• Member Since 5th May, 2012
  • offline last seen Jun 6th, 2013

Mevpone


E
Source

Luna visits Twilight late one night to seek her assistance with learning how to dance, and it sparks a series of events.

A story request by Systemfail.

Special thanks to Systemfail and Lunar Justice for their help and support!

Chapters (4)
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Comments ( 105 )

Dat cover pic. :pinkiehappy:

Jeez, last time I saw this shipping pair, it was in Romance Reports. Amirite?

'Luna already enjoying a bite-full of the muffin now in her hand.':facehoof:

Very good story, I love the way you ended it.

If you continue this, I will love you forever.

673928
It fit one of the scenes in my story perfectly. I just had to use it.

673967
EDIT: Wait... What? Each time I read this comment, it confuses me more and more.

673993
The fact that neither I nor my proofreaders caught that is shameful. I owe you one, you awesome person.

674011
Luckily for you, I already have big plans for Chapter 2. :pinkiehappy:

To be honest, OP, the cover photo is what brought me here. But what the hell, I'll add this to 'Read Later' just for kicks. Good luck.

The cover photo does imply clop. (When you messaged me it I was like :rainbowhuh: "Be this clop?"

(Keep it that way to troll cloppers? :rainbowlaugh:)

674035
Well the rating does say Everyone, and it did get approved by whatever moderator was on at the time, so I see no problem in keeping it this way. I don't see this turning into a clop anytime soon, though. Sorry, cloppers, maybe next time. :derpytongue2:

674047
I didn't expect you to be a clop writer. :rainbowkiss: That's why I like you :heart:

Don't get me wrong, if clop is part of a good story, that's fine... but I hate that "AND THEN THEY FUCKED" stuff.

674063
So you like me because you thought I wasn't one? Or because I might be one? :rainbowhuh:
And I know what you mean, haha. Some writers make these ponies out to be very... in season... all the time...

674087
I'm not a fan of people who turn every story in to clop. So, if anything, I prefer that there be no clop in any of my stories! If there is clop in a really good story I like then I'll suck it up and read it because then I'll be worrying over if I missed something important! :scootangel:

674092
That's dedication right there, haha! :rainbowlaugh:
I'll be sure to keep the romance stories and the clop stories separate for you. I don't see myself starting one anytime soon, but I'll likely give it a shot someday. As a novice writer I'm up to trying everything at least once.

674101
I know that feel. I got a good 6 people to ask me if my story was going to be clop.
I was tempted to make a chapter or so with it in there near the end, but I decided not to. I'm sure I'll try to write at least one story of every genre.

I'll make a special exception for you :ajsmug:

I'm feeling a lot better, and I'll be faithful to ya and pre-read your stories, clop or not :moustache:

My Checklist:
- Well written
- Comfortable dialogue
- Smattering of comedy
- Twilight in romance with princess, well its the wrong one but I guess everyone is prone to errors every now and again .

674107
Glad to hear you're feeling better!
674122
I'll be sure to fix this error in one of my future stories. :raritywink:

674122
TwiLuna is best ship.

I am a bit surprised at Twilight being scared of Luna when they meet at the library. Given what Twilight was doing in 'Luna Eclipsed', I thought she'd be a bit more at ease. I will admit ramming isn't her usual means of getting royal attention, though.

674221 Well the way I understood it, it was more: "Oh f***, I just disgraced royalty, please don't banish me" than it was "I just headbutted the former NMM, I'm dead"

674221 676332
My goal was to hint at Twilight's character flaw of worrying about things too much. I considered removing it because of the reason you brought up, but I also needed it to show she knew "ramming" a Princess was a degrading action. I appreciate the positive critizism, and will focus on making the points more clear in the future chapters.

676116
"Don't you worry, everypony! We'll be back with more soon!" :pinkiehappy:

Question: Can you rewrite this into a mature fic? You could do it easily. It'd be awesome o.o

Hmm...pacing seems to be all over the place, but that is true of many new authors. I mean, you've got Luna showing up in the second paragraph, and asking Twilight for dancing lessons before the 1000-word mark. You're forcing the relationship too much, slow down!

678205
I won't be experimenting with mature fics until I gain more experience and do some practice writing first. No one enjoys a bad mature fic. No one. :rainbowderp:

680661
Honestly, this was going to be a one-shot. Since then I've had so much support to continue it that I've decided to add a few more chapters. By the time I finish this story I'll have a new, bigger, slower paced story started for people to enjoy even more. Will it be another Twiluna? Depends on how much support this one gets, really. I'll have to take a poll of some sort.
Edit: You also have to account for the fact that the relationship between them (friendship wise) was already developed in the cartoon. She came to Twilight's for the specific reason of asking for her advice on how to dance in the modern day culture.
More Edit: Your criticism is appreciated, though. I'll try to slow down my pacing from now on. That will also help make my stories longer. :twilightsheepish:

681021 True enough. Although remember my words. This story has potential to be awesome. If you know what I mean :unsuresweetie:

67396
to be fair i dont think you could classify romance reports as a twiluna, it was everything BUT a twiluna, it's pretty much the only pairing that we didn't get in that one...

