• Member Since 10th Jul, 2011
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

PatchworkPoltergeist


Some dork on the internet that likes ponies and flower symbolism way too much.

T

Spoiled Rotten knows her best years are behind her. The time of flowers, whirlwind romances, and the luxury of rejecting suitors has passed. Now is the time for husbands and cradles, and she still has neither. With the clock ticking and a string of failed relationships trailing behind her, she fears it will stay that way.

So when one of the rare earth pony elite appears at a Canterlot party, despondent, alone, and (possibly) single, it’s an opportunity too good to pass up. And it’s been so long since Spoiled’s met a stallion she genuinely likes.

History says it won’t last. Common sense warns it won’t work. It’s a one-in-a-million chance, and luck’s never been on her side before. But Spoiled has to try. She can’t afford not to.


(In continuity with The Silver Standard, though reading is not required.)

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 38 )

The best hope we have for quality fanfiction is now as it was years ago, the result of the efforts of our freind Patchwork Poltergeist. We are fortunate.

What moments divine, what rapture serene,
Till clouds came along to disperse the joys we had tasted,
And now when I hear people curse the chance that was wasted,
I know but too well what they mean;

So don't let them begin the Bayguine... :raritywink:

Ah, the blooming of true love. Like the calling of the skylark in early Spring, the first hint of dew on the grass in the morning, the tender wee cry of a baby when it's born...

Magical. Wonderful. Truly Unforgettable.

Wait a minute...

( Sees who the featured couple are)

That poor bloke....

You make a rock-solid case for this unpopular yet canonical ship with a mature, nuanced, and plausible relationship between grown Ponies.

This fic is "adult" in the very best sense of the word. Bravo! :twilightsmile:

“Too early, if you ask me. The night’s still young, Mr. Rich; Celestia won’t raise the sun for another five hours.” Spoiled swept in closer, letting her tail tease across his. “We could take in the Canterlot nightlife, maybe a walk through the gardens. I got a patch of irises for mine last week, but never got around to planting them.”

“Really, now?” Mr. Rich’s eyebrows rose a few centimeters. He grinned. “What kind are they?”

She grinned back. “Pretty little pink and purple ones, with long, soft petals. The soil’s fresh and all set for planting. You could help me till it, and I could show you the peach tree.” It grew no peaches, but blossoms still bloomed upon the branches. Still a perfectly good tree.

“Well, I do have some experience gardening at night.” The tip of Filthy’s tail brushed Spoiled’s flank.

“I don’t doubt it, Mr. Rich.”

“You know, I bet you’re the type with one of those big, lush, manicured lawns. Am I right?”

Spoiled nodded. “White rose bushes, too. And kingcups.”

O.O

Such talk! I had to check the story's rating again.

Edit: Oh, it is teen. For, uh, alcohol and salt?

A good look at both thier characters. Spoiled as a gold digger who looks at benefits for herself first and foremost and Filthy as a decent pony who loves his town and daughter.

Ever notice in Do Princesses Dream of Magic Sheep that Filthy dreamed himself in some other mare's house? Have to wonder if he wants to wander due to the lack of legitimate care and feeling from Spoiled.

6985290

It works perfectly as an expression of formal flower language, as metaphor for both of their failed relationships, and as dirty talk.

We are approaching Cole Porter levels of wordplay here.

6986254 In my opinion, we're not seeing Spoiled as a golddigger, or at least in the current time, but instead a mare that's had it with messing around and wanting something good and real. Just look at the paragraphs she almost gushes at Diamond Tiara.

>>RobCakeran53

She is not so much gushing as she is being pleased that Diamond looks like the type of child she would have no issues with. She judges her age and her looks and how she holds herself and does it with a definite hint that if she weren't so pleasing to the eye and looking like she could be molded into a younger version of herself that she might have had some issue.

She just met Filthy and she is sitting there planning out how she can raise this child. She hasn't even fully developed a relationship yet and she is running through her head how to raise Diamond (without having met her). She is concerned about her reputation and own self dignity and clearly sees Filthy as an opportunity.

I don't think she completely lacks any fondness for him. His acceptance of her name (they are right who names their kids so cruely?) and his more open and honest additude compared to the rich Canterlot elite make him enduring to her I think. But his station as a single rich pony who seems ready for a bounce back relationship is what is her focus for sure.

