As Twilight Sparkle kept studying about the wonders of friendship, she evidently came across love and romance. And soon after she had been studying these new aspects, she suddenly began to feel a wanting that her friends simply couldn't fill in her heart. So Twilight Sparkle decides to use a shape shifting spell to change her appearance to hide her real identity and travel to Canterlot to find somepony in the city's night life that she could try to have an anonymous romantic moment with. But she wasn't the only mare who had planned exactly the same thing at the exact same day, as the lunar princess had decided to do just the same. So they meet each other by change at a party. Unknown to either of them who the other mare really is and that the shape shifting spell they both use will only last until the first morning sun rise.
Archvile
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Chapters (3)
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two things why not get somone to proffread and someone else to com up with names
37907
I would love to know someone who would proff-read my stories. You know of any that would be interested?
And I wouldn't mind someone giving Luna and Twilight some decent cover names. You got any good ideas?
Well, here's a couple of ideas for cover names:
Twilight Sparkle -> Dawnchaser
Luna -> Shining Night
I don't know if that's what you're looking for, but it might give you or other people a starting point.
As for proofreading, I'd be happy to do that. I pride myself on my spelling & grammar, so you'd have nothing to worry about there...then again, yours so far has been quite good anyway, with only a few mistakes every now and again. It's a lot better than some of the fics I've seen. It's good enough that I think you'd find more benefit from someone giving you better sentence structure and helping your story flow rather than keeping an eye out purely for spelling.
And I like to see that you've tried. My sister is dyslexic, and she's well on the way to becoming a first-rate photographer, even with the horrible numbers with ISO and shutter speed and the like; I prefer it when people don't see dyslexia as an excuse, but as an obstacle to be overcome, like you've shown here. Keep it up.
This story is good, and I'm looking forward to more from you.
Very good. Short, sweet, simple, and a heart-warming ending to boot. I hardly saw any mistakes in this chapter, and those are the sort of mistakes I'd expect anyone to make. You show real talent for this, and I'd like to see you try something a little longer - perhaps 5-or-so chapters, 700-900 words each. Don't take that as a target, though; make it a guideline. Then again, you may as well just ignore that. I can't force you to write something you don't want to. It's your story; you write it the way you want to.
Anyway, you've shown it doesn't have to be long to work. A fine read, one I think anyone willing to give it a try would enjoy.
(Also, yes. I also indulge in ice-cream while reading romantic stories about fictional ponies. It is a refined taste, wouldn't you agree? Simply marvellous.)
haha..I also eat ice-cream while reading fiction
great story, ill be saving it to my favorites
38180 I EAT SOUP as a side note MUFFINNNNNNNNNNNNSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
38081
sorry about the late reply!
hmm... to be honest i really didn't have much thought about their cover names... i just wanted to write a fluffy story which was also why i skipped all the background story. But I had an idea that maybe they should have had oppressive names; like twilight should have some night time related name and luna have some... uhm... sparkle related name? xD
I thank you for your kind words! really! I had kind of expected getting a lot of stupid comments. As for the prof-reading I wouldn't turn down such an offer! especially because of all my friends and family I'm the one with the best English skills... so I can't really ask anyone for advise. and yes... sometimes I'm not very good at finding the right words to describe what I really want to say, but that is most likely because of my lack of English skills :)
well, being dyslexic really sucks, especially when you want to become write >_< and I also feel how it makes school work harder to understand for me, but no, I don't use it as an excuse, bur rather a weakness to overcome... somehow... but being dyslexic just makes things harder, it doesn't make one stupid ^_^ I give your sister my regards and wishes her best of luck, I myself want to become a game designer.
Thank you kindly, I'm already working on something new... well rather... more than one story really... but the first one I wrote the first chapter of before I did this one, so its spelling are even worse! I have to look it though it when I feel like counting it.
38090
Thank you kindly, and that might be because I had a lot more fun with it than I did the first... I guess :P or else I just found it easier to put together somehow...
I hope so ^_^
Oh, yes! Its like... uhm... lights on a birthday cake? :D
Short, simple, sweet, and pure.
Brushes away a tear.
I IS HAPPY NOW!
