• Member Since 10th Jul, 2011
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PatchworkPoltergeist


Some dork on the internet that likes ponies and flower symbolism way too much.

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In the months following the school election, Diamond Tiara has made good on her word to become a better pony. She's behaved herself in and out of class. She's kept her grades up. She's attended family therapy without complaint.
Diamond has done everything that was asked of her.

And now, it's time for Spoiled Rich to hold up her end of the contract.


In continuity with The Silver Standard and Diminishing Returns. Familiarity is recommended, but not required.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 14 )

Oh hey, there it is!

I looooooved prereading this, and I am eagerly awaiting more of it.

Patches being Patches, you guys. You know what to expect, and that is quality.

Seconded. Patchwork is knocking it out of the park with more foalhood dramedy. Fun, feels, and feathers. Can't wait for more! :pinkiehappy:

RBDash47
Site Blogger

10/10 would Patch again

Oh, this is going to be amazing.

Raspberry fondue? That doesn't seem like it'll end well unless the fondue itself is raspberry-based. Those things are so fragile, I'm not sure how many could survive getting dipped in chocolate.

Compassionate Cadance in coitus, what is THAT?

And in the Crystal Empire, Cadence sighed. It was kind of nice to know that ponies considered her enough of a "real" princess to swear by her, but the way they phrased it...

Brilliant brick joke with the handkerchief.

I love Diamond's perspective. A fascinating blend of her father's lessons and her own ruthlessness, even now. Eagerly looking forward to more. And yeah, Dainty had best run for the hills, change her name, and possibly shave off her cutie mark.

Ri2
Ri2 #5 · 2 weeks ago · · ·

I don't think Spoiled is a good mother.

Also, I love this dove/pigeon/winged rat already.

Of course Diamond decided to pick the Philomena of pigeons. And coincidentally, this makes me much more understanding of Spoiled. Being a wedding organizer means that you have to constantly deal with not just the newlyweds, but their families... and Canterlot, it seems, is full of Very Obnoxious Ponies.

9021070
Feels like less Philomena, more Heihei from Moana lol

Just so long as 237 doesn't decide Ferdinand looks delicious.

Run, Dainty Dove! The Mexicolt border is only three days away!

9021050
Spoiled is a terrible mother, but she does seem to be trying. She's just wildly out of her depth. I think she has been told by the therapist the solution to their rift is to just spend as much time as possible with her daughter, so that's what Spoiled will do. Not compromise or show affection, just "spend more time."

Good stuff, if this is even close to the standard set by, well, The Silver Standard, this is going to be excellent.

"or a teacher rap multiplication tables."

Which can actually happen in Ponyville if Pinkie Pie does some tutoring.

Hei Hei was mostly a danger to himself: no, I think this may be the Inspector Clouseau of pigeons. With Spoiled Rich as the Commissioner.

“Oh, that’s right! I did hear you finally tied the knot some years ago. Goodness, I thought that had been a rumor. Suppose I owe Silver Frames that martini.” Carat Cut chuckled to herself. “Well, a belated congratulations to you, Mrs. Rich. It took only—what, two decades? Twentieth time’s a charm, am I right?”

Ah, the exquisite bad manners of the upper class. In our universe they'd be more vulgar. But Equestria is a magical world ruled by an all-loving godhead, so this...is the best it can make of them. And no wonder.

(But--but what about Versailles? What about l'Esprit? L'Esprit was invented by a bunch of nobodies who got invited to court because they'd do anything for a laugh. King Louis could get one just by stomping on an old man's foot. Double points if the fellow had gout.)

Something weird happened to Spoiled’s face, then. Little wrinkles creased around her round eyes, suddenly gone bright and sparkling. The hard lines of her cheekbones softened and rose like a plump biscuit out of the oven. Her bottom jaw slackened, and the corners of her mouth turned upwards.

After a moment, Diamond realized Spoiled Rich was smiling. Like, smiling the way normal ponies smiled, all happy and stuff. It fuzzed Diamond’s mane and made her feel all jumbled and weird and messed up inside. Watching her felt like watching a goldfish tap-dance, or a teacher rap multiplication tables. She might have laughed if it didn’t also feel like somepony had stepped on her stomach.

This is very acutely observed and deftly written.

On one level it says that Spoiled Rich rarely smiles and that Diamond Tiara has noticed this. But on another it states a universal but little-acknowledge truth: children find it unsettling whenever grownups behave out-of-character, even in a good way. Kids are still figuring out the world and they want the parts they think they understand to to stay constant while they figure out the rest. So when a normally-happy grownup bursts into tears or a normally-grumpy one breaks out in smiles, a kid is like No! No! Bring back the OLD Facebook!

Carat Cut narrowed her eyes. “I’m sorry?”

Diamond fluttered her baby blues and tilted her head. “You know about multitasking, right? When ponies work on more than one thing at once? Here, lemme explain it.” She clapped her hooves as if eagerly explaining a science project. “See, our family works for a living, and we do this, like, totally wacky thing where we raise our own foals. Also, I outgrew daycare eight years ago.”

This right here is the prestige. This is the crux of the story. This is beauty and tragedy and head-smacking duh-ness all rolled into one.

Because Diamond Tiara is sticking up for her mom. And neither of them realize it.

She does so indirectly, unconsciously, and only in consequence of sticking up for herself. But it's a positive acknowledgement of the fact that on some level, she finally considers Spoiled her mom. She's already acknowledged it negatively, in making Spoiled the one she rebels against (not Golden Glitter, who's never there, and not Filthy Rich, who's more of a sugar daddy than a father, but Spoiled Rich, who makes sure manners are minded and vegetables are eaten and bedtimes are observed--the parent of the three). But this is Diamond doing so for the first time in an affirmative way.

And in a very Diamond way, by being an impertinent brat who nonetheless takes no shit off anyone.

Furthermore and in conclusion, I give you the happy couple:

rollingstone.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/06/bojack-horseman-best-episode-2017-d92bddfb-308b-4fb4-a66d-a1cb5aadaa43.jpg?crop=900:600&width=440

Their son will grow up to take Applewood by storm and scandalize Equestria with his Abyssinian girlfriend.

That ending is just deliciously devilish, you gotta love it when the shoe drops! Ohhh I can't wait for chapter two. :trixieshiftright:

Oooh a partial sequel! Good timing as I just finished TSS :twilightsmile:

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