• Member Since 24th Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen 5 hours ago

Jeweled Pen


Just a girl trying to make it as an independent writer. Please check out my stories, both fanfiction and independent works! Any comments are deeply loved and you're all awesome.

T

This story is a sequel to Avatar: The Last Alicorn. Book 1: Pegasus


This is a parody of avatar the last airbender, using ponies! Following the first book, will Avatar Twilight be able to find an earth bending master, as well as develop the skills to add a third element to her repertoire? Will her new skills allow her to keep one step ahead of her newest, and possibly greatest, enemy, the young Sweetie Belle?
Special thanks to Angel_Bunny for editing the chapters for me
Please enjoy!
The Last Alicorn:
Book 1.
Book 3.
Book 4.
Legend of Diamond Tiara:
Book 1
Disclaimer: "Avatar: the Last Airbender" and all associated characters, storylines, and materials belong to Nickelodeon and were created by Bryan Konietzko and Michael Dante DiMartino.
Artwork by Silfoe

Chapters (31)
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Comments ( 190 )

......really? ...............i have my doubts that these two series, as awesome as they both are, can come together into a project............ though dmitably an alicorn IS technically a mixture all three races.

So, purple liquid is either acid or poison. Really either would work. And already we see the signs of Sweetie's insanity. :unsuresweetie:

3718174 YOU! You fiend! You're the one messing with my story! I knew it! I... Oh, hold on... What's that?*dips out for a second before returning.* Oh, sorry. Seems you just share a name with him. My bad. Sorry. And yeah, that mare cray. >.>
3718030 I would love to say the story is just as good as both series, but I know that's not true. All I can really promise is that I'm trying my hardest and ask that you please give it a chance. It's far from perfect, but a lot of people seem to like it and as I get better I plan to try and make it the very best story I possibly can. Please enjoy.

Edited because I suck at typing sometimes. >.>

My only problem with this series is that you keep calling them "cutey marks." It's spelled cutie marks. Just saying.

HOLY HEPHESTUS! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO SWEETIE BELLE?!?!? Other than that, well done! I can honestly say this is in my top ten crossover stories!

3724720 Thanks ^^ And you know what? That was pretty much the reaction I was shooting for when I wrote her actions for this chapter. You'll see more... much more... soon enough.

3724898
*sigh* I hope you add some form of redemption, cause I'd hate to see Sweetie killed.

3724910 I can spoil nothing! No matter how badly I want to. >.>

3724962
Oh all right, fine! I won't try to trick you into giving spoilers :pinkiecrazy:

Hmmm, interesting. I suppose this is to be expected. After all, Twilight might be the avatar and an alicorn, but RD is still the best speed flyer in all of G4. And besides, she also technically counts as the "katara" of the series, being that she perfected her bending in the first city they visited. Although, I'm quite humored that you gave twilight the spinning treatment. At least she can fly now.

Also, the way you phrased the coming of the earth pony general was pretty neat since it involved the old bringing the new in, without needing to send the gang on a big mission the same way as the series.

And, let's talk about our Azula. Sweetie Belle the oh so psychotic. It's really fascinating the way you introduce her to the show, particularly the "stepford smiler" aspect of the character, with her bubbly personality now masking homicidal tendencies. Is she just filled with big sister issues because of the dress issue? Or is there more of those mommy issues for sweetie? Also, her sinister part was very unnerving, in a way that azula's "tides" speech looks like a light dressing down in comparison.

