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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Lil repetition there early on - "He mused on how ponies today compared to their ancestors. As he trotted through the group, he couldn't help but compare how the ponies compared to their nomadic ancestors."
Also - YAY! New chapter!
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Whoops, thought I fixed that on the final pass. I'll clean that up.
Wonder what the Red Empress saw that made her believe the cosmos are ordered. I suspect confirmation bias, given that she's the 'Aspect of Order'.
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Tis true, sometimes you see what you want to see. And sometimes you see things that are contrasting enough that you believe your reasons have more validity.
Good, good...
Yeah, angry nightmare's don't sound pleasant.
Yay new chapter!!!
YES!!! the day i make my fimfiction account simply to comment on your story, YOU COME OUT WITH A NEW CHAPTER! EEEEEEEEE
thanks for the update
Another great chapter, Indigo! Can`t wait for more!
I am excited for more talks with the Red Empress. She seems to be nice, but I can't help but wonder if her time in the void has twisted her mind a bit. And hopefully Nightmare Moon's silence can be broken before talks with the Red Empress begin, she could prove a valuable asset if the Empress becomes violent.
Another thing, I'm not sure if I've said it before but I love how this story has character progression. SO many fics has characters that essentially stay the same mentally, throughout the entire fic. However Star has grown a TREMENDOUS amount since the first few chapters. It really is quite impressive.
Anyways, can't wait for the next chapter!
Hypogryphs are telepathic? Dayhm... StarStep is getting into so much freaky stuff, and he can't even hope for pleasant dreams anymore. White-feather Alexander continues to be a baws. He could be the main character of his own saga and I would read the out of that.
Yippee, new chapter! Can't wait for the next one.
awesome work, as always. lets just hope the next one doesnt take 56 years!
My opinion of this chapter:
2.bp.blogspot.com/-z9D2ojLQDn0/T2DGJ8PTetI/AAAAAAAAAUI/o4WLKrpEtRM/s1600/I+approve.jpg
I get the feeling that Star will not sleep well tonight. And nice Majora Mask reference at the start.
static.fjcdn.com/pictures/Well+played+indeed_e4a395_4915796.jpg i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/307755776/h83CE9218/
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Star is an example of Trial by Fire growth. His dedication to Luna gives him a strong core to rely on when shit gets bad. Light is growing a little too.
Eleven thousand words... Too short.
Ahh well, this is the perfect thing to come home to after a grueling work day filled with mud and cam nets. I'm tired, sore, frustrated, and now content in the fact that I just had 11000 words worth of awesomeness delivered unto me.
Thank you Indigo, for you make good stories.
YES! new chapter to my favourite story, you do not disappoint good sir. I only hope the next one doesn't take long :)
Looking forward to more.
Keep up the good work. Deus tecum.
...magic...wings...alright, unless I missed something, there's no way for Luna to touch Starstep's wings with magic, even for pleasure, is there? That line confused me...
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Huh... Well shit. I was just giving them a moment of affection and wasn't even thinking about his current resistance. She can touch the feathers, but the magic slides off, like water. So, there IS touching involved, and she could pet the feathers, but it would be a light feeling. Bugger all, I was just going with the moment. Gonna have to think about this.
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Alrightly, adjusted her magic to his wing-bases where there is still fur before the feathers actually start. I'll have to remember this little issue for future intimacy between them. Sorry for the confusion.
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Nah, I'll never just quit the story. It was just a combination of a lot of issues and things. Perfect storm of delays. I am sorry for the wait. Still, I do hope the nice sized chapter helps make up for it.
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Too short? Perhaps too long, lol. No one is really talking about the things in the chapter. Too much info to process?
Still, glad the story made your day a little better.
Would it be spoilerish or otherwise detrimental to the story to hear about your world-building rules?
4214995 For me personally, It's not about too much to process, its that I am just waaaay to sleep fucked to be able to give you a meaningful chapter review...
If you want though, I could give you half assed commentary on how I enjoyed the disparity between how the two camps treat PWs, or the fact that I enjoyed the life lesson taught by Luna to Star. It is after all, a lesson that NCOs and OFficers must learn. Fuck, I'm still learning that I can't sacrifice too much for my troops, even if I really really want to.
Honestly, the less I say, the better I think you did on the story. Seems counter intuitive, I know, but still. I'm weird like that.
