• Member Since 21st Nov, 2011
  • offline last seen Dec 7th, 2019

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War is approaching Equestria and the Celestial sisters' ponydom is doomed to fall. So Luna and Celestia must travel to the capital of the ponysty ruled by the dark sovereign empress Nightmare Moon, in an attempt to avoid a war that they can never hope to survive. But upon their arrival the empress forces them into a dynastic marriage, or else she'll destroy their ponydom and enslave all of their subjects.

Chapters (4)
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Comments ( 44 )

It's really not that bad, in my opinion. The idea is quite intriguing, and even though the spelling and grammar aren't perfect it's still a solid start. Congratulations. :twilightsmile:

This is rather intresting, I'm liking the relationship that Twilight and Nightmare Moon have here, I can only wonder how it came to be so strong yet so brittle at the same time.

Oh I like this, dark techno Nighmare Moon.... and once passed the typos, the reading is pretty comfortable as well. You dont get hung up on things, just keep the writing rolling.
And hey, after all the other stories I've read on FiMfiction, this is the one that finaly made me sign up for an acount, so you've defonitly got something started!

Aww, poor Celestia was trying so hard to keep things serious there at the begining. This is lovely, by the way, possible TwiLuna AND Nightmare Moon nabbs Celestia? It's like an early christmass presant!
Wonder what's got Twilight so distracted, though? Hmm... well, good chapter, awaiting the next one happily!

47089
Working on it :)
47270
Well, I'm not one to spoil so you'll just have to read the next chapter when its done :D
47969
Thank you kindly, and well, I kind of wanted to write my stories a little more angst like, but I just can't bring myself to write and write and keep the story going little to no where, that is simply to boring for me to write, but I like reading romance stories like that, I just can't write em xD
49149
Yeah, poor Celestia haven't quite meet a mare like Nightmare Moon xD what does a control-freak do when they meet another? :3
Twilight is a troubled little pony in my story, but you'll find out soon enough what I mean by that!

Well that answeres my question about Twilight's relationship with Nightmare, poor girl I don't know what would be more devistating to be used like that or to have no real perpus in life. Vengence is a bitter drink that somehow leave you far more empty then before you first sample it.

52738
*nom nom nom* (eating aebleskriver (a danish xmas treat))
Yeah, vengeance is a double edge sword, particularly when it makes up for most of ones life. Its a cruel mistress : / Nut no worries! Luna'll fix Twilights broken heart! I swear it! :3
But nonetheless, I hope my story hasn't disappointed you so far. I still hate the first chapter with all of my guts! >_<
And sorry about the pause thing, I hope I'll get back to this story fast, but I really want to write a cute Xmas story before Xmas <3

No worries real life comes first and that christmas story sounds like it could be intresting as well.

Even though I've been getting chatty here at FIMfiction I don't really think I should given that i don't right fics myself, as you can tell my spelling and grammer isn't the best and when i do write I get so hypercritical of my own work that it ends up deleted like so much spam.

Tis a interesting concept I approve although there are mistakes its ok

Really enjoyable chapter, Necrodemis is the WH40k reference and Romulan Ale is the super secret Star Trek Reference. So do I get a prize... maybe a new chapter :pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:.

I Look forward to chapter 5, it'll be awesome I'm sure.:trollestia:

77784
You are correct :3 and for your gift I'm working on it, but sadly I have promised a bunch of people that I'll finish my Xmas / new year thing first... currently working on that... hopefully it will be finished soon so I can carry on with my (at least to me) interest stories.

currently doing a bit of rewriting of chapter 1 and then I'm gonna patch up chapter 2 and then I'll see if I can finished chapter 5.
this story has been missing some loving and I feel like doing something for it before I'll go rewrite DwEw ^__^

Well knowing your doing re-writes and I already enjoy this story I have no choice but to re-read it :twilightsmile:. I'll give it a few days and begin my re-read of one of my Favourite Stories :heart:

is the hiatus tag coming of soon? i want more, why does all my favorites end up on hiatus or just simply being a one-shot that the author promises to continue one day :fluttercry:

still; that does mean it is not really dead right? as you will be rewriting it? and on that subject i would also like to ask what would be diffrent in the new story?

