• Member Since 12th Feb, 2012
  • offline last seen 15 hours ago

Void Chicken


I wrote a horse story once.

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When Rainbow Dash needs somepony to pretend to be her date for a social occasion, the choice is obvious. When she develops feelings for that friend, things aren't so simple. But Rainbow might find her inexperience ending their new relationship before it begins.

Edited by R5h and Space Jazz
Special thanks to Tailspin and Flareshard
Cover art by ShiroPoint

Chapters (11)
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Comments ( 42 )

Well, I'll stay tuned. I love a good Raridash fic :raritywink:

In the picture, why does Rarity have a lionlike tail?

Man there has been a drought of decent ship fics on here, thanks for this

7848713 It's how my cover artist prefers to draw unicorn tails. Unicorns were drawn in classical art with cloven hooves and lion tails, after all.

yesyesyesyesyesyes
cutecutecutecutecute
Have you come to cure the world of its drought of Raridash multichapters? With the lovely Space Jazz editing to boot? Eeeee!

...Typical Rainbow.

Well, at least Rainbow didn't ask Spike for advice since he has the most experience having a crush on Rarity.

That was nice of Rarity to give Rainbow a checklist for how to get ready for a date.

Comment posted by Sidotsy deleted Jan 21st, 2017
Comment posted by Sidotsy deleted Jan 21st, 2017

I like how Rainbow identified her feeling right off the bat. Gotta feel sorry for the embarrassment she's no doubt feeling when she asked Rarity out so gracelessly, though.

Anyway - this is great. The little moments, like the snowball fight, and Dash convincing Rarity to ditch the event, and the dog race, are all sublime, the character voices are spot on, and I genuinely care about how your versions of the characters will wind up. They're both sweet ponies, even with their quirks and anxieties. One more great chapter like this and you might earn a favourite from me.

Why didn't you link to Flareshard's profile?

7897252 Flare's a friend of mine from another site. She doesn't have a profile anywhere I can really link to, but I still wanted to give her credit for helping me out with the story.

Praise be the Void Chicken, the Void Chicken provides horsewords.

This was sweet.

The Spike thing shows a lot of potential. Poor dude is gonna need to get over Rarity, but it's not gonna be easy for him.

Rather enjoyed Rainbow on the sewing machine, too. I bet she got it done faster than expected. The relationship between Rainbow and Rarity remains lovely, and it keeps that sort of mutual respect in spite of differences which makes their interactions in the show so lovely.

So Rainbow was raised by a single father, huh? That seems to be a headcanon which has gained a lot of traction. Makes sense that she wouldn't think much of it, though, since she's never experienced otherwise.

The whole "Citizen Canine" deal has me conflicted between applauding the reference to one of my favourite movies and groaning at the pun.

Another great chapter!

Uh... huh. Well, this was uneventful.

IT IS MADE OF CLOUD! IT CAN FLOAT ANYWHERE!
Simply move the god damn cloud house closer to/above the boutique.
Use it as advertising and storage space for Rainbows belongings.
Build a little cloud bridge from it down to the ground for rarity to use when she wants.

Noooooo!!! Stupid weather!!!!

Man, I'd forgotten how delightfully concise your style could be. You managed to do in 30k words what most authors would need 60k or even 100k words to do, without feeling like important things were cut out. I loved following along Rainbow and Rarity's journey every step of the way, and you really made it feel like we were along for the whole ride. Maybe a few scenes could have been fleshed out more to better develop why they love each other so much (although I suppose the mystery of it is also somewhat deliberate), but overall this was a very enjoyable read and I was surprised when I finished that I had only 30k words instead of thrice that number (in a good way).

Oh yea, this one tickled my fancy.

Everypony knows this,she thought,

Everypony, Rainbow? :rainbowhuh:

Scootaloo knows this. Fluttershy knows this.She paused.Pound Cake knows this.

Oh. I would've thought she was joking, but then she mentioned the Cake Twins.... :twilightoops::rainbowlaugh:

What?” Rainbow shifted closer to Rarity. “My babe Rarity is mymarefriend.” Out of the corner of her eye, Rainbow could see her stiffen up. “I don’t know what made you think I was bringing a colt.”

