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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Interesting, I expected him to give up the feather and Luna would understand. This is a pleasant surprise.
I thought he was going to give up the feather and Luna would be angry causing the next plot problem.
972962
Indeed it is
Dawwwwww.....
973016>>972962
Haha...HAhahah.HHAhahaah...*rolls about* MUahhahahahahaha
The foundation is laid, the frame-work is built. The players are assembled. Let the tears be the glue of the walls in this house of cards. The stage his soul laid bare. And so it begins...
There were so many things that could've gone wrong in this chapter, but it all turned out better than expected.
Boy, this probably means more drama is coming.
973115 so translated "everything is ready for the real fun the begin"
973144
Indeed. Think of it as a roller-coaster. The higher you go on the first hill, the steeper the drop and the faster the plummet. Oh, you'll scream and your belly will clutch at the free-fall, but you'll love it after the fact.
I'm really glad he didn't give up the feather.
Well Steel Hoof again defied my expectations, and to be honest I didn't think I would find the guy who has Sweetie Belle indebted to him (and offered to make her a pleasure pony) so interesting, especially this hobby of collecting rare items (I would love to know how he got one of Celestia's slippers) finally his parting words with Star mean we'll get to see him again. I'm actually looking forward to it,I have a soft spot for Info Brokers (he does remind me a little of Izaya Orihara from Durarara!!)
I was also surprised to see the whole 'tell Luna I've slept with two other ponies' plan went better than expected, Luna really is an understanding mare and it's clear she wants for things to work out with Star, so she's willing to be flexible (so long as she remains his number one of course).
Finally we have the faintest glimmer of hope for poor Sweetie Belle, and now that the other two CMCs are about to find out what's been happening. Do I detect a possible Cutie Mark Crusader Reunion on our hooves?
(why is the only Apple Bloom one we have her crying?)
Alrighty then!
Okay, a few things (and I hate to be the grammar Nazi or anything)
'...reviled in the dusk till dawn...'
I think you were going for reveled there. Reviled means kinda the opposite.
and 'dragged' works better than 'drug'. Sorry to seem the arrogant guy who cares only about grammar >.<
Other than a few things like that, This was a great chapter. Looking forward to the next one
Your portrayal of Luna's character is excellent. I can never fault the way you develop her character and her relationship with starstep, I feel it to be very befitting of her personality. It can be somethign of a challenge to get her character just right since we see her in only one episode. You've got everypony's character right to a tee. I've loved every chapter of this story so far and look forward to seeing more
Lovely, Lovely, Lovely. Everything is going so smoothly. Easy cruising on this road....hmm...now to see when we will hit a pothole. Hope none spills their drink.
He didn't give up the feather? I'm curious how Luna will judge his choice of her symbol of affection over Sweetie's position in life once she finds out.
Also: Band Melee. This needs to happen somewhere, somehow.
Definitely not surprised with Star's choice, albeit a very difficult one. Continue to love how each new chapter answers our questions to the previous one while giving us more and more to look forward to. Seems we haven't seen the last of Don Steelhoof hm?
975026
Don Steelhoof, is one of those types who enjoys collecting valuable things. Even information can be of priceless. He's also the type who twists things to his advantage, but like another pony stated, he can't rock the boat too hard with violence. He is in a city filled with Royal Guards. Just don't screw him over.
974239
Glad you're enjoying my portrayal of Luna. While we may only have one official episode with her. We have enough background to mold into a personality. She's lived many lifetimes, probably had many loves over those years, and loves her sister. She's seen wars, conflicts, peace and so on. The episode let us see she has a little pranking streak and a mercurial personality. Also, she's easily disheartened when she feels ponies fear/ignore her. A flaw that led to NMM. She's slightly envious of the praise and love her sister receives. So, as a writer, there's plenty to work with, if you mold it carefully.
976047
hah, no, you said "He seems to be a nice guy." If he was nice, he'd give Sweetie more lee-way. He's a business pony through and through. But glad you're enjoying the crime boss. He has more parts to play.
976047
Why not tell you that about Steelhoof?
This is quite possibly my favorite fan fic out of every other I've read. It has Luna, and the story is excellent to say the least.
