Ghost Mike's Ponyfic Review Monday Musings #82 · 11:38pm Oct 2nd, 2023
…Well, thanks to the first botch I’ve had from Ryanair in donkey’s years (despite their reputation, they are very reliable for short European flights), one that forced a different plane to be used three hours and twenty-five minutes later, I arrived home just late enough from UK PonyCon to miss Monday Musings going up on Monday. 
Least by British time – it’s still on time for the Americans in the crowd! 
I’d like to say that was the only mark on the weekend, but I also must have tempted fate with last week’s blurb, because I picked up a loss-of-appetite bug again, which only manifested enough to be confirmed the morning I went out. I was largely able to soldier through it and keep myself able and active enough, especially as it went on, what with knowing how to manage it. But it was strong enough the first half of Saturday to actively derail my ability to enjoy that chunk of the con, sadly. So I can’t in good conscience call it better than last year (without that, it would be very close, though I’d still give the personal win to that year, partially for the Andrea-signed Pinkie plush)
It wa as great a time as could have been had otherwise, at least (and yes, you’d better believe Kelly Sheriden and Elley-Ray Hennessy were the absolute jewels in their two big panels), so I do still look forward to documenting it shortly for you all, even if it will be a bumpy thing to read as a result. Now, as it’s late and even my kind needs a similar amount of sleep to humans and ponies, I’m turning you over to my pre-prepared post. 
As promised week in and week out, here’s another quintet of horsewords to review. Strong batch this week, I’d honestly say, not just in the ratings, but in no fic delivering less than my expectations, and some above it enough for another tier. Never look that kind of gift equine in the mouth! 
This Week’s Spectral Stories:
Stormy Seas by Rahheemme
Evil Must Be Healthy by Rune Soldier Dan
Twilight de Bergerac by TCC56
And Yet, What Riches Still Await by PatchworkPoltergeist
The Sister Sidestep: Sweetie Belle by Impossible Numbers
Weekly Word Count: 28,441 Words
Stormy Seas by Rahheemme
Genre: Slice of Life (w/mention of Sex)
Tempest Shadow, Mrs. Cake, Pinkie
10,349 Words
March 2023
There are few things that could cause Fizzlepop Berrytwist, formerly Tempest Shadow, to settle down in a place even temporarily, but an unexpected pregnancy is one of them. So she has rented a cheap apartment in Ponyville, biding out her time until she’s ready. Something she doesn’t think she’ll ever be. One day, deep in the throes of the low-energy, hindered movement stage, an insatiable craving for sugar finally lures her to Sugarcube Corner. Which, as it so happens, is run by a mother herself.
I know the cover art may prod your line of thinking in the direction of that genre of pregnancy fetishism fics, but this is nothing remotely like that. And while there is a fair share of descriptions of what it’s physically like for Tempest, from the kicks to the various ways the weight manifests itself, it’s always tasteful.
Tasteful is a pretty apt description of the whole thing, actually. We’re far enough into both Tempest’s pregnancy and far enough removed from the events of the movie that she’s not the “trying to adjust to living amongst her former enemies” take you usually get. There certainly is still that, and enough implication that she’s taken to being a nomad before this, but it’s not emphasised more than it needs to be. The same goes for her old reputation, and the fear of what being her child will do for the reputation and life of her foal: present, but not lazily dominating things.
No, Tempest is mostly experiencing the feelings all single mothers do: the physical pains, the emotional worry, the feeling of being totally unprepared. Opposite her we have Mrs. Cake, bringing the sweetness both Tempest and the fic need, and thus over the reminder of its unhurried 10K, her comfort, experience at managing twins and Pinkie (both putting in useful cameos of their own), does a lot to ease Tempest’s worries. For one looking for the often-teased but rarely-fulfilled possibilities that can be done with character analysis where pregnancy is involved, this is a delectable little fic.
If a bit slight and loose for my tastes. Which is kind of the point, of course, given the setting and incident and topic, but especially in its gradual modulation between different events throughout Tempest’s stay at Sugarcube Corner that day, from being alone to other ponies being about to later appearances of Pinkie and the young Cakes, and the eventual conclusion, it’s that rare story that isn’t distractingly unfocused or anything, but much of it is kind of just ambling along. It’s enjoyable enough that you probably won’t heavily mind the length, I didn’t, but it would for sure play strongly were it snugged up rather than bloated like the mother-to-be.
