• Member Since 17th Mar, 2013
  • offline last seen March 28th

TimeLord_Whooves


Just a guy who loves to read and write. Creator of Luna's Grand Equestrian Archive and reviewer for Random Romance.

T

Princess Luna made a very good friend last Nightmare Night, now she fears that she's begun having feelings for her. Should she act on them and risk losing her invaluable friend or should she hide them away at the expense of her own happiness?

Chapters (11)
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Comments ( 67 )

Twiluna .... Mother of Celestia, it's another Twiluna ship .... MOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!:flutterrage:

I like it so far, the ponies feel in character and I liked the interaction between Luna and Celestia
There's one small thing that bugs me though: Twilight saying she doesn't like fiction; while in the show she's a fan of the Daring Doo books (which are hardly non-fiction) and even owns them. (this might be a personal thing though, seeing as how I personally am a lot like her and am a total fiction addict)

Overall, nice story, please write more.

2521148 i feel you there :fluttershbad:the fictions just wont let me sleep:fluttershbad:

2521357 I know, right.
And then there's the authors, who all seem to agree that 3 am is the perfect time for updating fics. :facehoof:
(I personally think it's an agreement they all signed or something )
~N

2521148 I only said she prefers non-fiction, not that she dislikes all fiction, but still I can see the confusion :twilightblush:

2521783 Oh, I see, thanks for clarifying :twilightsmile:
~N

I need MOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEE:flutterrage:

well... i've never been much of a fan of "love at first sight" i like that stuff to simmer and take some time, but i'll see where you'll go with this.

It is so far a good fic, i just am interested to see when the dinner happens. Though Luna isn't as shy as you are making her, she more naive due to her tome away. that said i still cant wait to read another chapter :rainbowdetermined2:

it's kind of rushed, you should try to more develop Luna's feelings and add little descriptive elements/details when this isn't the case, which will make the story more realistic.
Lack of description is use when you want to create a sentiment of apprehension and let the imagination of the reader run free ( it's very useful with horror stories), or when description isn't necessary because the passage is concentrated on the character's feelings or thoughts, which is your case here.
You're not oblige to write long descriptions of the place or list all the characters actions, but add details based on the five senses, for example
you can specify the way the piece is light, the smell of the pudding (it's "royal" pudding after all! it should be delicious), the noise of the cutlery...

O my gooooooooooooooooooooodness it an update to reeeeeeaaaaaaaadddddiiiiinnnnnngggggg and i still took the time to right a comment:rainbowhuh:

Ok I'm done and can think critically on the matter. Well it was a little weak, but I still enjoyed it immensely. I enjoy the way you wrote Luna and Celestia. When Celestia made that outburst it seemed a little out of character, but the way you explained it made perfect sense to me. It could have had more detail more in depth detail regarding her emotions and some more description would have been great. I loved the part were you mentioned Luna's dreams of Twilight, but more detail would have made it come alive really. Luna's feelings during Celestias outburst would have been just magic. All in All I can't wait for the next one. If you need a proofreader happyowl seems to know what he is talking about. :heart::heart::heart: out of 5. Good considering it is early in the fic.

2543430>>2543917 Thank you both, I am going to rewrite when I have the chance, and actually have a burst of creative genius... (I really just wrote it in like twenty minutes, more because I felt I needed to get a chapter out than I actually had any idea where I was going with it... :rainbowderp:)
It made a good baseline on how the chapter should be though. :twilightsmile:

Comment posted by icw42297 deleted May 7th, 2013

Luna is WAY to childish for my taste in this...

Made some changes to chapter three, I feel that it's a bit stronger now.

I will read over chapter 3 again, but I liked how you went back and did a prologue of nightmare night from Luna's point of view. It was very strong to say the least and it was nice you didn't bore with a whole story since we get a good feel of what they did together (even with the changes you made) from the episode and you will be developing the relationship later in other chapters.:heart::heart::heart:

re-read chapter 3 and it was much better, terrific job.:pinkiehappy:

D'aw poor Luna! I'm sure it'll all work out >.<

Hopefully, Twilight can explain her tardiness to Luna.

