• Member Since 24th Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen 16 hours ago

Jeweled Pen

Just a girl trying to make it as an freelancer writer. Please check out my stories, both fanfiction and independent works! Any comments are deeply loved and you're all awesome.



This is a parody of avatar the last airbender, using ponies! Read as the avatar, Twilight Sparkle, travels on a journey to stop the water nation's war against the world. Constantly pursued by Nightmare Moon's daughter as well as the general of Water Nation will she be able to take and complete her first step towards becoming the avatar?
Special thanks to Duelist925 and Angel_Bunny for editing the chapters for me
Please enjoy!

Full collection:
Avatar the Last Alicorn:
Book 1.
Book 2.
Book 3.
Book 4.

Legend of Diamond Tiara:
Book 1.
Book 2.
Book 3.
Book 4.

Disclaimer: "Avatar: the Last Airbender" and all associated characters, storylines, and materials belong to Nickelodeon and were created by Bryan Konietzko and Michael Dante DiMartino.
My little pony: Friendship is magic and all associated characters, storylines, and materials belong to Hasbro, and was made incredibly awesome by Lauren Faust.

Chapters (20)
Comments ( 192 )

Aside from a few grammar and spelling mistakes, this story was pretty good. It definitely shows promise. Celestia as Iroh just fits so perfectly. :pinkiehappy:

Looks promising:twilightsmile:

Great Chapter, excellent adaptation of Avatar. I look forward to reading more in the future :heart:

96723 Thanks very much, Celestia just seemed so right when I was thinking of where to put characters, especially with the Nightmare moon things.
97473 Thanks
116459 Happy you liked it, hope you enjoy next chapter just as much when I finish it.

And to all my viewers/trackers, thanks for reading the story and I hope you continue to enjoy it, or start enjoying it if your not yet. :yay:

I liked it better when the fire nation attacked. It doesn't make sense with water because water is suposed to represent calm and healing,while fire is uncontrollable rage.

141680 Originally I was going to have fire nation be the attackers, and in the first draft they were. However, the more I thought about it, the more I felt the water tribe/eternal night thing fit the Nightmare Moon as a villain far better, and I just felt that making Nightmare Moon as a fire bender wouldn't fit as well, and making Celestia the bad guy would have made Luna the Iroh figure, and I just ended up deciding to make it water nation attacking. If/when I manage to finish season 1, I might make a small 1 shot fire nation story though, but currently it looks like I have at least 11 chapters to go before I'm that far.

this is a awsome story , keep up the good work , i really hope t see more of this story soon.

This is amazing, more, i must read more.

Chapter 4 is done, yay! Sorry it took so long, but things like life and such liked to interfere a lot. This was probably the hardest chapter, since while I had the story in mind, and knew how it would play out, trying to put it on to paper and make it a nice read for those who have taken the time to actually read it was hard. I hope you all enjoy it, and thank you very much for the comments and reads. Special thanks to Duelist who helped edit it for me, there was a lot to fix this time.

I really like this crossover. :twilightsmile: Thanks for keeping up.


Great chapter, I really liked it. :heart:

Hmm, this is getting better and better.

Not bad. A few grammar problems, but nothing that can't be overlooked. What I like most is that you combined elements from both shows, yet it seems almost a story of it's own.

800298 Thanks a lot, that's actually what I was going for. I knew when I started writing the story, just copying avatar and putting ponies in wouldn't work, namely since both shows are AAA series, and I couldn't come anywhere near doing the series justice. Instead I just tried to write the series how I imagined it would be, if it followed the avatars plot, but the rules the ponies set forth.Granted I have altered a lot, and will probably alter much more before the series is done, but I'm really hopeful in the end every one will enjoy it atleast a tiny bit as much as the series its based on.

644697 Thanks, and I'll try to keep up as long as I can. It's thanks to the readers and kind words that I find this story so enjoyable to write.

653406 Thanks for the kind words ^^

682506 I hope it stays that way, Happy to make my readers enjoy.

There are some places in the chapter where you have more than one character speak in a paragraph, which is something to avoid in dialogue. I have not looked for it extensively, but it seems to occure most commonly at the end of large paragraphs.

I will be keeping an eye on this story to see where it goes.

998321 Thanks for the feedback, your not actually the first person to mention that to me, but I do really appreciate the help. I'm one chapter away from the (projected) halfway point of the first book, after which I plan to go back through the chapters and fix some of the more major errors, like that one.
If anyone else has noticed errors like that, or things like plotholes/major inconsistancies, please feel free to comment on them and I'll try to fix them when I do the half way checkpoint clean up. Please leave things out like typos/spelling errors unless they are drastically hurtful to the story, I'd rather not flood the comment section with typo reports.
And finally, thank you to all my readers. If it wasn't for you guys I'd have never worked up the nerve to post past the first two chapters, let alone get this far in the story. Thank you.

