Reflected fireworks shimmered in Twilight’s eyes as Pinkie watched her. Gone was any trace of the tired student or the mare worried about every social interaction. It was as if all the stress had been washed away, revealing the excited filly beneath.
Pinkie loved it.
Ponyville’s Spring Festival had snuck up on Pinkie. The previous year’s had been canceled after the damage from the Ursa Minor attack. The only part undisturbed had been Trixie’s magic act, and that had been a huge let down. Though Twilight would never say it, Pinkie was sure she had found the show far from the best use of her time. That impression seemed to linger. She sounded skeptical when Pinkie invited her this year, but had let her trust in Pinkie convince her to tag along.
Twilight had never seen anything like it. The only similar festival in Canterlot that could compare was the Summer Sun Celebration. Even that was made a stuffy and quiet affair by the nobles. Here, laughter assaulted her ears and bright lights battered her eyes. She was overwhelmed in all the right ways. Her head had been on a constant swivel as she drank in the sights around her. A smile never once left her face.
A burst of red light lit up the sky before quickly turning into gold and showering down from above. Pinkie let out a cheer, careful not to dislodge the stuffed alligator sitting on her head. She had made some off-hoof comment as they passed, pointing out how the prize looked a bit like Gummy. Twilight had changed course in an instant, sat down in front of the booth and placed her bits on the counter. The rules were explained to her, with emphasis on the fact that no magic was allowed. Pinkie watched from the side as she played twice, and failed spectacularly.
Pinkie had grown uncomfortable as she watched Twilight place another bit on the counter. The image of a frustrated Twilight sitting there hours later still trying to win the alligator for her, popped into Pinkie’s head. She had started forward to pat Twilight on the back, thank her for trying, and tell her she didn’t really need the plushie.
She stopped when she saw the grin on Twilight’s face. The proprietor gave Twilight the ball and he stepped back to watch. Twilight gave the ball a little toss in her hoof before launching it so accurately Pinkie would’ve been hard pressed to match. The ball crashed into the bottom right bottle first, its edges just grazing the other two. The two lighter bottles spun away as the heavier one clunked to the floor.
Twilight had simply smiled and politely asked for the alligator.
Fuming, the owner reluctantly hoofed over the prize, muttering quietly about cheating unicorns. Twilight either hadn’t heard or didn’t care. She laughed and trotted off towards the hall of mirrors, leading an inexplicable giddy Pinkie in her wake, now accompanied by a stuffed alligator.
Another boom rocked the night air, stirring another cheer from the crowd. Pinkie grinned. She couldn’t imagine a more perfect day. The crowd’s roar grew as the finale began in earnest, but Pinkie still found herself watching Twilight more than the fireworks.
It was odd to see her unicorn friend so often. She and Twilight had been good friends of course, but neither had been the other’s first choice in company. Now Twilight was the first pony Pinkie went to in her free time.
It was a pleasant change of pace.
It also made avoiding Rainbow Dash and Applejack easier. She still hadn’t forgiven either mare for what they said. That didn't sit well with Rainbow Dash who had been hounding her nonstop, trying to convince Pinkie she didn't mean it. Applejack at least seemed to understand that she just needed a bit of space.
Pinkie’s thoughts were dragged back to the fair as Twilight let out a whisper of appreciation, a particularly bombastic blast blowing her bangs back. She tore her eyes away from the impressive display to smile eagerly at Pinkie and pulled her into a tight hug.
“This is fantastic!” she yelled over the clamor of the crowd. “Nothing in Canterlot even comes close!”
“We country ponies know how to get down!” Pinkie yelled back with a grin.
Twilight laughed and Pinkie felt an inexplicable fluttering in her chest.
A roar, distinctly different from that of the crowd, drew Twilight’s attention back to the sky. An enormous orange and green dragon burst into life from the fireworks, eliciting more cheers from the ponies watching.
Pinkie’s were the only eyes that didn’t follow it as it twisted through the air, shimmering and crackling. It somehow looked better reflected in Twilight’s eyes.
