Ghost Mike's Ponyfic Review Monday Musings #108 · 5:00pm April 8th
Been several themed weeks lately, between my handmittpicked quintet for Monday Musings’ second anniversary, a Scootaloo week, and a spotlight on SockPuppet. Probably too soon for another. But sod it, it’s my blog, and I’ve made good headway on clearing out older reviews that have been gathering dust for ages. So, of all ponies, here’s five fics on… Flurry Heart.
Believe it or not, Flurry Heart actually has more stories than any other character resolutely from the show’s back half (by which I mean Season Six onwards, Season Five being the transitional season, so Starlight and her 4.6K+ fics just miss out), at 936. Only Tempest at 728, Cozy at 714 and Sunburst at 556 come anywhere close (plus Sunny at 560, if we should lump in G5 characters) Boosted recently by the Shining Armor Is a Terrible Dad contest, of course, where she will always be tagged (and the Cadance equivalent three years ago – unsurprisingly, those are her most-tagged months. 
But it’s a mighty impressive achievement, especially considering, as TCC56 noted in his latest character tracking update, that foal characters have had a noticeably bigger proportional drop than the average from 2017 onward compared to thereafter, with Flurry and Button Mash being the only outliers (and Cozy, if she counts).
Mostly, this is for the potential she offers – there are probably fewer characters more suitable to be moulded whatever way the writer wants, with only her power level and upbringing being canon constraints. And it’s the fact of her being an alicorn, and all the dramatic potential that offers which keeps the other Princesses so high, that obliviates the natural reluctance to write baby characters that are effectively props. People age her up, which is fair, given the show ends with a timeskip. One that happens to include a stained glass window of a teenage/adult Flurry having saved Equestria somewhere.
What’s curious, though in a way that fits, is that the fanfiction approach to Flurry, despite being effectively limitless, has nonetheless seen some trends absolutely dominate. Not unlike how the background ponies of the early fandom developed a groupthink that became their “default”. This isn’t as much of a monopoly, but you can basically boil most Flurry fics down to a few categories. There’s ones of her still being a foal but able to talk (sometimes up to the CMCs age), either as a mischievous scamp or having warmer moments with her parents. Fics of her as a teen, grappling with being predestined to be a ruler already or as a rebellious teen. Both of those trends continue to adulthood with a similar divide between sincere and snarky takes, plus whether they’re merely mature (not the Mature rating, but just sophisticated, if you get me) or gritty and dark. And of course, there’s the subset of fics with herself and Cozy, which can fit into any of the above but usually go Flurry being a teen with a dark mindset.
It’s probably not a surprise that none of the above really appeal to me, either for being fluffy comedy/slice of lifes I can get my fix of from other characters (her as a foal), or being rather gritty, dark and mean (most of everything else) in a manner I associate with the kind of writing people tend to associate fanfic with. That, coupled with Flurry fics being a prerequisite to setting the fic after the show’s ending (epilogue expected) makes them a very hard sell for me. But, like with any character, even the Cozy and Starlights of the world, sometimes a fic sneaks in or grabs my interest. Or gets a ringing endorsement. And now I happen to have five, why not throw them out there together?
It wasn’t deliberate, but other than all of these fics having Flurry as a foal (albeit at different age brackets), these do show a wide variety, both of some of the above but also of exceptions to the above. Three have Flurry with one or both of her parents, and they range from a black comedy to a quiet talk. But we also have a sideways approach to her cutie mark difficulties, and a fic with Cozy (there had to be one) wildly different to any other I’ve seen. More importantly, there’s a wide range of personality types to Flurry herself, showing that while it fits some takes dominate across the fandom, they don’t have to be the only way.
Virtually every one of these fics surprised me and at least met my expectations going in, so despite being for a character who’s a hard sell for me, this is quite a strong set. Heh, if I ever did a Cozy themed week (it will never happen), and it fared well, I’ll eat my local portal. 👻
This Week’s Spectral Stories:
A Lesson in Regicide by MayhemMoth
The Flurried Soul and the Troubled Heart by MasterThief
A Chess Story by Captain_Hairball
Idol by Casketbase77
The Roles We (Are Fated to) Play by AltruistArtist
Weekly Word Count: 26,458 Words
A Lesson in Regicide by MayhemMoth
Genre: Comedy/Slice of Life
Cadance, Flurry Heart, Shining Armor
4,458 Words
April 2021Winner of the Cadance is a Terrible Mom contest
Over a simple cup of tea, Cadance’s tranquillity is broken when Flurry Heart asks questions about Sombra, assuming that since rulership of the Empire is passed on, that Sombra must have been Amore’s son, and Cadance his daughter. Cadence is quick to put this down, stating Sombra killed to rule and later she did so to him to save the Empire. Flurry takes all this quietly, considers that she’ll be Princess after her mom, and comes to the only conclusion a seven-year-old could.
