• Member Since 20th Aug, 2014
  • offline last seen Aug 24th, 2018

HaloEssence111


97% of people quit chasing their dreams. Who hires them? The 3% who didn't.

T
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Diamond Tiara Rich- wealthy, beautiful, spoiled rotten. Everypony hates her, but at the same time, they desperately want her life. But this life doesn't come without problems.

Diamond Tiara has always hated Apple Bloom, and who could blame her? She's annoying and pathetic and obviously insanely jealous. So anytime they see each other, Diamond tries to get it into her head that she, being rich and amazing, is way better. But after a particularly dicey encounter with her favorite victim, Diamond makes a mistake.

And that mistake sends her to boarding school.

Determined not to let her new circumstances get her down, Diamond vowed to have the entire school eating out of her hoof by the end of the year. But that's a little hard to do when the role of resident Queen Bee has already been filled...

But unbeknownst to anypony, strange forces are lurking close. A student hungers for power, and secrets of Equestria are revealed. Soon, it will be up to Diamond to decide what matters most- herself, or the ponies around her?

***

Takes place right after Call of the Cutie.

Cover art by Kikirrikitiki on DeviantArt.

Chapters (8)
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Comments ( 100 )

Woah, cool! Can't wait to see what happens next!

Well that escalated quickly :twilightoops:

Diamond's certainly dug herself a hole, and due to her stubbornness and pride it seems she'll only dig deeper before seeing the light. It would of been interesting to see the Apple family's reactions to the situation though.

Comment posted by HaloEssence111 deleted Jan 8th, 2015

Yes! Finally! You have solved the problems of Diamond Tiara! :pinkiehappy:

I like the cover art, too! Good job on it!

You don't have to repost the story when you update, just upload a new chapter.

And all the kids should have given her a "Good Riddance And Never Come Back You Insufferable Bully" send off at the train station. :pinkiecrazy:

This is very well written and interesting.

I enjoy a good story with Diamond Tiara-I just hope she learns a thing or two from this.

I'm up hoofing this and keeping an eye out, can't wait for more!

Why do I get the feeling that Diamond's going to learn the true meaning of what it's like to have the horseshoe on the other hoof...

But other than that, I think that this story is gonna be awesome. I'm looking forward to future updates.

5497127 Ha, ha! Well, you will be seeing the other kid's reaction sometime soon.

"I'm not so sure about that, Mr. Rich. Silver Spoon also said that Diaomd tried to discourage her from telling me about the accident. If that's true..then I don't think that she'd be so quck to apologize. Then again, I could be wrong."

I like the premise of this story, but I find that the dialogue feels a little... stifled. Artificial, although I'm afraid I don't have advise for how to improve that.

5499917 Sorry about that. I sometimes make mistakes with my grammar, and most of the time I don't notice until I read through it. Even then, I sometimes miss things. So thank you for telling me that; I will correct it momentarily.

Wow. That was really good. I was actually in shock when Diamond ripped up Apple Blooms bow. Ha, boarding school, this should be interesting.

Comment posted by HaloEssence111 deleted Jan 16th, 2015

I feel so bad for Apple Bloom! *hugs her*

I hope Diamond apologizes by the end of the story!

Oh, my gosh, this is going to be amazing...

Please tell me something bad will happen to the Headmistress.

5513986 Hey, DT had it coming to her. Don't go blaming the Headmistress for Diamond being a brat.

Don't worry, I wasn't thinking about ships! I hope Diamond makes some allies and takes down Periwinkle!

5553030 Why would she need to take down Periwinkle..?

5553057 She's going to be Diamond's rival...I can sense it... *Pinkie Sense*

5553214 Well, you sensed wrong.

AAAAH!!!! I SAID TOO MUCH!!!! NO MORE SPOILERS!!!!

5571941 oh.:twilightoops: well, I assure you, Mal is definitely not Babs.

Finished reading everything here with regards to your submission to Olympus.

I have to admit, this was a vast improvement from the previous one. However, I'm personally unable to decide whether to reject this story or not: it has high points and low points that make me deciding what to do with it almost impossible, so I'm going to have to find another admin to help me decide.

In the meantime, here's the review I made on this story.

I'm sorry for being so indecisive, but I really hope to see you continue to show this level of improvement across stories.

Do any of these students have an IQ of P.U.

5588263

As in, are there any students in this school who are so stupid their IQ is P.U.

Hello again! Despite everything, me and Black Ultron agreed that the story had enough potential to get into the library. It's a bit of a by the skin of the teeth thing, but congratulations anyhow.

I also look forward to reviewing any future stories you might have, especially if you show improvement.

5588280 No problem. Sorry for the whole making you wait thing. I like being certain of whether I'm approving something or not.

OCs! OC Ponies EVERYWHERE!

...and I'm honestly excited to see what will happen to them all! Where will Diamond end up? Will she BREAK the status quo and destroy the clique system?

Comment posted by HaloEssence111 deleted Feb 10th, 2015

5588480 Doubtful. Diamond thrives on the clique system.

For the pony codes, Lily and Lavender are the same ponies... :rainbowhuh:

I don't know what a Pony Code is. Any explanations?

5641506 You do what the General Zoi pony creator is, right?

Applebloom didn't miss Diamond's cutecenara, and where are Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle?

5716716 This is an alternate turn of events, where Apple Bloom does miss the party.

Maan, this picture is a bit too big :O

Hmm. Have had this on the to read pile for some time now and have finally gotten some time to sit down and start on it.

The first chapter sets up the premise quite nicely. Though I will have to agree with some other commenters that the dialogue seems rather flat in some ways. I'm not exactly sure how it does so, as you hit a lot of good marks in the flow of the story, yet somehow the impact is not there as much as I'd expect it to be.

Still your work here is definitely going to keep me reading on, and maybe I'll be able to put my finger on the issue in another chapter or two.

Interesting, very interesting. Good plot development, yet the prior problem remains ...

And I've got it. The fault with your delivery is your choice of point of view. It seems like you're trying to get into a Third Person Limited POV with DT as the principle reference point, but you keep drawing back to a more flat descriptive style more fitting of a Third Person Omniscient wherein you are describing all of the characters strictly from the outside, much as you would if you were to do describe a television show to someone line for line.

Also,

and a pink mane with venetian blue streaks, done up in a fashion similar to Aunt Orange of Manehatten

this kind of reference actually throws the reader totally out of the piece as it improperly cites visuals from the show that the character making the reference would have no reason to be able to do so. (the in show image you're referencing is from AJ's 'Cutie Mark Chronicles' flashback) Something like this should either be done as a marked authors note (1, 2, 3, ...) as you've done elsewhere in this chapter. Also the implication with having this in the narrative is that Aunt Orange of Manehatten, is actually DT's aunt, when we the fans/readers know that this individual is actually AJ, AB, and Big Mac's aunt, and no relation to DT at all.

The characterization is great and the plot has me hooked. It's lucky that Diamond's bullying was noticed and dealt with, as that's not always the case.

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