Oubliette
The sun slowly descended over the horizon, lighting up the grounds of Canterlot High School in glorious reds and oranges. Sunset Shimmer smiled as she leaned against the wall of the high school and let the breeze play through her hair, blowing a few strands over her face and against her nose. She giggled and swept them aside as she watched the riotous colors of the sunset. "I think evening's my favorite time of day," she told her companion. "It's really nice here, isn't it?"
"Well, it does match your name." Twilight Sparkle laughed and scooted over so she was sitting next to Sunset. "And your outfit, and your hair," she added, curling a strand of Sunset's red locks around her fingers. "I guess it goes with your style in general."
Sunset grinned at her for a second before turning back to the school grounds. "That's not quite it," she said. "The sunsets here actually kind of remind me of Equestria. When I was little, I lived in this big house with my aunt, and whenever it was a really nice evening she'd mix me a tall glass of lemonade and we'd go out into the yard to watch Celestia lower the sun. Sometimes she'd tell me stories, and sometimes I'd show her what I could do with my magic. I even cast this little ball of light sometimes so I could move it around and pretend I was Princess Celestia. I loved it." Sunset shifted her position so her head was almost on Twilight's shoulder. "It looked almost exactly like this."
For a moment, neither of them spoke, and Twilight gave Sunset a curious look. But before she could do anything, Sunset hurriedly said, "Not that here's bad! Tomorrow evening I'm helping Applejack get set up for some kind of farm festival--you know, quilting and pie-eating and haycart rides. And the day after that I'm putting together a party with Pinkie and Fluttershy to celebrate Spike learning how to talk." She blinked. "Any ideas how that works?"
Twilight shook her head. "No, but it's a fascinating problem. When you think about how his mouth and throat must have changed to enable him to enunciate full words, not to mention how the language centers of his mind must have been altered, it's clear that he was hit with some very powerful magic. I might actually come back now and then to study him, if this world's Twilight doesn't mind."
"I think she'll be cool with it. She'll probably want to help, even." Sunset smiled again. "Anyways, after Pinkie and Fluttershy I'm teaming up with Rainbow Dash for a roller derby contest. She loves it; practices at least twice a week for as long as I can remember." She turned to look at Twilight. "Makes me think of this Wonderbolt I knew, Rapid Dart. He lived just down the street from us, and he was always training. Told me he didn't feel comfortable unless he was in the air. Once he let me ride on his back while he flew around town..."
She trailed off, and Twilight gave her another look. "Um, Sunset? Are you okay?"
Sunset started to nod, then hesitated. "Honestly," she said, "I've been feeling a little homesick lately. I mean, all my new friends are great, and I'm really glad I met them. But yeah, lately I've been thinking about home." She sighed. "Auntie's probably started knitting next season's quilts for the tourists by now. And my cousins... I'll bet Gadfly's gotten onto her school paper, and I know Cherry Sunday's working overtime for the school bake sale."
Twilight thought for several seconds. "When I go back," she said, "Why don't I check up on them? I can take some photos and send them to you through your book. I could even have them write you letters." She beamed. "How's that sound?"
Sunset said nothing for a very long moment. "Twilight?" she asked at last.
"Yes?"
"Can I go home?"
Twilight pushed herself off the wall as Sunset turned to look at her. "Just for a few weeks," she said. "I know I attacked you, and I technically committed treason in stealing the crown. And I'm really sorry. But you're a princess; if you just... I don't know, told them I've changed, maybe they could let me back into Equestria for a little bit. I really want to see my friends, and my aunt and cousins too. And there's other things; stuff I never noticed at the time, but now that I can't have, I really miss. Like the taste of fresh grass right after it rains. Or the feeling of galloping downhill during the first snowstorm, and leaving a big trail of hoofprints in the snow. Or watching the Wonderbolts flying through the sky. Or magic! I really miss magic."
"Magic?" Twilight frowned. "But there's magic here, right? You used it to beat evil-me."