6984221
Aw, you. :raritywink:


6986953

She is not so much gushing as she is being pleased that Diamond looks like the type of child she would have no issues with.

It's both, really. Diamond is just a really darn cute kid and easy to like from a photo. By amazing luck she also just happens to look like she could be a biological daughter, as if the past ten years (and the ridicule that came with it) never happened.
Spoiled's from an upper-class world, so marriage is huge and legacy is everything, and you don't get a legacy without heirs. Almost nobody in Canterlot (in her social class) is interested in someone who can't give them one. Spoiled's drowning and grabs the first raft she sees...it just happens to be that the raft is a cruise liner.
Not an altruistic reason, but it's all she's got.

6986569

a mare that's had it with messing around and wanting something good and real

And some of this, too. Don't think she was looking for it, and might not even realize it, but now that she's found it, she doesn't want to let go. Homegirl went from drowning and to falling.

6986473
Why let flowers do one job when they can do three?

6985290 Watching your sodium intake is important, kids!
I think this is the first time I rated something T...not sure if it earns it, but with more adult themes (and booze) I erred on the side of caution.

6984501 Aye, she's a ship what sails rough an' thar be rats in the galley but I love 'er all the same.

6984278
Literally nothing could ever go wrong with this set up. Nope.

So... Spoiled Rotten is DT's stepmom!? :pinkiegasp:

6988220 That was a lucky escape (for DT). Shame this'll never be canon...

6988220 That would be, evil stepmom, which is even more perfect. :trollestia: Much to the chagrin of actual stepmothers, who largely buck the stereotype.

Overall this was very high quality, and the flower bit was deliciously clever.

Wow. You did it again, PatchworkPoltergeist! :pinkiegasp:

Spoiled Rotten was quite a nasty character when she showed up in the show, and her first appearance in The Silver Standard, where she deftly shanks Silver Spoon with a verbal knife in the ribs, just solidified that. And here, in a wonderful example of authorial judo, you flip things around, and show things from her perspective, giving her depth and complexity, and making her actually sympathetic.

She's ambitious, obviously, and looking out for herself, but that's not all there is to her. She is interested in Filthy Rich as a person and a stallion, and not just because he's rich, or because marrying him would shut up her family, and give her a good way to get out of Canterlot (and yet, Ponyville is close enough that she could easily continue her career in Canterlot). And she really wants to be Diamond's mother, to have a daughter she can love and guide and raise.

I think that she and Diamond would have a lot happier and healthier relationship, if Golden Glitter wasn't in the picture any more. But Di has that stubborn streak of her own, and refuses to give up on her mother, and probably idolizes her more than she'd deserve because GG is living the glamorous life far away, and Spoiled is the stepmom she has to live with all the time, the good and the bad days alike.

6988220
You get to see Diamond's biological mother in The SIlver Standard. Let's just say that she's done her part in shaping Diamond Tiara into the filly she is.

A very good fic about Spoiled Rich's origins as Diamond Tiara's mother. And it fits together seamlessly, you chose the age of Diamond Tiara here and the amount of years before the events of "Crusaders of the Lost Mark" perfectly.
That's a very accurate story and it doesn't need imagination to see that it easily could have been that way.
And your descriptions and all the fancy talk by Spoiled Rich Rotten and Filthy Rich are nailed too and create the right atmosphere.
Same for Spoiled's personality. The part where she looks at the photos from Diamond Tiara and thinks about her..... It's downright creepy.
You can read out of these paragraphs how she's already making plans to form Diamond Tiara according to her will.
Fantastic writing. My favourite part:

His accent leaked between the words and it sounded like sunlight pouring over the mountains. Spoiled swore the bar got a little bit brighter with every word.

My second-favourite part:

Spoiled swept in closer, letting her tail tease across his. “We could take in the Canterlot nightlife, maybe a walk through the gardens. I got a patch of irises for mine last week, but never got around to planting them.”

“Really, now?” Mr. Rich’s eyebrows rose a few centimeters. He grinned. “What kind are they?”

