• Member Since 6th Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen Jan 25th, 2017

Carpetbagger


T

*Revised Edition*
Princess Celestia takes the week off for spring break and her annual visit with Twilight Sparkle. But it seems Twilight has more in mind than just visiting. After a bottle of wine or two leads to a bit more than student-teacher hugging, it's clear her student is in Canterlot for more than tea and study. Now Celestia is caught between a romantically-aggressive Twilight that has awaken strange new sensations in the normally stoic sun goddess and a resentful, overprotective sister that has laid an ultimatum: Put an end to her "interactions" with Twilight before she does.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 107 )

Dedicated to the IRC Chat Regulars. Not all shippings have to be mutual.

Fuck yes, you are a magical man and i love you.

This site needs more one-lane love.

Do I smell...(sniff, sniff), A FEATURE BAR?

Pinkie Pie: Nope, that's just your body odour

...it's a figure of speech...

Pinkie Pie: I know >:3

I don't know what to do....

I'll give this a pre-emptive thumbs up.

I liked it! I found some things that can be fixed:

"feeding the its flow of inhibitions"
"But the in private, they were much, much more."
" so much time to do things that the sun goddes" Misspelling.
"I find it... drat! what's the word? ...cute." Could be stylistic, but capitols!

"The situation was far more worse than". Thats like saying more better, or more best, or more worst. You shouldn't use more with worse.

Other than these things, it seemed entertaining. I gave it a thumbs up! Twilestia is bestia... Even if it ends in tragedy.

noice... don't see these too often, and if we do they eventually become reciprocated...

Damn, Luna laying down the law.

Oh, I daresay this could go quite poorly, and in fact merit the dark tag. Let the games begin.:moustache:

This feels like a trainwreck waiting to happen... favoriting! :pinkiehappy:

I feel like Luna declaring it "madness" might be a little too over the top. A crumpled page covered in love doodles is something you could find in any high school math notebook. Not saying it cannot be madness later, it just feels a little strong out the gate. That was the only story point that felt a little rough to me, otherwise it was good read.

Hmm interesting, but obsessed seems like too much of a conclusion. I mean it could be a crush after all. Seems a later harsh is what I am saying.

BUT, what that being said, I am looking forward to where this is going.

'A Guide to Ancient Canterlot Language - Volume IX' by Cunning Linguist .

"Secret, but fun!" Celestia teased.

I see what you did there. Huzzah!

:rainbowwild:

687454 Well written, although I spotted a few grammatical errors. :pinkiecrazy:

What kind of Freudian nightmare is approaching us.:pinkiegasp:

Great start for a story, although Luna's reaction to Twilight's "love doodles" is over the top and does need some further explanation in the following chapters.

Also the Cunning Liguist joke.:pinkiehappy: I've heard that before, but I think the idea came completely independent from these guys.

Absolute

Indescribable

Ultimate

What.

687454

Love you too.

Aaww Yeaah, I waited for this!
I really like this so far, I wonder how it aall wiill eeend!
Hopefully Twilight will be able to move on and have a healthy relationship with her mentor.

688536
689250

Er, Twilight refers to herself as both 'I' and 'you' on that page showing a split personality. :twilightoops:

ummm wasn't there spells on twi book to stop ponys form looking in it

Princess Cockblocker Luna of the Night.

Then again, Twilight is kind of unhealthily crazy.

690167

And that would mean something to the ruling sisters if there was?

okay Twi is obsessed with Princess Celestia and this is bad why exactly?

692185

Because if you pay the attention to her writing about her obsession (the not so innocent bit) you will see that she is writing like a crazy pony with a split personallity. Crazy Twi can be a bad thing. :twilightoops:

692512
actually I pay attention to this before I asked this question

Fixed spelling/grammar issues per requests and tweaked some of the dialogue to sound more organic. I guess Twilight's crazy journal entries didn't sound crazy enough either, so I made some major changes to those as well. Unless I missed anything else, this is going to be the final product for chapter one. Expect a dark tag worthy chapter 2 soon.

Looks like good, cataclysmic times will be had by all, looking forward to it! :pinkiehappy:

Yikes! Gruesome preview! Can't wait to see what's next!

:pinkiehappy:

"Secret, but fun!"

