• Member Since 20th Aug, 2014
  • offline last seen Aug 24th, 2018

HaloEssence111


97% of people quit chasing their dreams. Who hires them? The 3% who didn't.

T

It's five years in the future, and the Cutie Mark Crusaders have changed a lot over the years.
Sweetie Belle is living with Rarity while her parents are traveling abroad.
Apple Bloom is working her hardest to keep her family and farm from falling apart.
Scootaloo now lives with Rainbow Dash ever since the tragedy that happened one year ago.
Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom both attend the Ponyville Academy of Higher Learning.

But strange things are occurring at this institution of knowledge. Diamond Tiara is worse that ever (no surprise there), and a certain teacher seems to despise them.

Little do they know the dark forces that lurk close.

***

Flagged as teen due to some non-child friendly fight content.

Chapters (9)
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Comments ( 86 )

I don't know what to make of this story yet, but I am still interested in seeing more! Hopefully we can get some info on what's going on before the start of this story, as that will kinda clear some confusion that I have at the moment.

Comment posted by HaloEssence111 deleted Aug 30th, 2014

4928824 what confusions are you having? perhaps i can solve them :yay:

4928839
I'm just wondering about events in the past, such as the accident with Scootaloo's parents, as well as if something happened to Applejack, Big Mac, and Granny Smith (since you mentioned that Apple Bloom is working hard to keep Sweet Apple Acres afloat in the summary). I'm pretty sure that all will be explained in due time, and I'm willing to wait. Sweetie Belle's attitude reminds me of a typical teenager. I can't wait to see how Apple Bloom has changed. Like I said before, too many questions to answer at the moment for me.

It's a great start to a story! I can't wait to see what happens with the CMC's!

Good start. I certainly wanna read more and that's the essence of excellent writing ^_^ keep it up and don't get discouraged no matter what!

I have a question. How old are the CMC in here? My guess is 13 - 15 years old.

Hmm... I'm intrigued.:duck:

Remember, dialogue that connects to a sentence should end with a comma. Other than that a very good story. I'm interested in learning about this accident that Scootaloo had.

4929640 you are correct! :scootangel:the CMC are all just about 15 years old

What happened to Scoot! Stop playing with my emotions! :raritycry:

That was a quick update, but I'm not disappointed!:pinkiehappy: Good job and keep going!

Well I can see that this is an alternate universe of sorts (unless the events of Magical Mystery Cure haven't occurred and Season 4 never existed)! The moment I saw the name of the school, I thought "Twilight has something to do with this" lol. A short chapter, but a good one regardless of its size! My questions about the Applejack, Big Mac, and Granny Smith haven't been answered yet, but I have a feeling that I should already know the answer by now, given what this chapter revealed. As for Scoots, I'm concerned. Normally, she wouldn't let what other ponies say get to her unless the ones messing with her hit a sensitive issue (like her flying issue in Flight to the Finish). Now I really want to see what happened in the past! Keep up the good work! Looking forward to the next chapter!

4931787 im sorry, but is NOT and alternate universe, and the season 4/mmc events have occured.:pinkiegasp:

This is just Equestria 5 years later.

4936584
...wow. Now I have more questions! But I'll wait until a few more chapters come out to ask.

The correct plural for pegasus is pegasi, I know it doesn't seem important now, but later on down the line people will call you on it ESPECIALLY if you are going to be a writer instead of a reader. If this is your only story on this site, congratulations on getting more views/likes than me.

This story is really impressive for a first story. It could use just a bit of stylistic cleaning, but that will come along as you write more. The idea is just perfect in concept. I can't wait to see how this ends! There's a reason I'm following you. Keep up the good work!:twilightsmile:

4975760 thank you so much! I really love getting comments such as yours. They make me want to write more chapters!:pinkiehappy:

(um, little question. what exactly is "stylistic cleaning"?:rainbowhuh:)

4992936 What I mean is that your dialogue could use some reformatting to make it easier to read, as well as some sentences with awkward phrasing that could be edited. But still, great story! I still want to see where it's going. Keep up the good work!:pinkiehappy:

"THE CAKE IS A LIE!!!!! A LIE!!!!!!!!!!!"

