Diamond Tiara, queen of the Ponyville Schoolyard and local bully. Written Script, High School History Teacher and somewhat of a jerk. Probably the last two ponies whose paths would cross if they could avoid it. Of course, today that's all changed when Diamond finds herself orphaned by a house fire set by somepony unknown and Written finds old memories he preferred not to think about being dug up. In the middle of all this is a kindhearted lawyer pony named Caesar, Diamond's classmates, Written's adopted son Potion and Written's ex Rarity. It might be a safe bet things are about to get rather out of the ordinary pretty quickly.
Additional Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Bon Bon, Raindrops and Silver Spoon. Rated for various reasons. Cover Art is property of Rosejule so credit to them.
Written Script/Rarity and light Diamondbloom shipping Takes place between seasons 2-3 of MLP but goes into season 3. Do not read if you don't like Diamond Tiara redemption, sarcasm in general and Batpony OCs. Rated for language among various other things.
Be warned, spoilers are in the comments!
Given the circumstances of A. his lack of training and B. the sheer need to get out of their asap I'll let it slide somewhat, but lifting DT on his back is a er, problematic choice of extraction, probably still the best call but the issue still ought to be raised.
The following comes from Wikipedia's page on the Firemen's carry but the faults would still work for a pony back carry.
The last part can be ignored because Pony bodies rather than humans but yeah problematic.
Of course the same wikipedia article notes
So unless Script could have done a three legged run with one of his forelegs carrying DT it may have been the only choice,
I just realize I countered my own critique... meh
7201736 Yeah, while I was writing this I was thinking it was a fairly stupid move for him to put her on his back. Of course, he could pick her up in his mouth like cats do to their young. (Shrugs) Of course, that would also put her in danger in some ways but then again there really is no real truly safe course of action in this situation.
7201754 In short all he was left with was figuring out which method of moving her out had the fewest failings...
Nah, it's fine. Sweetie is kind of an asshole anyway. After all, she was willing to put her sister out of business over jealousy.
She is the one who started the fire ?
7204544 No offense, but I was hoping for advice from someone who actually seems to like the character. Then again, I may be wrong and you may actually like her. It just didn't come across that way to me.
7204631 Twilight seems on the mark except for the fact she starts the ranting while still in the crisis zone... she'll save it for after the fact more likely.
As for Sweetie Belle, yeah it does seem somewhat off the way your describing it, I think that's primarily because with Apple Bloom a quasi de facto leader of the CMC and Diamond targeting Scootaloo to sabotage their Equestria games routine they were the ones more targeted by DT and would thus be more likely to provide the resentment of DT than Sweetie Belle.
But I would hardly describe my view of the matter as totally accurate so make of it what you will.
7204919 Yeah, but I'd like to think that Apple Bloom in this story would be more sympathetic as now she and Diamond share something in common, in this case both of them losing their parents at a young age. Also, seeing as how this is pre season 3 I don't think the games have happened yet (I'm probably wrong but...) so Scootaloo has yet to become that target you mentioned. Mind you, she could have been singled out before offscreen so to speak and we just don't know it.
7204631 None taken. I think your Sweetie is fine, you don't have to make her a goody-four-hooves. In the show, she holds grudge again her own sister for stupid things. Her holding grudges against someone who bully her on a daily basis isn't far stretched. Plus, it is a spur of the moment. She reacts badly almost by instinct.
When she will think about calmly, she likely would feel horible afterward.
7206761 Oh yeah you did mention it was pre season 3, and good counter point.
I make it short, this story is rather interessting to me, and I hope there is really an adoption like I thought there would be.
I really liked it but I had already written this comment on a different medium, but I couldn't post it.
7207355 Yeah, Diamond will get adopted but it won't be for at least two more chapters. Script's got to actually be convinced a bit more before he actually does it.
7207503 that's okay, I'm just a bit impatient- Please take your time, I rather have something good than something too fast.
Remember, remember! The fifth of November, The Gunpowder treason and plot; I know of no reason Why the Gunpowder treason Should ever be forgot!
7215771 I admit, I was secretly hoping someone would comment on that. Dunno why.
While some might take that in a certain direction I suspect it's not what they think it is, those who dabble in science (or its magical equivalents) can be a rather eccentric lot...