On a continuity note, I like how you're writing around the problems you created in the first book by having Sweetie return to home rather than go to cadenza, since it got leveled by the ursa minor. And i'm interested to see how you cast mai and ty lee. I would think that making Ty lee applebloom might make some sense since the runaway aspect could make for the fun connection with applejack later on, and explain the overprotectiveness of the apple family, but on the other hand, making her mai might also work, since it could give us an early bird cameo for AJ when sweetie comes to visit. On the other hand, scoots is a bit of a blank slate when it comes to her life, but her wings might make her a better fit for ty lee with her aerobatics, but...I can't decide which works more!:derpytongue2::pinkiecrazy:

Anyway, the earth ponies have come calling, the niece and aunt are on the run, and the quest of the avatar...continues!:rainbowdetermined2:

3725314 Wow, that must have taken a while to write. Thanks for taking the time to tell me all those. ^^ It feels really good knowing something I wrote can get such attention. :) I couldn't resist having Twilight spin out. I almost had it start like the actual series, but I felt showing the final test would be fun and exciting. Also, I won't deny. Writing Sweetie Belle was soooooo much fun. I had about ten different ideas of how to mesh her and Azula before I finally settled on this way. i'm pretty hopeful it fits well, especially with how the next few chapters will be playing out. I have big plans coming up. ^^ Some of which are evil and some of which are hopefully awesome. Super duper awesome.

To everyone reading the story, thank you! I'm so happy people seem to be liking it for the most part, and I'll try my best to make sure the story is as good as can be.:pinkiehappy:

Ermahgerd i luv wat u did wth swtie bll
Rrty ws nt cpble of blvng swtie cud do sch thing
Clsta is good fr gnrl zou so altgthr good job
Me
What is this who wrote on my profile john i know you did this i leave for a week to search for the spear of destiny as is tadition for the eldest spearsman in the family and you mock me for the way i speak well im so sorry you picked the sword over the spear but simply because i defeated you in sparing last month does not give you the privledge to log onto my computer and post these illeterate blocks of text under my name
For all of you fellow bronies who must read this i apologize
Sincerly xpete1

BWAHHAHAHAHA!!! Nicely done. So glad you took Filthy Rich out the way you did, I was really getting sick of him!

Whoa. Now that was interesting.

For one, I didn't expect that body possession would be the reason they left the animals in the spirit realm. I suppose Crysalis is never to be trusted. Age old enemy indeed. It's also kind of funny the sendoff team avatar got, while getting another replacement appa, they also gave the avatar a nicknames sendoff. Who wants to bet that in book 3 "chickenwings" is going to be mentioned again once all this craziness is over? :twilightoops::twilightblush:

Meanwhile, Sweetie moved to Apple Bloom's place, and we begin to see the links between the corruption of Oazi and the fall of nightmare moon. Seeing that the root of the problem draws back to discord. His essence is what lead to the 100 years war. Caused the corruption of nightmare moon, lead to celestia's banishment. And in turn, turned sweetie into something not so good. a poisonbender. Yeesh. In the process, it seems that Rarity found out about her messed up family, and about her aunt's kazoo. Hilarious. But, it appears that rarity and celestia the wanderers are about to move in. Let's see what happens in their long travels in the earth kingdom. And let's not forget, Twilight in her search for applejack still needs to think about how to find the elements of harmony. The crown and the necklaces. Well, now the long journey in the earth kingdom...begins.

Also, is spike growing up, that he can now stand on clouds?

I believe in responce to your statement that spike is growing up and that is why he can stand on clouds i hypothesize he had sufficient coolness to stand on them
I do like the character development and plot of this story as long as my brother John does not login to my account i shall be reveiwing every chapter
xpete1

3749245 It was verrrry fun doing that. :P
3754013 Thanks for the comment. I had to think of some reason they couldn't just spirit animal crush the water kingdom, Chrysalis is soooo much fun to write for. :) I also have plans. Many plans. The next arc is being worked on now.
3763420 Thanks. Also, you can edit/delete your own comments if you want to remove the things your brother posted.

Oh boy, CMC chaos, here we go. :facehoof: Gonna love seeing how this plays out!

Man. I suppose this is what it means by Pyrrhic victory in this universe. Twilight defeated the cons and stopped the mercenaries, but the people she was meant to fight for were left a mess. Man, that means team avatar's moving into their next adventure with bad morale. Not good. :fluttercry:

Meanwhile, the cutie mark crusader avatars hunters were finally made one, with Scootaloo making 3. So scoots was a shadowbolt in training? Interesting. And she still has wing problems? Figures. Come to think of it though, I know that sweetie has her cutie mark, but do scootaloo or applebloom? (PS: you have a typo in your story. You accidentally called flowerbloom applebloom. (not that I was ever fooled) Still, this ought to be fun. So, what's next on their journey.