I loved it. Everything was really well written and that one part "After the kitchens she ran up to make sure the spare guest room was prepared for Twilight, just in case things didn’t go well or if she just wanted her own room for the night." I got what you did there:rainbowlaugh:

2579040
Why, whatever do you mean? :trixieshiftright::trixieshiftleft::trixieshiftright:
I honestly didn't see it that way while I was writing it. :rainbowderp:

I love you so much in a strictly platonic way for updating this.


Added to my favorites list

Comment posted by JeanieOwen42 deleted Jun 1st, 2013

Nicely written! I love the angsty "what if she doesn't like me back" that you have Luna feeling. And fate conspires to add some drama to a maybe date, please keep going!

Good Chapter! I find the way you wrote their relationship a lot different then how other fics have it. Yours being more casually starting and others making twilight very doormat like. The one problem I have is near the beginning

Oh, Twilight Sparkle, you’re very late. Luna already gave up on you showing up.

I think the two ups in the second sentence could be written a little more creatively. I think it would help with the flow. For example,

Oh, Twilight Sparkle, you're very late. Luna has already lost hope on you showing up.

Also 'gave' might need to be 'given'.
:twilightsmile:

2686074 oh yes thank you for that :twilightblush: it does look a little awkward doesn't it
That's a bit better now I think

Luna: Want to double the fun~?
Twilight: ...
Luna: Soooo~?
Twilight: Fine...
:facehoof:

I like this MOAR. I must see where this goes...

Shy Luna is cutest Luna! Love this story more and more:pinkiehappy::yay::raritywink:.

Ok now you have my Interest. Still it feels a little bit rushed here and there but I can overlook this thanks to this Adorable shy Luna.

3048410
Yes, I know it's a bit rushed in places but I plan on cleaning it up when I can, I'm actually going to be getting ready to move by next month so I won't be doing any writing until I'm settled into my new place.

3048441
Hi. No problem it takes time to short things like this out, and you've got a lot better with the pressing compared to your previous chapters. So take your time with that Story and get settled into you're new home. :twilightsmile:

Apparently this story is on airplane mode... Thank you all for 727 views!

Something suspicious is afoot, a decidedly possibly evil scheme

Aw! Pl's inner thoughts are so cute! :twilightblush:... good god I'm glad that none of My friends can see this and recognize it as me other wise they're going to give me another lesson in guy speak and start questioning me if I'm gay or not again! Ugh! Oh by the way author person I expect to see some lesbionic hot and steamy lemonny action! :heart:

With all the peeps I know who've ever had love at first sight it's never ended well. But this IS your story so you can manipulate it however you want! Also if I offended any homosexual people with My last review then you have My deepest oppalogy I just hate having My sexual preferences questioned repeatedly by people who know I'm straight.

I need more! Give me more then I burn down your home.
Assistant: Don't you mean or?
Aw yes what I'm I saying! Give me more OR I burn your home to the ground!
Yes I think that's right! But then again you never know I might just burn your home down for the hell of it! :pinkiehappy: jk

Lol this is great! :heart::heart::heart:

I think I died a little on the inside for PL. And don't think I didn't catch that innuendo you slipped in there timey:pinkiehappy: after all I'm insane enough to be ocd about every little detail.

Lol great chapter! Though for soe reason I have the ever so suspicious feeling that fluttershy was behind the shinnanigins with the train tracks and that she herself is crushing on TS. Am I looking at apotential love triangle or what? :trixieshiftright:

Lol! I love lesbians! Awesome chapter! And thank you for feeding My addiction! :raritystarry:

They're so cute! :twilightsheepish:

I'm confused did TS fall to her death or didn't she? Also next chapter please!:pinkiesmile:

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