"It's not the same, though. We can't control when we pony up; it just happens. But back in Equestria, I could cast whenever I wanted." Some cheer returned to her face. "Did I ever tell you how I got my cutie mark? It was late at night during a big thunderstorm. I was sleeping over with a few other foals at Rosey Posey's house; she was the richest foal in town and she threw a lot of parties. But her parents had gone to bed, and we were all alone in her huge bedroom, shaking every time the thunder boomed or lighting struck near the house. And I thought--why not make a little light so we wouldn't be scared? I focused, just like my books said, and I made a bunch of lights appear in the room to calm everyone down. Then I looked at my flank and realized I'd earned my mark. It was such a good feeling, being able to solve problems by just using a little magic. But here it doesn't work like that. I can't cast anything except when my powers decide to activate."
When Twilight didn't respond, Sunset moved in front of her. "Please, Twilight. I'm so sorry for everything I did. If you just let me--"
"Sunset." Twilight shook her head. "I know you are. But you committed treason. If you go back home, now, I'll be obligated to arrest you and send you to Foalsome Prison. It's not possible."
"But you're the princess! Surely--"
"That doesn't mean I can make exceptions for my friends. It wouldn't be fair if you got a break somepony else didn't, right?" Twilight waited for Sunset to reluctantly nod, then stood. "I'm sorry. But I'll try to visit more often, okay?" She glanced at the sun and added, "I need to head back now--duty calls, you know?"
"Yeah." Sunset stood and slowly rose her head. "I understand. I'll try to have a good time with AJ tonight, and Pinkie and Flutters tomorrow, and Rainbow Dash after that."
"And the mall with Rarity the day after Dash, right?" chirped Twilight. "That's the spirit. I'm really glad you've found good friends, Sunset. Say hi to them for me, okay?"
She turned to go, but then Sunset reached out and put a hand on her shoulder. "Um, Twilight?" she said. "I didn't tell you when I was meeting Rarity, so how...?"
Twilight frowned at her. "That's Friday, right? You told me Rarity always takes you shopping on Friday nights. Why, is it different this week?"
"No." Sunset gave her a searching look, feeling a cold sensation creep over her. "But now that you mention it, isn't it kind of weird? Rarity's always up for shopping. Every week. You didn't even have to ask to know what she'd be doing. Isn't that unusual?"
"Unusual how?" asked Twilight. "The Rarity of my world likes shopping too."
"But not always. You told me how you've dropped by her house sometimes and she's at the spa, or doing something with her sister, or sulking about some bad review." Sunset hesitated. "Actually, all my friends are like that. Rainbow Dash is always up for a game--she's never tired, or sick, or bored, or anything. Pinkie's always ready to party. I know you told me your Pinkie got really stressed one time and locked herself in her room with a bag of flour and a rock dressed up as 'friends,' but the only time I've ever seen my Pinkie frown was when the sirens were draining her. Every other time I've met her, she's raring to go."
Another gust of wind blew over the campus, and this time Sunset shivered as a few tendrils of cool air slipped down her collar. She felt like she'd come to similar conclusions before, but she couldn't think of why, if that were the case, she couldn't remember them. Meanwhile, Twilight just smiled at her. "I think you've overreacting, Sunset. I've met your friends, and they're as real as mine. Sure, they're a little single minded sometimes, but that doesn't make them zombies or something."
"Not zombies. It's like they're copies," continued Sunset. "They've got different looks and one or two personality traits, but none of the little details that make your friends... you know. Feel alive. And the other students are even worse. Take Trixie: she's always arrogant. Always. You'd think there'd be a couple days where something bad happens to her or she just wakes up frazzled and she can't go through the day as cocky as usual, but no, every single day she's as smug as before."
Neither of the girls spoke for a few seconds. Finally, Sunset forced herself to say, "Um, Twilight? This is going to sound crazy, but I really need you to answer a question."
Twilight nodded.
"Is anyone here... real... besides you and me?" Sunset looked directly into Twilight's eyes with a pleading expression. "Anyone at all?"
She expected Twilight to laugh at her or reassure her, but instead the other girl looked puzzled. Sunset took a step forward, then paused, thinking back. She knew she had asked Twilight this before, more than once even. But if the other girl had given her an answer, she couldn't recall it.
Twilight finally spoke. "What else would they be?"
"I don't know! Some kind of simulation. Constructs that look alive and act kind of alive, but don't think or feel or learn or grow. They just do the same thing every week, like automatons." Sunset looked around before turning back to her friend. "Is anything in this world real, or am I in some kind of dream? Or prison spell?"