7216735 Actually, it's supposed to be taken in the direction you think. He is a teenage stallion after all.
yyaaaaay, I'm happy he did that, she already looked like a certain type of Rarity that I only enjoy to a certain degree.
Okay I have to admit, if I'm not overreacting it isn't that bad, but usually I don't like it should characters just get together or having a crush on a certain Pony if I know nearly nothing about them, or maybe it was just weird because he suddenly had a son and that his son seems to like Twilight.
This makes Script a lot older than I thought he would be right? Since there is no Human in this story I want to ask if this is the sort of Equestria where they live rather long. I just want to know how old I should image him in Human years.
At first this story looked like it was a flashback, then I suddenly noticed they were talking about him, then suddenly he was already thinking about adopting her if I understood the talk in the beginning of the chapter right, then he suddenly had a son, which seem to love Twilight.
If you should make it a thing, then I would like to have some background or information about him, that makes him a bit more sympatihc.
I mean the first impression wasn't really bad, but if you should show a relationship between him and Twilight (even if this isn't the focus of this story, then I would like to know him better).
Well I hope he isn't to old, since I hope ......I don't know, I think I just want him to be able to do stuff with Diamond, maybe even finding a new Marefriend because of her.
7220145 Yeah, I'm not having Potion get together with Twilight because in my mind Twilight's in her early twenties at the very least and Potion is 15 so... yeah. Rarity would be slightly older then Twilight, at 27 at most and Script would be around 26.
7220607 aaaahhh okay thank you, so it is more or less like Spike going after Rarity.
Can't tell if Uncle Caesar is culprit or a red herring, curse George R.R. Martin for giving me uber-tier suspicion and paranoia...
I just have to ask, did I missed something, or how does everybody already knows that he wanted to take her in? That's the only thing that makes no sense to me till now, either that or I just didn't noticed that they just talked about it right now, just not that directly.
Another possible thing is that it maybe happened between the chapters.
At first I wasn't sure how to react about Rarity being Scripts former wife, but you told me about the age and it makes somehow sense now, and I actually liked her reason, because it made it look like it is more complicated between those too. Both of them are thinking of a different reason, maybe he even gives himself all the fault, but then again I'm not sure why he would be angry at her, maybe he thinks that she didn't tried hard enough, or as hard as he did.
I think I give you the upvote now.
7221415 All will be answered eventually with the situation between Rarity and Written Script. And as for Caesar, everypony just logically assumed he would take her in, him being a close family friend and all.
7221428
Sorry if I seems to get a bit confused her somehow, Ceasar was the new Pony in the hospital, an uncle from Diamond right?
I just thought that everyone always thought Script would take her in, and that they always thought exactly that, but now you actually telling me, that Ceasar was meant and not Script right? Looks like I mixed that up.
Just had two deleted messages by an author who doesn's seems to take well to any sort of critism, even got a private message.
I know I can be a bit persistent about some certain points, if I think they make the story a bit less good than it could be, but that's just talking and I'm usually pretty nice as far as I can tell. I just like to see it like that, I only complain really much, if I think a story is pretty awesome, and I just try to suggest even better stuff.
Well I think I actually forgot to say that I liked this chapter. One of my recent favourites, since I kind of waited for another Diamond story, where she kind of has to learn to act a bit different around others and stuff like that.
My last favourite one, was sadly only a one-shot, where she was in love with Scootaloo. Only that she accidently started to tease her in the past and couldn't get out of it.
7221464 Yeah, Caeser was meant to take her in, if Script hadn't decided to try and adopt Diamond. And that Author who doesn't respond well to critic's advice... Wow, talk about immature.
Please, let them keep the pudding monster as a pet !
7224473 Well, there are weirder pets (Celestia's Phoenix anyone?) but I'm not sure how I'd be able to fit the pudding monster in and not clash with the general tone of the story.
Wait, Rarity is paying him Alimony!?!
7225153 To be fair, I would think Script is probably paying alimony checks to her as well.
7225158 I'm getting a pittance!
7224473 Unless it's like the pudding monster from Cowboy Bebop. In which case, BURN IT WITH FIRE!
I don't know, it wasn't that good for me, but not written bad either.
