• Member Since 28th Jul, 2013
  • offline last seen Oct 26th, 2019

Drax


E

When Rainbow's private property ends up in Rarity's hooves. The fashonista becomes dead set on finding the owner and Rainbow Dash tags along.
Now she has to get it back, while keeping everyone from finding out it's her's. Because Rainbow Dash does not play with dolls.

Sorry if it's crummy first MLP fanfic which also happens to be a rough draft. There shall be Twidash!

Chapters (2)
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Comments ( 127 )
Comment posted by Procrastinating Sidewalk deleted Feb 23rd, 2014

Really like it so far! Keep up the great work! :pinkiehappy: (BTW, CLIFFHANGERS... :flutterrage:)

TWIDASH?! Count me in on this ride!
TwiDash on. :rainbowkiss::heart::twilightsmile:
~Ava

3988093
I concur my fellow twidasher.:rainbowkiss::heart::twilightsmile:


I must say that twidash most always catches my attention, and like our frozen friend here your first story is shaping up to be promising.

If this is what we can expect from the future then the future is looking good.

Liked and fav, I'll be waiting:twilightsmile:

3988138 Well, fancy seeing you here my friend.

Anyway, you just earned your first follower.
Wait... WHO DISLIKED THIS STORY?! I WILL RIP OUT THEIR THROAT WITH MY TEETH!!!:pinkiecrazy:

3988177

I do believe I will follow as well.

As for ripping their throat out, since your avatar is luna you should probably go nightmare moon on them.

Her teeth are sharper.:pinkiecrazy:tee hee

3988414 Now Now there will be none of that
:pinkiecrazy:Pinkie needs every available piece to make cupcakes!

Yes well...

I will allow her every available piece I can find if it will keep her away from best pony:rainbowwild:

I like this so far, it was pretty funny.

Mistakes?

Just admit, defeat and give me the stupid thing.

I don't think you want that comma between admit and defeat.

Liked, fav'd and followed.


3988453

As long as Frozen spits out the throat afterwards there's no problem. Spit=Extra seasoning!:pinkiecrazy:

i really like it! hope u write more soon :pinkiehappy:

3988649 defeat the stupid thing I say you should not do!

I'll be sure to follow this, for I am deeply intrigued by Twilight's sly wink at the end...

Just realized my iPhone browser shakes the text box when I type in it...

I like it. I'm always up for some good ol' TwiDash, especially when Rainbow is being cute.

I did notice a number of errors that mostly involved commas, but also a few other punctuation problems and a couple capitalization issues. A quick look through it again to clean it up and it'll be fine. Keep up the good work:twilightsmile:

3988649 I love my crazy friends. So. Freaking. Much. :pinkiecrazy:

Well Rainbow, it could be worse! It could be that Lyra plush doll. (You all know which horrible, soul scarring one.) Unless Mini-Twi has the same...functionality.

I've now disturbed myself.

If Twi does know something, she's being very coy about putting the doll out in the library, instead of offering to whip up a "return to owner" spell at some later hour. And I'd like to know how she figured it out and Rarity, who is generally very good with reading body language, didn't - Rainbow is not exactly subtle.

So maybe this is a version of Twilight who is socially aware enough to be playing little headgames with Dash?

3989472 may you never speak of that again *shudders*

3989472 Actually there is at least one Twilight plush doll (a rather large one, life size you might say) that does have that functionality. There was a youtube vid of it.

3990209 Did it involve tiny bandage gear and a heaping helping of serious undiagnosed mental illness? Because I saw that one and definitely thought "This will be People's exhibit A in a murder trial".

3990224 I don't know about bondage gear, maybe, it was a while ago that I saw it. I think the guy who made the vid was trying to sell it, that's all I really remember.

3990239 Then it's not the one I was subjected to. It was the same guy who freaked on ship fiction writers that used Twilight Sparkle because he was "married to her on an astral plane" or something.