"What kind of prison spell has monster attacks?" asked Twilight. "Sunset, come on. Even if you think I'd do something like put you in a hallucination or enchanted dream, you know I wouldn't put monsters in it to kill you, right?"
"Yeah, but none of them killed me." Sunset bit her lip. "The first time I was the monster, when I thought I'd gotten away with stealing the crown. And I failed, and everyone hated me. Like it was a lesson. And the second time, with the sirens, we fought monsters like me--but we broke their gems and couldn't feed anymore, so they wasted away. Another lesson, of what would happen if I screwed up again. And that was back..." She frowned, unable to think of the date. "I don't remember. Back during the battle of the bands. But that was only..."
She fell silent, and her face slowly paled. Twilight stepped towards her. "Sunset," she said in a quiet voice. "What's wrong?" The other girl didn't answer, and Twilight took her shoulder. "Sunset?"
"I had a dog once," murmured Sunset at last. Twilight stared, but Sunset turned towards the horizon as the sun dipped lower. "Well, she wasn't really my dog--she was a stray. Wandered into town in really bad shape. Even with everything we could do, she only had a few months. My aunt didn't want me to take care of her, because she knew how sad I'd get if she died. I won the argument and got the dog, but even though I tried not to, I got attached anyway. She was always so excited to see me when I came home, and when I pet her she was the happiest dog in the world..."
Sunset trailed off and then shook her head. "Anyways, when she died, I was really upset. I couldn't think of her without crying. So after a few days, I learned not to think of her. Whenever she came to mind, I focused on other things. And then I wasn't as sad anymore."
"I don't follow," said Twilight. "I mean, I'm sorry about your dog, but what does this have to do with anything?"
"Because I've talked with you about all this before. I know I have. But I put it out of my mind, because I didn't like what I heard. And not just about whether anyone here is real." Sunset gestured back at the school. "This year we've had the fall formal, battle of the bands, and friendship games. That covers a few months, right? Twilight, when I said I couldn't remember a time when I wasn't rollerblading with Dash or shopping with Rarity, I meant it. Every week back for as long as I can remember. Years. Decades, even. Same friends, same activities, same everything!"
Twilight raised an eyebrow, but Sunset jumped forwards and grabbed her shoulder. Memories which she hadn't thought of in years were flooding back to her, and she spoke in a rush as if afraid that she'd lose her nerve before finishing her train of thought. "When I remembered last time, I began keeping track," she said. "I made a tally mark on my bedroom wall every day. Like they do in prisons, right? Just to count the days." She took a breath. "I got up to two thousand before I painted over them. I told myself I dreamt the whole thing, and I made myself forget about it, but I know it happened."
Tears began to fall from her eyes. Twilight grabbed her shoulders as Sunset's legs quavered. "Woah!" Twilight said. "Sunset, I want to help you, but I don't understand. Are you asking me if you're hallucinating? If you're in a dream?"
Sunset shook her head and looked into Twilight's eyes. "Am I dead, Twilight?" she asked.
"...what?"
"Is this my punishment?" asked Sunset. "To be stuck here forever, unable to move on or ever do anything real again, because I tried to take your crown?"
The other girl said nothing for a moment, and then burst into laughter. "Dead?" she managed as Sunset stared at her. "Of course not! You're not dead, and you will someday get back to Equestria, I swear." She embraced Sunset in a big hug. "You should have just asked me that straight out. Then I could have told you and saved you all that worrying."
A relieved smile spread over Sunset's face as she hugged Twilight. "Thank you," she whispered.
"You're in an Oubliette spell!" continued Twilight. "And once you truly understand friendship, whether that takes another decade or another thousand years, you'll be freed from it."
Sunset froze. 'Oubliette spell' sounded familiar; she knew Twilight had told her of this before, but whatever she had said had so horrified Sunset that she had blocked it from her mind. "What's that?" she managed.
"Just what it sounds like. It's a world that you can't get out of--until you learn to make some friends, that is!" Twilight grinned. "You're just here to become better at friendship. Once you do, I can take you home."
Sunset took a long breath as she tried to understand. "How long have I been here?"
Twilight looked at her, and Sunset thought she saw a glimmer of compassion in her eyes, but it vanished quickly. "Sunset. The last time you asked me that and I told you, you drank enough of AJ's special adult cider to black out just so you could forget it."