Regardless, this is a really surprising and unusual fic both for Tempest and the topic. One I think most people owe it to themselves to try. It’ll pleasantly surprise you quite a bit.
Rating: Pretty Good
Evil Must Be Healthy by Rune Soldier Dan
Genre: Comedy/Slice of Life (Alternate Universe, preemptively)
Opaline, Misty
4,166 Words
September 2023
Having only the one minion means Opaline has no one to take care of things when that one minion falls ill. Thus, it falls to her to infiltrate the pony dwelling for medicine, and thereafter, do Misty’s busywork back at the castle. As well as looking after her, which leaves her rather prone to thinking about what the little unicorn means to her. Something she will avoid doing, as that kind of self-doubt is not fitting for the perfect alicorn.
First disappointment: the cover art lies, for this is not set when Misty is a filly, but firmly in the era of Make your Mark. Something I got over in a flash, but fair warning. Though if I were Rune Soldier Dan, and I came across that art, I’d pick it too, so fair is fair. It’s less egregious than an Alicorn Twilight fic having Unicorn Twilight on the cover art, anyway. EDIT: Now the fic uses replacement cover art – done as unsolicited fan art of the fic itself! – this no longer applies.
While there are many bigger problems I have with G5 than Opaline, she is rather resolutely on the list too, as is the particulars of how they portray the relationship between her and Misty, totally incapable of actual drama or character in favour of whiffy one-note ham out of a pantomime. So a fic like this, one with a patently obvious narrative in detail from the premise alone and that will have some degree of sympathy on Opaline’s part toward her minion in there somewhere, certainly had an uphill battle.
So, colour me rather surprised it worked, as I tend to be sceptical of the “unwavering faith” approach to even the worst canon having promising potential (not that this is the worst, it isn’t, but you get my point), too prone to the extra leap to make it actually work remaining in the author’s head. That’s not untrue here – Opaline is Dan’s favourite part of G5, after all – but there’s a tonal balance and delicate light touch here that won me over.
This actually takes more cues from Tell Your Tale than Make Your Mark, with the sequence of Opaline poorly undercover in Maretime Bay to get sick medicine for Misty easily one of the best attempts I have seen to translate (and improve!) the tone of the webseries, with plenty of dumb jokes at Opaline not getting basic concepts about pony society, medicine, raising or being nurturing, all papered over with a solid narrative voice utterly convinced of herself being right that actually sells this megalomaniac.
On the other end from the comedy, there’s the soft side of Opaline being warmed by compassion as she nurtures Misty back to health, what I was most fearful of, turning out as treacly gunge. It doesn’t, largely for being kept in a range of quietly forcing herself through it, her moments of compassion always being tempered by her ultimate goal, and very efficiently blunt writing that makes many of the story’s last few moments land strongly (Misty asking for a story and the following dialogue especially, with the story itself and what it says about Opaline being a real knockout). Her having the potential, if obviously not the resolve, to be good and sympathetic does a lot both for her and the reader.
This fusion between the Opaline of the two shows (largely taking its cues from the TYT short “Opaline Alone”, one of the few I have positive feelings for), and the resulting mix of restrained buffoonery ham comedy with tempered sweetness lands in a way it shouldn’t. Perhaps the key was making Opaline actually believe the views she always expresses and think she’s doing this for the betterment of others beyond herself. Perhaps not having to deal with the slapdash visuals, awful writing and poor voice direction of the show(s), is to credit. Either way, it’s a good antidote to much of the G5 bile, satisfying for those on board with it all too. Take it from another sceptic. Probably worth reading before this gets made AU proper instead of simply the pre-emptive tag over Opaline’s behaviour here not matching what will likely come.
[I can’t really make sense of the fic’s timeline, though: a cameo by one of the Mane 5 locks this to after Chapter 4, but Misty’s attitude and attachment to Opaline is firmly in the state before that, when she was fully gaslit. Then again, TYT is no stranger to being a chronological melange, and as this runs afoul of the barrier keeping Opaline out, the AU tag does its job.]