She grinned back. “Pretty little pink and purple ones, with long, soft petals. The soil’s fresh and all set for planting. You could help me till it, and I could show you the peach tree.” It grew no peaches, but blossoms still bloomed upon the branches. Still a perfectly good tree.

“Well, I do have some experience gardening at night.” The tip of Filthy’s tail brushed Spoiled’s flank.

“I don’t doubt it, Mr. Rich.”

“You know, I bet you’re the type with one of those big, lush, manicured lawns. Am I right?”

Spoiled nodded. “White rose bushes, too. And kingcups.”

I've never seen that paraphrased in such an eloquent and stilistic way. :raritywink:



Your good name as a writer of MLP: FiM fanfiction is not exaggerated. One day I can write like this. One day.
And I assume this will be on Equestria Daily in due time?

Great, now I'm the flankhole for all those nasty things I said about Spoiled Rich on The Silver Standard. :ajbemused:

But seriously, what an interesting take on a less-than-stereotypical type of romance. Spoiled has found her legacy, and it's an adorable 7-year old. I bet Spoiled Rotten only wants to plan two more weddings for the rest of her life: Hers and Filthy Rich's and then Diamond Tiara and whatever young stallion Spoiled approves of.

Spoiled did get fantastically lucky here. I wish we could see a little bit of her married life with Filthy, when Diamond Tiara isn't around.

I love the idea that even the most sophisticated earth pony socialites have private gardens and flirt with floriography. I feel compelled to point out, even in the face of overwhelming fan love of the Canterlot Unicorn/Titled Noble Elite concept, that if you watch any episode that shows the "Canterlot Elite," whether it is Sweet and Elite, either Gala episode, or the attendees of the Canterlot Wedding, you'll notice it's about 50/50 earth ponies and unicorns. Earth ponies are not a tiny minority in the Canterlot Elite.

6988220
Yep. Circumstances with my in-progress story more or less forced my hand in that. And in this fic, really.

6994982
I'm rather pleased at how this turned out myself. I can plan and map and brainstorm all I like, but I never really know a character until I sit down and write them. Spoiled isn't fond of most ponies or most places. Fil's one of those rare exceptions. She really loves the idea of Diamond Tiara, but the actual Diamond Tiara is...complicated.

I think that she and Diamond would have a lot happier and healthier relationship, if Golden Glitter wasn't in the picture any more.

*shrug* Maybe? She sure doesn't make things any easier, at least. In the back-burners I've got a quiet idea for a greater scope of Rich family drama to explore this whole tangled thing but gods know when I'll get to it, if ever.

7005436
The sunrise in Filthy's voice is my favorite part, too, I think. That line made me want to actually publish instead of keeping it to myself as a writing exercise.

The part where she looks at the photos from Diamond Tiara and thinks about her..... It's downright creepy. You can read out of these paragraphs how she's already making plans to form Diamond Tiara according to her will.

Mm-hm. Diamond fits into an idealized idea of a family Spoiled's had for a long, long time. (Listening to Disneyland Can Wait while writing that part didn't help the creepiness factor at all)

One day I can write like this. One day.

I'm sure one day you'll write even better.

And I assume this will be on Equestria Daily in due time?

I submitted it last week, so here's hoping!

7005653

I wish we could see a little bit of her married life with Filthy, when Diamond Tiara isn't around.

"Well, Spoils, we've got the whole house to ourselves all week. How's about we..."
"Yes?"
"Do our taxes."
"...Fil, are you flirting or being literal?"
"Both!"
(I also like the idea that Filthy calls her "honeywallet")

I feel compelled to point out, even in the face of overwhelming fan love of the Canterlot Unicorn/Titled Noble Elite concept, that if you watch any episode that shows the "Canterlot Elite," whether it is Sweet and Elite, either Gala episode, or the attendees of the Canterlot Wedding, you'll notice it's about 50/50 earth ponies and unicorns. Earth ponies are not a tiny minority in the Canterlot Elite.

...huh. You know, you're actually right. I tend to think of Canterlot as a city of unicorns (and Manehattan as a hub for earth ponies and Cloudsdale for pegasi) but just looking at the numbers, it's a pretty even mix. (I see it more as, like, 60/40 but let's not get petty), Even so, if fancy earth ponies aren't rare, they could still feel that way in Spoiled's particular crowds.