45510
Aww, thank you for your kind comment! *hugs*
37907 *proofread *come
37907 Also, *someone
I just couldn't read it with this (luna/twilight) thing...
copied it out and replaced the names on my pc >_<
54412
Yeah... sorry about that... I'm still trying to come up with some decent names for them so I can fix it :)
about two lines after reading the "the lovely night sky pure of skies" I stopped, looked back, and realised there was something that looked like a mistake. A mistake mostly made by people from Denmark (The Danish word "sky" means cloud in English - "himmel" being the word for sky). I then scrolled to the top of the page, double clicked the author name, and checked the bio: What do I find? he is a dane like me (though one who can actually write a good story, unlike me). Great story, by the way - 4.5 stars
On a side note, I noticed more spelling errors in this story than in the one with the mistletoe. The mistletoe being newest story, this means you have gotten better at rooting them out. Not saying this because of having a problem with it (I don't - My many random stray thoughts are more disruptive, especially when they give me inspiration for something - then I have to write a note about it before I can return to reading), merely to congratulate you. Either you make fewer mistakes, or they are harder to find. Probably both.
oh, and sorry if this seems like more of a comment to the author than to the story
76640
oh... i hadn't notice that and now that i look at it; it sounds really stupid... thanks for letting me know! i'll take down a note of it so i can fix it when i'll add some decent cover names for the story. hehe, takes a dane to know a dane ;)
i hope that i'm improving, but i used a rather flat language for my newest story which made it easier to write, so that might be it but i do think i've improved at least somewhat =)
no worries, as they say: all criticism is good criticism ;) and thanks for the kind words.
I finally got around to finishing this. So here's the comment:
Good story, though a little more build up would have been better, like what happened at the party, or why they chose to go all sneaky. Though the summary does at least tell us whats going on, it kind of does just jump right in. Pacing was good, and your spelling wasn't too bad, I personally only noticed 2 mistakes.
That said, keep up the good work, and find yourself a proof reader or 2 to help out with spelling.
I like your stories up till now (and I've read about half :D) still, the name switch it's really, really necessary to fully appreciate this story in my humblest opinion.
I would personally go with something like "Dawn" and "Selene" as per a not-so-subtle hint to the reader yet not devoid of it's own originality. also,I like how the story start at the end of the party, jumping into the story leaving the rest of the evening lingering in the mind of the reader!
slubby sex
Slubby? Do you mean 'sloppy'? Otherwise I've got no idea what that word could mean.
601294
Yeah sloppy... i'll go fix that xD
I strongly recommend listening to this while reading. it feels like the romance gets stronger.
http://youtubeonrepeat.com/watch/?v=PZZNDiU9ljw
dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Luna_lolface.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Twilight_Sparkle_lolface.png
dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Luna_apple.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Twilight_Sparkle.png
I can see the differences, especially the lack of [Twilight] and [Luna]
968558 yup, he gave them names... i could never come up with anything -_-
i like some spelling errors
'the soul purpose'
should be
'the sole purpose'
969378 oh my... haha epic fail XD
well in all fairness this was my very first fic... like... EVER!
but thanks nonetheless, i shall go fix that :3
969673
a spelling error is a epic fail for you?
damn i don't want to know what you think of some of the fics out there
969897 i have OCD and kind of a perfectionist, though i try really hard to ignore it! which is also why when i finish something i kinda just throw it in the bin and try not to think about it, or else i'll keep coming back trying to improve it a little without end... which would make me hardly never make something new! so yeah... everything i do wrong i consider an epic fail, but then again i expect inhuman things of myself :D
and true, there are some really bad fics out there... but i dunno... i just don't care for bad stories, i just move past them, but if they were mine? then i would probably try to rewrite them a bit... like i'm doing with some of my unfinished stories, but when they are done i'll try my best to never look at them again :)
968558
WHERE DID YOU GET THE PRECIOUS??? *cough* I mean, where did you find those Luna Icons?
1013584 You mean these: dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Luna_lolface.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Luna_apple.png ?
Just a greasemonkey (firefox addon) script that adds lotsa stuff, here's the link: http://userscripts.org/scripts/show/131623
Thanks.
Such a sweet story. TwiLuna is definitely one of my favorite ships. However...
I think you mean sheer. Also, there were several minor things like hyphenating foreleg and using 1000 instead of spelling it out, but nothing too glaring. Overall, it was a good story.
1013991
Thanks for that. Now I just need to learn how to work it.
1051656 oh... this fic is the very first i ever wrote, so its full of flaws... i had once considered redoing it with 4 chapters or such but like all my other stories, when i'm done with a story i don't really care much about it afterwards :|
but i'll go fix what you mentioned, thanks.
While this will not remain in my favorites, I was using the favorites to track it, I did like it.
It's only real problems that I noticed were the spelling errors and the name bit.
But names are hard to come up with dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Twilight_Sparkle.png
twinkle shine and starry skies . . . that's my candidate for the side names.
1656018 when i'm gonna edit it (and make it into a one-shot) i'll consider those names, thanks :)
D’awww cute and pure. Love it.
Btw i would love to help with proof reading if u still need somone as English is my first language.
I always feel stupid posting comments, as I always feel like there is ONE detail i missed that just makes my comment look stupid :P
It’s funny, this ( or at least the original version of this) is one of the classics that helped get me hooked on twiluna.
It’s aged, sure. But it was still a good, enjoyable read for me