Okay, yep, I actually would've stupidly had Dash make a very UN-Rainbow Dash response here. Good thing you're writing this.

Comment posted by Wahtiff deleted Jan 3rd, 2018

In the stands, Rarity swallowed her bite of pastry puff. "I think the Welsh corgi's going to take this one.

The WHAT corgi, Rares? :rainbowlaugh:

Rainbow waved a hoof. "Get a balloon. Have Twilight cast that cloudwalk spell on you. Oh, and no outfit."

A real romantic would've carried her up to the hou- wait, my bad, this is Dash- in a state of adorable unpreparedness- that we're talking about.

Suddenly, Fluttershy spun to face Rainbow, opened her wings, and shoved her hoof into Rainbow's front.

"Don't you ever do that again!

But the fandom....! :fluttercry::applecry::ajsleepy:

Well...that just happened.

Fluttershy is such a pal, knowing Rainbow well enough to only speak when she knows it's necessary. Also; 10/10 Pinkie Pie you've written here :rainbowlaugh:

Ok, you can't have a Shiba Inu and not name it Taromaru. If ever there was an amazing show with plot twists....

It would be cool of you wrote a little side story about how Spike feels through the whole ordeal of Rainbow and Rarity getting together and then getting married.

Aww no after party? It's like the end to cod ghosts like it feels like there should be a little more but I still loved the whole thing. This story is one of my favs.

Good prose, good hook, good first chapter. I enjoy that they haven't fallen all over each other yet.

Also this

Princesses ascended, empires rose and fell, ponykind was destroyed and remade. Further eons passed before Golden finished his lecture and the room emptied like a dam breaking.

Gave me a chuckle.

You know, I was going to suggest maybe having Rainbow live in denial a little longer and maybe draw out her asking Rarity out longer too, but honestly, that's what every other story might have done. Beating around the bush wouldn've added anything. Good stuff.

Also

Rainbow gave her best dramatic gasp. "You're breaking up with me?"

"Rainbow, we weren't actually together."

"So what we had was all a big lie?"

Rarity smirked. "It just wasn't working between us."

Rainbow got off the seat, dropped to the ground, and clutched at Rarity's hooves. "I can change, babe! You know I can!"

"It's not you, dearie, it's me." Rarity placed her hoof on Rainbow's forehead and pushed her away.

Rainbow climbed back onto the seat next to Rarity, suppressing a laugh. "Come on, Rarity, give me one more chance."

"I think we should just be friends." She covered her mouth. Her body rocked slightly.

Rainbow burst into laughter. "Then I never"—she paused to get some air—"want to see your face ever again!"

"I'll be glad to see you leave!" Rarity joined her friend’s mirth.

"You're an awful kisser!" Rainbow draped herself across Rarity, unable to control herself. The pair laughed all the way back to Ponyville.

This is adorable. That is all.

Minor complaint.

So, Rarity, your parents were nice last week." It would have to do.

"Hm? Oh, yes, Mom and Dad took quite the liking to you. I imagined that you'd get along well." Already her voice sounded more pleasant.

I would have liked to see that rather than just hear about it.

Realistic argument. Though could have used a touch more build-up.

All in all very cute and delivered what I came for.

Again my only real complaint is how fast everything seems to happen, there's several long time skips, not a lot of build up. Now this is very clearly your intention, and if I'm being honest I don't know if drawing stuff out would have made it better. But I did feel like there was stuff I missed out on that would have been nice to see.

Irregardless, that doesn't make this a bad story. Quite the contrary. It's very well done. Bravo.

Rainbow's shower that night was much shorter than she normally preferred. Afterward, Rarity passed Rainbow without a word on her way into the bathroom. Some time later, Rarity left the bathroom again, her mane and tail wrapped in the hotel's towels. Rainbow had since curled up on the floor.

aww

A basic romance story, but well-executed. Extremely fluffy throughout. On to the sequel, then.

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