Then effectively released a sex tape/photos. It was super heavy Chris-Chan flashbacks.

THE FACT THAT WE'RE BUSY TRYING TO DIFFERENTIATE THESE DEGENERATES IS HORRIFYING TO ME AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

3990324 It shames me to admit but I think I know who you're talking about, that dude that posted ton of pics of him and Twilight doing shit together right? And he said about how he likes to get sexy with her but "only what she feels comfortable with" or something?

I dunno, it was weird and disturbing none the less.

3989318

Aww we love you so much we could just eat you up...:pinkiecrazy:


Hmm... Nah

Nope I can't relate to this story. I don't have a Rainbow Dash plushie sitting beside me as I type these words.:trollestia:

3990458 Yeah there was a lot of creepy waifu going on. I'd love to see that kind of stuff referenced/lampooned here.

3990190 That is an excelent question. One that I just came up with the solution to five second ago:ajsmug:

Chapter 2: The return of Metal Gear Dash. :rainbowdetermined2:

This offended me.

3991391 Might I ask how. :rainbowhuh:

When Rainbow's private property ends up in the hands of Rarity,

I don't see anthro/human tag.:rainbowhuh:

whose dead set

Who's dead set.

Now she has to get it back, while at the same time keeping everyone from finding out it's her's.

This feels off... try:
Now she has to get it back, and keep everyone from finding out it's hers.

Because Rainbow Dash does not play with dolls

One period missing at the end here!

So far, the description alone is scaring me off...:twilightoops:

There shall be Twidash

TwiDash...:rainbowkiss: That needs a period at the end!:twilightblush:
And MLP is an abbreviation, so it needs capital letters.

Fine, read later list it is, then...:ajbemused:

3991419 Thank you for the help. I'll make these corrections immediately

whoever lost this obviously, treasured it, considering

repeated the process over and over again until she was sure; she’d gotten it just right.

Too much, punctuation, interrupts the; flow.

Very nice premise, I like where this is going:pinkiehappy:

Buck me, she thought.

You should change it to "Fuck me"

none of them said it was there’s.

They're, there, their - there's a difference!

There are a lot of mistakes in this, but I enjoy the premise of it, and I'm going to fave it for now, so I can keep an eye on it. It's funny, really. I recently wrote a TwiDash in which Rainbow had a plushie of Twi she'd made.:rainbowlaugh: She kept it hidden in a cloud. :rainbowkiss:

3991711 Wait Oh no Rookie mistakes:applecry: I'm so ashamed. Anyway I'll correct them
3991701 I'll have to work on that.
3991735 I'll say it again I need to find a proofreader

3991812 I do proofread for people, and I'm typically pretty active. I'm taking a short break from writing, so I suppose I could do that for you...:trixieshiftright:

Only thing is I'll be just about completely inactive from March 11-March 18. :twilightoops:

3991826 That would be great, if you could proofread. I shall be forever in your debt:twilightsmile:

3991856 I just sent the whole thing in a PM, completely proofread.

It wasn’t that she really needed the d

you actually wrote that:trollestia::trollestia::trollestia::trollestia::trollestia::trollestia::trollestia::trollestia::trollestia::trollestia:

3990324 Oh, that guy, no I didn't mean him (I only heard about him, never saw any vid about him). No this vid just showed off a full size Twilight sex plush and I think he was trying to sell it.

Just a tip, get yourself an editor. It's not hard to find one, there are whole groups dedicated to helping writers get editors. The extra set of eyes will help.

Anyway this story is as cute as it sounds, I can't wait for more. There are some mistakes I saw when reading, I'll try to write them up when I'm not on a phone.

Read the description already love this fic :moustache:

3992515 I find it hilarious that after reading that I searched for it and found that it has been changed to the do-

of Ponyville’s resident princess, Twilight Sparkle.

Yet there's no Princess Twilight tag

Hahaha. Well done.

Looking forward to more.
Keep up the good work. Deus tecum.

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