• Member Since 26th Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen 6 hours ago

Wolfe15


Young author looking to improve skill.

T

Princess Celestia's birthday is coming up and Twilight wants to make her a party. A surprise party. She asks Pinkie for help but an accident disposes of Pinkie for a short while and she leaves the mare alone to plan the party by herself. Knowing she won't be able to make the party as fun as Pinkie could she turns to her friends for help but all of them are busy.

She turns to a a special crystal recording that Pinkie left titled... "Being Pinkie Keen!" With the help of the crystal recordings can Twilight learn to loosen up and be more like Pinkie? Or will she fail?

Read the first two installments to get some of the stuff mentioned. Cover image is from here: http://ks4u.deviantart.com/gallery/33897448#/d46gleu

Chapters (7)
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Comments ( 69 )

352246 oh lol im only joking another love story :ajsmug:

Interesting... there's some weird progression like in the beginning; to really start reading the story you have to read the summary to know what's going on right off the bat. Also, the scene with Pinkie crashing tackling Twilight you introduced Applejack and I thought "Oh, she's going to have some lines." When introducing a main character, the character should have some relevance to the plot; Applejack could've easily be used with a random pony. Pinkie's sudden family emergency could have been delivered a bit better, it all felt rushed. First question that popped into my head after that was "Why a Crystal?" or "Why is Twilight trying to arrange a party?" I'm sorry if I'm sounding too harsh, I'm just giving my input. Ya got to cover all your bases when writing a fic. I'm looking forward to the next chap. and you can go ahead and ignore me or take up my advice; your fic, your style, your rules dude.:coolphoto:

352348 No problem, I know the Pinkie disappearing act is rushed but as the story goes along its all explained better. I don't wanna spoil anything really so you gotta keep reading.

352362 is it possible for you to read my story? Beyond the horizon. :pinkiehappy: thank you

http://www.fimfiction.net/user/1800_SCREWED

352395 No problem! I'll get right to reading! :twilightsmile:

Ooh. Can't wait to see where this heads. :pinkiegasp:

Your pacing is too fast and I spotted some errors, but this idea...it's fucking genius!:pinkiehappy:

Sejr's Light... Twilight taking Pinkie lessons, Epona and Gaea help them all 'cause this won't end well.

Good start, a bit fast like>>357060 said but also like they said, genius idea. Let's just hope Twilight can pull the party off, and get the Princess, without going nutbars and/or destroying Ponyville.

In the Name of Her Serene Majesty, Celestia Everfree, Princess of the Sun,
Celestia's Paladin: For Honor and Duty, For the Sun and Moon

AWESOME! :rainbowdetermined2:
Nice job tharr! Can't wait to see how this continues :yay:

I approve. There were still some errors, but nothing to draw the eyes away from the main goal. This is a solid idea, I think you could've added more to this chapter. I felt like it ended much too soon than it should've. This may sound crazy, but methinks 3rd chapter can be 1000+ words? Pretty please? :rainbowkiss:

"With us on your side what could go wrong?!" Twilight flinched as Vinyl said that. So many things could go wrong.

Well at least Twilight is learning that one should never say that...

361493

Are you sure? This is Twilight "I'll Make a Friendship Problem" Sparkle we are talking about

stop right there criminal scum?........ sorry couldnt resist:twilightsheepish: good chapter

This is interesting enough, but the way you structure your paragraphs really makes it difficult to understand who is saying what. Take these two paragraphs at the end of this chapter, for example:

"How? All of them are busy. We don't have long. Her birthday is coming up soon." Pinkie grinned and pulled on some shades out of nowhere.
"We go on an old round up!" Twilight grinned weakly then strongly. Pinkie was right! She could do this! She could get this done! With a look of determination she nodded at the mares present.

You have a quote from no specific pony at the beginning of each, and then a reaction to it from a named character—which gives the impression that Pinkie is saying the first line and Twilight the second, when in reality I'm pretty sure it's meant to be the other way around :derpyderp2:

"How? All of them are busy. We don't have long. Her birthday is coming up soon."
Pinkie grinned and pulled on some shades out of nowhere. "We go on an old round up!"
Twilight grinned weakly then strongly. Pinkie was right! She could do this! She could get this done! With a look of determination she nodded at the mares present.

It's a well-known rule that dialogue from each character should not share paragraphs, and I didn't specifically notice that rule being broken, but the same thing really goes for the rest of the paragraph too. Each paragraph should generally be dedicated to one character whether it's dialogue or reaction. You can break the rule of course—like when you want to put a small reaction between two sections of dialogue from the same character—but when you do you should be conscious of it and make sure it's clear just who is doing and saying what.

I understand the desire to avoid writing repetitive "he said/she said" artifacts all over things (though there are plenty of synonyms for 'said' you can use to add interesting description at the same time) but like the above example shows, you don't even have to actually include that bit to tie a sentence to a character. All it takes is the construction of the paragraph.

Sorry if I sound like a grammar nazi, but I was genuinely confused about who was saying what a lot of the time, so I think it bears saying :unsuresweetie:

Question: Is this a Twilestia story?

That appears to be the case, but it wasn't immediately apparent from the chapters released so far.

369567
Sorry, I only skimmed through the story as I saw the picture. I'm afraid it's not really my kind of story, to much drinking, cursing etc. for me to really like it.

However, you should check this part of Fimfiction: http://www.fimfiction.net/index.php?view=group&group=65&thread=104

You are, with this story, eligible for one free game. If you want one that is. Enjoy :).

Cute story so far.


'"You're sisters with Pinkie?" Octavia nodded then looked to Twilight. '

Quick correction -- this isn't exactly wrong, but it's pretty weird for someone like Twilight to stumble over saying such a simple thing (I've -never- heard this kind of phrasing from anyone in real life). I suggest one of these two phrasings

"You're Pinkie's sister?" (what I would expect)
"Pinkie's your sister?" (seems redundant, but this form happens plenty IRL. More of a 'my tongue tripped over my thoughts' sort of phrasing, so I'd expect something like this is more typical of RD or Applejack)

this is genius~! I believe some other issues have been mentioned above, but I just wanted to give you my appreciation for this story :twilightblush: How to be like Pinkie Pie? awesome idea, :raritystarry:

377495 THANK YOU! You my dear are an awesome writer yourself. :pinkiehappy:

Just finished reading! I do agree need longer chapters next time >< or maybe short chapters and fast updates :raritystarry: Can't believe I found this just now, I'd thought I'd read most of the Twilestias out there :derpyderp2: glad i was wrong!

363724 I would have pointed out some of that myself, if you hadn't beaten me to it :twilightsheepish:

377518 Awesome. I'll make sure the next chapters a doozy! :pinkiehappy:

Epona and Gaea, Twilight you are such a dumbass

There's a few grammatical errors, but I'll let them slide :raritywink:

you should of add the expoleding bird in your story :rainbowlaugh:

exploding bird?:rainbowhuh: glad i dont have to clean that up

I think this is an Epilogue not a prologue...and if this is really over then mark it as complete, really good story

387092 postit!postit!postit!postit!postit!postit!postit!postit!postit!postit!postit!postit!postit!

387094 Lol you gotta wait on my editor, I sent it off though. Next Learning to Love should be up in a day or so. Don't want to say too much.

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