Most people will find the concept of Flurry trying to murder her mom to take the throne quicker and avoid early bedtime and homework either gut-bustingly funny, or a slog. I’m one of the few for which it is more middle-of-the-road and execution-dependent, though this is a very wry and capable take on the concept, and it’s easy to see why it won the Cadance Is A Terrible Mom contest three years ago (hey, good timing with the similar one for Shining Armor having wrapped recently 
). The trick is that this is all from Cadance’s viewpoint, and until the last incident makes it clear Flurry’s doing this deliberately, Cadence and Shining are too caught up in Flurry digesting the harsh realities of murder to notice what the gremlin is up to. Even that sounds like it could tip into being too overplayed and dumbing down the characters, but a balance is struck that makes it both more nuanced and more hilarious.
I’m surprised by how much I liked this, given Flurry fics that play into her being terrible are a very hard sell for this spirit. Dark comedy can be really something when it stays on the right side of the line of being too black. If you’re more game for this, feel free to bump it up a rating; it only just missed doing so for me.
Rating: Pretty Good
The Flurried Soul and the Troubled Heart by MasterThief
Genre: Slice of Life
Flurry Heart, Shining Armor, Cadance
1,611 Words
July 2020Reread
Listened to via StraightToThePointStudio's reading
A normal day of training with the castle guards turns decidedly not normal when Shining Armor is summoned to his daughter’s school. Seems she started a fight with several students. In finding out why, Shining uncovers something about his daughter that makes him very proud.
This is a frightfully unambitious piece, with not even a moment of the pretentiousness that sometimes makes its way into even the fluffiest low-key slice of life pieces. I mean that in a good way; it simply wants to present Flurry doing the wrong thing for the right reasons, showing she’s quite the fine little filly with her heart in the right place, and having Shining’s heart swell at how proud he is. The writing of this on the micro level is competent, and certainly has room for better modulation of flow throughout, but it never distracts.
It’s nice to read a piece that doesn’t try to pretend to be something else, and while it’s merely a fine execution of its concept, with nothing to really nitpick but little to overtly admire, it’s a reasonable diversion. Feel-good parenting fluff pieces have their place, after all.
Rating: Decent
A Chess Story by Captain_Hairball
Genre: Slice of Life
Shining Armor, Flurry Heart
2,964 Words
May 2021Reread
After a brief but terrible war leaves him bed-bound, Shining Armor is left with little to do but write about his experiences and what it was like for everypony on the front line. During one of his daughter’s visits, they play a game of chess, and this leads to chatting about why ponies make sacrifices for others they don’t have to, and why they don’t step in when they could and should.
Regardless of its other achievements and deficits – and this fic has both – there’s one specific thing this fic is doing I heavily applaud. Even if the actual story has Shining in a hospital bed, it’s as a result of a stallion surrounded by alicorn rulers – and an alicorn daughter – downgraded from a military commander to a consort, and unable to fulfil his life’s passions of protecting those he cares for. And that he takes risks he didn’t have to. And neither is this played for melodrama either – instead, it’s dealt with a light touch, portrayed as a fact of life, and something he’s pulled through from (plus, it’s not a life-changing injury, nor even a life-altering one, once he’s discharged). It’s the subtext to the story’s actual content, give or take the opening recollecting how he got there, and mostly purring below the surface of Shining’s reflections or talking with an unusually-quietly characterised Flurry Heart. But it’s what makes the story shine.
Of course, the bulk of the story is Shining and Flurry playing chess, and it’s one of those where we only catch fragments of the game (all pieces renamed to Equestrian equivalents, though it’s clear which is which in context), except the parts used to foreground what the two talk about. Namely, Flurry not grasping why Shining felt he had to go off, and why Cadance wasn’t there to protect him in the heat of battle. The tone balancing is superb, making it come across light and lively despite dealing with some heavy topics. Enhanced by the footnotes (which suffer a little from being in a separate chapter, rather than at the end of this one, but oh well). A few charming moments along the way on Flurry’s part, concerning what she’s been reading, among other things, make the piece also shine well as a lovely father-daughter moment. Helps they’re both portrayed as such nerds, very clearly Twilight’s brother and niece.