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It really depends on if you want to know specifics or in general.
For example, my rules I go by for the races, Pony/Griffon/etc have mostly been touched on already and easily clarified.
For characters like Nightmare and the other Aspects, I can't tell a lot yet without being spoilery. That said, I take time to think of each major character's strengths and weaknesses and how it relates to the world as a whole. My world building really hinges on trying to keep things logical yet interesting. I try very hard to avoid Deus Ex Machinas and link prior events into solutions for a problem, like Star's burn wings vs. Copper in the mines. The pieces are there, I just have to fit them together when the time is right. Nightmare, Scoots, the dragon in the mines that most of you have forgotten about. Puzzle pieces, all of it. Almost nothing in this story is without a purpose, small or large.
4214967 It's alright, I figured it was an oversight since normally it applies to healing/combat :P
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Feel free to review when your mind is working again, haha. But seriously, I love reading thoughts, theories, comments. It helps me see what worked, what didn't, what you may or may not have caught.
Your comment about Luna's life lesson on leading, that means a lot to me. It means that what I'm trying to say resonates with others in similar situations. And for the record, I did serve in the Air Force, so I do have some military background. It gives me a little bit to work with and add a touch of realism to the story.
Also, it's nice that you notice the disparity between the PWs treatment. Now, think about if their roles were swapped. Griffon with the ponies and Hippogryph with the Ally-griffs. The treatment would probably be the same, would the prisoner's responses change?
i just had a thought... idk if it was mentioned above cause its late and reading all those comments would be ... well you get me. but if linking two aspects together would kill the hippogryph what is nightmare considered? cause if her spirit is in star does she count? cause if so you got a dead prisioner ;) and the vow will be broken all in a few moments ......so yea that could happen kinda want it to lolz.
This chapter was very excellent and I also look forward to learning more about the empress and the 'aspects' she speaks of when referring to herself and the two royal sisters. Also squire dawn just sounds adorable xD
Interesting... A Majora's Mask reference... Are we to take it they have 42 hours left now? And the Proverbial Moon Fall is the impending attack?
Anyways! Yay! Update! When I got the email I rushed home to read it! I'm excited! This has fleshed out really well! *does a dance* I can't wait for more~! Also, I don't know if you're interested but this is what I ended up listening to on repeat while reading this! Because of the Zelda reference.
Times End
4216232 First line I read
I knew instantly what it was from and it is an interesting reference to add in my opinion... 3 days before the end unless you change the fate if I am correct?
Hang on just a pony picking minute
I think I know when they are going to attack...
Another good chapter as always, and as always I look forwards to reading more
Very good job there, Eclipse! very nice chapter.
Goodness, 72hours until the Moon's Fall?
This does not bode well.
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Note that Kreesha did say two "living" aspects, but yeah, Nightmare and Dawn are at least gonna throw a wrench in things.
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Star and Light know about the countdown because of Dawn's vision. Unfortunately they can't tell anyone that's how they know. Hence the interrogations. If just one of the Prisoners tells them about the attack, the pair can let others know without risking Nightmare's discovery. So unless fate is changed, the moon is falling.
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Squire Sunshine? aka Sunny? You said Dawn, but she can't exactly carry a sword.
4216665 that is what I meant and it is adorable cause she can't yet xD and oversized armor
Awwwwwyis. Worldbuilding~! I'm curious to find out how this "Link" With the Emperess is going to work, and just why having a chat through Kreesha with the Princesses would kill her. Another note, I love the whole Russian theme you've got going with the griffons. I always pictured them as such, but given we've only seen 3 in the show, with only one Brooklyn jerk-butt, weeeeelllll. Anyhow, nice job!
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For some reasons, I always considered griffins coming from northern and eastern Europe mythology. I might be wrong, but I blame the Ren. Fests and all the coat-of-arms with griffins. That said, wait till you meet the ponies of Stalliongrad. They are straight-up Russian types with similar military tactics.
As for the 'link' with Kreesha. I can explain as simply this. Kreesha acts as a bridge, a center-point for others to link. Think of her head as neutral ground for two parties to speak. Aspects; Tia, Luna, Cadance, Fala, etc, draw their power from their particular affinity. One conduit of power in your head is manageable, double that and you're likely to burn-out the mind of the bridge. Because Dawn and Nightmare are not currently alive, their power projection is much lower than the other Aspects. Just something to keep in mind.
