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*Furtively opens jacket* "Hey kid...want to snuggle some ponies?"



Everyone knows that Russia is shifty at best and about as reliable as back alley surgery. I mean, that's been a given in our world since Ivan the Terrible was around. Unfortunately, the Princesses of Equestria haven't exactly learned this lesson, and have left themselves terribly open to a cyber attack launched by the Russian Federation.

But what exactly is Putin after?

Currently relevant, absurd pony political satire. Teen for hidden innuendos.
A number of links are provided in-story at relevant points. Be warned, a significant amount of political flaming (biased against everyone equally) within.

EDIT: Featured 1/2/17! Thanks so much!

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 264 )

Alright, I'll bite.

That ending.... Oh man. You're a madman, sir, and I salute you.

Gotta get to an off-duty gig, Flagged for later


Princess Celestia covered her muzzle with a hoof as she thought. “No good. The damage to our reputations has already been done. What did the incoming President say?”
Twilight looked at her phone again and raised an eyebrow. “Well, he didn’t respond to my message, but he did post a ‘tweet’.” She read it and frowned deeply. “I-it doesn’t contain anything worthwhile.”
Princess Celestia bit her lip. “Come on, Twilight! Read it! We need every scrap of advice we can get!”
Twilight groaned and cleared her throat. “Okay. Okay. He wrote, ‘Dopey Princess Twilight Sparkle just wrote to ask me for advice. She is deluded, and not cute at all. Sad!’ ...It has 250 thousand likes...”

I need more Trump tweets!

Estee #6 · Jan 2nd, 2017 · · 8 ·

Anyone who upvotes this story is a liberal traitor and will be executed accordingly on the 21st of January along with every other liberal, moderate, "conservative of principles", non-Caucasian, non-Christian, every female who believes they are allowed to think for themselves, and anyone making less than $100,000 per year. Only when 97% of this nation's populace is culled as the animals they are can America be a pure nation again. Kill all liberals. Kill all the children of liberals. Kill all who associate with liberals. Kill all who do not support the killing. Kill until America is reborn. Kill. Kill. Kill.

If you're a paid Russian troll, upvote this comment.


what the heck your problem.....

Estee #9 · Jan 2nd, 2017 · · 1 ·


Russia pays $0.001 per discourse-destroying extremist comment, regardless of where it's posted or how little it has to do with the subject material.

I make $19,821 per month.

Russian here.

I laughed my ass off at this :rainbowlaugh:

However... let me tell you something.

*inhales deeply*


No, seriously. Just PM me what you originally meant in English (Google Translate fucked it up so badly that I can't even do an attempt at reverse translation) and I'll give you the correct Russian translation. Bilingual Bonus works only when executed properly.

All was going according to plan.


It all goes according to plan alright :trollestia:


7837740 I figured the translations were off since it would screw up the grammar when I translated back to English.
I'll send you what I need translated when I have computer access. Thanks for the offer :)

This is fucking hilarious. I even love how you included links to articles on the leaked emails. This is fucking golden.

Vladimir Putin, President of the Russian Federation, sat on Canterlot Castle’s balcony and stared across the table with his cold, KGB-trained eyes, appraising Twilight and Celestia.

Obviously this is a Western Spy posing as Putin. Real Putin would be Slav Squatting.

That was really good.

7837670 What the actual fuck...

This is wonderful. Putin workin' his strat. Dat satire.

Estee #16 · Jan 2nd, 2017 · · 5 ·

So this is now in the non-Mature version of the Feature Box.

Estimated time until we get a tweet from the President-Elect denouncing all of FIMFic while claiming he knows more about the true story than the author: twenty minutes.

(Which is a little weird when you consider that Twilight's a known Republican speechwriter.)

Yes, I know that's in the actual story, but it sort of bore repeating.

I didn't even read it, and I already love it.


Read the spoiler. Satire.

Well that was a thing.
That was certainly a thing...

