• Member Since 10th Jul, 2011
  • offline last seen 9 minutes ago

PatchworkPoltergeist


Some dork on the internet that likes ponies and flower symbolism way too much.

E

Heiress Lucy Burdock knows life has a way of surprising you.

For example, she wasn't expecting a little pink pony for her birthday. She certainly didn't expect it to start talking, either. It was cute at first, but it kinda feels more like taking care of a little kid than a pony. Lucy's never really been great with kids... but she can make it work!

Can't she?

2nd Place in EQD's More Most Dangerous Game contest

Chapters (3)
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Comments ( 103 )

Well, that was just precious. Holy heck that was really something. I have no words other then... will there be more chapters? :heart:

Seeing the world through what is essentially a sentient pet's eyes whose owners are unaware of just how human their 'pet', one basically a the equivalent of about 3 before it says its first words is just wow.

This story made me wish a certain other writer didn't quit his story just prior to its finale...

Whelp, glad to see more high quality work come out of this contest. You've certainly set a good standard in my honest opinion. Best of luck! :heart:

I do hope we get to see the rest of this plays out. All too often with these they just never seem to get far, even the one that had the most promise and chapters of all Pony on Earth DT stories. :fluttercry:

5531760
More chapters are definitely coming. The rough draft is 90% done and the whole thing should be up before Sunday morning.

I think Diamond may have gotten the wrong impression of what School is like. (THANKS DISNEY!)

It can go anywhere from here. The heartache. ><

See you next update!

I really hope this doesn't go in a Flowers in the Attic direction. Also Lucy really needs to beat the truth out of Brian.

Comment posted by Almaska deleted Jan 30th, 2015

Hope you managed to submit it in time!
I'll be rooting for ya! :D

5541076
Well, it doesn't end with incest and murder, at least. (Note: this is literally the only thing I know about Flowers in the Attic)

5539034
...I completely forgot that Anthology clip existed. That made my week.
You just know know Di made poor Maria sing that song with her at least twenty five times.

Well done, Patchwork... well done! :twilightsmile:

You've managed to create a backstory that is BOTH plausible AND sympathetic for everypony's favourite little schoolyard terror.

I'm sure the readers will have no IDEA how to feel... but FEEL THEY SHALL! :pinkiecrazy:

The sad part is... It took Lucy all that time to realize the simplest truth of all, one that even Maria tried telling her back in the earlier days.

She wasn't a very good mommy, was she?

Damn. So aside from the awkward cutie mark gaining through adorning a tiara on her head. Diamond Tiara just left on what could be the worst good bye in the history of goodbyes. I wonder if Diamond actually believes Lucy didn't love her.

Poor Lucy. She didn't even let herself have a proper good bye. Poor Diamond Dazzle Tiara.


P.S. I love how you dropped in that quince. Diamond convincing her dad to have one of those later on.

5546624 haha! I forgot about it myself until your story reminded me about it! It was the first thing to pop into my head when I read that one line. lol

Maria is such a beaut. I can totally picture the first few times before Diamond just started to make Maria go crazy. xD

Such nice moments. And you can even use the excuse of Diamond getting her cutie mark as being that one spark of magic that helped Twilight pinpoint a general location of where to find her. xD

plaid is hideous

HOW DARE YOU!

5546624 True, right up until the end I was afraid Lucy would just get rid of her or something once she got serious about a guy.
That ending man... so many feels. If it wasn't for the presence of Twilight, this would work fantastically well as a prequel to the show, it would certainly explain Diamond Tiara's personality. At first I had only limited sympathy for Lucy, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized, she's supposed to be a female Filthy Rich right? :fluttershysad:

5549880
Well, we could always argue that this happened while Twilight still lived in Canterlot. Half a decade of desperation and with tons of money, I'd believe Filthy Rich was somehow able to get the most promising magical students on the case. But yeah, while indented to be something of a backstory for Diamond the wrinkles with canon keep it from a totally smooth transition. Ah, well.

