Okay, so, my life so far has been a little wierd. Somehow, I ended up in Equestria. And I am for some reason a house. But not just any house, THE monster house. Like from the movie? Anyway, after a while, I figure out how to move around, and move the things around me.
However, ponies start noticeing me ( it's not every day a spooky looking house suddenly appears), and I start thinking 'since I'm here, i might as well have a little fun' This will either end really badly or Extremely badly.
Chapters (2)
I remember that I did not really care for the movie all that much, but your story has piqued my interest, so kudos for that. Not enough to warrant a place in the favorites just yet, but I will be sure to keep an eye on this.
Wonder how much that tiara is worth?
You get a fave! Make the next chapter a bit longer and you get a like!
SPELLING ERRORS.
MUST... CORRECT...
EDIT:
*The
*What made this even stranger was that nobody had*
*ever even lived there.
***The three sentences, while fine on their own, should be together as a list.
*"The young flyer" Who? We haven't even mentioned Scootaloo yet, and that's asking for confusion.
*friendship circle
*The two looked at the house in fear, holding each other's hooves for comfort.
OKAY, NEXT:
*It's
*A little contrived, but I'm guilty of worse
*a house had suddenly appeared overnight.
*her... wat? Do you mean but?
*though
*somepony, but then again, guilty as charged of the same mistake
*feeling
*They
*walked
*Nopony
*they were a sobbing, terrified mess. Except it's plural, so "they were a bunch of sobbing, terrified messes" works better.
*You used everypony here. Pick one and stick with it unless explained otherwise.
*AND?! YOU STARTED A SENTENCE WITH AND?! Please don't, there's going to be so many people flipping out. Just use so.
*Lest. Considering it's a ghost story, I'll let it slide.
*It's. Look here for more info.
*Whew, that was a long-winded and lampshaded paragraph of cliche! Break it up next time so my eyes don't glaze over like a doughnut.
*I'm also guilty of visible silence, but okay. Hold your ellipses, use them sparingly.
NEXT:
*Agreed. Wait, to her rant or mine? Also, space between ellipses please.
*It's "Silver sighed", not having her actually say sigh. '"She goes on like this every time its* brought up." Silver sighed, putting a hoof on her trembling friend.'
*It's
*So one of us
*All of them looked at each other
*Extra period
*You're. Same issue as it's.
*Scootaloo's. Your possessives need to be perfected. Gg.
*"Well, uh, you see I would but..." There we go.
*"Ha! I knew it! You big chicken." Chicken is not her actual name. Capitalize only proper titles, like Scootaloo, Apple Bloom, Ponyville, etc.
*""What did I tell you about calling me that?", she growled.' Also, really?
*OH FOR GOODNESS' SAKE!
*fed, not capitalized.
*"Would somepony just get the... wait, where's the ball?" You also forgot to add an end quotation.
NEXT:
*IT'S!!!
*"Hey! W-w-where ya going?" I'll agreed that they are stuttering, but too many hyphens for one sentence.
*Apple Bloom asked,
*whizzed
*No comma after instead
*"What the?!" Ellipses and hyphens are your favorites, aren't they?
*hooves
*What's
NEXT:
*They all reacted the way any normal pony would react.
*"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..." Forgot end quotation. Also, nice use of capitalization.
*Should be replaced with describing them running off, then Diamond running back to grab it, even if it was obvious.
*Meanwhile, a deep rumbling noise echoed from the house. To anypony listening closely, they would have sworn the house was laughing. There is no one around to listen, so no question should be made. You're using a metaphor.
*This is excusable.
*The
*You need to go home and reevaluate your life, because you keep starting sentences with "and".
*When. It's the start of a sentence. Please, please make it so.
*Comedic timing is present in certain ways. Watch:
That might have been too much.
Aw, who cares! It was hilarious!
*HEAVY BREATHING.
*Of course it's a thing. No need to tell us that.
*of these things? Needs to be a question.
*basement's
*it's
*can't
*Um, who else there is a talking house? No one. Not that you've described anyway, so this sentence is meaningless.
*Alright then. Capitalize, please.
*My name is Lizbeth, and I'm a house! Still seems too chipper for her predicament, don't you think? If you have a reason she's so content at the moment, explain such. Maybe not in the first chapter, but at least by the second.
WHEW.
If I missed anything, someone tell me.
You know, this could have been the fastest displaced story ever if they decided just to burn that shit to the fucking ground.
6579090 Amen, although another short one could be a non-immortal Displaced getting a nice, regular prison in Tartarus rather than being stuck in stone...
I can actually see this happening, both in the movie and the show, so kudos.
Why did this fic have to die? It could have been one of the great wonders of fimfiction... but it died. Excuse me, I must grieve for all the greatness that could have been
. Welp, I've seen dead-er things come back to life, so I've put it on tracking.
So no making children cry....I like her
MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I love this story please continue
Just waiting for the house to cry, like in the movie
More please
Its a good thing ponies haven't invented Dynamite.
this... this is perfection... MORE!
Awww more house-chan plz.
Please continue
I’m pretty sure this story is dead
Hello?
May you please resume this story it's so good to read
This’ll be good:-)
please resume this story, i loved monster house when i was a kid. and seeing this story on fimfiction is so badass!!66.media.tumblr.com/d942339a88c4af4fa843ddc41e85a98b/tumblr_ovzhm1IySc1w8qokno1_500.gif
Holy shit it’s monster house! The nostalgia of seeing this is something. I remember the movie and I even played the game on GameCube for fuck sakes! I hope to see this story live again cause I mean come on it’s fucking monster house in multicolored magical pony land! Hijinks are sure to insure and I want to see that nonsense! Please bring it back alive my good sir fill my need to read a story with ponies and an old show I watched as a child!
Please continue this story
6579090
You can't just burn it you have to destroy the heart
do more chapters I like this story
Continue com essa história por favor tá muito legal
so cool
Please continue
Me gustó mucho él concepto de la historia 😀👏👏
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
Wound have beine a good storry
well, in case the author doesn't continue this book does anyone else want to continue this book?
Nothing we can do about it. The author must have been lazy or too busy to work on any more chapters. The only way to make it possible is for someone else to take over this story & finish what this author started.
7652029
Well do I have bad news for you.
Hmmm who would live in her/MH I would say twilight but book horse so maybe Luna actually no Gilda maybe no wouldn't work ah I know starlight or sunset.