Rating: Pretty Good
Twilight de Bergerac by TCC56
Genre: Romance
Twilight, Rarity, Spike
2,431 Words
October 2019Reread
Everyone knows of Spike’s crush on Rarity, yet by now it’s been long enough that even he knows he has no chance, between how beautiful and great he is, and the age and species difference. However, the same time it took to realise this has also allowed Spike to concoct the perfect plan: get Twilight to read the material he’d have done and confess his love to Rarity through someone else she might be more open to, revealing the truth only when she has been won over by the gestures. Unable to turn down her closest friend, Twilight agrees. Complications arise when doing this makes her notice Rarity in a new light herself…
It was a good thing I’d already read this, because I almost certainly would have passed otherwise, for the fic is absolutely not the random comedic farce it seems. Not that it isn’t still funny – Twilight’s robotic behaviour during her approaches to Rarity – but even the humour is rather more grounded than it first seems. Indeed, the tonal balance through of having fun yet also paying respect to the characters above all else is deftly handled, and not least the reason why it kinda earns the titular homage to the classic play (which, fun fact, I once partook in and helped produce as a script supervisor, so it’s a dear one to my heart).
I would not dream of spoiling the end result at the final confession, except to say it results in one of the best Spikes out of left field around, far clever and generous than the show and most usually give him credit for, and the extra epilogue really ties him, it and canon together. For being a slight affair that is mostly still just a treat for RariTwi fans (to be fair, I am more partial to the ship than most, long as it is woven into canon fairly and doesn’t dismiss Spike in the wrong way; small wonder the best ones, namely Monochromatic’s work, are largely AU), it really stands out. As I should have expected from TCC56, who among his many other writing skills, nearly always does right by the characters.
Rating: Pretty Good
And Yet, What Riches Still Await by PatchworkPoltergeist
Genre: Romance/Slice of Life
Spoiled Rich, Filthy Rich
6,071 Words
February 2016Reread
For all her efforts, Spoiled Rotten is still single in her middle age, and the clock is ticking more urgently with each day. Long past the passion of young romances and the freedom of rejecting anypony but the best, she’s willing to settle. Not for anypony, of course, not with what she wants. Just for anypony reasonable. So when earth pony elite Mr. Rich is at the bar of a party looking down, unaccompanied by his wife, she decides to make her move. It’s just good fortune it turns out to be a stallion she can actually like.
As much as I would love to gush about PatchworkPoltergeist’s amazing, one-of-a-kind work in developing the Rich family and the ins and outs of the Equestrian aristocracy, to which this fic is in continuity with their other efforts in the same, I shall refrain, as this is the first I’ve reviewing. All I’ll say for now is their magnum opus The Silver Standard earns its frequency on many users’ Top Fics lists, and hopefully someday I’ll be able to squeeze in a reread of its 296K.
As for the fic in front of us, which is fully standalone (and not just for being the first chronologically, if not the first written), it fully squashes any fears of this being a standard “two ponies meet at a bar” story, or a rote tale of how Filthy and Spoiled met. Which a casual viewer could be fooled for thinking otherwise, being that it is largely just the pair talking while Spoiled finding herself genuinely interested on a personal level without stopping being a gold digger.
That is, indeed, the crux of this fic (and, indeed, Patchwork’s approach to Spoiled as a whole); humanise Spoiled and even elicit some sympathy without ever forgoing that she is a pretty bad pony. Obviously, this far back in the timeline (a couple years before Nightmare Moon’s return, as I recall from Patch’s other related fics) she doesn’t quite yet match her one-at-the-time appearance, yet even when we can’t see the future transition in some aspects of her that don’t match, she feels believable.
The future, indeed, is rather the focus here, what with both ponies wanting to make a better one for themselves. Filthy being Filthy, it’s less about himself and more about his young daughter, as Spoiled comes to learn between both opening up (even herself, to her surprise). To that point, Filthy is even bit the straight shooter she’s not used to among the false Canterlot elite, and it makes for some really delectable conversations as she’s off balance just enough to be more open than usual, but not so much as to totally lose the conversation.