As for Lucy, well. Lucy ended up with something bigger than she could handle. Or at least, she thinks so. A pony is one thing, but raising a child is huge, much less one that's a different species will all this different baggage that comes attached, so much responsibility, so many things that can go wrong... it's easier not to think about it. Try to just keep everyone happy. By the time it's impossible to deny anymore, it's unfortunately too little too late.

My biggest regret about this story is I didn't have the time or the word count to get more out of Lucy's character, since the bulk of that additional information is just barely there. Had I started this story in earnest a week earlier than I did, she'd have certainly had more point-of-view moments.

5547140
Man, if I'd had open room to goof off and drag the story out longer, this thing would be in serious danger of spiraling into The Adventures of Maria and Annoying Tiny Horse.
Small horse tyrant causing chaos while the maid quietly wonders what her life has become and what she's done to deserve this.


5547116

I wonder if Diamond actually believes Lucy didn't love her.

I wonder that, too. She certainly has her doubts.

5550077 Man, this story already broke my heart, that would have just made it break more!
I know it's really unlikely, but I would love to see how this Diamond adjust to life in Equestria, befriending Silver Spoon, etc.

5550077

Man, if I'd had open room to goof off and drag the story out longer, this thing would be in serious danger of spiraling into The Adventures of Maria and Annoying Tiny Horse.

Small horse tyrant causing chaos while the maid quietly wonders what her life has become and what she's done to deserve this.

I'd read the buck out of a story through Maria's point of view. We'd even get to see more Lucy and get her thoughts on Diamond after she found Diamond is basically a freaking child. They spent so much more time together you'd think Maria was a grandmother or aunt or something. Showing the relationship of such an innocent little chaos pony and show the decline after that whole "You could have just said no." moment.

So many misadventures and just days of Diamond and Maria and Lucy we never got to see all done through other characters POVs and even including Diamond's? Show how Lucy found out about Brian's less than expensive gift even.

SO MANY POSSIBILITIES. And all too many of them hilariously cute with how close Maria and Diamond seemed to be at after a bit. And all those tantrums that were like tiny twisters.

The present tense threw me for a loop, but once I got used to it, it was pretty easy to get into the story. Looking forward to the rest!

That ending was harsh, Diamond. Yeesh.


5545857
I think you replied to the wrong comment.

5550195 No. I think I got the right comment. He did respond to me. Unless you'd like to be more specific? :applejackconfused:

...Huh. So that's what you did with this. Huh. I really enjoyed this story. Good stuff.


5550273
I don't think you did since you didn't reply to Patchwork in that comment.

5550478 pfft. lol okay. THAT comment. When I hovered over you last time it showed
5550143 > That comment.

But yes, THAT one to Almas was indeed a goof. :P

5550505

When I hovered over you last time it showed
>> Telaros > That comment.

Fimfic pls :(

5550115
I can give you what I imagined meeting Silver Spoon would be like, at least:


"Nice pearls, kid."

"Thanks! I like your tiara."

"Of course you do. Wanna be best friends?"

"Okay!"


And then they took over the world ate cucumber sandwiches and had tea.

5551249 I love it. Feels like a Stepbrothers vibe. I was wondering how, if this story was not a prequel, 16 year old Silver Spoon would feel upon seeing her recovered 6 year old friend. I am sure there would be lots of sugar lump rumping, and a tearful promise that Silver never let the Blanks Flanks forget they were Blank Flanks, not for a single day... until they got their cutie marks, then it just got weird.

This really should have a Dark tag.

Just wanted to say thanks for writing your MMDG entry personally and specifically for me.

You didn't do it on purpose, I assume, but I appreciate the gesture anyway.

5556443
Heh, you're welcome, I guess! I do remember you were excited at mention of a multi-chapter Diamond Tiara story.

I never cared for Diamond Tiara
But this story
Damn

If she’s lucky, maybe Diamond Tiara won’t make her watch the sequel…but she doesn’t bet on it.

I just noticed that.

Patchwork pls

Holy shit, she created a monster.