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Well shit will hit the fan soon bye the looks of it.
Dawn of the second day. 48 hours remain.
Note it is going to rain. Today
I don't know which is more disturbing: The griffon, who promises such pain and delights in the suffering of "lesser species," or the hippogriff, who speaks so plainly and calmly, almost politely, because she is so sure of conquest and believes what she is doing is right.
Squire Sunshine would be epic. I vote for this to happen. Would be good for Light, too.
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And that is the beauty of the contrast. One follows his base nature, the other follows blindly. While some may call the Griffon evil in his desire to hurt others, he does come from a predator species. And in some respects, he is more in the right because he is true to himself. The other believes in a just idea but never questions it.
Notice a running theme in my story?
As for Squire Sunshine... Need some fan-work with her in an oversized helm being a silly filly.
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Good god, man! Are you trying to beetus us to death?!
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Only a little...
'Squire Sunny tilted her head cutely, the slightly over-sized helm tipping down, covering one eye as she stuck her tongue out, an embarrassed blush on her white cheeks. The little painted pony had a lot of growing up to do.'
In the meantime *Shakes angry fist at the wave of down-votes*. Seriously, they be irritating me by not leaving a comment as to why they don't like the story. Everytime I post a new chapter I get a burst of em.
OC/main character romance. People hate it relentlessly. More so because I'm willin to bet they only read the new chapter and have no clue what's going on.
That, and people are stupid.
*piece said, falls ded from beetus*
I was having a pretty terrible day. Then I saw this and now my life is OK again!
Thoroughly enjoyed this chapter. Keep up the good work Indigo. I was beyond excited when I recieved the email for the chapter update. Anyway, looking forward to the next chapter.
Yo dude, fucking awesome you never cease to please, and the intimacy was very welcomed at the end, dissapointed that we gotta wait for the talk with nightmare though. Oh well, something to look forward to. I was also impressed with how you've been fitting more recent episodes into the storyline, very sly. I know you had to pull that out your ass, but when you did it came out clean. And worked in your favor in strengthening positions for characters. And does this mean you are making twilicorn canon to your story? (it could actually work in your favor considering that the sister's have been off the throne for so long and Cadance has her own kingdom to run as well.
Also one more important question... Do you consider the IDW comics cannon towards your story? (Barring the Lunar saga of course, though it was good its hard to make that cannon in anyones universe let alone the actual show.) But yeah some interesting and potentially humorous tidbits you might want to consider... such as Discord was made an official Cutie Mark Crusader (I know you said you were planning on bringing him up sometime after exodus) There is also a comic about Luna attempting to run the day for a day. And one more important thing is the new story arch their doing in the series involving Celestia traveling to a alternate moral flipped universe (King Sombra is good, and celestia and luna evil kinda thing) which hints that she may have fallen in love with the alternate universe Sombra when she traveled there with star swirl the bearded, of course thats just speculation and im looking forward to the release of the next comic sometime later this month. Anyways some minor side plot points you may consider
4217533 Meh it happens as your story gains popularity just think of it as proof that your doin a good job, cuz your attracting the attention of people who wouldnt normally read this kind of story. And the reason is usually cuz for some reason people tend to hate oc's or having oc's shipped with their favorite princess cuz then they get jealous.
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Yeah. Those that have taken the time to state why they didn't enjoy the story have a bit of respect from me. In some cases, it was a matter of tastes, and I'm completely okay with that. But yeah, there are probably some who mark it because it uses an OC. And, considering the number of really poor or just badly written OCs, some bias against them is understandable. I just wish these down-voters would read for a while and then decide. Ah well.
As for the comics, I've been reading them since they started. Lotta good ones in there. The Luna comic was fantastic, I think I might bring her opossum pet into this story for fun. Just a little minor thing. I thought about including the Nightmarity lore, and in some ways, it's still valid with Nightmare in this story, as she is a spirit and bits of her linger about. Not sure on Discord yet. I'll see when I get that far.
As for Twilicorn... eeeehhhhhh I dunno. Nothing against her, but it's not an easy thing to work into the story at this stage. This story was started mid-season 2 after all. Before her brother and the crystal empire and all that. I just wove that stuff in as I went along. I just feel like Twilicorn might throw a bit of a wrench into her role as Cheerilee's future wife.