Hmmm, for team avatar, this seems to be a mix between the forest spirit and the swamp forest arcs of avatar, but with the alicorn amulet mixed in. Interesting. And this will probably be good for twilight. Give her a more triumphant victory after the hollow one she ended up with last time. Just hope they end up ok what with all the spirits they'll need to deal with.

Then there's the redemption arc for rarity, who's still hopeful that once she captures the avatar, she'll be able to reverse the damage on sweetie belle from the discord seeds. They find littlewing from the last arc who escaped after his beating by rainbow dash, and is now acting as a kind of mole for the water nation. And rarity's being dragged into his plans. Now let's see what happens here.

Oh, and it's kind of neat the way you keep your continuity by mentioning trixie.

The CMC are the antagonists... I like this more than I should:raritystarry:

When you started this series out was only all right, but it has really Brown a Beard since then! I cant wait to read what comes next!

3893350 Hee hee. Well, when I started out I was a horrible writer. Now though, I've had... about two years to practice and develop, and the last year was a major practice year. I look forward to seeing how decent I am by the time I finish this. :)

Woah, that last part with the CMC was SCARY!

Okay everyone! The newest chapter is up, and I am happy to say the story is about... 19% done, according to my math. As such, I am going to take a slight hiatus to work on finishing some other things(last chapter of my book, speakeasy story, first chapter of my next book), so the next chapter probably won't be up for another 2-3 weeks. On the up side, the next few chapters should be pretty big and full of both action, drama and suspense! So hopefully you'll all enjoy them.

3898307 Thanks ^^ Sweetie Belle is probably one of the scariest ponies in my story so far... I don't know why I enjoy writing her like that so much.

3898724
3898307 Sweetie is the analogue for Azula. She needs to be creepy.

I really hope you put more emphasis on Pinkie Pie. I know that in the show, 'because she's Pinkie' is a perfectly viable explanation, but this is a different genre, and given dome of the things Pinkies done so far (Like taken on a master Fire bender with her bare hooves) There's to much of a possibility to overlook.
All in all, nice chapter, and I like how you are dealing with the subject of killing. Much better than cannon.

Oh my. I'm still not entirely sure what the whole alicorn amulet business is going towards, particularly since the swamp in Avatar wasn't nearly this mystical. On the other hand, it did have the visions of rarity and AJ, so that's definitely a part of it, but I'm still not sure.

At the very least, twilight did get a history lesson of the 6 elements of harmony at least in part. And, well, I don't know where the amulet is now, but there's a chance it's in the hands of evil. Well, let's see what Twilight can learn.

Meanwhile, team cutie mark avatar hunters was starting to show stress lines. Also, I find Sweetie's motivation here to be pretty compelling compared to azula's. Azula just wanted some affirmation from her mother or father, a sign that she was valued thanks to her great skill. Yet having sweetie's entire motive to be around rarity becoming her big sister best friend forever again? Interesting. And it's also interesting to see there's something of a battle between her discord side and her other side going on. The discord side seems to be taking murder as the best solution, while the other side is seeking to hold onto her friends and not get in too much trouble:pinkiecrazy:

Yet using her earth pony wisdom, Apple, er, I mean flowerbloom managed to find a way to get information without killing anyone. And they reminisced over the good old days. Of course, that was before an old rival stepped into the scene. It appears that prince blueblood is about to become a player again. Uh oh. Inside fire bender information.:raritycry:

Is Pinkie Pie responding to a specific change to from the Last Airbender to what this is?

so Scootaloo as Ty Lee and Apple, sorry Flowerbloom as Mai. very interesting choices, not to say they don't fit.

And now Pinkie has discovered the dangers of being armed with Cannon in an alternate universe fusion fic.

