• Member Since 24th Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen Nov 28th, 2021

Jeweled Pen

Just a girl trying to make it as an freelancer writer. Please check out my stories, both fanfiction and independent works! Any comments are deeply loved and you're all awesome.


Following a speech at her old school, Twilight meets a young stalli... mare who wants to ask her a simple question. Was there a spell that could fix her and make her what she always wanted? Sadly, there is some things even magic and friendship can't fix.

The princess soon finds herself learning about a new group of ponies she never knew existed, while a young mare struggles with her own identity and being born in the wrong body.

Chapters (21)
Comments ( 253 )

interesting concept and will read later.

This looks like the beginning of a fantastic story! :raritystarry:

Looking forward to the next chapter :twilightsmile:
I don't understand where the dislikes are coming from?...

Looking at the cover and description I was expecting this may be another generic trans fic, butttttt I see some potential here. I'll be adding this to my read later, will look forward to later chapters.

I feel like Drifting isn't giving Twilight much of a chance here.

This is one of the best openings I have seen for a story in quite a while.
I decided to start reading this when I saw it in the 'new' box, let me tell you I didn't regret it in the slightest.
Consider yourself one follower heavier.
It's just a shame that the subject matter causes some Special people to dislike without even reading it.

Very interesting! I like where this is headed!

liked followed and tracked.

7014723 There are people who will down-vote a story for simply mentioning the word "trans" anywhere in the description/title.
I use the word "special" as a substitute for any word to denote a lack of intelligence.
This story started off strong, it shouldn't have 15 dislikes in less than a day.

7014763 Are you saying there's a limit as to how many dislikes a story should get in a single day? Should the same rule apply to likes? And just because it started off strong in your opinion, doesn't mean everyone is going to think that. It's pretty presumptuous to assume that everyone who's disliked it has done so without reading it, just like it's presumptuous to assume that everyone who liked it really did read it. Really, since you can't know one way or another, you're essentially saying people lack intelligence (or are special) just because they have a different opinion from you, and that makes you sound like an asshole. Really the only reason this story has got so much attention is because of its subject matter, and more attention always runs the risk of getting more dislikes, just as much as it risks getting more likes.

7014829 You are correct.
While I'm not saying that all dislikers did so without reading, i did imply so, for that I apologise.
Additionally I don't want any limit on likes/dislikes, I just feel its unfair when one story gets so many so quickly.

If you want to continue this, use PMs I don't want to clutter the comments.

I've never read anything like this before. Let's see where it goes. :duck:

Pls continue this is amazing fic i have read so far keep it up

The main problem I have is that Twilight can turn all six Elements into Breezies at once. It seems implausible that this is harder in type than a single-target same-species transmutation. (She also managed the fairy-godmother mice-to-horses trick.) Even if she could not cast such spells in "Magic Duel", she wasn't wingèd then, either. "Alicorn Amulet" implies that Twi should be able to now, had she studied them, too.

One of Twilight's spells is about creating a secondary sexual characteristic where none existed before: :moustache:.

Not that I dislike the writing, just this assumption that underlies the story/title. (Also, didn't spot any mechanical errors, good job!) I have not voted down. Watching.

7014534 It is probably people that are un-PC that believe that chromosomes determine sex and that since nature determined your sex, people that think they are the opposite of what nature says your are is a mental disease not a wrong body problem.

You have a good grasp of language that's very pleasant to read. I can hardly wait for more!

:derpyderp2: so... magic can reverse/ forward age, make their wings messed up, raise the sun, and moon. yet they cant do this? :? :facehoof: :rainbowhuh: :rainbowderp: :trixieshiftleft: :applejackunsure:

I like the way this first chapter went. Definitely following this story. Don't let any haters get to you with a few minor nit-picks that had nothing to do with the story this chapter was excellent. If it gets a lot of dislikes don't stress over it overly much.

Given Twilight can change an earth pony into a breezie, I think changing 1 chromosome instead of the pony's entire genome should actually be easy.

Well, this is going to be interesting...

Huh. I might actually keep reading this one.


You know, on any other story, there would be comments mentioning how dull and uninteresting it is to just have magic solve everything...

Besides, Magic Duel established that no, you can't just screw around with age, gender, etc. In fact, this story explicitly references Magic Duel and how none of the "spells" Twilight performed in the final showdown with Trixie were anything more than slight-of-horn and a little paint (which is canon).

7017149 it still doesn't make logical since on how they couldn't do it ;P since exterestrial bodies can be controlled. (That we know ) and how it can changes ones destiny. But not this.


Moving gigantic masses (assuming that's what the Sun and Moon even are in MLP, they could be 2D discs that move along a magical barrier separating Equestria from the Aether for all we know) is very different from altering someone's genome, giving them new organs and removing old ones (or transforming one kind of organ into it's opposite sex equivalent), and all the other things that would need to be done to perfectly change someone's sex to align with their gender. It would not only require a powerful mage, but a precise one with a very advanced understanding of biology. Given that ponies in the show haven't been shown to even know what a germline is, the idea that they lack either the power or the knowledge of how to apply that power isn't unreasonable.

She was a unicorn. Giving one pony wings was hard then. Now, six ponies getting bug wings, antennae, a shrink? No problem.

Not that there isn't value in exploring a realit like our own and how the problem unfolds, but I'm more interested in realities where solutions exist (that is, I tend to prefer escapism).