For a first fic, this looks really good! Truth be told I WAS expecting clop only from the pic like some others here did. So although this wasn't what I was really expecting, a nice little love story like this one to follow every once in a while is always nice. :rainbowkiss:
As iSmartMan said, the pacing was a bit too fast for my liking. If you plan to make this story a bit longer, do add some story between the second-to-last (is that how you spell it) and last part. That would help covering why Luna suddenly is so "happy to meet" Twilight again at the end and make the story a lot more engaging, I think. :raritywink:

685743
I probably really should change the cover. In all likely-hood, this story probably got more views simply because people were expecting a clop, but people enjoyed it none-the-less, so in the end it worked out. I'll put something new together though.
Also, thanks for the criticism. I'm learning a lot from you all, and I hope it shows in the next chapter. :twilightsheepish:

lol... where did you get that picture from? hmm? it looks kinda familiar ;)

i can see it's the same version as mine because photoshop for some unknown reason felt like toning down the colours a bit from the original picture :D
you know... you could just have asked if you were looking for the original picture? you can probably cut and past it better than i apparently could ;)

686101
I found it on google, haha. I later found your profile through searching on here long enough and was like... no way. And then you found me! Small world, bro.

686121
lol... really? nice one! XD small world, you say? pfff... its magic! twiluna unite! XD
anyway, trying to read your story, so be very very quite! :3

ah... now i got around to read it, it was pretty cute and pretty decent, i hope to see more.
and i liked how luna got a bit more cheerful personality... all those "gloomy" luna fics can get kinda tiresome -_- even if that kind of personality probably fits her better (at least to some extent), but rarity's personality kinda disappointed me a little, i know she's very dramatic and such. but she felt a little stupid to me here. but overall, good job so far, diff gonna "track" this ^_^

689821
Hmm... I hadn't considered Rarity's personality when I reviewed it afterwards, so that's something I'll definitely keep track of next time (as well as the other characters). My take on Luna is that she essentially has the mindset of a younger mare. Since she had spent so much time banished away and was thrown into a new culture, she's relearning a lot of concepts. This also gets expressed in chapter two, which hopefully will be published later today. Still reviewing it over. I'm making a serious attempt to try and become a better writer so that I can provide you all with better stories.

i think there should be more to this...but i loved it nonetheless

694138 Still working on chapter two. Should be done tonight, given my proofreader gets online later.

690073 meh... rarity just felt a bit out of place, thats all... i know shes over dramatic and there was nothing wrong with that, it just felt like she took a bit further than she would in the show and kinda made an ass of herself... thats all :P
and i'm fine with this version of luna, it gets a bit tiresome to read about gloomy gloomy doomed luna all the time -_- not that it isn't interesting, its just a bit much when its like in 9 out of 10 stories, you know? >_<
and no biggies about the writing, i'm mostly plot driven, so if the plot is decent i can get by most things :P but your english is way better than mine! and thats a plus XD
i have no other "complains" with this than i've already said, which is much less than i have given about other stories, which were just an insult to my eyes!

699792 Haha, nice. It might help to imagine that Rarity was up all night watching the CMCs and she's completely perturbed to start with. :twilightblush:

709074 Thanks, I'm glad you like it. I was a little worried about the way I executed it. I'm already noticing ways that I could improve my writing, which I believe is a good thing. My next story will be planned out a lot better.
And yes, the new cover was a much needed update, haha. Glad you like it as well. :twilightsmile:

709131 No problem ^^
Oh and one minor correction in Chapter 3. "Twilight eat the rest of her hay and headed over to her study." I believe "ate" instead of "eat" would make sense xD

709154 'Twas nothin! :moustache:
Oh and thanks for watching me =P

I cried. That was beautiful. The words were a bit sloppy here and there, but it still was just beautiful.

Woooh update!
This is frickin amazing :twilightsmile:
Also first :3:scootangel:

HAHAHAHAHA:rainbowlaugh:, rainbow didn't get in AJ's face, brilliant! Need to say it because I haven't ever before, I demand MOAR! I love the story, hope you get a feature.

Aha!! I read your new chapters and it seems that my judgment was right. Very well done Photo. CHEERS!! :yay:
Glad to see that it kept its Raw emotion im proud :twilightsmile:
-------------------------------
Lunar Justice

a double update? :pinkiegasp:
not even I've done that in a while. you sir just made my morning awesome

thats it... twilightXluna is now my favorite pairing....

TwiLuna :heart: is already the cutest thing around now, TwiLuna and dancing is so full of win :ajbemused: ahm plz continue :twilightsmile:

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