312806
Yes and no. This version of the story is sadly dead. I began to do some heavy editing on it because there was some stuff I felt like was missing to make a deeper plot but it became a nightmare to edit and took much longer than to just write a new chapter plus some of the things I wanted to put into the story would change sudden elements of the story so much that it would be impossible to simply edit.
The rewritten version of this story will be given a new name and as for what will be different about the story is just that it will be written a bit better as I have become a bit better of a writer and all of the characters will have a deeper background story to them, which should give the reader a better understanding of their actions that I never got to explore in this story because I never made it beyond 4 (the story was suppose to be 7 or 8 chapters long and I also considered making an alternative ending as well). Also I hadn't preplanned a lot of what I was going to do with the story, which would result in some major plot holes later on.
So when I get around to rewrite the story I promise it will be better than this :) but sadly I have no idea when that will happen, I will probably finish 'The Demon Goddess' before I get back to this story, so it may take a while before I get around to rewrite it, sadly :( but this story was my love child so I will definitely do it justice in the future!

oki, is the new story going to retain the same concept (luna and NMM being seperate beings and twilight being on NMM's "side")?
still, whatever the case may be i still look forward to the new one (and frankly any other of your stories aswell), take your time and make them awesome :pinkiehappy:

313106
Same story, just better :P and thanks for your support <3

great, im really looking forward to it now! and no problem :twilightsmile:

well I think it is a very good fic, but I hate to put my favorite characters in situations Bulgares "I was a WHORE! OKAY?!” Twilight cried out with a broken heart stunning the other mare by the out of nowhere snap. “I was a slave who was rented out for use…” I mean this, not get me wrong it's just that is a bit unpleasant, yet still a good fic

873629 well... that was the point... my rewrite of this story was/is going to be called "no life is perfect" which would include a sad past for all the characters in the story and yet they should find happiness in each other at the end, but if i'm ever going to make that rewrite? i dunno... maybe i'll see if i can try to add it to this one when i begin to edit it and also finish the next 2 chapters of it (that is around half done). and thanks for the comment :3

Ok potential new reader here. 1.2 is the edited and rewritten version while 1 is the original or?

1260035 *break fingers*
v1 is the original version
v1.x is still the original version but with some fixed grammars and spelling
v1.x.0 are edited versions (which sometimes also needs some grammar / spelling fixes)
v2 is with some different story elements, i'm currently editing the entire story into v2 and when i'm done with that i'll be updating it along with 2 new chapters that i'm working on, on the sideline.

I hope that answers your question :)

1260094
Sure, thanks. Will probably wait for this to be completed (is on my read later list now anyway).

But all i see are either 1 or 1.x (being 2) :rainbowlaugh: and will see v2

1260109
then just wait for the next chapter because it will be uploaded alongside the entire editing (ch1-4 v2).

1263628

i meant the whole story. Waiting for it to be complete before reading it.

Dont want to get hooked on a great story just to wait forever for it to update (or never like some :fluttercry:)

1263634 I know what you mean :/ but i would really have liked the comments in-between chapters as those feeds my will to write.

1264485

Ok ill see what i can do, first ill clean some finished stories that i watch. :pinkiesmile:

I guess this is TwiLuna shipping what is meh for me, but CelestiaMoon thats a interesting one :rainbowkiss:

1264488
/salute
well not every ship is in everyone's taste and i respect that and yes celestia and NMM should make for an interesting ship, i haven't seen to many of those around and i'll probably ship them again in another story.

