I'm a brony that loves FIM, hoping to publish a few books someday so hope you enjoy my ever improving writting. ^^ If you would like to support me https://www.patreon.com/Codyhiggins?ty=h
Twilight Sparkle and princess Luna confesses their love for each other.
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This is my first romance fanfic, and a long overdo trade with DolphinBuster over at DA also the image is by Eirrinnn at DA too thanks for letting me use it, well DolphinBuster so sorry for the long wait hope you enjoy this. All characters are (C) to the Hub and Hasbro.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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2125356
Thank you. ^^; This was my first romance fic so might be a bit before I write another.
Good story I like it
P.s. maybe you can read my story my day in ponyville
Good story, but the grammar made me cringe. I would suggest an editor in order to help with this problem.
The concept that you have written is good, but you definitely need to work on grammar.
In the first part of the story you continuously switched between past and present tense
Just a small example:
In this you are in past tense with was then you switch to present tense with gets and back to past tense with was.
You should definitely keep writing though as you can only get better, also as The Writer of Fate said get an editor.
2127863
Um would you mind saying "why" that's a error and why I need to fix it? Seems just fine too me?
a sweet little story but I suggest you get a pre-reader.
2130479 This is a problem because, while it is grammatically correct, writing in this way can confuse the reader as to tense, it breaks up the flow, and lowers readability. Overall, this is something to avoid. My advice is, use thoughts as a conduit in that instance. Have Twilight think; "Luna really is a nice mare, we should hang out more" (Though I really can't see Twilight saying that exactly. She always struck me more as a person who "spends time with" her friends)
Besides that, this fic really could benefit from some drawing out. If you planned it a bit more, possibly added another, previous dream sequence, it would add a bit of context to the story, and we would appreciate it more.
I don't understand Luna's hesitation though. I mean, she's practically seen that Twilight likes her in her dreams, so why the fear of rejection? But eh. If it floats your boat.
Lovely story!