"Thank you, dear!" Rarity tittered, batting her eyebrows at a young waiter as he set her salad in front of her. "This looks positively delectable." He blushed and looked away, hurriedly placing Pinkie’s food on the table before fleeing back to the safety of the kitchen. Rarity's eyes appraised his retreating figure with interest.
"He was a cute one, wasn't he?" she asked with a meaningful wiggle of her eyebrows. “Might look good in some shade of pink~!” she added, turning to a saucy smile.
"Wha?” Pinkie replied, her attention torn from the mouthful of sandwich she had been about to swallow. Rarity winced as flecks of partially chewed food rained on the table. Pinkie blinked twice, swallowed, and added, "Who?"
Rarity sighed, but gestured subtly towards the waiter in question. Pinkie turned in her seat and stared down the waiter, giving him a once over. Unimpressed, she shrugged noncommittally and returned to eating.
“Not your type, darling?" Rarity asked, turning and giving Pinkie a curious look. "Not one for shorn fetlocks and a slicked-back mane?"
Halfway through another bite, she began to reply. "Nope. I mean he looks-" Her voice trailed off as she met the withering stare Rarity was giving her. She smiled guiltily and swallowed before starting again. "I mean he looks okay, but..." She shrugged. "I'm not really sure if I have a type, honestly."
"Oh nonsense, dear. Everypony has a type." Rarity scoffed, waving a hoof dismissively at the very thought.
Pinkie shrugged. "If you say so." She raised her sandwich to her mouth again but paused. She looked to Rarity expectantly. When Rarity didn't respond she nodded and went back to eating.
Rarity shook her head but let the topic slide, filing it away for later. "Well anyway, you were telling me about your weekend? How was the festival?" she prompted, taking a bite of her salad.
Pinkie’s habitual smile widened. “It was a ton of fun! Twilight hadn’t been to one before, so I got to show her around. She was a little skeptical at first, but had a blast. It was actually pretty funny, she spent half the magic show deciding whether to take notes or just watch it," Pinkie giggled.
Rarity rolled her eyes and let out a small laugh. "That's Twilight for you," she sighed. "The eternal student."
Pinkie nodded. "It was still tons of fun. She couldn't stop talking about it at dinner. And she got a kick out of the fireworks show at the end."
"Dinner?" Rarity asked, trying to hide her growing interest at the potential gossip goldmine.
"We grabbed a bite to eat afterwards. The fireworks went pretty late and then Twilight wanted to ask them some questions about the enchantments on them. By the time we left we were both pretty hungry so we went to grab some food."
Rarity's eyes twinkled as she donned a faux face of envy. "Well that sounds like quite the date night!" she laughed. "I'm almost jealous! Did you win her a stuffed animal?"
"W-what?" Pinkie stammered, a blush growing on her cheeks.
"Well, darling, I certainly think I can guess your type. Maybe a smart, bookish, unicorn from Canterlot?"
Rarity continued unabashed. "I can see the appeal certainly! Her family is married into royalty, and she can be very cute at times. Not to mention the whole, provocative librarian image. I would've pegged you more as one for pegasi, but I guess not."
Pinkie's jaw flapped as her face grew hot. Her brain caught up with her mouth after a minute, finally jumping to her own defense. "It' not like that! Twilight and I weren't on a-a, date!"
"I mean you have been spending an awful lot of time with Twilight lately, darling. Is there something there I should know about?" Rarity teased.
"Wha-- No." Pinkie protested. "There's nothing there. Twilight and I are just--." The normally unflappable Pinkie Pie struggled to find the right words. "We went as friends. That's all."
"Oh, methinks the mare doth protest too much!" Rarity practically cackled, though she was far too sophisticated to ever be caught cackling.
Pinkie snorted and looked away. The late morning sun streamed in through the windows of the sparsely filled cafe. The lunch rush was just beginning to trickle in, taking their seats and filling the air with the mumbled sounds of other conversations.