Sunset's mouth dropped. Now that she thought about it, she dimly remembered Twilight telling her a very large number and getting drunk immediately thereafter "Wait!" she said as Twilight again began to turn. "What happens now?"
"The same thing as always," said Twilight. "In a few days you'll realize there's nothing you can do about it, and you'll make yourself forget this as you always do so you stay sane. You'll be having fun with your friends again in two weeks. And in a few years, when you start to notice how nothing changes here, I guess we'll have this same conversation again."
She began to walk towards the portal. Sunset hesitated, torn between screaming out a question and keeping silent just so she wouldn't know the answer. But when she saw Twilight raise her hand towards the portal, she broke and ran for her. "STOP!" she screamed, jumping towards her and grabbing at her ankles as she fell into the mud. "How long do I have left?"
"Until you--"
"No! I'm a great friend now! Really!" Sunset stared at her friend and saw a pitiless expression in her eyes. "Twilight, please! I haven't seen my family in years, decades--I don't even know if they're alive--Twilight, please let me go home!" The girl only shook her head. "Then tell me what I have to do!" Sunset screamed, realizing she was crying again. "Just tell me!"
Twilight paused, as if deliberating. "You have come a long way," she said at last, kneeling down and laying a hand on Sunset's head. "Alright. I'll tell you."
Sunset nodded, aware of how pathetic she had to look but not caring. "Please," she whispered. "Just let me know how to get home."
"You have to learn the importance of friendship," murmured Twilight. "You tried to take my kingdom. My crown. Which I earned, and you didn't. That's not very friendly, is it? Until you really, truly understand how badly you need friends, I can't release you."
She began to stroke Sunset's hair, and Sunset realized she was leaning into it. How long had it been, she wondered, since a real human--or pony, rather, since humans were only an illusion Twilight had manufactured--touched her? "Here's what needs to happen," said Twilight. "I'll leave, and you'll repress this as you always do. You'll go meet with your friends, and a few months or years later you'll again notice they're a bit one-dimensional. When you realize what's going on, I'll come. I'll be as friendly to you as I always am when I see you here. And we'll talk."
"Like now?" whispered Sunset.
"Almost. You're not ready, yet. But eventually, you'll be so lonely and so desperate to be with a real pony that you'll ask me to stay here even once you know what I did to you. You'll tell me how awful you are and how you'll do anything just so I remain for a few minutes. And when that happens," Twilight brushed a strand of hair off Sunset's face with an almost loving gesture, "I'll know you're ready. That you're good enough at friendship to know that nobody here's a real friend--and that you want a real friend, any real friend, so badly that you'll try to make me one of them, even though I stuck you in here. That will tell me that you finally understand how important friendship is. And, of course, that you're so... humbled... that you'll never raise a hoof to me again."
Twilight lay Sunset's head down and rose. "Are you ready now? Just ask me to stay. Tell me that, even though you know I've kept you here so long that you literally can't remember when this began, you want to be my friend." She offered her hand to Sunset. "You'll be out in minutes, and we'll be friends forever."
Sunset didn't move. She desperately wanted to take Twilight's hand, but she couldn't. Not knowing what Twilight had done to her. "Monster," she managed.
"Monster?!" Twilight's face flushed. "You stole my crown! You tried to steal my kingdom and my title! Princess Celestia gave it to me, because I am her favored student! Not you, me!" She slammed a foot into the earth, and the whole world trembled. "I earned it! It's mine by right! You have no right to--to--"
She stopped talking, and Sunset looked up to see Twilight extending her arm in some kind of breathing exercise. "I'm sorry," she said, and for a moment she did look it, but that faded in seconds. "Anyways, if you're not ready, you're not ready. I'm sure you'll get it soon, though. After all, I made copies of the five best friends I know for you to learn from." She smiled. "You're welcome."
Sunset said nothing.
Twilight pushed an arm into the portal, then paused. "Oh! By the way, AJ's coming by in a minute," she said in a cheery voice. "And if she sees you looking all sad, that'll make her sad too. But a real friend doesn't make her friends sad, does she? I'd think about washing up." And she stepped into the portal and was gone.
