• Member Since 7th Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen Feb 26th, 2013

Skydragon


T
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Twilight travels to Canterlot to comfort Princess Luna. Thus she spends much time with the royal alicorn -- but not only in the living realm of Equestria. Strange dreams of the regal mare start to overtake her sleep, and soon Twilight realizes that the Princess is triggering feelings she has never felt before.

Can Twilight admit her emotions to Luna? If so, how? And then why is Luna turning into Nightmare Moon again?

Read and find out.
___

A/N: Fic is going to be a TwiLuna shipping (no clopfic).

Plus, the story may get dark/adventurous or sad, I'll add the categories when there is actually a part of that category in the actual story.

Chapters (5)
Comments ( 105 )

So, thanks for reading my story this far, hope you enjoyed it :twilightsmile:

'On the Precipice' is my first attempt on writing a fanfic, so any critic is much appreciated. Tell me what you think about it!

If you downrate it, that's ok for me I guess. But please give me your reason why you decided so. I'd like to learn from my mistakes.
And I know there is still not so much romance in it. I'd like to know my flaws before I continue to write, so that I can improve in the main romance part afterwards ;) .

Yeah, my native language isn't English, so if there are grammatical or any other mistakes, please post them, I'm going to fix them.

Thanks!

~ Skydragon

PS: A big thanks to Mazzyrazzy for proof-reading a part of my first two chapters and being so patient with me :twilightsheepish:
And another big thanks to quillsaga for helping me out with my story and the usual chitchat we have! You're awesome!^^

Go read their stories, too! You won't be disappointed - promise.

i WILL read this, soon, im such a sucker for TwiLuna :3
i'll try to give some constructive criticism when i've read it, but for now.. D3.

I am assuming what happened was a dream? I am confused!

In any case I am looking forward to seeing more chapters!

Not too bad grammatically!

704593 You have my interest. I will read it any any new chapters.

I'll try and give this a look tomorrow. Nothing like a bit of Twiluna.

704675
You'll know in the next chapter.
And thank you that you find my grammar not too bad :twilightsmile:

704683
Also, thank you! I'll do my best :twilightsheepish:

Woah. I am totally adding that to the favorites list to track closer. This is really good and I cannot wait to see what happens. I really want to know if the this chapter was just Twi dreaming or if Luna had cast some kind of dream magic.

This is beautiful. You have a way of explaining a moment so short feel so long, but in a good way.:twilightsmile:

I'm sorry, but I can't read this right now...i'm in too good a mood. I was going to, but then i saw the short description. the 'misunderstanding' thing is already overused but bearable if done right, but the through a letter part just tops it off. I will read this and i may enjoy it, but for now it's going in read later

UFB

Loved what I read, and can't wait for more :D

705193 705768 706092 Glad you enjoyed it!

705574 Thanks! I always try to make the scenes as imaginable as possible, though I'm not certain I can describe them well :twilightsheepish:

705896 I don't know if I understood your comment right, but if I did... well... who said that I was using a 'misunderstanding' thing containing a letter? :rainbowwild:

706247 you did. in the short description you get when you mouse over the story on the read later tab
'Luna falls in love with Twilight, but turns into NMM due to a huge misunderstanding through a letter'
that's what it says word for word.

706255 Snap. To be honest, I had an other intention when I was first working on the story... that's why this still stands in the short description. But it has definitely changed.

But now that you mention it, let me change it. I'm sorry I forgot about that.

706272 glad to help, and yeah. i had to change to description of crimson night four times while i wrote it

As of now, it feels like a generic TwiLuna shipfic, and don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with that, i Love! those kind of fics.
I just hope you throw in something to make it special.
tracked and thumbs up.
i want to see where this goes

706927 First of all: Thanks for taking your time and reading my story!

Well I have planned something I haven't seen before :raritywink:

As this is my first story, I won't promise too much, you know. But I'll try my best to really make the story differ from other ones - like you said, to make it special and enjoyable.

I'm liking it so far. There are a couple things you might want to address. First, and most obviously, this fic could really benefit from an editor. I might be able to help you out a bit, if I have time. If you're willing to wait a week or so, finals will be over for me, and then I'll definitely have time. I'm sure you'll get better at grammar stuff with practice.

Second, you seem to be hopping between third person limited and third person omniscient. Remember, if you're writing a story from a certain character's perspective, you're not allowed to have anyone else's thoughts presented without a scene break or something. You also hop between past and present tense a couple of times.