I'm concerned about Granny Smith- Since when is Vinyl Scratch teacher material!?

About the "From the Editor" thing:

I am so, so, sorry.:facehoof:

My brother has not yet discovered the brilliance of the MLP universe, and has taken to bashing it whenever possible.

So please don't take it personally, and please, please, please forgive him. :fluttercry:

-HaloEssence111

Oh no! Everybody, an outsider has infiltrated the fandom!
Everybody act natural:moustache:

Comment posted by HaloEssence111 deleted Sep 1st, 2015

I do very much enjoy the footnotes, for further use of footnotes for humor, look at some of RealityCheck's fics. They are consistently in Tvtropes Funny page and if you don't know Tvtropes, sorry:trollestia:

This is really good for a first fanfic! I'm tracking this one :)

That was so sad, but so good! You are such a good author. For some people, including even sometimes myself, has a hard time expressing such emotions through words. Keep up the good work!

I like the idea of footnotes, but I think they would work better in a smaller font size. (Just a suggestion.) Overall, I think that was a good idea; it really helps clarify things!

What happened to Apple Bloom was pure BS. Both Ms. Inkblot and Applejack need to be hit with an anvil:twilightangry2:

The chapter's good, just get rid of the numbered notes. It's really distracting. Also, U MAD BRO! WTH?

5215661 Yeah I'm mad! I don't want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with them anyway? Take them back! I'm gonna have my engineers create a combustible lemon so I can burn your house down! With the lemons!:rainbowlaugh:

5215675 Well, you know what they say: When life gives you lemons, learn to juggle.:moustache:

AJ seemed a bit OOC there, in that she didn't even give AB a chance to defend herself. And she, of all ponies, the Bearer of the Element of Honesty, should have known that AB wasn't at fault here.

What gives here?

5215910 well, you know how in the show that AJ gets a little...frantic, let's call it...when it comes to Apple Bloom and her well being. and when AJ (or any of the mane six for that matter) start losing their heads, then they do things that they wouldn't usually do. I tried to highlight that here. And to be fair, if you were reading carefully, technically AB had defended herself when she explained the situation to AJ.

5214996 well, NEWSFLASH hon, its supposed to be unfair. I tried to emphasize that. (although i agree with about the anvil thing.)

Inkblot's one of THOSE teachers.

I had a teacher like her once... :applecry:

sounds like Miss Lindford in year 2. What a witch she was. Thinking she is above all the children when in reality she is just a fat, walking blob of lard with a snobby, upbeat attitude. We were only very young and for one spelling mistake, she would yell at us, calling us idiotic.

I saw her not long ago, and you know what? She is FA-A-AAAA-T!!! Did I mention she is a gargoyle?

God, I hated her. Not surprised she never had love. I can say many more things! Ready?

Snakeskintitsslap-bag20chinsdenizenwitchwithlargepointfingernailsandrazorteethyellowteethdiabetestype10+!

Thank you for your time. (Fatty...)

============
FireRain

Rarity knew that Sweetie Belle had hated the classes Octavia taught at the academy.
Uppercase academy, its a special place.
---------------------------
Sweet Celestia, was her mane a wreck.
Maybe you need an exclamation point here?

---------------------

Cool first story.

Allow me a bit of constructive criticism here (you did request other authors to do so). First of all, one word comes to mind when reading this first chapter: RUSHED. This felt ridiculously rushed. If I may suggest something, go back and very slowly re-read what you wrote. Add some details and take your time, you have a possibility here, please do not let it go to waste by making this a rush job. It's not my story, but if you want a good example of pacing then read the first chapter of Memory Pending.
Best of luck,
Truthseeker

what happened w/ bloom is totes unfare:twilightangry2: inkblot is a jerk!!!

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