• Member Since 7th Oct, 2012
  • offline last seen Mar 21st, 2017

Dreamscape


"1/4 hipster, 3/4 kawaii"

T

The Canterlot Castle can be a stressful, boring, and serious place. After already spending what seemed like ages at the dull place to discuss political affairs with the other princesses and make public appearances for the eager Canterlot citizens, Twilight is not looking forward to spending another week there. Luckily, her friend Pinkie comes for a visit to help liven the place up and more importantly spend time with her favorite princess.

Cover Art: Twinkie by lulubellct

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 29 )

I was a little shocked by Pinkie's total 180 at the end. It seemed a little sudden for Pinkie to go from "Friends kissing" to "Declare my possibly undying love to Twilight"... I guess I was expecting more uncertainty at the end, and the way it wrapped up left me a little disappointed. But it was still a very nice story, overall. Thanks for sharing!

3724413 I felt the same way minus the disappointment. I can honestly say I seen it coming.

What if the end was all but a dream...

3724413
It is Pinkie though, and it's supposed to be cheesy. Just how I normally write any of my stories. Thanks for enjoying it anyways though. :twilightsmile:

3725946
I like the way you think! My writing is always up for reader interpretation. I'm glad you're not just taking it for what it seems to be.

3727003
Thanks! I'm glad you found it...because I totally forgot to tell you I posted it :twilightblush:

Apoc #7 · Jan 4th, 2014 · · 2 ·

I really did like this. Except the end I mean I wouldn't care if pinkie had turned twilight down or not but to have that whole turn around thing in there totally killed it for me apart from that though I loved the story
3.5/5

3732349
Why do you people always want sad endings? Should I just delete that last little section and leave it as a depressed Twi falling asleep or what?

3732367
I think the main problem isn't the event itself but how you wrote it and how it relates to the rest of the story.

Though I personally liked this as a whole, I can see people being disappointed with the resolution, not because of what happens but how quickly and abruptly it happens. It's like the end of the story goes into super fast-forward mode and it totally breaks the original pace of the story (which is; slow, peaceful and atmospheric). In short; the end feels 'slapped on'.

To me it was still both entertaining and cute, but I got that vibe that you dropped the ball at the end and just wrote the first thing you could think of because you wasn't sure how you wanted it to end and you didn't want it collecting dust.

In a sense then though; Don't use Pinkie's randomness as an excuse to form any ending you want and call it okay. It's too easy. Anyone can write; Pinkie did this and that and no one can question why? because the answer would always be the same:

Because she's Pinkie Pie. :pinkiehappy:

All in all, I thought this was lovely! :yay:

I think alternatively it could have had a longer ending, but to be honest I was pretty glad it did finally end (9000 words one-shot! Geez‼)

To give you some insight, here's a sample of the same ending you wrote but dragged out:

*Twilight helps Pinkie pack and explains she's okay, Pinkie shouldn't worry
*Twilight takes Pinkie to the station and they say their goodbyes, Twi mentioning she'll miss her, etc
*Pinkie's on the train and ponders recent events and realizes that stuff about her being allowed to be happy too, etc
*Pinkie impulsively jumps of the train and meets up with Twilight, telling her she needs to stay because of that thing she realized and how important Twilight's happiness is to her
*the end

All your end dialogue would fit in and the end would be pretty much the same, just slower paced.
derpicdn.net/img/view/2014/1/1/512321.gif
:raritywink:

3733852
Eh, its too late now, what has been seen cannot be unseen and it has already failed compared to my other stories...but you are my new idea man. You give me ideas when I need help, I write them down. Oh, and you don't want to say no because then I will find you, tie you up, and lock you in my closet until I need you.

3732367 only if you want to. Remember in the end this is your story not mine and not anyone else. Also I did say that you could still make it a happy ending but just make it less rushed. If you decide to make it a sad ending you may wish to put in a small epilogue or something at end of the chapter rather then just leaving it at Twilight falls asleep.

3732367 I think if you put more of an explanation as to WHY Pinkie suddenly was willing to accept and love Twilight back it would be better. Otherwise it just feels like Pinkie either had a random moment or a partial nervous breakdown before or during the night concerning what happened and gave in to the pressure of returning Twilight's love.

I just want to point out a tiny mistake

"Woo, star party!" Pinkie exclaimed, hopping out of her chai.

You forgot to give chair an r. Other then that I loved this story!

3801790
No, she was totally hopping out of a giant cup of chai tea at that point :pinkiehappy::rainbowlaugh:

3802196 Mmm chai tea...love the stuff

3802214
I almost want to leave it as chai now haha. I think I might

Is there going to be a sequel? It's really hard to find a good TwiPie fic! This one was GREAT! :) Good job!

3817117
Thanks! And I'm not really sure...honestly I'm good at writing about a blooming romance but continuing from there is sort of hard for me.

I had a great time reading this, I love romance stories like this one... but hey, that's just my preference.:derpytongue2:

LOVED IT, i recently discover the amazing world of Twipie shipping, its been a new favorite of mine! This writing is a good example why! i loved the tease you did in the middle, made my heart drop, but you kicked it right back up. I don't think I've seen a lot of writers with the talent you have! Keep up the good work, and good job on this awesome piece of story-book art!

Your newest follower,
~OG :rainbowkiss::yay:

3923956
Thank you very much and I appreciate such a supportive comment. Without comments like yours, I don't think I'd still be writing.

I downloaded this story to my phone a while back, and just got around to reading it. All I can say is just wow. One of the best Twipie one-shots I've ever read, if not the best. I understand where you're coming from when it comes to writing the aftermath of starting a relationship, but if you do write a sequel, I'll definitely be there.

Now that is (my) Pinkie Pie! :pinkiehappy: It's around two o'clock now and I'm actually horribly tired, but this tale of yours... was worth it. It was yesterday, if my memory serves me right, that I started to search for fanfictions about TwiPie. I was willing to read some of them, trying to get a feeling for that couple, if it 'could work out' in my perspective, if someone out there could make me believe that they could share a good chemistry.
You've pulled that off as the second one - out of... how many stories did I already read? A dozen? Two dozen? A lot, anyway. So many writers seem to be intrigued by writing Pinkie but just don't seem to be able to catch her right. The most common mistake would be 'stupid Pinkie', followed close behind by 'annoying Pinkie'. The latter even ridiculous to the point where her antics hurt others and she doesn't give a s*** about it. But this tale here? Wonderful, she's just the adorable, sweet, innocent, caring furball of energy one simply has to adore.
Same goes for Twilight. She's undergone some major changes from season one to her current state and you managed to portray her quite well.
Pinkie reconsidering her answer to Twilight might feel a little bit rushed due to the fact that we, as the readers, don't participate in that process until the point where she explains her change of mind towards Twi - but I simply can't see that as an issue at all. In fact, it seems fitting. Much like Rainbow, if she thinks something over, she decides pretty fast for whatever she wants.
The way Celestia pulled Spike out of their manes was adorable, too. It's funny how Twilight, even with her improved social skills, could still be so oblivious to something going on right under her muzzle. And since I mentioned him: Good job with Spike, too. He's not her pet, not her slave, not the comic relief, not annoying at all. More like a caring, loving little brother.

This is just... great. I recommend it. Someone should read this. Anyone. Everyone.
Heh.

Thank you.

There could be two ponies...or whatever sentient beings they might be doing exactly what we are. They could be looking right at us and not even know it.

I've always liked fics which included that little detail, because to me it adds the "it could happen" factor to MLP in regards to Equestria Girls and such.

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