3932174 Oh, trust me. I have biiiig plans for Pinkie. In a way, you could almost say she's a bender, just not of the elements.
3961001 Ee yup. Nice little summary, as always. :) Happy you seem to be enjoying the story so far. :)
3961693 Not exactly.
3977333 Thanks. ^^ They were actually hard to come by, I switched between them a lot before finally locking in.
3986889 Also the problems with reading ahead. I like how she's the trope namer for that one too.

*reads through chapter, then laughs* :rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh: *reads through hilarious scene once more, and laughs even harder*:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh: Oh, Twilight, if you only knew like Pinkie thinks she knew :twilightblush::rainbowwild::pinkiesad2::raritywink:

Aha! I got it! When discord rescued trixie's soul from certain death, he then gave her the alicorn amulet to be her harbinger. And the problem here was that the avatar was supposed to get her power boost here so that she'd have the strength to fight off the enemies when they get to the capital of Ba Sing Se. Er, whatever it's called in this fusion universe.

Anyhow, it also it appears that "canon knowledge" is beginning to work against pinkie in some ways. Though there's a possibility that twilight is indeed misinterpreting the ways that her friends are part of the elements, it's also possible that thanks to character subtraits that fluttershy IS the element of generosity. That spike Is the element of loyalty and Rainbow is the honest one. It's possible, but I just don't know. It's too soon to tell. :pinkiecrazy:

Anyhow, so twilight needed to get back to the village, take care of some housecleaning issues. And make certain that they wouldn't kill the illusionist. A call to see the common horsemanity they have. :rainbowwild: And a promise with supplies yet again moving north. Next stop? Sweet Apple Acres, and a date with destiny and the blind farmer. (at least, that's what I suspect, depending on how closely you're going to be following the story) Finding the earth bender that they needed, and perhaps even the one they wanted. :ajsmug: Though is AJ an orange in this world? Or is Big Mac the overprotective one? And why is it that I get the feeling we're going to see a secret subplot about flowerbloom developing in this next stop? :trollestia::moustache:

However, there's even more interesting things starting to develop for the villains as well. For one, they're in route to the city the heroes just left, creating a cruel irony of the town going to be attacked right when the avatar wasn't there to help them. I just hope the illusionist can find a way to at least get sweetie off their heels. Although the more interesting of the developments is that though blueblood lost his firebending, he could still lightning bend. Hmmm, fascinating. Like that level 2 bending is actually immune to level 1 restrictions. But what is this loose cannon going to do? He can't exactly go back to his old tribe, since he's been cast out from them. And come to think of it, we still haven't seen gilda at all this book, have we?

And, there's actually some character building for CELESTIA with her guilt over her sister, not just rarity's sister. Very fascinating. Almost like she doesn't fully believe in the avatar's powers to save her sister's soul. Very interesting indeed.

Well, onto the next avatar adventure. Whether that's the murder charge, the tournament, the reveal of the white lotus (or how about the royal sisters) organization, or so forth. Let the journey continue.

Hmm, so we've reached sweet apple acres, and are in motion to the earth bending tournament where we find out just how good toph can be. Only this time, we're playing for the alicorn amulet. Hmmm.

Actually though, it feels like pinkie's meta knowledge is interferring with the team's ability to make situations work more naturally. I mean, what with her blabbing on AJ and how she'd "never lie to us" or how she went for the hugs at midnight right away. I almost expect her to go into a blue screen of death if the script ever strays too far. :pinkiesick:

And we just picked up Angel? Hmmm, this must be significant somehow. Like that the small rodent's gonna play a pivotal role in the future with his fierceness and bite. Although, if you're including angel, then you've opened up the possibility of having all the other pets show up. Tank, Gummy and Owlowicious. Though that depends on how the story works to your favor. So they pulled into town, and tomorrow, they fight for the amulet.

