Twilight and Spike lived their childhood in Canterlot Castle under the benevolent eye of Princess Celestia and violent protection of her resident, so called, monster. A monster she returns to to find peace with but also unexpected danger and threats.
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Fukken eh?
Cock-blocked by ancient history. Yeesh
I assume that this chapter takes place somewhere earlier in the story. I don't remember the hospital room having a balcony. Also the mention of the armor that isn't built yet.
Wait I'm confused. The hell?
We Gundam 00/Code Geass now!
You really need to put a porn tag on this now. That was a whole lot more detail than I was really ever hoping to see in this story.
Curiouser and curiouser.
7645608
Right you are. Quite some time before the story started, just like most of the Interludes.
7645652
Hmm. I was trying to pull back as much as it is possible, and not go treading into too much description apart from more "innocent" stuff like kissing, but I guess there were a few lines that I could have done without even so. On the upshot, I'm pretty certain there won't be any more of this. And hey, it could be worse!
I could have made sketches!
You really think it needs to be tagged for this one little scene?
m... sexy start to a dark end... me like...moar
Can't wait for the next
7645698
'fraid so. It's a site rule and this is definitely explicit enough to count.
7645707
Ah poop. I should have thought of that. Everyone's going to think its a harem story or one of these stories where the human goes ravishing his way across Equestria. Poop, poop, poop.
7645714
Yeah, that's a bit of a problem. If you don't, someone's just going to report it for untagged sexual content sooner or later anyway. Unless you massively rewrite the scene, you are kind of stuck with it for the moment.
7645714 the story is solid, people know it... just tag it. don't kill the chapter.
7645725 Just got back from School, and I think you're referring to this thread right? If not, then link me please. Also, chill. Just because I just replied to you, doesn't mean that I'm going after you. Besides, it wasn't enough to make an offense.
7645818
Yeah, you're right. I was trying to find a way to weasel myself out of it, but I should face the music. It's not the end of the world, and I do make references to sex stuff anyway. I'm not comfortable with changing the chapter either. It would need to go a very different direction then. Thanks for the small push. I needed that.
7645829 we all knew what they did behind closed doors. or suspected as much
in this chapter it makes a huge character build by showing that they are both "damaged" and have history (that i for one want to know)
i myself dont consider fics that have sex/clop bad... most of the time they are great. it depends on the writer on how to use it and not over use it (the clop for pure clop fics...)
some of my most favorite fics are nsfw but they are great because of how the writer used it. much like in the case of this chapter.
you dont have to use it all the time or at all. but clop has its purpose and need in a fic. here it was to show a deep connection and reveal a probelm and a dark history moving the story forward even if not part of the main story line.
would love to read more as i enjoyed the writing but its not mandatory what so ever... sprinkle when needed
Not....what I expected, but it is intriguing. Wonder how the story will progress after that.
7645829
I honestly don't think it would have been a loss, I'll say that much. I didn't even actually read any of that section after seeing a few of the obvious keywords in it. When I say it's something I really don't want to see, I'm being very literal.
7646160
I get where you coming from and your position has been made explicitly clear on this through various posts (respect!), and I would personally be ok without it in your place as well. I considered very seriously whether I wanted to go ahead with it, and thought this; Would I be fair to the story or the characters I am using if I decided not too because of my own personal hang ups? On the other hand, I'm making the story and it is up to me how I want to tell it and if I want to censor myself I have the right to do so. In the end I decided to go ahead with the sex scene since, like you did, it is quite clear where it starts and where it ends and people can simply bypass it. The really useful info of it is just at the end of the scene and it's just close enough to the end that the words probably got your attention there, even if you didn't read what went before.
A second, and selfish, reason I did it was the sheer difficulty of writing it. I wanted to prove to myself I could do it.
A third reason and a little spoiler into my thinking of the character's relationship and why I thought this scene was necessary, though I probably didn't do a good job of showing it, limited by the self-deceived viewpoint and lack of skill and experience; There are four words for love in Greek. Eros (lust), which could be said to be love of the body. Filia(friendship) which is love of the mind. Agape(love) which is love of the soul. Storge(affection) which is love of family. Luna and Raegdan have a great deal of Filia and Agape between them, but there is no real Eros. They have simply convinced themselves there is, trying to grab on a semblance of something normal between them. There is an undercurrent of self-deceit there, and they get off in an unhealthy way.