Sunset told herself she wouldn't move, but inside of five minutes she found herself sitting up and wiping her eyes on her sleeve. Her eyes were red, but she could attribute that to an allergic reaction of some kind, and her muddy jeans she'd blame on a puddle. She had to, she told herself. Twilight had total control over the spell. If Sunset didn't play along, she could wake up the next day to find the world worse than when Discord had run roughshod over Equestria.
"Hey, Sunset!" She turned to see Applejack running up. "We're all gettin' together for the weekly bowlin' game. Ya comin', ain't'cha?"
Sunset lowered her head. She could fight Twilight, she thought. Remember what had happened, bide her time, and find some way to fight back or escape. No spell was perfect; surely this one had some weakness, and she just had to look for it. Well, that and wait for years or decades, trapped in a city in which nothing was real, nothing mattered, and there was nothing to do but break a little more every day and wait for Twilight to save her in exchange for what remained of her soul.
But she couldn't do it. Not when part of her was already yearning for Twilight to come back and mock her, insult her, humiliate her, just so she could talk to someone real.
"Sure," she murmured. "Sounds good, Applejack. But first, could we stop by your cellar? I mean, we had a big day with stopping evil Twilight and Cinch and all. I think we need to celebrate." A few tears fell from her eyes, but she made herself continue. "Like maybe with a few sips of the adult cider."
Applejack shrugged and nodded and began to lead the way. Sunset followed, trying to think of nothing but the fact that she would be blissfully ignorant in just a few short hours.
Until she remembered again, anyways.
#
Twilight Sparkle walked away from the glowing orb in the center of her workshop. Spike trotted after her. "Do you really think Celestia will make that Oubie-gooby spell the new form of justice in Equestria?"
"Oubliette, Spike," said Twilight. "And yes, I do. Now we can reform bad ponies instead of just throwing them in jail. Just look at Sunset: she's been in the spell for a few decades from her perspective, but just a few months in realtime, and she's almost reformed. Give her two or three more iterations, and she'll never want to betray me or Equestria again. And then we can let her out half a year after her crime, instead of the decades it would take to reform her normally."
Spike said nothing, and Twilight turned to him with an annoyed look in her eyes. "She took my crown!" she said. "Celestia trusted me with the title of Princess of Friendship. If I'd let Sunset take it, I'd have failed the princess, and that's not an option! Spike, I know you understand how important it is to me that I live up to her expectations. She chose me as her prize student; I can't just let anypony with a few spells beat me."
"Is that what you're going to tell Princess Celestia when she asks why you want her to cast these things all over Equestria?"
"Of course not. When Sunset finally reforms, I'll hold a press conference and tell everyone what happened. They'll see that I took a pony who hated me and tried to take Celestia's gift away from me, and I turned her into a model citizen. Not to mention a friend." Twilight beamed. "The Princess will be so proud of me. When I moved to Ponyville, I didn't know the first thing about friendship. But now I know how to take a thief who resents me and turn them into a pony who I just know is going to be one of my best friends." Twilight rubbed her forehooves together. "We'll have sleepovers, and discuss magic, and perform all kinds of research... oh! If she still wants to run things, I can appoint her regent for when I'm busy! She'll never betray me after this, so there's no risk!"
Spike stared at her. Meanwhile, the orb pulsed softly, and Twilight smiled at it. "Celestia will be proud of me," she said. "I made a friend, I stopped a traitor, and I invented a spell which can reform ponies in a fraction of the time as before. It's perfect."
"Not exactly." Spike frowned. "What about the other you? The one that almost broke it?"
Twilight sighed. "I don't know. I didn't put her in there when I cast the spell. All I can think of is that, since everypony in there is copied from memories I have of my friends in Ponyville and Canterlot, a couple memories of myself might have gotten mixed in."
"Yeah." Spike's gaze grew hard. "There's a piece of you in there. A piece that wants to break that thing." When Twilight said nothing, he ran forwards and tugged at her legs. "I'm serious! It's like the part of you that actually cares about Sunset is in there, and all that's left out here is--"
"Spike, that is absurd. I did not divide myself into two. The 'other me' began to unmake the spell because it was an anomaly that didn't belong, not because it was consciously trying to destroy anything. I'll look at the spell over the next few days and find a way to extricate it, and that'll be that." Twilight grinned. "Although, I think it's a good sign that Sunset stopped her from unmaking the Oubliette. Maybe on a subconscious level she knows she deserves to be in that world, and won't let herself leave until she's ready."