"I mean think about it, Pinkie." Rarity mused, drawing the reluctant Pinkie back into the conversation. "How often does Twilight go out, let alone for dinner and a show?"
"I mean, not that often…” Pinkie gave her, “But that's just because she's busy!"
Rarity just smiled devilishly. "That she is, but she still made time to go out with you!" she pointed out.
Pinkie groaned, her face falling into her hooves in defeat.
"Oh don't worry darling. I'm just teasing." Rarity tittered, taking pity on the flustered earth pony. "I'm just glad to see her out and about again."
Pinkie sighed and nodded, a soft smile returning to her face. "Me too."
Rarity’s eyebrow raised at that comment but she let it slide. “On a more pleasant note, have you heard anything about the new gryphon styles? I know you have your sources on these kinds of things, Pinkie, and I absolutely need the jumpstart on the competition."
Rarity continued on about the upcoming fashion season but Pinkie was only half listening. After Rarity's teasing, she couldn't help but look at her weekend in another light. On the other rare occasions that Rarity had teased her, she had always found it more funny. Today’s hadn’t left her with any amusement, just an uneasy fluttering in her stomach. Her weekend with Twilight had just been as friends, right?
Lunch proceeded without any further mentions of Twilight, but even as she waved good-bye to Rarity, the sound of Twilight's laughter from the fireworks show lingered in Pinkie's thoughts.
She wandered through town, thinking about Rarity’s words. Her friend had just been teasing her, as friends do. There wasn’t anything really there between her and Twilight, was there?
Pinkie snorted lightly. Of course there wasn’t. She just wanted to hang out with her because Twilight had just been there when no pony else was. She just knew how to take Pinkie’s mind off her problems, bring a real smile to her face. That was why spending time with Twilight had been so great lately.
That and she had come to enjoy the way Twilight’s eyes lit up when her curiosity was piqued, some part of her added. And hear Twilight’s sweet little laughs so different from her own rough, snorting variety. And watch as her eyes darted in their sockets, scanning every last inch of whatever she looked at, accounting every detail just in case it was useful. And her rituals of tea, always prepared as Celestia did, or coffee, dark strong and simple. These were all simply things friends admired, no?
Pinkie’s steps speed up into a trot. She felt her thoughts churning, pulling at excuses and justifications for the way she felt. A familiar burning tension welled up inside her, bringing with it the compulsion to put on a manic smile and act like everything was fine.
She forced herself to slow and take a deep breath. She couldn’t let herself panic like this. She could practically hear Twilight’s voice, calmly telling her to pause and focus. She did. Why was she so worked up? If she didn’t feel anything for Twilight, why would she be so adamant and desperate for an alternative explanation? And if she did have feelings for Twilight, was it really that bad?
And like that all the anxiety and fear ebbed. Her heartbeat slowed, and her face relaxed.
Pinkie had a crush on Twilight. Somehow, that admission didn’t feel quite as momentous as it should have. It wasn’t some lightning bolt of realization, it just… was.
“Huh,” she managed, finding no better way to surmise her discovery. It was a pleasant surprise, but left her with one question. Now what?
Twilight stared up at the ceiling, pointedly ignoring the rest of the world.
“We can’t just lie here all day,” a stubborn part of her protested. “We have commitments today.”
“If I don’t see them, they don’t exist.” Twilight groaned back to herself.
“It doesn’t work that way and you know it.”
Twilight groaned louder and flipped over, burying her face into her pillow. That at least seemed to shut up her nagging side. Twilight sighed. She needed a nap, and there was no time like the present. She shifted a bit to make herself more comfortable and smiled.
Somepony knocked on the front door. Twilight groaned again, but didn’t move.
There was a slight pause before another knock followed.
Muttering under her breath about public places and the curses of living in one, Twilight trudged her way down the stairs. She put on a cookie-cutter greeting smile that didn’t quite touch her eyes before she opened the door.
The fake smile quickly turned into the real thing. “Pinkie! I wasn’t expecting to see you today. I thought you had lunch scheduled with Rarity?”