Ok the story is now in the halfway point! :yay: The newest chapter was a bit... Darker than I suspected it would be, so the story now has a teen rating. No real gore, but there is a fairly brutal fight. I have also edited a picture for the fic using images from the show. It's not very good but I'm hopeful it's better than nothing. Thank you to everyone who has read and enjoyed my story so far and thank you for all the comments and support.

Parodies, we need more parodies!

Consider tagging Twilight as a main character in addition to the mane six tag. It helps people see that she is the most important to the story.

Something I noticed,
a tall orange unicorn with green hair called Snails, and a short green unicorn with orange hair called Snips
The way it's written right now makes it look like the green hair is called snails, and the orange hair is called snips. You may want to say something like "Snails, a tall orange unicorn with green mane and tail, and snips, a short green unicorn with orange mane and tale."

1213811 1227935 Thanks to both the comments. And I'm always willing to take constructive comments. Thanks for them, and I have edited the story slightly with the advice you gave, thank you.

Now to everypony else, I am happy to say the next chapter is on the way! I've just been kinda distracted lately. But I'm working on it, I swear! And I'm very hopeful it will be worth the wait.

As I've been reading this, I've enjoyed it quite a bit. One thing that's been bothering me, and I know this is horribly unhelpful but I can't explain it better, is it seems like the story is rushed. Kinda like everything is happening in fast forward. I know that's unhelpful, but maybe you can see what I mean.

I just hit a hiccup so next chapter might be delayed further. My HD crashed, which had the majority of the next chapter saved on it. Hopefully I can recover it along with other things, but if not the majority of the next chapter will need to be rewritten.

This defiantly has a better flow than the earlier chapters did. I like what you are doing. Don't be afraid to break away even more from what the original show story was. If you can take the story in a direction of your choosing, while using the world of Avatar and the character personalities of MLP, I think you can have an amazing story.
Look forward to more:pinkiecrazy:
Also, FIRST!!

1453023 Thanks for the kind comments, they give me good mlp nourishment :P And yeah, I like to think I've been developing a lot as time goes. This time I only had like 4 errors that my friend found. ^^ Amazingly this chapter was originally supposed to be one chapter, but it ended up having to much so I made it a two-fer.

Also, as a side note. I wrote a little side non canon side thing to this on my deviant art page. It's format doesn't work on fimfiction. But for those who want a little random humor, check it out. Finally, the next chapter is underway. and I have it... Mostly thought out. Putting it into words will be the hard part. :x

And done! With this arc finished, Only about 3 arcs to go until the story is finished ^^ Well, book 1. I'm going to likely take short breaks between each arc to write a short story or parody thing, to stop me from getting burnt out on the story. The side story is almost done though, so I'll be working on this again soon.

Giant friendly mushroom!:pinkiehappy::derpytongue2::applejackconfused:

Think that is a reference to this:
Part of Sokka's finest moments in Avatar.

141680 The fact that the it was changed shows that...(what the heck? I can't find the author's name from inside the story anymore!?)

......The author, has a whole lot more courage than you would in breaking traditions.

If the fire nation had attacked, I probably would have dropped this story like a hot potato.
The fact that the author is not only bending one world to fit the other, but both- shows a proper respect toward both series.

It also makes it more fun to read.

Comment posted by Sketchy Markks deleted Mar 21st, 2013

academy, not to mention one of our biggest importers of out of country goods. Though I think water country has it occupied still, but-" She was cut off as the ponies of the village began to shriek and run into their homes.

Twilight looked around frantically, but it wasn't until she looked up that she saw what the problem was. Four of the guard pegasi wearing water nation armor had returned and were attacking the flying rainbow blur. One of the pegasi were sent flying, landing on a cloud and not moving much after, but the other three finally managed to get a hold of it and bring it down to the ground. "LET ME GO!" Dash screamed as she kicked and thrashed about, but they began to tie her up with a great deal of difficulty

Your dialouge is pretty good. However, your transitions, scene setup, and detail are rather poor.

1227935 orange mane and TAIL.

I wouldn't think that ALL the characters in the story have long tales to tell. XD

2297707 Why thank you. I really did try to meld the worlds rather than just creating a ponies in avatar world, since frankly I'm sure people who read this have already seen both stories. If they wanted to see that series they could just watch the shows, this way they have a brand new ish series they can read. Though, my main fear is that I'm drifting to far from the source material, but I'm happy someone likes it. ^^ Also to the other comments, yeah v.v When I first started this story I really wasn't that good. I've been steadily improving as I write, but I still have a long way to go until I'm good. I practice every day though and will be continuing the next arc soon, hopefully the new chapters will show improvement over my past chapters.

First chapter of the final arc is done ^^ Two more chapters and this book is finished, woo hoo! Doesn't seem to be updating correctly though, so I'm not sure if anyone can see it or not. I think they can so here's hoping. Thanks to everyone who has supported and encouraged me during this.

Did I just see a Discord..?