Besides, it being only high-level unicorns/alicorns/changelings that can do it still makes for an interesting story (how to handle the bottleneck problem), just not this story.

Alternate point: "there is no spell for that" does not imply "there cannot be a spell for that". I'd love to read a story that is just Twilight researching how to work polymorph spells…perhaps I should write that.

The polymorph spells that currently are shown in MLP could be viewed as fragile or time based holding only so long as the spell holds. This would be why their is no spell as what is sought after requires permanent physical change that will persist once the spell is long gone.


You know, on any other story, there would be comments mentioning how dull and uninteresting it is to just have magic solve everything...

Besides, a sex-change spell was declared point-blank impossible by both Twilight and Trixie. Not just "I can't do this" -- both declared that nopony can cast such a spell. (The princesses are also ponies.) And canon is the default unless stated otherwise, really.

And who says Twilight got any more powerful just because she got wings and started growing, anyway?

Normally I avoid any story with a Dark tag, but after reading the description and story, I decided to give it a chance. I would like to see how this story plays out. Keep up the good work!

7018635 okay, I missed/forgot that line. In conclusion, i await where this story goes.

Well, that was an odd reaction Drifting Petals had.

This has really piqued my interest. I will look forward to the next chapter.

Alright the first chapter I thought was great. It had a nice set up. The idea wasn't new, but it hasn't been done much at all. It felt incredibly natural.

This one was WAY too preachy.

First chapter was as stated before much better :s this one could use a bit of a revision.
In the first chapter I understood twilights bluntness because that's her character but here it seems excessive.

And then there's this idiot.

Twilight is being a tad stupid in this one. She's supposed to be this analytical and sharp mind, not flawless, but never this clueless. Twilight should know how to act when presented with new information. :applejackunsure:

I think it's better if you stick one setting per chapter.

My opinion only.

I would have thought Twilight's answer, after the initial shock, would be "I bet there's a book about this."

I rather agree with what others have said about this chapter.

I think its going pretty well so far. Although I would think that Twilight would definitely start turning over the libraries of Canterlot looking for more information about this. She is terribly neurotic about having all the information. :raritywink:

I also think Princess Celestia would most likely understand this, she has been around for over 1000 years. :twilightsmile:

I await the next chapter, with anticipation.

this has been an fascinating story so far, it gives me an interesting view point about transsexuals that I have trouble understanding, mostly the identity problem that comes with it as well as where does the desire of becoming a woman comes from. I can sympathize that a person is not comfortable in who they are or that they don't like the self image they have of themselves, and in truth I have often wanted to be something that I am not and sometime I would do anything to become it, but where does the desire to imitate an other gender's stereotype as part of their lifestyle comes from? For what I think I can gather from such stories, these people feel constrained by their assigned gender role, that they social environment imposes to them and that deviating form frown upon others, that reprobation reinforce the idea that they are not comfortable in their being and the desire to become the other gender make makes it so much more appealing to them. I also know the despite what common belief man and woman brain being nearly identical or androgens(?) is in fact false, that their are many physical differences in both shape and size and the way they processes information is differently from one an other(I know that they are mostly both evenly match in therm performance) and that in fact some there man with female brains and vice versa, that doesn't really affect the gender identity to them or their sexuality. so what gives?

As far as I have though about, it seem more like that it is the society that have a problem with transsexuals. I can't say that I can clam innocents of not having been disturbed by the presents or dealings with those people, it is more that I feel nervously awkward dealing because I am not sure how to talk or address to them because my gender specific reactions are in shambles when that happens and that does persons sens my unease with them.


so what gives?

I'm trying to figure out what exactly this is referring to.

Uh oh. Red envelope. What's it gonna be? Something... nice?

There are a few issues, but I wouldn't call this a particularly bad story. Everyone starts somewhere, and somewhere around decent is a good point to do so. I wish you the very best of fortune.:3

Definitely enjoying the story. Flaws can be fixed in later revisions. Keep going with the story. You have more than twice the number of people who took the time to upvote this than downvote this so don't take the critics too hard.

amazing story so far, i am really looking forward to the next chapter. If this writing this story helps in anyway then I say keep going, have fun and remember that there will always be ponies, or people out there that will support you!

I'm also really enjoying this story. Though I'm going to be honest, I kinda hope it does end with the right spell/magic being found to correct her body.

I imagine in the world of ponies it should be possible. I know how Twilight has been so far, but I can totally see her mulling over books and the like seeing if she can find anything.

There is also a wild card in play. Discord. I kinda imagine his magic could manage it.

I also wonder if Drifting Petal looked into body swapping. It's something I doubt she'd do, but at the same time, I feel the temptation would be there.

The storyline of this got a bit awkward after the first chapter. It just came across as odd that everyone knows all about this except for Twilight, who has yet to bother doing her own research on the topic. Would have had a more natural feel to it if Rarity and Sassy didn't know, but simply enjoyed helping someone show their inner self through fashion.

And some of the story comes off as trying too hard to fit real world society into Equestria, with the elctroshock therapy, camps to fix people, and the type of insults being flung around. None of them feel like natural parts of Equestrian society.

Oh, please do keep writing


I'm glad you've chosen to express your feelings in writing, as much as a touchy subject it may be. Continue, if you don't mind--I'm intrigued :raritywink:

Hmm... not bad, but like other people have mentioned, this isn't exactly accurate to her character.

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