Third, things are moving a little fast shipping wise IMO. Make sure you don't rush it. Anyway, this story is definitely going somewhere interesting. Keep up the good work.

709908 YES! Finally a critic. I really appreciate it.

Well, if it's not too much trouble for you then, I'd gladly accept your offer. I'm definitely willing to wait. It's my first story obviously, and as a not native speaker it's not that easy to write flawlessly with the first attempt, even with some proof-reading.

The hopping between the 'third person limited' and 'third person omniscient' - I think I know what these two things are - But I wanted to make the story a bit more... like flexible?

Anyway, I have planned to build the shipping up slowly. If some stories are a bit rushed but well written, then it's okay, but I don't want to make mine like "Oh she is so cute while she is sleeping, I love her now!" You know what I mean? :twilightsheepish:

Welp, thanks again.

Now THIS shows great promise indeed. :twilightsmile:

709947
Well if you want to make the story "flexible" as you say, then try and stick to... a different view point per chapter, mayhaps?

However, I feel personally feel that third person omniscient suits this story better, but hey... it's up to you, depending on whether or not you want to describe both character's thoughts

Sorry if this doesn't really make any sense, it's ten to six in the morning over here and I haven't slept a wink, plus I'm typing this from my Vita.

All in all, it looks pretty promising and I'll give it a quick comb over in the evening, and tell you if there are really any specific grammatical errors or flaws in general which have not been pointed out.

Also, here's a hint: there are plenty of good guides for writing over on ponychan's /fic/. You can get a proofreader and editor there too.

Phew... :twilightsmile:

Liking it so far, really interesting and mysterious, the emotions really winded me up and I could feel the comfort, haha :).
Only noticed like 3 grammar mistakes, some spelling mistakes, as 'Levitaded' should be 'Levitated.' + 'What did just happen?' Should be 'What just happened?'
Loving it, keep on going. :twilightsmile:
709947
I so agree with slow shipping build ups, like After That Fateful Night took a pretty long time, but you can definitely catch how their emotions were building up until Twilight finally confessed her love. Glad to see another story like that.

Also, the point you made is so agreed with.

717078 Thank you!

I will correct the mistakes right away.

And I'm glad you like my story :twilightsmile:

"Oh and, my native language isn't English,"
Even before reading this I can tell it will be good, because you're the only non-English-native-speaking (Wow that was long. ^_^) person on the internet I've seen who doesn't write in English like a mentally handicapped drunk with his or her arms missing. I added you to my watch list. :3

727736 Thanks for your comment AND for adding me to your watch list :twilightsmile:
(I know I'm thanking everyone, but that's the least I can do, right? :pinkiehappy: )

It's great to get such positive feedback from all of you. I am pretty speechless right now.

Amazing. I'm looking forward to more. :twilightsmile:

Everybody else posted on chapter 3, what fun is that?
Really enjoying the story so far!

Well... i don't mind the gloomy self-hating version of luna, but your version of celestia reminds me to much of the version of celestia from the show, boring, dull, emotionless and kinda stupid... not that ur story is the problem... i'm just really bored with celestia and its a shame that you don't try to make her a little more... "likable" then she is in the original show, a missed opportunity if you ask me.

well... at least OCD twilight is... well... OCD twilight :P
though i was never a big fan of her over dramatic panic attacks... that seems more like rarity's thing.

3rd the charm they say? i guess they were right, lovely chapter.

Hey there! I just wanted to inform you about the progression of any further chapters. (No, I'm not cancelling the story, don't worry :twilightsheepish:)

As you probably know, my native language isn't English, so it is kind of... well not to say difficult, but it just makes it a bit harder to write what I want to write -- and most importantly: to do it well.
I have pretty much to do right now, therefore I only have time at the late evenings and the weekends to work on my story at the moment, so it'll take most likely 2-3 weeks to write a single chapter in the future.
I am aware of this is an indeed long time for a single chapter with approximately 2000 words, but hopefully you can understand it. I try to make the waiting worth for you!
As for the fourth chapter... well, I got the first half done. I'll try to use every free minute to work on it, but please forgive me that it may take another several days to finish it.

