Here lies the wistful delusions of the sleep addled mind. Actually wait, no, just me.
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Nightmare Night goes a little differently and leads into a spiraling staircase of events. the Night will forever be mixed with the scent of Lavender.
this is basically my old story Lavender Night, but revised and redone completely, only the basic story elements are there
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This is so good! I want more!
im so gonna read this later!
Whats this, twiluna? I approve of this.
Enjoyed reading the prologue, now I can't wait for the main event!
An excellent start, cant wait for more of this story it has really got my attention. Could be a bit more descriptive about the setting and the mood at certain times but so far so good, Keep it up :)
664265 this is a revision of my old story 'Lavender Night'. I realized i forgot the setting for the start but it's the same as the original, near the statue of Nightmare Moon before all the kids and stuff come
Feelings are a little fast going but overall I think it's a nice idea
664515 well this was one of my first romance fics to start me, I'm just revising it to make it readable
I saw that title and I was like twiluna!!!!!!!!!! Then I won the game
I understand :) just at parts like when Luna is taking to Celestia, you could have described the surrounds a little more to let the reader know what the characters are seeing, but i still think the story and general writing is good, like i said before keep it up and i cant wait for more :) 664389
664719 Same here, haha. I love Twiluna.
Looking really good so far. :)
664807 if you think about it certain things don't need to be described. at the palace, you knew they were in the palace and specifically in Luna's Quarters. that's all you really need, but if the setting is important I describe it rather well
Looking great so far. There is not enough Twiluna around. That you are adding more to this site is a truly wonderful thing. I hope to see more Twiluna stories and i will start with this one. Keep up the great work.
Please don't think I am trying to point out the negatives of your story, i was only suggesting little improvements that's all didn't mean to sound like i was doubting your work.
665165 I was just clarifying what I wrote, no offense taken
665121 i see it all the time, most of them are terrible though
Glad you understand :)
665420 Well, that's only some of them. Some are actually pretty good. Luna the Matchmaker is a great example of a good Twiluna. You should read it if you haven't already.
finally had a chance to read this... O GOD WHY WOULD YOU MAKE THIS INCREDIBLY AWKWARD FOR LUNA WHEN SHE FINDS OUT WHAT LOVE IS! Yes I have the first few chapters figured out, I hope...
665461i love that one!
665857 lol perhaps
667071 EVIL!
667148 all chapters are subject to change until they are uploaded. I like to let the readers have a say in what happens and suggest things., this is the reason I upload as i finish them instead of stockpiling them
Is quite good, I shall be watching!
667313 so you're saying that everypony that comments is essentially influencing what you write, IMAGINE WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF YOU DIDN'T DO THIS. Everything would be completely different!
Holy crap too much to think about ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
667406 exactly, of course major story elements can only be slightly influenced but if you go through the comments of crimson night you'll see what parts of the story came from you guys
i LOVE writing drunk pairings...so...fun
I liked it, but one suggestion. Take it easy with the ellipses. They have their uses, but not this frequently.
668893 I know, but the chapter would have needed to be broken into two without them and I would have had to come up with two pages of fillers, and that dries it out
Oh god, so many ellipses! I'm drowning!
668878yes it actually was fun
I love drunken ponies!
the morning after is gonna be...interesting....
Drunk pony, is best pony
I think an hangover is in place
The awkwardness in the next chapter will be interesting...
A little bit too fast in my opinion, but I can't blame you, it's yours to decide the pace, and well.. I still enjoy it! :D
Yesss and now Dark0592. Commence the shipping
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Lunar Justice
Yes and now commence awakening
great chapter ah would give ya more thumbs up but it seems the button is broken ah could only do it once
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Lunar Justice
...And nothing sexual or ackward happend that night
669493
I couldn't help but notice this...
“Princess Luna? What are you doing here?” Twilight asked.”...
Notice that extra quotation mark?
Oh god, I'm done after this, but then there's
...a tight fir for both of you...
Yay, drunk shipping! Its the best kind
Oh the possible aftermath of this is amusing to think about.
I love the drunk ponies, but you should do a read through for capitalization. Some words aren't capitalized that should be and vice versa, and it was a bit distracting. Otherwise quite enjoyable, and I can't wait for more
We know nothing sexual happened (unless you count kissing as sexual), but Twilight and Luna do not know that, and I doubt they will remember much of last night or how they got in bed with each other.
Pretty good, but Applejack's southern twang is a bit too thick, in my humble opinion.
I think I spoke about this once before, but I dislike drunk ponies- it just really tore me out of the story.
Anyway, the only constructive thing I have to say is that you have to go easier on Applejacks accent.
Try to only do the traditional Ah and lay off things like "thuh" and other heavy accented words.
It's easier to portray applejack in your head with subtle accenting than to read other peoples interpretation of her accent.
Also, mind your capitalization, there's a few 'Lavender and Friendship and You's in there.
Otherwise this is pretty decent, could use some more emotional insight and longer scenes, but it seems alright to me.
My writer's brain kicked in at the very last second with the drunk ponies part, and the scene played out like a video. I didn't stop laughing!
I recognize this because I myself accidentally do it... There are words in the story all over the place that shouldn't be capitalized. Other than that, it is wonderful. Please continue
Just a few small things to fix:
“Princess Luna? What are you doing here?” Twilight asked.”
There are three inverted commas.
I would too! But mr. and mrs. cake are off in Trottingham and technically I don't own Sugarcube Corner.” Pinkie admitted.
Needs some of dem capitalization on Mr. & Mrs Cake.
But besides that, methink me loves drunk ponies.
Keep the work up!
669066 They are both drunk, nither will remember.
669790
it's common for twilight to not remember, but what about luna...either way, they will wake up in the same bed, either one wakes first and makes her way out and then awkwardly pretends they did not sleep in the same bed all night or both wakes up at roughly the same time...awkward moment ensues...
Grats on getting Feature-box! Course, it is you, so...