5550195 Can you blame her? The little filly just had her hopes dashed...

5550077 Man, I thought the ending hurt, but that revelation afterward...
reactiongifs.com/r/2012/11/crying-man.gif

At first I thought this was a pretty good story. Then I read the ending. Now I know it's a great one.

Not being a fan of Diamond Tiara, I was surprised at how sympathetic you made her. Have a ribbon:

i.imgur.com/BF6x9JM.png

Tag-A-Long's Book Club

Wow. You took the contrived concept of "My Little Dashie" and made it into a wonderful story. Fantastic work!

Ok... this was worthy.

It explained how DT got there in a perfectly show-plausible way...

It kept her selfish personality AND gave it a basis.

It presented a very believable human who refused to mature beyond her own self-centered materialistic childishness before it was too late.

It was a perfectly 'fixed' version of MLD... and addressed every issue I had with MLD. That was the thing, MLD's core concept wasn't bad, but the details of the execution lacked fore-planning and refinement. It was made to be a blunt heart-string tugging melodrama, and it really never rose much above a typical soap opera's level of literary complexity.

This story took the extra steps and made the characters truly come alive.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

One chapter in and I can tell this is the best MLD fic I've ever read. I'm shocked that it's actually accomplishing the effect the original had on so many people (except me) with two horrid brats for protagonists. :D

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

glaaaaargh, Pashwig how u so gud .-. This was amazing!

Man. I would so snatch this up to review if I wasn't already committed (and lacked the integrity not to rush my current assignment).

Target acquired.

Amazing stuff. Man, this is going to be a bitch to work up a review for.

That said, I have a list of minor glitches that you may wish to correct:

The pony twitches its ears at Lucy’s voice.
The choice is either leave Diamond Tiara at home or miss Becca Swanson’s Hilton Halloween Haunt.
“Ssh, Lucy’s coming back.”
“But I practiced, Lucy!”
Lucy places the capris on a stack in the corner, along with the miniskirts and shorts.
The little pony takes a seat.

These lines all have a space at the beginning.

February, 2005
LOL look at this kid all messed up after the dentist.

These lines are both missing a an extra linespace above them.

5710814
5694111
5763987
5708778
5714938
Thanks a lot for your kind words, guys. c:

5793777
Always those leftover typos to clean up. Thanks for pointing them out for me, can't wait for the full review

They have cake. Diamond does not have cake. This is a problem.

ahh the ultimate conundrum!:pinkiesmile:

Diamond's first word is "More" how fitting.:twilightsheepish:

Maria nods and groans as she slides in the High School Musical DVD. If she’s lucky, maybe Diamond Tiara won’t make her watch the sequel…but she doesn’t bet on it.

Diamond Tiara can be a harsh mistress.:pinkiehappy:

I can't rightly blame Diamond for throwing a tantrum. When she was little and cute and relatively naive she went everywhere with her mistress and now that she is older, more independent, and fully aware of her surrounding she has been confined to a house. It's quite cruel when you think about it. Diamond is not a dog but she is being treated like one at a time when new experiences are crucial to her development as an intelligent being. She has done nothing wrong and yet she is a prisoner.:pinkiesad2:

5666731 more then that it's not what Diamond wants that has her heart broken it's what she NEEDS. She isnt a dumb animal, she needs stimulus and companionship. Instead Lucy is treating her like a dog but she has no choice. Who knows what could happen if the public see's a talking pony?:unsuresweetie:

Powerful ending, very bittersweet, very well done.:twilightsmile:

and this explains allot of why Diamond is the way she is. And Silver Spoon would be the only pony besides Filthy and DT's mother who might know the truth of her origin.:unsuresweetie:

also if y'all like this fic you might like this one as well http://www.fimfiction.net/story/45222/more-silver-than-gold

Silver doesn't spend as long with her human and she is of canon age and fully aware she has been cosmically misplaced but it is every bit as gratifying as this fic.

5820663 I don't now; 'ME' seems more like her.

This has been an amazing ride. Such a sad ending, but I just love how well it fits Diamond Tiara.

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