It all makes for a surprisingly relaxed mediation on one’s worth, what we owe others and when it’s right to step up for them, and when it’s not. Helps it’s all wrapped up in a nice quiet family bonding moment too. I think folks may be surprised by what they get out of this.
Rating: Pretty Good
Idol by Casketbase77
Genre: Slice of Life
Scootaloo, Flurry Heart, Cadance
3,298 Words
April 2020Reread
A recommendation from up high has landed Scootaloo a job as the personal tutor for Princess Flurry. Something she has mixed feelings about, despite her years of experience as a Cutie Mark counsellor, but she’s managing to keep her head held high. It turns out that Scootaloo may not be the only one with trepidation because of the distance between herself and the pony she’s about to meet…
Surprisingly for such a short fic that is basically just one scene in real-time (and which doesn’t switch perspective), this has actual purpose to be split into two chapters, and that’s how the two chapters mirror and compliment each other. The first obviously raises some doubts of Scootaloo as regards nepotism, not helped by the suspicious guard at the gates, and follows it up with the start of the interactions between her and Flurry, the latter hiding something on her body.
Where it goes thereafter is too far to say, but there’s equal parts earned misdirection and pretty involving child psychology on point for Flurry Heart. It’s of a kind that the piece’s brevity rather benefits it, making it sink in all the more. That, and this Flurry, on top of not being the scamp or mood she often is, but neither a bland do-gooder, makes her feel fresh enough for the fic’s goals. This stands in contrast to a Scootaloo feeling out how to act around a kid who needs help (she’s kind of a social worker type here), and the decision she makes on the right approach on how Flurry’s issue is a weird mirror of her own.
Like most of Casket’s snippets, it does basically end after the interesting character point is raised, and you do feel that and are left wanting on some level. But between the raw cuteness of the unusual pairing, the level of depth and thought present here, and an earned uplifting sentiment to it all, it’s another minor, modest yet deserving winner. Those who like thought-provoking layers of character interiority will have a jolly good time.
Rating: Pretty Good
The Roles We (Are Fated to) Play by AltruistArtist
Genre: Romance/Dark/Drama (w/Death)
Flurry Heart, Cozy Glow, Cadance, Twilight
14,127 Words
September 2023
On her twelfth birthday, Flurry Heart has just learned that she will never die. Listening to her parents’ argument about whether she should have been told at all, and still reeling from the shock and knowledge of what awaits her many years from now, she randomly teleports and ends up by a statue in Canterlot her mother once spoke in hushed tones about. Especially the frozen, petrified filly at the top of it. Despite herself, Flurry keeps coming back to the statue, wanting to find out more about this filly. Yet the more she does, the more unnerved she is. Not by her actions, or even her punishment, but by how everyone talks of her.
Holy cow, I can’t remember the last time I read a debut ponyfic this strong. The prose gets flowery at times in ways that show it, but what that prose is telling is so striking (and, by the end, not for the faint of heart) that it largely fades into the background. And even there, the amount of times I was impressed by the pervasive, heavy balance between dialogue, thoughts and silence in many of the contemplative scenes throughout – something I see writers either not bother attempting in favour of lazy talking heads, or fumble when they do attempt it – shows there’s amble technique here.
Those who read a lot of stories with Flurry or Cozy may be quite taken aback at their characterisation here. You know by now that, while I totally understand Flurry getting aged up for nearly all of her fanfics off how little that’s interesting you can do with a baby, outside of the largely-disposable fluff of her as a mischievous gremlin as a filly, the common takes of her as a bratty/rebellious teen, or the more edgy fanfic takes (especially the antihero or villainous ones) just leave me stone cold. It’s really a relief to have a Flurry that is, above all else, anxious in the way of a tween. We do get some moments showing that, in brighter contexts, she can have the bright energy of one too, but this fic’s content is largely highlighting the self-inflicted pressure by difficult issues where all the answers the adults give just make it worse for you. Even as she’s figuring out things behind ponies’ backs, she feels like a child, in her fear and confusion. Having her immortality as an inciting incident for this anxiety that isn’t used thereafter in favour of everything about Cozy is kind of a masterstroke: getting the hoof in the door with ol’ reliable being pulling a bait and switch.