The fact that they stop there and put off any more tries is actually better (as far as I believe at least) even though they haven't realized it. There is no proper or set path to follow in these matters, you go with what fits and works for both. One part is missing. It doesn't diminish the others with its absence nor does it void what they already have. There is no set that you must complete, but each piece is whole by itself and should be celebrated for what it is.
Rambled a bit, and probably got off course, but you see why I thought this was more useful rather than a "oh, this will get some people off :D ) thought, right?
P.S. Of course, maybe I'm trying to cram up way too much in a single story that can't support all this and doesn't have the necessary parts to contain all this. Perhaps a little cutting would be prudent, but... hard to do so on an episodic tale as you well know. Or how I push some concepts so hard it ends on the ridiculous scale. I am trying though, and I'm thankful you, and all the rest who read this, still persevere despite the multiple fails and unsympathetic characters.
7646161
*waves goodbye*
Bye bye, new friend. Thank you for the multiple comments!
*blows kiss*
7646203
I'm familiar with the concepts through classical philosophy and I'll be first to admit that it's an interesting thing to bring into there that makes a lot of sense to the characters. I don't really think that the execution itself really added anything to the story coming as it did at the point that it did, though. There are just some issues with the simple execution of it that make it stick out, in not necessarily the best way. In all honesty, even knowing you were planning to do this, the entire chapter comes out of nowhere. There is nothing that really hinted it needed to happen. It's a bit difficult to even really place it chronologically - presumably, this all must have happened before the beginning of the story proper, but it never really says so anywhere. It's just kind of gratuitous, really.
I understand what you mean to do with it, but this seems like something that would have benefitted more from being executed as a separate side story, much like the Twilight Years, both thematically and in terms of story structure. As you say, this may give people a very wrong impression, and not for no reason - I've seen stories suddenly flip to a Sex/Gore tag in the middle and it rarely leads to good things. That's a bad reputation that doesn't come entirely out of nowhere and it'll be harder to recommend this to people now and make them buy it - "it's not what the tags make it look like" is always a hard sell.
7646230
That's actually a good idea. I SHOULD have done most of the interludes as a separate side-story. Damnit, I didn't even think of it. Pfft. Now I'm angry at myself. This could have worked out well enough, though it might have ended confusing, but - eh. It's done now. Still. Poop.
One of the fails I mentioned. I should have done something to establish this is taking place some time after the wyvern hunt. I'll edit in a couple of lines, making it clearer.
Not sure what to do now, except make sure to the best of my ability that it doesn't take the bad route in my case. I'm done with all and any sex scenes as far as this story goes, excluding sex jokes because I am a child and cannot control myself.
Oh my...
Believe it or not but I was actually about to make a comment at around chapter 5 or 6 I think about how I thought the story would be about Luna and Raegdan trying to overthrow Celestia. But then the story seemed to take a more lighthearted rout with a redemption story so I decided not to.
Oh man do I wish I had written that comment now
7646253
Well, if it still bothers you later, it's one of the things you can refactor easily enough, so it's not that big of a deal. Taking chapters out and separating them into another story isn't something that people do a lot on this site, but it's supported on principle, so there's that. Might call for a blog post explaining what you did, but that's really it.
So wait, on top of all the other shit, Luna was raped, too?
Or was her only prior experience...merely at a drunken party with a bunch of shitheels?
I guess I shouldn't be as surprised as I am about them trying to take over Equestria, but I just can't wrap my head around Luna's reason for it. Then there is the eye-roller:then what? Celestia has enough power to move the sun and moon. Luna doesn't, if all claims are true, so she just wants to watch the world burn now? Didn't love her enough, so fuck them?
So if I am understanding this all correctly, Luna and Raegdan are the real villains? They are using everyone to overthrow the country from Celestia because Raegdan loves Luna so much he's willing too?
If so you just blew the plot out and made me not want to see where this heads. Everything was building to this if it's true and it should have been a secret til then. I have no interest in what they do from now on if so, knowing full well what they intend. I assumed it was a redemption story at the point before this chapter assuming that the real villain was the mare that was trying to kill Raegdan and Luna. Now she's the hero we don't deserve?