Oh my , i had to stop and giggle at that part.... :twilightsheepish: :facehoof:

If Luna knew that i doubt she would be that ready to go with a bitch mode plan on dealing with Twilight's obsession, and Celestia wouldnt let her, this might not be dangerous for them but for the rest of Canterlot it could.

Interesting concept, a shipping story that portrays a relationship where one of the parties must let the other down somehow. I think Vimbert did something like it eventually. I'm keeping an eye on this, but there's one big thing that worries me - the diary, and the 'obsessed' scrawling. It worries me because it seems like you're trying to justify why the relationship can't work, and to do so you run the risk of making Twilight go totally OCC. Do not go this route, it's artificial. Celestia simply not feeling the same way is reason enough for the relationship not to take off, Twilight doesn't need to be proven unfit in some grand gesture to get that message across.

I stopped reading like 5 times just to say 'Twilight, you act so stupid so times, you make the akwardness levels of mindfuck that you don't even need to be near someone, yet alone just a story, that has made me pause to cool down the akwardness.'

I'm little late on this, but special thanks to everyone who caught the sneak preview of chapter 2. If I wasn't my own worst critic, I'd actually be proud of my work. :pinkiecrazy:
Might do some more sneak peeks for later chapters, so follow my blog to get first notice.
*June 8th update*
-Made one more pass though Chapter1:"Sunday" and fixed any lingering spelling errors. If there's anything I missed, please PM me. Trying to get this beast in ship shape for a possible submission to Equestria Daily.
-Made a minor adjustment to one of my "easter egg" jokes. (first one to find it gets a muffin :derpyderp2:)
Expect Chapter2: "Monday" soon, very soon.

"Secret, but fun!" Celestia teased.:trollestia:

i will say this celestia if you dont want twi going mad or over the edge tha=en take things nice and slow. however luna is overreacting to the situation. soo... we'll see what happens see yer update monday:pinkiehappy:.

and twilight is now a stalker...i think that is grounds for arrest.

But that wont happen because Celestia apparently secretly wants it whilst Luna objects; being set in her old ways, i see a train wreeck in the future!

So was she... you know... in the shower? If so, then... dayum she's fast. :rainbowderp:

Obviously Celly should go get Cadence to talk to Twilight. :twilightsmile:

770759 if with fast you mean half a day, then yes, she's fast:pinkiehappy:

Oooh, that really lived up to the story's title, Twi. Spying on Celestia having shower fun? ... Well done.

772164
Ooooh, sorry! That comment was made around 5am before I slept, and I've been rather unwell lately. I got confused because I misinterpreted "She could imagine the unicorn there with her, watching her, feeling her. Celestia tried to emulate the mare's touch." then shortly afterwards Luna arrived at the door and Celestia was thinking "almost there... just a few more seconds..."

Or unless I'm still misinterpreting what you're saying, in which case I'm sorry and this story is so awesome that it fills my heart with joy to read each chapter. :rainbowkiss:

This is exactly what an actual relationship between them would be like.

A bit adorable, but really creepy. Yikes.

"It will never catch on." :trollestia:

Ha ha ha ha. Let's hope there would be very small amount of Dark here.

Scary Twilight is Scary indeed.

I feel like I need to clarify a few things about this story so everyone is on the same page. This is not, (I repeat) NOT a generic romcom shipfic where unicorns eat sunshine and fart rainbows in a conflict free atmosphere. Think of this as a mixture of the movies Obsessed, The Crush, Lolita, and a little bit of Natalie Portman from Léon thrown in for good measure. You see that dark tag up there? It's up there for a reason. Conflict, sexual tension, and les-yay are the main themes here.

As far as chapter 1 Luna goes, when isn't she over the top in canon? In this story, Luna is a bit more accustomed to modern day Equestria, (compared to Lunar Eclipsed) but is still old fashioned. She's still a bit socially awkward, mixing her "thy's" and "thou's" with her modern speak and goes into full "Canterlock" when she's overstimulated. Think of a foreign exchange student that's trying to be cool, but trying too hard since they still speak in broken english.

But anyway, thanks for everyone's interest. I never expected this to gain so much popularity in such a short amount of time as this is more popular than anything I've written thus far. Be sure to "watch" me, because I have a HUGE story around the corner when this ends. (If you go on FiM Chat, you know exactly what I'm talking about :ajsmug:)

Wow, Twilight is getting very obsessive of Celestia, I am kind of worried about what might happen.

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