"Or maybe she just thought it was going to kill everyone and--"
"Spike!" Twilight put a hoof to her head. "I know you don't like this, but it's my decision. Now come along. Applejack asked me to help her look at some strange magic plants in her east orchard, and I want you to bring some of my botany books with us."
She trotted to the door. Spike began to follow, then hesitated and darted back to the orb. He took the magical lens hanging above it and looked through it until he saw Sunset, who was slumped in her house with an unopened bottle of cider. She was crying, and through the lens he could see her tears spattering against the wooden floor of her bedroom.
Then something moved outside the house. He turned the lens and saw the other Twilight, wearing her hoodie, glancing around and then starting to climb up the drainpipe with a determined look on her face. It was like, Spike thought, she wanted to save Sunset.
"Good luck, Twi," he murmured, before putting down the lens and running to join the real Twilight.
#
Sunset popped the cork from her bottle of wine and giggled as it bounced into a corner. "Happy ten thousandth birthday!" she cheered, wiping the tears from her eyes. "Here's to another hundred thousand more. And when I'm her good little pet and can't think for myself--"
Someone grabbed the bottle from her hand. She turned just in time to see Twilight, the one from Crystal High Prep who had attacked the Friendship Games earlier, tuck it into her backpack and look at her.
"Or," Twilight said, "We could fight her."
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This is some plutonium grade nightmare fuel. Really hoping it ends with Celestia bursting in, literally on fire and raging fury. I hope you mean to continue this!
Dang...
That was actually very creepy.
Not as creepy as "Unleash the Magic" was, but I don't think anything can top how creepy that song was.
I'm not sure whether I want to favorite it or not.
It was a well written and interesting story, but I'm having a hard time deciding whether this would actually be in character for Twilight or not.
And I can't wait for the inevitable sequel based on that ending.
Well, you left me wanting more so that's a good sign. I realize it's a one-shot, but still.
6470704 : Originally, instead of Twilight talking to Spike, Twilight was presenting her spell to a group of government people and reporters (including the princesses). Her case was basically:
* It's arguably more humane to put someone in the EG universe than to put them in a literal dungeon
* It reduces total jail time, preventing families from being split up for so long. E.g., a thief goes into this thing and maybe spends 5 years subjective but only a month or so objective. They get out and they can still raise their foal instead of their foal growing up sans parents.
* It solves the problem of 'we know this guy only did something little now and so can only hold him for a short time, but he's incorrigible and will reoffend as soon as he gets out.' They only put him in physical prison for a few months, which fits his crime and is just towards him, but simultaneously they keep him in the oubliette for as long as needed until he repents and won't reoffend, which is just towards the others he would otherwise have victimized.
I cut it because I wanted to reference what SciTwi was doing, and she wouldn't be willing to admit to that problem in front of the press. So instead she chats with Spike.
Anyways, the system isn't working well here because Sunset has in fact repented, but hasn't accepted Twilight as her
lord and masterfriend yet (at least, she hasn't accepted her as a friend when she actually remembers what Twilight did to her), so Twilight won't let her out. Because Celestia wants her to make friends, and she can't let Celestia down by permitting SS to be unfriendly towards her! And also because Twilight has some sort of fixation on her, or at least really wants those sleepovers and research parties and late night sessions where they work together and their hooves brush and etc.Also, re: Celestia: my theory for what happened was Twilight originally conceived of this as a way to try and help Sunset; she knew Sunset would be in for a rough time in prison on account of her attempted theft of the crown. (This story takes the viewpoint that nothing in the EG universe is 'real'; Sunset stole the crown and was immediately arrested, and everything in the EG universe that she then sees is from the spell.) Unfortunately, something went wrong and the part of Twilight that is compassionate and worried about Sunset got sealed in with the Sunset, while the remainder of Twilight is not nearly so compassionate. Hopefully Celestia would take that into account.
This...is...GENIUS!
Please tell me there are plans for a sequel.
Well, this is.... horrifically dark. I wanna say out-of-character for Twilight but considering some of the shit she's done in the show itself...
