• Member Since 2nd Feb, 2013
  • offline last seen Dec 14th, 2019

NeonGreenTiger


Vinyl Scratch is best pony. Luna is Best Princess. I do other things, but not really.

T
Source

Ever have the perfect girlfriend? A girlfriend so beautiful, so classy, so entrancing that you'll walk to school pantless at the sound of her voice? Octavia's that kind of a girl... and after I tell her my morning's story—if she's not blushing half as much as I am right now—then she owes me a damn beer.


Cover Art: ©2014-2016 JonFawkes. Find their art work on their deviantArt page. Permission granted by the artist for use of their image.

Thank you to Posted, Iryerris, Dovah Vahlok, and PiercingSight for prereading. Thank you to fourths and Scarlet Storm for editing. And finally, thank you to shortskirtsandexplosions for the idea.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 73 )

That was incredibly adorable.:rainbowkiss:

When you deliver, you deliver. Honestly all I can think about is how jealous I am of that school schedule. We get 4 minutes between classes, and it's never enough. Good job, definitely lived up to the hype.

I am Wanderer D and I approve of this story. Have a thumbs up.

7635402 Thank you!

7635422 We had that, but between second and third period, there was a 12 minute break.

7635432 :pinkiehappy:

7635451 Thank you!

That was some very cute flirting. :heart:

7635486 I agree!

7635487 Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it!

Cute story. For the record I hate shorts. ~hugs

Finally! Time for popping. So glad you FP'd it!

Wanderer D
Moderator

7635432 But if you're me and I'm not you, then who am I?

Hah!

That was excellent!

And I dig the fact that Vinyl said nothing at all the whole time through.

~Skeeter The Lurker

Majin Syeekoh
Story Approver

7635692 You're him.

Or her. Whichever you choose.

Skirts are better than pants. :trollestia:

Hahaha! This was a funny story! I liked it!

Fell over laughing this was great there needs to be at least two sequels to this wonderfully written story. :twilightsmile:

I don't just love i this,I love this

7635422 We had a flat 3 minutes when I was in juvie. The door of our Tech building (Gym, arts) and the main building were 100 yards apart. Then usually up two flights of stairs once inside the main building. And then your class was never near that corner, it was at the end of a wing.

Subscribed.

You've got style.

This was silly... 53/10 would read again.

Fun and adorable. Always a great combination :pinkiehappy:

As a strike witches fan, i immediately approve of this!

Well, well, congrats on the feature! I figured that I'd give a review, so here we go!

The story as a whole is pretty solid and that's something that's hard to find. A lot of stories that are on the site may be good, but they can only have a good concept and not execute it right, or they execute the concept right and don't flush the story and everything else. But, enough praise for now, when I give a review I try to get the bad stuff out of the way.

Let's start with the logic, or say, the situational excuse for plot development. I know that the whole story was about Vinyl and how she was so distracted with Octavia's voice that she forgot to wear pants, which is believable, to a point. But what I found increasingly sketchy was that she wasn't stopped by any adult for dress code, or that any teacher's pet got someone to get Vinyl in trouble. When I'm reading a story, whether it's fanfiction or fiction itself, I always like to have as much reality in it as I can. I want some concept that can seem impossible, like time travel or space travel or really just something that seems unlikely, revealed yet explained in a way that makes me go: "Wow, I never thought of it that way." or "I don't understand how this hasn't been done like that, it sounds like it's possible."

I highly doubt that someone would've been able to get by with a few inches longer t-shirt and not get noticed by the teachers. If teachers are going to notice hats and IDs, I think they'll notice someone that doesn't have pants or shorts on. I want to be able to enjoy reading the story and not have to continue reading it and go "that wouldn't happen with them". When a reader is, well, reading a story that includes a ship that they like, they want to read it for the content that puts the characters in a situation that may actually happen, and the engrosment is hindered by the constant thought that it would probably not happen. It's a sense of immersion that I think was slightly overlooked because of plot and that's really my only problem with the story.