All that probably sounds solid, but still rather standard, and only for the romantics. This couldn’t be further from the truth: even as the clever path taken here is a familiar one, the prose is just excellent, making it all flow perfectly with dialogue that feels fully natural and lived-in but never distractingly so. It really sells, without even having to spell it out, how much these are ponies who have had their failures in the dating game, have been around the block enough to cut through the awkwardness that would dominate most such folks, and just want the real deal and know how to suss it out (it’s ambiguous how much Filthy can see through Spoiled, but he evidently isn’t totally blind, but does see something he likes too). The ambience and quiet desperation throughout just sell the longing and loneliness.
The fic is an almost effortless read, so engaging it is (a lot of side humour of the dry variety keeps things lively, including one of the better meta digs at pony names you’re likely to find). It’s fics like these that makes me always expect an unrealistic quality from most SpoiledxFilthy fics I read, which goes to show just how effortless and effervescent Patchwork makes it look. Don’t pass on it. Or any of their other related fics either, regardless of the order (as I recall, they all make for fine introduction pieces).
Rating: Really Good
The Sister Sidestep: Sweetie Belle by Impossible Numbers
Genre: Slice of Life
Sweetie Belle, Rainbow Dash
5,424 Words
November 2020Reread
Standalone Side-Story to The Sister Sidestep: Scootaloo – Reviewed here
For a change of pace, the Cutie Mark Crusaders are spending a day not with their big sisters, but with one of their friend’s big sisters. Sweetie Belle certainly waltzed into being with Rainbow Dash with a sunny outlook – as repetitive as it gets, you can’t be around Scootaloo’s idolisation of the pegasus and not see some of what makes her so ‘awesome’ – but got somewhat less sunny once it devolved into helping time Dash’s latest stunt. Reflecting she doesn’t quite get Dash’s outlook – there’s just nothing resembling life philosophy here – she’s nonetheless keen to attack Dash from a different angle. You can’t be Rarity’s sister and not figure out a little about how to work ponies into a compatible middle ground.
The first of Impossible Numbers’ three “alternate CMC-big sister” stories, this actually surprised me quite a bit on the reread. I had it in mind that it didn’t come close to the Scootaloo entry. And while that remains my favourite, and there certainly is a little dropped potential here relative to that entry, it impressed me quite a bit still.
Primarily, that’s for how much this emphasises showing over telling, or at least inferring rather than telling. Rarity isn’t not mentioned in the fic, but it’s mostly in regard to how Dash isn’t like her. What isn’t mentioned is how much Rarity has influenced Sweetie Belle, beyond simply just a little taste for high culture. It’s seen in how, almost without even realising it, she anticipates the reactions of Dash in the back half, how she finally manages to cohere her into something beyond flight practice. And in the lead-up, when she’s a little frustrated with Dash but not willing to admit it, the degree to which she starts to come around to understanding Dash’s perfection mentality, especially off the demonstration of the work that goes into what looks like ‘effortless flying’, is very subtly pervasive.
Comparatively, Dash feels a bit of an outsider, with only the lightest hint of her seeing Sweetie Belle’s way of being at the end; we learn a lot about Dash, but it’s largely to the purpose of being a Sweetie piece, this. It certainly gets into Rainbow Dash being far less self-confident then she likes to present, and it’s a good take on that, but that’s most of it. The fic’s length is also an odd one: it’s great to have an Impossible Numbers fic that isn’t chunky (the prose is eloquent, but in a way that matches a Rarity-influenced Sweetie Belle), and yet it feels a little simple and overtly straightforward comparatively. Even as the pivot from a support flight for Sweetie that Dash neglected using a lower gear for, to the contemplation afterwards, is seamless.
That said, if it’s level of introspection and revelations may not blow one away, it’s endlessly fascinating, goes down super easy, and has some delectable character interaction never seen onscreen (I suppose Apple Bloom having had a sequence with Rainbow Dash in “Call of the Cutie” which really highlighted their personality dynamics dictated the choice of pairing here 
). How different characters’ minds approach the same topic rarely runs out of steam when handled competently, and this is strong competency. A very strong Pretty Good, this.
Rating: Pretty Good
Spooky Summary of Scores:
Excellent: 0
Really Good: 1
Pretty Good: 4
Decent: 0
Passable: 0
Weak: 0
Bad: 0
Ah yes, I really liked that PatchworkPoltergeist story. She's really good at taking Diamond Tiara, Silver Spoon, and Spoiled Rich and making them compelling characters without redeeming them.