Twilight’s smile was contagious and Pinkie felt her own grow. “We had an early lunch and I didn’t have any plans for the rest of the day,” she explained. “I thought maybe you’d wanna hang out.”
“I’d love to, Pinkie but I’m just doing some last minute tidying. Spike gets home tonight and the library’s a bit of a mess,” Twilight admitted.
“I could lend an extra set of hooves and help speed things up, if you want. I really don’t mind.”
“Really? That sounds great. Come on in.”
Twilight had not done the state of the library justice. Papers were strewn all over the floor covered it unblotted ink stains. Stacks of books were piled to eye level, leaving many of the oak shelves looking abandoned. A pile of dishes was sitting precariously on the table, threatening to topple over at any moment.
Pinkie blinked. “Busy week of research then?” she asked Twilight with a laugh. The other mare blushed and nodded sheepishly. “We’d better get to work then!”
Pinkie didn’t mind the cleaning. While it hadn’t been exactly what she’d had in mind, it was a chance to spend more time with Twilight. They discussed what Spike was going to bring back from the Crystal Empire (comic books or souvenirs for his ‘horde’), Twilight’s latest research (crystal augmented magic), and more.
When the two weren’t talking, Pinkie hummed tunelessly. She didn’t think about the cute way Twilight poked her tongue out when organizing her books, or how perfect the smile on her face was when she talked about something she liked. And she certainly didn’t hang on every word Twilight spoke. At least not too much.
When the main floor of the library was finished they moved upstairs. Twilight excused herself to go clean her bathroom and Pinkie started on Twilight’s room. As she was grabbing the crumpled pieces of paper from Twilight’s desk she spotted a letter sticking out from a book. Her gaze moved from the letter to the crumpled balls of parchment. Pinkie bit her lip.
Too curious to help herself, Pinkie pulled the letter from under the book and read.
Dear Twily,
Spike arrived safe and sound yesterday and is loving it here. The Crystal Ponies are still celebrating Sombra’s defeat and Spike’s return just kicked everything back into high gear. It’s like they’re trying to make up for all the lost holidays and parades they missed in the last thousand years. There have been more feasts since you left than I saw in all my years at home! As their Prince Consort, I have to attend them all and I swear I’m going to burst if I eat another dish. You should’ve seen Spike's reaction when they pulled out all the gems for him. Don’t worry, I made sure he only had one or two. Still, it’s been nothing but smiles here. It’s a nice change of pace from changeling invasions and dark sorcerers, that’s for sure.
Unfortunately, I do have something more serious to discuss. It’s not often I personally receive correspondence from Princess Celestia after all. She always sends her best wishes when she writes to Cadence, so I found myself rather surprised when the latest letter was addressed to me.
She’s worried about you, Twilight. She says your letters have slowed down to a trickle and are painfully formal. Ever since she offered you the position of Archmage and you declined, she’s hardly heard from you. She wanted me to make sure you were okay.
I couldn’t believe it that when I read it. You’re being distant to Princess Celestia, the pony you practically worshipped for years? She offered you position as the Archmage of Equestria and you turned it down?
Is everything okay, Twilight? None of that sounds like you. My little sister best friend forever dreamed about being Archmage for years…
If you need to talk to me or need my help in any way, Sis, please tell me. I know I’m further away now, but just let me know and I’ll catch the next train down to Ponyville to see you. That’s what brothers are for, right? It’s my job to protect you, but I can only do that if you let me know what’s wrong. I know it’s a little different after the wedding fiasco, but I promise you; if you need me I will be there for you, Twily.
With all my love and hope that you’re okay,
Shining Armor
Pinkie stared at the letter in her hoof. She didn’t know what to think. Before she could even put down the letter, there was an intake of breath from the doorway behind her. Pinkie’s head whipped around to see an ashen faced Twilight staring at the letter in her hoof. Pinkie swallowed.
Twilight’s jaw clenched but she didn’t say anything. Her gaze didn’t move from the letter.