Awesome. The ending to the last chapter kept me up all night with the worry that he would give away the feather. It seems like it's all working out now, but I have a feeling that devious mind of yours will make somepony screw-up either way.
Pip said hands instead of hooves
1041320
Fixed, thanks for the catch.
Chapter 23-24 comment: I would have thought that the contest not giving them their prize bits would be an illegal breach of contract, thus something they could bring up at one of the Courts. I highly doubt the Princesses are under the influence of the music industry.
WAFFLES!!!!!!!!!!!!
SUPER SMASH BROS. BAND MELEE!
I am so glad that Star didn't relinquish the feather... (no offence to other writers that would have taken that approach) but it just seems too damned cliche if he would have...(and I don't think Luna would have taken too kindly to it being that she is still kind of an old fashioned pony) I mean if the love of your life who happened to be a goddess and also the ruler of your nation gave you a piece of her body to wear as a sign of affection (i know that sounds weird in retrospect but a feather will grow back, not meaning like dismemberment) would you trade it for the world? HELL NO. Star and Light are smart ponies, they would definitely be able to come up with some way to raise the money for SB if they don't win the Battle. (now I know I'm commenting in the middle of the story, but I couldn't pass it up. Hoping that the feather never leaves Stars possession)
Star needs to learn how to turn his swagger off or one day he is going to wake up covered in mares.
2974583
Hah, don't worry, it never gets like that. He simply has a close friendship with the CMC.
I love the story.
But my god what a one sided relationship.
I mean really. She could probably rape him and he has no say, but he can't even hug her without asking?
Hoping the chapter with romance involving Luna shows up soon.
3162016
haha, yeah, Luna holds all the cards. But have faith, their bond will grow.
Wait. Steel hoof has a bullet in his collection. HOW WOULD HE HAVE A FUCKING BULLET!?
4059873
He could tell you, but you wouldn't like his price.
Let's just say, a guard for the Magic-Mirror-Portal owed Steelhoof a favor.
No it's not!
Dude! Your friend is in soul crushing trouble and you won't give up a feather to help her out?
Ok, yes. It's from Princess Luna and it's a symbol of your relationship. I get that.
But there is one rule I live by that I made perfectly clear to both my ex and my current girlfriend, and it's quite simple:
"My friends come first."
I will not choose between you and them. There is no competition. If you try and make me choose, it's over. I will break off ties with you and walk away.
And I don't care if you get to sleep with the princess, this rule should still apply.
Friends come first. Period.
4205271
At this point in the story, Star is pretty determined not to buck-up with Luna again. There's also the fact that Steelhoof is a shady pony with a lot of underground business dealings. Star couldn't know why Steel wanted the feather, but he had a gut feeling it'd bite him in the rump later.
That aside, he's not abandoning Sweetie, he just think there's another way to help. Money is something that can be fixed and it's not like Steel is trying to leverage Sweetie into doing anything morally corrupt or illegal. He's learning that there are often other solutions to a problem. Read on, he pays a price for his friend one way or another.
I get what you're saying though.
4061947 But the "Magic Mirror Portal" took the ponies to a weird, multi-coloured, everyone loves everyone version of earth. I SERIOUSLY doubt that they'd need guns, therefore Steelhoof couldn't have gotten the bullet from there.
4236725 this still confuzzles me.
4607052 oh Hey! static.fjcdn.com/pictures/Tactical_cb4375_213920.jpg somepony's gotta do it, no?
973243 Try a launched coaster! Or, you know, a powered coaster! Also, static.fjcdn.com/pictures/Tactical_cb4375_213920.jpg
StarStep you dense motherbucker! Ask if there's anything special about a freaking alicorn feather! I bet their is aside from it just being cool! Hence why it would be so valuable! There's got to be more to it than just a feather.
Somehow I think this arc would be much shorter if he just carted her off to a lawyer to declare bankruptcy, assuming that the contact was legitimate enough that she couldn't get out of it in a court. This is literally the exact reason it exists.
8556180
Exactly what I was thinking. If you're drowning in debt with no way to get out of it, bankruptcy is a good option. It's not as bad as most people make it out to be.