I'll take that and be happy!
And yeah, this one was part of an old Monochromatic mini-event: the RariTwi Bomb. It was born out of the question of "Twilight knows Spike has a crush on Rarity; how could she fall in love with her without hurting her little brother?" and the rest blossomed from there.
Also: a damn nice set this week. Stormy Seas is the only one I haven't read before, and I really liked all of 'em. Rune Soldier Dan, Impossible Numbers and of course PatchworkPoltergiest are all top tier writers.
Eee~
And now I'm not traveling so I can actually give some good responses!
Alas, that was the only Opaline/Misty pic I could find which conveyed any amount of tenderness.
I have seen a few others since then, but it's not really a common subject.
The possibility that Opaline actually believes her own propaganda is one of the few things that keep me going in G5. Viewed that way, her incompetence becomes a bit endearing as she muddles along just as the heroes do. Otherwise she's an absolutely evil gaslighting abuser who is also incompetent, which just seems a horrible combination as she remains unthreatening and ceases to be amusing.
Is it bad that I've only watched maybe half of MYM?
I guess I kind of put Izzy's awareness down to good ol' inherited Pinkie Sense, or else seeing Opaline talk magically to Misty and never thinking to bring it up.
At any rate, thank you for the review! I am glad the story entertained.
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Away from myself: I read Stormy Seas in a recent horseword binge. I find uncommon pairings delightful so long as I'm close to at least one of the characters. Mrs. Cake has always been the opposite of a guilty pleasure character for me (a cozy pleasure?) - low-key the living embodiment of everything I love about MLP. Not the friendship lasers and castles, not even the simple farmers and dressmakers being heroes, but the pleasant small-town life which never actually really existed here on Earth. A family, a cozy little business for the neighbors to enjoy, and a cozy little life in your own green corner of the world. To have her give wholesome advice and friendship to Tempest of all ponies turned this long read into a pleasant drift down a slow river. It was a pairing and pregnancy story, yes, and ultimately it was Tempest's story. But it was also a celebration of Mrs. Cake's experience and motherly kindness, and there are not very many fics that give the steady gal the spotlight she deserves (and would probably shy from).
I loved Stormy Seas! Will have to give that one a reread.
5748889
Isn't she just? I've read all four of her stories in loose continuity with each other that feature the Rich family, and they just click. Probably off her view of there being no such thing as a villain, and approaching Spoiled with that mindset while not betraying the known fundamentals of her character. Which she does with DT and SS as well, of course, but it stands out more with Spoiled. Any author who can make a immoral character compelling and sympathetic without changing them knows their craft.
5748935
And the fic's still new enough as they go! So we know you loved it, to want to reread it again so soon.
5748893
Ah yes, ignoring the known fact of how Ghost Mike carefully scrutinises the long descriptions of the fics he reads even when he doesn't directly use facts from them in his reviews. Nothing to see here…!
For sure. Largely coincidence, at most a subconscious thing due to wanting a set of reliable folks with quality output as a pre-prepared review week while I was away. But very nice either way.
5748896
Considering how terrible I am at finding ideal cover art [eyes shift to his quintet of published fics all using show/movie screenshots], I felt this in my
bonesprotoplasma.Not at all: I'm only doing it out of habit and to be up-to-date, and because there is so little left.
To be clear, the timeline screwage of that point wasn't really an active problem, and even my bringing it up was more of the "finding extra material to jokily mention" kind rather than being a formal criticism of any sort. And since we've established this is more akin to TYT anyway, it passes as a joke in the moment to a degree.
That is a really special thing about the show, especially in the particular form it takes, and the particular kind of character and personality Mrs. Cake is. One I highly treasure myself, the rare instance of escapism idealism in a fantasy world that doesn't seem blatantly artificial and thus is diluted.
She's rarely a character I actively pick a fic for, but I am far more likely to be happier coming out of a featured appearance by her than the opposite.
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Naw, I gotcha.
G5 is also just so episodic that she really does slot into my brainspace as a Saturday morning cartoon villain that no one takes to seriously.