Though it's interesting because you haven't made it exactly clear or not whether AJ is blind in this universe. It's written in such a way that it could work either way. It's subtle enough that it could be secretly blind, or smooth enough that she isn't. It's still kind of up in the air for me.:rainbowhuh:

Also, it appears that Rarity just lost her chance at finding the avatar on accident. Whoops. :rainbowlaugh: But now it's time for her "zuko alone" arc as she goes on her own, gets caught, and meets Colgate. Looks like it's time for rarity's education on what the earth kingdom thinks of the water nation.

“Oh, don't worry your pretty little wings,” Pinkie said as she sipped her tea. “Applejack would never, ever lie to us! If she said we can work something out, we'll work something out.”

After her previous bouts of Future seeing... I'm suddenly worried.

”What about his sister?” the bare faced pony asked.

“She's not a worry,” the mustached pony said.

:ajbemused:

They are sooooooo screwed.

“Ah said nope,” the earth pony snapped. “Ah have no intention of goin' against the Water Nation now, or never. Yah all find somepony else,” the cow pony stormed off, slamming the door of her home behind her.

gabriellasalmon.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/plot_twist_dance__by_yondamoegi-d4q4pfl.jpg

4025737 What? Nahhhh. I have no idea what could possibly happen. >.> *ignore the fact this came late after said thing happened.*

4082854 Just a tiny, adorable and cute one. Lil baby one, honest. It's not like I have evil or giant plans in the future or anything. Honest. Probably. Maybe. <.<

4025067 Heeee. Always look forward to these posts... Even if I have been sluggish at responding to them. >.> Also, I'm not afraid of Pinkie blue screening if the script changes to much. I am, however, terrified she's going to pop out and start beating me up. :'( Ah saw what she gone done tah Blueblood, ah dun want two for flinchin'! Also, I may be having a bit too much fun now with AJ and Flowerbloom's accents.

:rainbowderp::twilightoops::fluttershbad::pinkiegasp::applejackconfused: I think this statement covers just about everything: Oh Buck! (I prefer the foal friendly version...just how far have I fallen to be using the pony terms?)

Ok, far be it for me to tell an author how to write their story, but if I may say one thing: WE GET IT ALREADY! This isn't a carbon copy of A:tLA. It's gonna follow the shows general progression; but other than that, this is its own thing. So could you stop with having Pinkie freak out over discrepancies between the two, already? It's making me annoyed at her and I just feel that if it isn't building up to a plot point later on, then it's unnecessary. :pinkiesick:

Of course, feel free to disregard this as once again, I am merely a reader of your story. Nothing more. And whether this shows up again or not, I will continue reading this fic.:pinkiesmile:

4110703 Sounds about right ^^
4110793 Eeyup!
4141015 Well, I'll be honest. I take every comment quite personally and I really do look towards it for ways to improve my story. Just because you're a reader, doesn't mean I don't take what you say to heart. Without you guys, there wouldn't be any reason to write these, since I already know how it's going to play out... mostly. So please, if you ever feel there's something you feel done poorly, needs work, improvement, is annoying, etc, don't hesitate to say so! Constructive criticism is what helps me to become a better writer!
Though, onto the comment. I don't want to say anything that spoils(Well, okay, not true. I really really really REALLLLLLLLY wanna say things that spoil, but I know that's a bad idea. I just get too excited.) All I can say, without risking the problems of 'Spoilers!' is that, yes, this does have a purpose. So, ummm... please trust me? Pretty please? :fluttercry:
I... well, to say I know what I'm doing would be putting too much faith in my writing. But, but I talked to angel bunny(my editor), and he says it works! I'm certain he knows what he's doing.

4141404
alright then, I'll trust in your design (plan for the fic) and ability to carry it out.

“Gone,” the alicorn squeaked as she fell down on her flank in shock. “It's time for the sun. But, the sun isn't...”

“Rising,” the griffon finished as the gathered creatures their heads towards the night sky, the stars the only things to greet them.

Well, snap.

4141404 Mabie you can put a Flashlight romance story in this.

4171246 I honestly have no idea what a flashlight romance is.
4170329 Oh no she didn't.(But she totally did.)

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