“What? No! Why does everypony keep saying I did that?” Twilight’s phone let out a brief ringing noise, and she glanced down at it. “Oh, no...He just tweeted again. ‘Goofy Princess Twilight wrote a speech for Melania and still lies about it. Dishonest! What a loser!’ ...I don’t get it! It’s almost 4am where he is! Why is he still tweeting!?”


I look forward to the 20th

This was fucking amazing.

Russia is hacking everything nowadays it seems. Putin must wonder about that himself.
"Shit! I've never been so powerful before! What the freaking hell happened?!?"

No. No this was not a thing that had to happen.

Я сейчас прочитал редкостную ересь. :pinkiecrazy:
Google translate can be really silly sometimes.

Ah, Google translate, we meet again.
Прикольный рассказик получился, уважаю брат. :pinkiehappy:

7838006 That's not what I was referring to. I was referring to Comment #6

So somehow the comments section isn't a political shitstorm. Fimfic, you surprise me once again.

This is fantastic :rainbowlaugh:

Look at this man. Try and tell me this guy wouldn't get all the Equestrian mares.

Don't worry, I've played enough Counter Strike to know real Russian.


True One: Russia is the only great country, Putin is the real world leader, and I must know the rest of his magnanimous Plan! -starts to put a gallon of unknown vodka down his throat while lifts a T-90 tank with his free arm and two Russian babes start to seductively climb to his crotch, all, of course, wearing military camouflaged pants and barechested-

Hope somebody out there hadn't seen this yet))

What does CS:GO Russian Players Say?

4our #35 · Jan 2nd, 2017 · · ·

10 russian electronic hooligans out of 10

I'm still waiting for the US gov to release all of this so called evidence that Russia has actually hacked the US election. It's literally the same as the statements of weapons of mass destruction in the middle east. I'd like a little more than reassurance from the corrupt Dems, Reps, and the media. Oh wait, there is no evidence, and we're being lied to on a massive scale with boogeyman propaganda. All this shit is a distraction from the blatantly fucked up emails attained from wikileaks that show how corrupt our government officials are, how Bernie was denied his rightful place as the Democratic nominee, and the evidence that members of the DNC are dirtbags.

Comment posted by Jarkes deleted Jan 4th, 2017
Comment posted by Jarkes deleted Jan 4th, 2017

Rush B (on bear, of course!)! :flutterrage: Дятел шизанутый! :pinkiecrazy:

The worst part about this is that I taught myself how to read cyrilic a while ago but still don't actually know any Slavic Languages. So I know what is being said phonetically by you guys...but not what it means :(

I did get to put my seven years of German education to work on my World War 2 story though. ;)

You may want to take back the claim that voting machines can't be hacked because they aren't connected to the internet.

7837670 Killed the 21st of January you say? Bitch please, I have more firearms than the entirety of Soviet Russia did. Not a big number to reach, but still.


7838475 You speak heresy, by the power invested in me by Emperor Trump of the Republican Empire, I hereby sentence you to 666 hours of community service.

7838515 I never said that no one hacked into the DNC's database, I'm saying that the Russian government is not responsible, and it's just a distraction. John Podesta was the victim of a phishing scam, and the Dnc is riddled with insiders. Most of the emails are going into wikileaks via these methods, and guccifer is obviously one of the hackers responsible. I was also talking about the rhetoric that the media uses about "election hacking". They most definitely didn't hack the "election", let alone the DNC. It was un-associated hacking groups responsible for getting the emails of the DNC. And don't act like I don't know who Julian Assange is

:rainbowhuh: Don't know if this is the most stupidest or genius thing I have ever seen... keep up the good work :heart:

7838587 I'd rather go to prison so I can suck a big dick

A. You people are far too paranoid about Russia.

Filthy Rich won the presidency and there's nothing Harsh Winny and her voters can do about it. Filthy Rich will be Ponyville's new mayor and the Demotrot Party and the rest of Equestria' is going to have to suck it down slow for the next 4 years. Princess Kektsia wills it.

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