Not sure what else to say, at least not sure how to say it. Kinda wanna punch Twilight in the face, though.
6470704 Actually I'd like to see Celestia kick this Twilight's ass, too. Then free Sunset from this hell.
That was dark as hell.
I don't think Celestia would be too pleased if/when she finds out.
Burr, creepy
6470843
But how could Celestia try to reform Twilight? Maybe she could wipe a few memories and put her in an Oubliette called Ponyville, it would teach her to be a better friend
6470887
Revoke her wings? I mean she can't exile her to the moon like Luna. Twilight doesn't control a thing that she can be exiled to. Maybe force her to explain it all to the girls and suffer a guilt trip when the girls are horrified.
AJ, Fluttershy, and Pinkie would likely be the most upset.
6470917
Apparently she had good intentions when she started, and things went wrong when she accidentally sealed her own conscience/compassion in there with Sunset. If she were to get that back, she'd have to look at what she's done the way canon!Twilight would. The guilt would almost be punishment enough on its own. Almost.
I'm not usually one to call for sequels, but I've already thought of like three ideas for sequels that I would write if I weren't immune to motivation. All of them are things I would read eagerly.
This story is fantastic. Dark yet not edgy, twisted yet believable. It got me thinking, Twilight was just a normal filly at some point with dangerous magic she couldn't control, what if she's been in a Oubliette ever since her admission test, and in reality her parents hare still plants.
Please tell me you're going to write a sequel!
this is one of those rare oneshots that you wish is longer or have a sequel
This is twisted, yet scarily real-feeling.
And the sequel needs to be written.
This almost feels like an episode of The Twilight Zone. ...It is the "zone" Twilight made. Well, if I didn't have a chill before, I do now.
6470730 Hopefully she would indeed. There definitely needs to be a sequel to resolve this issue. After all how can the Princess of Friendship even be called that if she can't even understand true friendship? The part of her that is compassionate, the single most important part needed in friendship for it to be possible has been cut off from her, becoming Human Twilight in this case. I hope Sunset and Human Twilight break free from the spell, perhaps a magic overload or something might work. Afterwards they need to beat the crap out of Twilight and find a way to merge the 2 back together and have Twilight basically breakdown from realizing exactly what she's done. Her spell failed because of unforeseen events happening and because of it she became as bad as Starlight Glimmer or worse. She definitely is gonna need her own friends to help her through this as I believe this would be traumatizing for her, realizing that she in trying to help a friend understand friendship ended up doing the exact opposite in one of the worse ways. Twilight from being depressed, unable to forgive herself and hateful of herself could possibly even physically torture herself as punishment for what she did to Sunset for awhile given what happened and that is even worse when one thinks about it. Definitely gonna need her friends to help her forgive herself and and get Sunset to forgive her for being such a fool and ironically bad friend and Princess of Friendship. Hopefully Celestia and the Mane 6 can fix things and help out both Sunset and Twilight.
Please make a sequel
This isn't something you can just leave as a one shot. This is just the first chapter of an epic story, like a prologue to a book that doesn't exist!
Anyway, it's awesome and I really really want to read that book.
totally out of character and terrible
Yeah, um..... That was really damn dark. Bravo!
Or, here's something:
No good friends back in Equestria
Orphan taken in by Celestia, or parents who didn't treat her well as she grew up
Those could be possible reasons why she doesn't want to go back.
Here's one more:
Maybe she's just fine with being a human, she now has the opportunity to teach Sci-Twi and the Humane 5 about magic, why would she pass that up?
Always bugs me with people wanting to see her go back, she's perfectly fine right where she is.
Oh please you MUST continue this! Please! It...it's brilliant! You can't leave it like this.
LOVE IT!
This is actually fairly compelling, terrifying, and an easily-explained 'tyrant' event that makes sense. A good intention gone horribly wrong, which has taken on a life of its own and threatens to devour any goodness to be found in a good pony, with the stakes of a world on the line.
Hope is the lie that we make true.
nth-ing the requesting for a continuation/sequel.
I was confused why there was a dark tag at first... now I know. That was horrifying!
