about proper English I just ask my old man, at least he has four years of college. It hasn't done him a damn bit of good, but at least he managed to take a course in Latin, before he got a degree in accounting. Like that makes any since.
Would be better without the romance, if it was just Twilight being depressed and reaching out to Pinkie.
4266342
Some things are far beyond the grasp of mortal autistics like you and I.
This was quite an interesting premise, and you seem to have handled Twilight's depression pretty well.
4264336
These charts mean absolutely nothing with respect to what you are saying, congratulations.
4265658
What are you even doing?
4267155
yogaforposers.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/i-am-random1.png :D
4264336
Wow, my eyes have been opened. Welcome back to Earth, oh mighty Messiah. Please don't let the insufficient me distract you from continuing your duty of being the most unique person I've ever seen.
-scratches head-
Not sure what to make of the story, to be honest. The job of the first chapter is to set down the premise, rules, tone, and over-arching goal of the story. Twilight is upset about something, and Pinkie wants to solve said mystery and help her feel better. That's great, but we have no ground-work to work with.
Did she get a B+ on a test?
Is she lonely? Sexually frustrated?
Not able to learn a super hard spell?
Did someone cut deep with a comment on her recently?
Did one of her friends say something offensive and not know it?
The CRUX of the story can't be what upset Twilight. That fact needs to be on the forefront. Once whatever it is is revealed, I feel as though the story will lose quite a bit of steam. Stories can be built around secrets, but "I am sad because (x)" doesn't seem like something that should hold an entire story. I'm getting the vague vibe (based on the title) that both Pinkie and Twilight feel Insufficient about something... in which case BOTH answers would be silly:
Twilight is powerful, smart, royalty (if not a royal protege), and surrounded by friends.
Pinkie is manic-depressive based around the happiness of others, so really her being insufficient at (Twilight's favorite treat?) is a moot point.
I just don't know what this story is trying to bring to the table. It upsets me.
Edit: And if Twilight has plain old depression, then we need some less subtle hints about that. Paperwork from a doctor, a medication bottle, books on her work table about anxiety disorders, etc.
4267893 Hmm, I understand what you're saying. I guess I didnt really establish enough of where I'm headed. Part of the reason I'm not revealing the issue just yet is that both characters only know there is a problem not necessarily what is causing it. As to losing steam, I dont think I agree with you as there's still the issue of dealing with the problems.
As to the depression, it isnt necessarily just depression itself as the problem, but she has it and its making her other issues worse.
You say ,"Twilight is powerful, smart, royalty (if not a royal protege), and surrounded by friends.
Pinkie is manic-depressive based around the happiness of others, so really her being insufficient at (Twilight's favorite treat?) is a moot point."
The way I see it is that no matter the situation they're in, they can still have problems and they're important no matter how insignificant they may seem at surface
This needs a chapter two... So far it is intersting and I'd like to hear what is making Twilight feel like she is...
4267267
Random != funny