It’s also amazing how much Cozy is built up here even though she’s never a character, just a statue. Power of what others say about one, and the fic being more about others’ takes on Cozy than her herself. Even apart from most being edgy fanfic nonsense I have no use for, FlurryGlow, romantic or otherwise, does nothing for me, and the lack of context is a key reason. This established a context tenfold, and tag be darned, it’s not even really a romance. It’s enough to make a fic that, from the outside, would seem to only have enough context for one extended scene at the statue, tell a whole novelette over 14K and never stop being engrossing.
There’s a certain gamble it’s placing its bets on, by having many of the characters beyond the lead pair being rather callous in a manner that, even giving Flurry’s apprehensiveness and anxiety about the matter and the tone the fic is going for, may be off-putting or feel out of place. It all snaps together at the end, answering a mystery the reader likely won’t realise was even a focus, so subtly have the seeds of questions been planted along the way. That mastery of structure and controlling the reader’s response (which all fiction strives to do, it’s not something to be angry about as a concept) is another very impressive factor at play here.
I’m loath to say much more as the fic’s endgame, an unexpected but totally justified swerve into psychological horror that left me stunned (and impressed by the headcanon), really does dominate one’s impression of the piece. Hopefully the above words show that there’s more to the fic than just its ending. It may be controversial depending on the reader’s beliefs (it’s one of those fics where I recommend avoiding the comments), but it’s an enthralling read.
Rating: Really Good
Spooky Summary of Scores:
Excellent: 0
Really Good: 1
Pretty Good: 3
Decent: 1
Passable: 0
Weak: 0
Bad: 0
An interesting lineup this week. I might be tempted to
stealborrow a few for my own someday.5775821
Sure, two of these come straight from TCC56's Recommendsday blogs (the first and last ones), so it's a pretty circular process.
I mean, that is why I'm here, to provide reading recommendations. That may happen to take the form of being to people who also are in the Ponyfic reviewing game.
Plus, you are always looking for solid shorter fics to fit around the doorstops.
I'm always remember Roles We (Are Fated To) Play by the day it uploaded. I was in the same fic contest, read literally just the first three lines and said out loud at dinner "Welp, I just lost." Just a giant slam dunk out of nowhere. I cannot believe how masterfully Altruist handles prose. You're right, Ghost, this is one of the best author debuts since... I dunno, Lucky Dreams maybe?
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Yep, that tracks. I think I remember a comment of yours on another fic or two I've come to over the years expressing similar sentiments. And I see now that Altruist went on to win the M/M contest a few months later…! Truly an inspirational achievement and work of art.
I can't swear to that, as Lucky Dreams' main profile lists many stories past the 17 still active, and the earliest ones have all been deleted. But I get the greater point of their seeming talent right out of the gate.
Though, hey, you yourself would be a candidate for such a shortlist. Somewhere Only We Know in the site's first day, after all (notwithstanding I don't know how far further back your writing experience goes, but sure that stipulation applies to any author here
).
Aha, one of my proudest little character vignettes! It really is a good day whenever Spooky Mikey gives me a nod. And hey, I remember that Roles story too. The Cozy Glow contests always have incredibly tough competition. (*cough, hack, points hard but not too hard at the results of last year*). Tangentially, what is it about that darned Flurry / Cozy pairing that's so intriguing? Perhaps both characters are loosely defined enough in canon to be molded into whatever dynamic that the author wants to write. Or maybe its just fun to watch children fight.
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Like everything else in life, it depends on how you do it!
Cozy Glow* is a hard-sell for me, but The Roles We (Are Fated to) Play is tempting, if only for the reported quality of the writing.
A Chess Story definitely goes on the list!
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* Damn, but the writers missed a great chance when they didn't make her Chrysalis in disguise. Would have avoided all those, "You sent a child to Hell?!" objections, on top of making Chrissy seem like an effective villain instead of a crazed hobo.
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She is just as much for me too, as you likely had well inferred by now. This was one I added purely off the endorsements (like most fics this week, tbh) and I’m glad I did. It’s not even really a Cozy fic at all, given she remains petrified the whole time. And the Flurry is vastly different from nearly any other Flurry I’ve read, but in a good way. Can’t recommend it enough.
iisaw adds a chess story to his list! No…!
Especially in light of the nonsensical twist of which new character they had be an old character in disguise that they did go for…
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Considering how many fics you’ve done, all largely of the character vignette type, that’s high praise indeed! But I can see it, this one’s quite unique.
Makes me guilty this review sat completed for half a year before seeing the light of day! 