Until then
~Skydragon

at first i was confused at first thinking twilight was no longer asleep but i guess i will have to wait for the next chapter

Good, very good. Maybe a bit more... not detail, but information? Also, even if the chapters are shorter, if the chapters are released closer together, the reader will remember what happened previously instead of rereading the whole story.

awesome twiluna is my second favorite pairing and this is really well done. I'll defiantly be watching this for updates. :pinkiehappy:

Tuna Fic you say? I love Tuna! Track initiated!

This is very good, thought lacking in romance this chapters seems more like a set up chapter where you are giving more detail and info on the situation and the plot update soon.

I love this story, Twiluna is general is awesome but this just shows how good it can be. Liked and favourited, I'm also glad it got a featured spot instead of another comedy fic. (Not that they are bad or anything, they just always get the featured spots)

808424 Okay, I'll try my best. Thank you.

808705 I didn't want to start my story with a charakter who is already in love, I wanted to build it up. And these set-up chapters are quite a good practice for me, so that the romance chapters thereafter will be better then.

Don't worry, there won't be so much of the information-giving anymore. Soon, the romance shall begin :twilightsmile:

i think it's a good thing your not rushing the romance, I've read some fan-flicks which rushed the romance and most the time it's a bad story, the way your doing it we get to see how you make the characters and how and why they shored be together making it a better story. (note: i found yours is the best Luna x Twilight and I read a lot of them )

741045 Chapter 1 is best chapter.

But seriously, Luna Twi is my favorite pairing and I love the story so far. Keep it up

Abruptly a loud thud came from several feets behind her

1.bp.blogspot.com/_5zRe6SX4opg/Sm4YDrsK9yI/AAAAAAAAABU/HLZ78HhQrlY/s320/i-has-feets-reptile.jpg

Sorry, I just thought that was hilarious.

Listen dude, everything is perfect. Story wise, it's right where it should be. Nobody likes reading a fiction where the characters get together right in the beginning. I prefer to wait, let the anticipation build, ya know? So on that front it's totally fine.

On the other hoof, I could point out multiple instances where you messed up grammar or forgot a word or something. At some point, you said that English isn't your native language. That's impressive, considering that you did a better job than most people who grew up speaking and writing English. I know, I've seen and hundreds of fictions by now.

If you want me to post the mistakes, I will and try to explain the rules of such things to help you out. I think you, and this story, deserve it. :twilightsmile:

809896 Thanks! And I'd gladly accept! I will never turn down offered help. :twilightsmile:

But maybe you could do that in your last comment (you know, edit it and such), as 4 comments of the same person in a row are rather uncommon and sometimes not welcome^^. Thanks again.

yea no problem in waiting for something good :twilightsmile:

808637 Isn't it called Twiluna?

Anyways, nice story so far, albeit a few errors. But i will see where this leads.

810948
Yeah some call it that and some call it Tuna. But most call it Twilluna

Wow. Lots and lots of LUS. Also you have quite a lot of awkward phrasing such as
" "Now that you are here, and the guard which informed me you wanted to meet me here in two hours... oh, right. You wanted to meet me here. Well, that answers my question." The nightly princess paused. She inhaled, a scent of rose and other beautiful smells ran through her nostrils, deep into her lung, everything poured out with a long exhale. "But to answer yours, it would be approximately one hour and fourtyseven minutes." "
Until now I actually didn't even know what you were trying to say. Another problem I noticed is in dialog you would sometimes switch to incorrect tenses.

811905 I have no idea what 'LUS' are supposed to be, sry.

Yeah, you might be right. I'll try to make that sentence a bit clearer and more understandable.

As for the switching of tenses... well, my native language is not English. These mistakes just happen, and they will probably happen again. Sorry for that. I'm terrible at finding my own errors. So maybe you could point them out? Thanks in advance.

814205
LUS is Lavender Unicorn Syndrome. Its where you refer to a named character by some descriptor, such as 'the lavender unicorn' when referring to Twilight Sparkle. There's few reasons why you don't want to do that. Just scroll up a page and a half to the heading 'One name per character' on this link http://derpy.me/LQC9h .

814335 Okay I tried to fix the sentence of Luna you were talking about. It was clear to me when I wrote it, but now that you mention it, it was really a bit confusing. I hopefully avoid these errors of speech in the future.

The LUS-thing... well I didn't want to always write 'Twilight'. If Twilight is always referred to as just 'Twilight', it gets boring in my opinion.

Thanks for your comments btw :moustache:

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