Not sure it it was the right time for a party, but now that it is done....well it is done.
If Written Script was voiced, what would he sound like? ...He is male, right?
7241517 Yeah, he's male. As for who he would be voiced by... That's actually a good question. Haven't really thought about it actually. My guess, Christopher Eccleston or Benedict Cumberbatch maybe. Someone British.
I feel like I should have read it in one go, I'm not pretty sure who exactly did what in their relationsship (script and Rarity), and because of that I'm not exactly sure how I would feel about it.
I know I just said I don't remember their relationship, but I remembered that I thought, that both of them haven't done much for the relationship but Script was just thinking it is his fault.
It feels a bit like you are still trying to figure out your writing style for this story, or how to well make them feel realistic
Sorry if that should sound wrong, but I'm not always sure if it was the perfect way to write or something like that, but I have no real problem with it. I guess no story can be like the other, so it isn't bad if it is different from some other storys that go in that direction in my eye.
The only random Moment in my eye, was that Rainbdrops probably invited herself into his home only to watch the scene and go away afterwards.
I think that Diamond is scared to loose Potion could be a hidden emotion, she could be affraid that she is loosing someone else too.
I think her more or less normal mood, could be just a current state if you know what I mean.
Long story short, I expect her to have another breakdown in one of the later chapters, in which would lead to a bonding moment between Script and her.
You ever plan to do a Rarity/Script story?
7266828 Actually, the next few chapters will have a good sized focus on their relationship.
Well it is nothing bad, but not to interessting for me right now either.
"Hmm Scripts handwriting seems to have degraded a bit. You do not spell 'Snookums' with Z, R, or even Q!"
I guess I can actually live with how the things are going to be right now, now it only depens on how the talk is going to be like, then I can say if I liked ir or not. I mean not only one of them should probably get the whole fault.
7280073 Trust me, they'll be angry with both of each other but will make up in such a way that... Well, let me put it to you this way that both Diamond and Potion will probably want to wipe some memories from their minds.
Rosejule, if you're seeing this art used for my story and you don't want it used, please tell me and I will remove it.
7284134 Well they already were together, and while I prefer seeing the relationship to develop, I can't really say anything against it right now.
Let me say it like this :
1. Usuallly I like to see why they like each other.
2. Then I suddenly thought we have more or less enought information already, we probably know Rarity like she usually is, and we know Script a little bit after they broke up.
3. I read your message again.
4. I actually had to laugh, and can't wait to see it happen.
5. I would love to see them as a team, not Rarity being better than Script. (I'm never really sure if it depens on the person the story is about, or if this is a regular thought I have, but Rarity is often enough the solo.....leader in the relationship.
6. Yes Parent's VS kids would be funny, if they maybe even want a little revenge for the kids trying to manipulate them a little bit.
The way how fast he was crying was weird, but well if he felt that frustrated that long it probably can be like that, and Rarity had a nice reaction, I liked it.
Well that was actually not bad. I can live with how they got together.
7286936 Nice to know! Did you laugh at poor Potion's reaction when he walked in on them?
7287012 Well they got what they deserved, and for a moment I thought they nearly did it because he was supposed to see it.
7287154 Nah, Potion just walked in by accident. He wasn't supposed to see THAT at all.
Finally caught up on this; so far, so good. I await the next chap.
7293451 It'll come, and have plenty of drama like most of this story has. Plus, a bit of angst for poor Potion if all works out. Also, glad to learn of someone else who is reading this!
okay I know alternate Universe, but it's still a bit suprise there.
Again I haven't even noticed any music link. Usually I think that I don't need it, or sometimes it just feels silly, but from time to time I listen to it while reading a story.
However usually it works like this 1. start the music, 2. read the whole part meant for the music and finish it. 3. At the end the music should finally be loaded and start. 4. you couldn't even listen to the music fast enough.
Okay I'm not that....serious about the music, at least it isn't really important to me.
I'm never completely sure what to think about the story, but I know that I like it.
I really like how it worked with Rarity and Script, but everytime if it is about Rarity, I feel the need to say that she could be the one that is a bit more desperate too.
To often I saw her manipulating someone or be the strong one in the relationship, I just start to sometimes dislike something if it happens to often and starts to look like some sort of cliché.