I think it’s that the particular canon roles/upbringing of these two characters – one a princess, the other a villain – is tailor-made for dramatic potential in a way most other foal characters are not without inventing headcanon of their older selves wholesale. It would explain why all other foal characters (except Button Mash, oddly) have seen a sharp decline in proportional usage in the fandom’s “second half” (2016 or ‘17 onwards) compared to the first half, but these two have escaped that.
Myself, I don’t care for either character much alone, and the results together tend to be… very much not to my taste (lot of gritty and dark stuff, and a rather unpleasant characterisation of Flirry is often a thing too). Plus there’s often little “context”, we’re just thrown in the deep end. But I do get the appeal.
"Frightfully Unambitious" is the name of my next band.
In fairness, pretty much all of my stories have come from speedwrites, and being over-ambitious is a good way to not finish what I'm writing. (And there's more than a bit of my own... rather negative school experience in this one.)
Thank you for the review and the advice for improvement!
Took your suggestion and read The Roles We (Are Fated to) Play, and yep. That was a trip. A little slow to start but once Flurry starts to untangle what's going on, I was gripped to the end. Even if the characters' speech are too sophisticated, I was hooked.
And once again, I'm reminded of just how utterly terrify Cadence is when she employs her powers.
5775975
And the reason...
And they shrugged it off... 
Oh suffering stars, I could go on all day about happily living next to a unexploded bomb, but that's been done to death, I suppose. Or maybe not... At least it's an object lesson for people who want to create good and believable stories. *Grumble*
Thanks for the review! Idk why but the 'Pretty Good' rating just got a laugh out of me.
I've been pretty out of it MLP fic wise, so this is also something of a good starting point. Your reviews have definitely gotten me interested in a couple of these ones.
Thank you so much for this review! It was a really lovely surprise to see and I’m immensely grateful for your detailed discussion of my storytelling in this piece. You’re entirely correct that responses to the conclusion tend to dominate feedback I’ve gotten on it, which is why I so appreciate reviews like yours (and the kind recommendation I also received from TCC56), which offer greater exploration into elements such as the narrative development and characterization. Your analysis was so insightful!
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I’ll always remember the upload day of The Roles We (Are Fated to) Play catching me completely off guard! With it being my debut story, it had been in the approval queue for roughly a week and I had no way to realistically anticipate when it would appear on the site (which, despite the contest runner validating its entry prior to that point, was a little stress-inducing). I was at work when it was approved unbeknownst, and when I checked FimFiction hours later, I had been bombarded with notifications I did not expect to receive on my first publish here!
Thank you for the kind words, Patchwork. They mean a lot coming from such an excellent writer as yourself!
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Even if stories are still getting substantial views months after they've debuted (and with 200-odd a month, this one certainly is), comments and feedback always slows to a trickle, because people mostly only comment if others are actively doing it. It's one reason I think getting these is important for the writer of the fic no matter how old the fic is (well, excepting scenarios when they're embarrassed by it on reflection and the like).
I do get why one's response to any work will be dominated by the ending: even apart from being the most recent thing and thus being fresher in the mind to comment on, works of fiction are largely designed for the endings to be the lasting impact anyway. But I think doing so is often a disservice to the work within, reducing it to simply the plot of what happened, or the final emotion. Neither of those things work without the how of the middle.
Naturally, a lot of fics aren't going to give me the opportunity for juicy analysis, which is why I savour when one does. Take pride in that, my friend! You made a hefty thinking fic that is also actually well-written (believe you me, the two often don't overlap even though you'd think they should).
Also, major kudos on the cover art you made for it! There's no doubt the visual beauty of it, and its haunting, ethereal look and feel, was a major contributor towards grabbing those eyeballs in its first few days. Which is no small feat for a 14K+ fic (it's much easier for something to stay in the Featured Box when it's short enough to be readable casually at a glance, though ideally not so short it's just a quick n' dirty fic either).
A week? Gordon Bennett, my first story was only in there for half a day, and that was on the first submission day for Jinglemas 2020, Dec 22nd, which is quite a bottleneck. Has the number of mods on hand to go through and manually approve first-timer stories dropped that much? I hope not, such things aren't a good sign for the site's future…
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I think the review for your story was done over a year ago? It was quite some time ago. So I can't fully commit to my reaction now, but I think it just struck the right balance of its black comedy being macabre yet sweet at the same time. Not something to turn one's nose up at!
And I see you don't really write anymore either. Nothing wrong with that, especially not if you've left behind as solid a body of work as you did, my friend.
wow the first 4 stories I've read but declined to upvote or downvote. Feel like the neutral guy from futurama