Yep... this terrifies me. Seems like Twilight has slipped off the deep end. Not sure if it's a Nightmare Moon type slip, a more contained Lesson Zero slip or what. Spike does seem right about the 'part of her wants to break the spell' part though. Because seriously, that is one creepy spell... She wants to break Sunset to the point where she's begging and broken and says that's true friendship? That's some Sombra level [apples] right there...
I was really kind of expecting this to be just your average self-indulgent sad-wank story, just looking at the title and the tags, but I've got to say, it ended up really taking me by surprise. It actually works very well and I certainly wouldn't mind seeing a longer story following out that premise.
This has the exact same plot as the beginning portion of one of the new outer limits episodes(Episode: "The Sentence"). It had niles crane from Frasier as Twilight, only Twilight got stuck in the world and then wanted to tear it down at the end because she found herself guilty. Here she doesn't have that revelation, except for that small piece of Twilight in there.
I can almost see Twilight doing something like this. On paper, it almost seems like a good idea, a way to reform criminals in a fraction of the time, but when you look at it closer, it's really just inducing Stockholm syndrome.
6471417 I second this fully!
I like the story. IT seems a bit indirect for Twilight though, after all she exhibited the willingness to use blatant, brute force mind control to force instinctive behavioral changes on an entire group of vampire bats in cannon... But this is more interesting than Twilight sledgehammer approach to magical solutions. You should do more.
6471413 I know right? Why do characters in fantasy novels want to get back home? Arn't most people bored of life? Who wouldn't want the chance to live in a cool world? If most of us like the idea of living in a swords and sorcery land, why the hell wouldn't people in a fantasy land want to live in something like our world?
6471669 I would say that I really hope that that's sarcasm, but it probably is anyway, so I won't.
6470840
Likewise.
Holy crap, that was fairly disturbing. Assuming Sunset manages to escape, she needs to take another crack at the EoH to either power up against Twilight in an all out brawl, or turn her crazy ass to stone. Or at least haul ass back to Celestia for protection. I'm not sure what to do about the Twilight of the conjured world though. The fact that she was apparently a facet of the real Twilight's personality that unintendedly got torn away in the creation of the spell, doesn't mitigate the fact that the presumably complete Twilight created the spell in the first place. What would even happen to her should the spell be broken? Why is this a one shot?! We need a part 2!
Reminds me of the horrible re-make of 'The Prisoner'. People were subjected to behavior modifying environment without their consent.
I consider it horrible because unlike the original, the Prisoner gave in and accepted the purpose of the 'Village', where the original never gave in.
I can honestly say that this made my skin crawl from beginning to end. The bit about the other Twilight being a part of Twilight that wants to stop it is quite brilliant, I think. While this type of story isn't my cup of tea (it gets a little too under my skin), it was certainly an interesting premise that's worth exploring in more depth.
Well, register account, go to Walmart, log back in to leave self-serving review...
I like the concept. An addition would certainly entertain me if done well. You managed to measure out the timing to Sunset's conclusion well enough, and were mostly subtle in where things ended up.
The whole speech from sociopath Sparkle about Sunset forcing herself to forget and Sunset's reply of monster felt a little heavy handed but wasnt hammy enough to ruin the mood.
While Twilight is not her canon self here, I could see her (original) good intentions having run amok per usual. Still, such handling requires special care as not to damage the original contents in a way they're unrecognizable.
The only truly upsetting thing for the story's believability is that Spike hasn't done anything to rectify the situation if he suspects a) it's morally abhorrent b) Twilight wouldn't approve in her right mind.
So dark, but incredibly powerful. I would love for this to become a series. You have incredible talent and I'd love to see the other Twilight help Sunset beat evil Twilight. If Spike is right, then the real Twilight is just as trapped as Sunset is and needs to get out. Please, Please, Please expand this story.
I seriously need more. I mean, if you're willing to keep writing. <.<
Im kinda sad this is a oneshot. Eh, what can ya do.
AWWWWWW...
Why is this a one shot and not a series?
Honestly, someone who actually calls it 'Special Adult Cider' Really isn't grown up enough to be dispensing justice. You'd think, this being experimental and all, Celestia would be checking in on this
That went dark all of a sudden.
6471487 (n + 1)th-Ing it
there is no way luna knows twilight is doing this, this is far more then the definition of evil or cruelty, the devil should be so horrible!
Ooh, creepy.