Whew, now that that's over with, let's get to the good stuff.

Like I said before, this was a pretty solid read. I went through it liking the interaction and noting the few things that made Octavia, well, Octavia and that was nice. You wrote the characters interactions and how they would've gone about the situation very well and included lines that were quite enjoyable. I think the most notable would be:

By the way, smashing color choice. Maybe this afternoon you'll get to see mine.

I cracked a smile at that one. Something that I didn't notice until I read over it again, since I wanted to get a good review in and see something that Skeeter mentioned, was that Vinyl never directly talks. She only nods and stuff like that, I think the only time that I saw that she actually could've been talking was here:

"The bus is here, love. I’ll see you at school, okay?”

I mumbled a reply as I grabbed my bag and also headed out the door, but not before saying my good-byes to Octavia and slipping my headphones on.

If you had asked me after the first time that I read through the story if Vinyl had talked I probably would've said yes or at leas that I would've thought that she did. But now that I've read it again I think that you've done a really good job of having the interactions between them without Vinyl having dialogue flowed really well. And for someone that just finished writing an OctaScratch one-shot that has Vinyl not talking it makes me huff in annoyance at how well everything flowed with only one character talking.

It was nice to see Octavia a little more forward than Vinyl in this, especially in initiating things. Usually Vinyl is the one to be doing all the confident flirting and stuff, but it was refreshing to see the tables turned on her. I wouldn't mind seeing something with this Universe, maybe something like this again. The only things that I could think of would be shirtlessness or a skirt and being commando, just off the top of my head. I think other people wouldn't mind seeing more of this, and I wouldn't either.

Keep up the good work and I hope to see another enjoyable OctaScratch story from you!

-Till the next one

That was such a sweet story.

I always love these guilty-pleasure fics.

Read the title, as a Brit, and thought this was going to be something else :twilightblush: Glad it wasn't, because this was hilarious. Loved it! :rainbowlaugh:

Heh. Got a good smile out of this.

Maybe Vinyl should put an extra pair of pants in her locker for next time. Or give a pair to Octavia to hold onto.

This was a highly amusing and enjoyable little story <3

I only have the one issue with this fic. It's not even that important... Vinyl has a car. She could have driven to school, noticed the problem, turned around and fixed it. HOWEVER that does NOT mean i disliked it. It was an amazing fic.

7636713 just a thumbs up for the cover art alone.
strike ponies when ?

7637542 story was cute too

7637524 well it does say alternative universe and not equestria girls so maybe that's why she doesn't have a car in this story

7637769
That may very well be the case. I still standby the fact this fic was amazing. Well... "fact". It's more opinion, but the sentiment remains.

Not going to read this (sorry), but I just wanted to comment that the title sounds like a really cheesy low-budget porno/ero-doujin.:rainbowlaugh:

—then she owes me a damn beer.

You'll have to show them your damn ID

7637769
7637524
Also, did you see how much music equipment was in her car? That thing must be expensive to run.

7637524 She had to take out the engine to make room for that killer bass, but it was totally worth it.

Its fics like this that make me question life. Fics that make me walk outside, looking into the sunset, asking myself, "Why?" Why is life like this? What do we gain from such fanfiction, what is it's purpose? Does it have no rhyme or reason? Why does it exist?

I'm bailing from this planet. Don't look for me.

When I saw the story image I was hoping for a crossover with Strike Witches. It may not have but it was a cute story, have a thumbs up.

7637822 it was p. okay

it was a lovely story, though i woukd like to see a sequal to it soon (that is if youd like to do one for it) but none the less this was a very cute and addorable one shot between Vynil and Octavia (Tavi) kind regards, night_shadow12

7639091 careful on Pluto it has some guard bots on it from when I last tried to leave.

You know what I'll be there with some cookies and a good internet connection.

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