7009413 Fair enough, unicorns did have most of the speaking role in that episode.

Thinking again about this story, it's really about how Spoiled Rotten fell in love with two different ponies at once, even if one of them was only through looking at photos.

7009413
On the Gala, nothing says that all the Earth ponies in attendance are from Canterlot. (I tend to see Canterlot as fairly heavily unicorn-dominant city, not a monoculture or anything, but a definite bastion of horn-headed privilege.)

7009817 It's not just the Gala. Watch Sweet and Elite, especially the montage of all the rich and fancy ponies in Rarity's song. Half of them are earth ponies! Canterlot probably is majority unicorn, but the wealthiest members of its elite appear to be split between two of the three tribes. My guess is Canterlot is where many very wealthy earth ponies move too in central Equestria, while their poorer cousins stay in the farming towns.

7009413

I'm sure one day you'll write even better.

Hmm, motivational speech or an expression of modesty on your part?
I sure hope I will, though, getting at your level would be something I'm content with and already more than I can imagine right now.

My God, you made Spoiled Rich somewhat sympathetic. Not entirely, of course. She's still driven by self-interest and a desperate attempt to salvage her image. But I can genuinely believe she'll come to love Filthy. It remains to be seen if she'll ever recognize Diamond Tiara as an independent equine being as opposed to a malleable little status symbol.

Also, I really like the "Boy named Sue" hypothesis for Filthy's name.

In all, a fantastic story. Thank you for it.

I'm figuring this is Filthy's hate-Valentine to his ex:

AUGH you HUMANIZED(equinized?) her!

and you DID A GOOD JOB OF IT.

HOW am I supposed to see this character again without IMMEDIATE IGNORANCE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF REDEEMING QUALITIES?

This is amazingly well done and the nuance you've put into the setting really sells the story.
Thanks for a good read.

I reviewed this story as part of Read It Later #47.

My review can be found here.

6984221
So, what you're saying is... This is a constant?

Phenomenal work, Patch. This here is proof that a good author can make a great, emotional story with even characters few people like. Best story I've read in the last few months, easy.

The gardening double entendre was golden, especial because I think she was being literal, but he had other designs in mind.

What I take most from this story is a curiosity about the future. I'd like to see how the Spoiled that you portray becomes the one in the show. Maybe she doesn't hate Ponyville as much as Filthy's ex, but I'm sure your Filthy didn't expect her to have such a "better than thou" attitude town common folk. When the Spoiled you have written becomes the one we know in the show, does he realize it too late, does he accept it or just put up a facade of love?

I enjoyed this read.

I got to say, I like it.

Awesone. Much of this is going into the SWSV canon now. You handled the characters perfectly.

This was a delightful little short story. I like it a lot!

7440250 Even nothing isn't constant.

It usually ends in a Big Bang. :raritywink:

I don't know why I didn't read this sooner. This is awesome.

This is an excellent expansion on The Silver Standard. Really gives you a feel for both Filthy and Spoiled. I actually really enjoy the dynamic they got going on! Their relationship is to the point, but not without its frills. Well done!

Well I can saw
A woman in two,
But you won't wanna look
In the box when I'm through.
I can make love
Disappear--
For my next trick, I'll need a volunteer!

(Can't imagine why I didn't remember this one until now)

EDIT: and for those who want to try it for themselves--The Haymaker:

3/4 ounce Bourbon
3/4 ounce triple sec (or curacao, Grand Gala, Grand Marnier, etc--anything orange)
3/4 ounce dry vermouth
3/4 ounce lime juice

A "Haymaker" was also a term for a roundhouse punch--which was not a party drink but a very definite, fight-ending, full-body blow with the fist.

“You’d better get used to it, because this won’t be the first time.

I assume you mean "last time".

So I finally got around to reading this because Diminishing Returns recommends I do so, and I'm glad I did.

9112988
I think your image is a little broken there, pal

9113864
Texts from Mordhaus #617. Google user content not okay here? I can see it just fine. SFW.

EDIT: shows up on my both my phone (Android) and my laptop (Windows, Chrome browser).

I dunno, your ISP hate Brendon Small? :pinkiecrazy:

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