1264849

Yay, and i dont mind twiluna, but i just LOVE Twilestia so Twi is bound to Celestia by fate :pinkiecrazy:

:rainbowlaugh:

Also TwiLunEstia Moon isnt so bad either, maybe that could work in this story since they're all different entities? :rainbowkiss::rainbowwild::rainbowlaugh:


Moved from read later to fave, will read the first 3 chapters then and maybe the 4th to see what will be different from edits (saving it now on my comp for that )

Ok lets start, English isn't my first language so i will probably have some things wrong too but here it is:

The Lunar and Solar princesses’ escort where making its way through the lands now ruled by the dark empress Nightmare Moon, the apparently one and only ruler of the ponysty.

>were

They had been requested by her empress

Her Imperial Majesty is the style of addressing a Empress (or HIM for short)

Celestia had heard several rumors about how the empress was running her ponysty into the ground by her heavy focus on military and running the once fertile land

I guess you wanted to say ruining the once fertile land?

she wanted all to be at peace with each other though understanding, respect, friendship and of cause love

>of course

They firmly believed to live in harmony with nature and to achieve peace though understanding, respect, friendship and of cause love.

>of course

Just they had taught all of their subjects that they should.

>Just as they

The use of the word Regent to describe NMM, a regent is someone ruling in the absence or in the name of the monarch (because he is unable to or is a minor). The monarch is still the ruler but the Regent is the one making the decisions. So she is either the Empress or the Regent ruling in the name of the Emperor/Empress because of some reason.

But maybe you mean " Empress Regnant", that yeah would be the proper term to use for an Empress that rules herself, not through her husband as ann Emperor.

Lunar had never heard too much about the ponysty and its ruler

>Luna , i guess since it would be more appropriate to assume that the narrator is thinking about the leader of the "ponydom" knowing about it rather then referring to the nation (what i doubt is the name of the nation since L and C rule together?)

this must was the empress’s famous ‘eternal darkness’ as it had been dubbed, so even though that it was in the middle of the day, here, it was always night.

> either "must be" or "was"
>it was , without the "that"

As they entered the city and the iron wall closed behind them Luna began to wonder, but afraid to ask.

>but was afraid

being lit up by strange globs of light

I think globes would be more fitting then globs

one of them came flying pass them

>past them

he had not heard anypony talk to her so disrespecting in ages

>disrespectful

wonders of sience

>science

as they finally arrived the celestial sisters were made with yet another sight to behold

maybe "were given yet another sight to behold"

looking down into a deep hole which the bottom could not be seen

>deep hole of which the bottom

unless one could see it from beyond the ozone layer no pony could would ever be able to see its top, and as for the bottom?

added a comma and used bold on it here, easy to see. And striked through what i think is unnecessary

Celestia looked around while Luna still gazed upon the wonderers sight

>wondrous

she couldn’t see any entrance to this place at all That there was no entrance into the citadel

Add a dot after "place at all" and delete the rest since its unnecessary.

...the captain told her that there was no way into the citadel beside though the use of magic...

>through , you forgot the r

facing the mighty iron throne of the sovereign regent empress of the entire ponysty

>empress regnant

1269554 thanks a lot for all the feedback, i'll definitely use it for my editing, or at least for those parts that'll stay in the story.

2263677 when i've finished two of my other stories :)

Just curious, What are you working on right now? The most recent thing I could find was late last year.
Oh, Really liking the story, by the way.:pinkiehappy:

2961611 Hello, currently I'm not working on anything, I'm currently taking some insane courses to get my last needed grades for my bachelor, when i'm done with those i'll probably have a 2 weeks time with nothing to do beside waiting for my bachelor to start, there i hope to do some writing and i'll probably finish off "twiluna and the invid" because it just annoys me that i haven't done that which should have been something i finished within a month or so when i started on it (which didn't happen), but for this story? well, this was the first thing i started on and my ideas for it have really escalated so there will be a MAJOR editing of this story. but i'm glad you like it and i hope you'll stay around for me to patch it up and continue on it after wards, but sadly i'm pressed for time and i have too many unfinished works on this site i really want to finish, believe it or not but this story will probably be like 11 chapters long when finished (maybe, not sure), so there is still some way to go with this one.

2962501 Alright cool, just seeing if you were still there.:rainbowwild: :pinkiehappy:

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