I did! I did just see a Discord!

It's done! The second to last chapter for the book is done! One more to go and this story is finished. Well, except the final edit I hope to get one day, but eh. I don't know how long the last chapter will take but I hope everyone is as excited about it as I am.

It's certainly an interesting concept... But it's not very well written.
Maybe it's just because I'm so overtired, but there just didn't seem to be any flow at all, and it all feels very rushed and unpolished.
Now, for all I know your later chapters may be much better... But I think I'll be waiting for the rewrite.

I like it. But if you kill Rainbow off I will personally hunt you down. :pinkiehappy:
Also, make sure Littlewing dies a horrible death, please. :pinkiecrazy:

Done! It's done! Ah hah hah hah! :pinkiecrazy: It took over a year but it's done, yesss! Yessss! Now I can die in peace without fear that this story will no longer be finished...*prepares to crawl into the crypt. Remembered there are two more books to write.* .... Buck dang it.

Please ensure that Littlewing receives plenty of pain. :pinkiecrazy:
Hope to see the next part soon.

I hope to see this continued; The last airbender and MLP are my two favourite shows.

I think I'll keep an eye on this writer...

Some mishaps with the grammar (Your states ownership. The correct word is you're, as in You Are), Still, interesting...

I dunno. This sure seems to have potential, but it seems more tied to the movie than the series at this point, and you should stick to the superior source that took its time to develop everything, the show.

Huh. At first I was kinda skeptical that this would work, but I think the concept's working a lot better now. It's not a pure avatar walkthrough. Rather, it's kind of a blend between avatar settings and the MLP formulas and stories. It's actually pretty clever all things considered.

Huh. After reading this, I actually think I'm going to embrace this story wholeheartedly.

It's got some avatar laws to work through, but pony metaphysics to deal with. Also, the scope of Twilight's urgency is much greater. It means more plot, but also more potential. That being said, I want you to be VERY careful on how much you include/exclude princess rarity. After all, you don't become one of the most complex characters in animation just by exposition.

Wow. This just gets better and better!!! The way you integrated the blue spirit seemlessly into Spike's crush on rarity. Wow. Also, this is probably the first time we've seen rarity's softer side. Wow. This is great.

Woooooo!!!!! That was fantastic! This has to be the most creative adaptation of the original avatar story into the MLPFIM conventions I've ever seen.

It's not a straight retelling, but it is utilizing the storylines of avatar such as the blue spirit, the "Avatar Roku" plot point. The "Alicorn state", Twilight as Aang, Rarity as Zuko, Celestia as Iroh, Trixie as an even more manipulative Zhao. and you're obviously setting us up for AJ to be Toph. That being said, I love the little twists you work into this. That it was Spike's affection that had rarity back down. That it was a dragon who acted as temporary appa until he had to drop them off. that the wonder and shadowbolts are both important. That twilight went it alone, and then came back. That we have a reference to jong jong in the earth kingdom city, and that the mother ursa was the ocean spirit to swamp the attacking water unicorns.

It's all great, interesting, and well done stuff. You better come out with books earth pony and unicorn or there will be much nerd raging from me.

2608424 I'm going to be completely honest. I've never seen the movie >.> I'm skeptical it is as bad as people make it out to be, namely since the guy was trying to squeeze an entire season of well designed episodes into less than two hours. I wouldn't envy anyone that task. Now, onto the comments... Thanks ^^ I'm amazed anyone managed to read it all in a day, and it was really nice seeing your thoughts as you went though it. Was a real confidence boost that I sorely needed ^^ Also, the Jeong jeong thing, I almost didn't do that. I was originally going to have her meet them alone, but I really wanted Vinyl and Octy to be together and decided that was the best way to do it. Also I felt it added more to the suspense near the end. Both shadow and wonder bolts are pivotal elements that I love, so tossing the shadow bolts in was just a must.

I honestly was going to try and follow the avatar story more, but then I just went 'buck it' and made water nation the bad guys. In the end I started getting good feed back from people and it really has given me the courage to try and meld the stories. Both are such A+ titles that I knew just telling avatar with ponies or mlp with avatars would never be enough to be worth peoples time(atleast with my writing).

In the end, thanks for the feed back. Feed back is my favorite part since it lets me know what I need to work on. I'll probably start rewriting the story soon, at least the first chapters since those seem to be the key complaints. I like to rotate what I write, so one chapter of my book followed by a fanfiction/new story chapter, then so on. Fortunately my rewriting time is almost twice as fast as my first time writing speed. ^^ The next two books are already semi planned, I just need to get the rough draft and plotline settled better. That and probably rewatch season 1 and 2 since I hadn't watched them in years when I started this >.> Just goes to show how amazing the show was that I kept so much of it in mind.

As a side note, I gab a lot it seems. >.> Just felt really good to see someone read and liked the story especially since I've been feeling really down lately. Was an amazing pick me up so thanks. ^^

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