“Twilight,” Pinkie began. “I was—“
“Get out.”
Pinkie flinched, her ears flicking back and drooping. “I d-didn’t mean… I’m sorry, Twil—“
“Please. Just leave.” Twilight’s voice was carefully measured. The cold tone of forced neutrality made Pinkie’s hair stand on end. It was so different from Twilight’s usual good cheer.
“O-okay.” Pinkie couldn’t stop her voice from quavering. Bile rose in her throat and she could feel hot tears pooling in her eyes. She opened her mouth to say something, but couldn’t find the words to form either an apology or a plea for them to talk. She swallowed, her tongue dry and heavy.
Twilight refused to meet Pinkie’s gaze as she left the room. She stared unblinkingly at the letter that now lay on the floor until the front door had closed behind Pinkie.
When the sound of the door closing reached her ears, Twilight breathed. Pinkie was gone.
Why did she leave that letter out? Hadn’t it been nagging at her for months? She knew it by heart, so why hadn’t she thrown it away? And why was she getting so damn worked up about it? The letter wasn’t that special. It should’ve just been easy to reply to. Say, “I’m fine Shining Armor, just busy!” and be done with it. Why was such an easy, everyday task such a block for her?
She supposed it was just another failure on her part. She wasn’t able to put on a strong face and tell her brother she was fine. Shining would think she was ignoring him, and she’d let down another pony who cared about her.
Her anger welled up inside her. This had all been Pinkie’s fault. Everything had been fine until Twilight had seen her with the letter and all the frustration had come back.
A small part of her mind told her that she shouldn’t have snapped at Pinkie.
“She was the one who violated my privacy!” she muttered under her breath as she swatted away a crumpled letter. “So what if I kicked her out. Apologies don’t make things like that go away.”
She couldn’t get Pinkie’s expression out of her mind.
Twilight shook her head. Her eyes scanned her room for something else to focus on so her mind would cease its attack on herself. As she searched, a deep whisper in the back of her mind muttered, “Another disappointment. You seem to have a knack for letting down those who depend on you.”
Twilight flinched at the voice, closed her eyes, and took a harsh breath in. “I can’t listen to you. You’re just an image I’m conjuring up to berate myself,” she stated as calmly as she could.
“If that’s what you wish to believe, do. But back to the matter at hoof, Twilight. All she wanted to do was to talk to you. She thought she could be a good friend for you as you had for her. But you wouldn’t let her. You thought her…. Incapable.”
“No!” Twilight choked out, though there was no one else to hear her protests.
“And now she’s gone. Thrown out the door just as she was peeking in, getting a glimpse of the real Twilight Sparkle. But I suppose that’s better, isn’t it?” The voice let out a chuckle. “At least you don’t have to know that she hates you for who you really are. She’ll only hate you for not letting her in.”
Twilight shook her head, but the little voice just laughed coldly. “You’re smart enough to know when you’re lying to yourself, Twilight. Just admit it. Life is easier alone. No need to worry about others rejecting you. Just reject them yourself first.”
Her legs buckled beneath her. Tears pooled in her eyes and streamed down her face. “No, I-I don’t want to be alone.” She protested.
“You don’t want to be alone?” The voice cackled. “It sure seems otherwise. Who had to be forced into making friends? Who wanted to spend time with the Princess more than enjoying the Gala with the ponies she came with? Who locked themselves up alone in the library for a month in an effort to feel better. Just face it Twilight Sparkle. You want to be alone. You feel better when you’re alone.”
Twilight covered her ears and buried her face away but the voice continued on almost gleefully.
“You know that when you’re alone, the only person you can truly fail is yourself. No need to worry about how you endanger your ‘friends’, how you disappoint your family, or how you let down your Princess. There is no Smarty Pants Incident, no near loss to Discord, no letting the Crystal Empire down when you’re alone. When you’re alone, it’s just you and me, Twilight.”
Twilight shuddered through the silent sobs and the half-hearted protests to a voice that only she could hear, in an empty library, alone.