I'm confused what you're trying to do here.
Well, I'll be honest. That wasn't a trauma I expected Luna to have.
I'm not sure if I like where this story is going. I'll keep reading for now but I was hoping this would be a Redemption story. Not about are human and Luna trying to overthrow Equestria.
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7647791
I should clear up the waters a bit, so no one gets the wrong idea or gets disappointed. Just know that I haven't jumped the shark, not yet.
1) No, Luna was not raped. I don't intend to use rape as a cheap plot device, what happened to her is different and ties with her personality, how she acts, and her loneliness. It will be shown of course, but later on. Just trust me on this one when I say it isn't what it looks like.
2) Is this a redemption story or one about Luna and Raegdan overthrowing Equestria? It's a redemption one, but one that is harsh and will be very, very hard, not just because of events outside their control but also because changing your nature, especially one that you had for so long, is extremely hard. What you saw in this chapter happened long before the mane six arrived, and it will tie in with future events. Besides, you should ask yourselves. Why do Luna and Raegdan want to take over Equestria? What could they possibly earn? Do they look like the kind of characters who would enjoy being on top?
Also, don't forget that I like to tease you with pieces of the puzzle. You've only got a corner piece there. The full image has not been revealed yet, but you have a LOT of pieces if you read carefully (which I don't expect you to do. That's why more clear cut answers will pop out later, but as a hint you might want to pay close attention to what Raegdan says about wanting to kill his loved ones.)
3) Who is the villain and who is the hero? There is no clear cut villain here you could point at. The real villains here are the secrets, lies, and underhanded tactics that all those we can call villains, at one point or another, use. I believe I will make even Honest Serenade sympathetic to you in the end. They might be bad people, they might do horrible things, but my intention is to make you understand them. The clearest heroes in this story would be the mane six and the virtues they embody.
In the end it will be friendship that will save the day.
Of course, if everyone has questions or wants to make sure he doesn't waste his time I'll be happy to answer anything. Just let me know if you want spoilers in your answer or not.
7648233 I have NEVER been able to really enjoy wartime or Kill Celestia/Luna/Twilight/Someone vital to the worlds continued existence, save when the author establishes that there are contingencies, or normal physics will take over again. My 'Disbelief' ends up straddling the line between Willingly Suspended and 'Oh hey suicidal zealots want to destroy the world, welp there goes 90% of my fucks'.
It's been stated that Luna is weak, weaker than the average unicorn IIRC. I can't remember if there has been mention of her actually succeeding in raising/lowering the moon, just noting that Celestia will have to continue to do s. So if she struggles so much with HER celestial body, how the FUCK does she think she can handle the sun as well? Basically, I have no idea what Luna wants or expects to happen.
I'm guessing that Raegdan has told her everything about his pass, but if his fate is under the control of a Fae or something similar. If he can and has, that seems like a loophole that should have been addressed somewhere. You don't want your minion to warn your victims about what's about to happen, although maybe when your plans have reached the point of no return and they can't do anything anyway.
The Robobrains in Fallout 4:Automatron claim to be saving the Commonwealth by killing everyone, which sounds ridiculous. I've come to consider Tirek an Apocalypse level threat. His mana drain could have ended the world(and Twilight let him...). If Raegdan's master is somehow worse than Tirek...I can see Raeg wanting to kill his loved ones easy. It would be the kindest thing he could do.
As for the 'rape' scene, that was the simplest interpretation. You, I think by design, only gave a tiny amount of detail. It's supposed to be traumatic, so that's the first thing that came to mind. Unless the stallion was one of Celestia's and was too tired to do Luna after, but that doesn't explain the laughing. TL,DR:Not enough info.
7648402
Well, I'm not planning on changing the world that much or killing characters that we all love, though I shall endanger them and hurt them.
Remember, this is what they planned at one point. Plans change, either by voltion or by outside events. Now, let us consider the other question. If Luna can't handle even her own moon, how can she expect to deal with both without Celestia? What is the most obvious answer? Celestia will have to still be alive, even if they go ahead with it, but you don't really have to worry about this. It won't come to that, and what they were thinking, what their real motive is WILL be revealed. It won't be a terrible chessmaster level thing either, where it's so easy to alienate you all. At it's core it is very, very simple, guided by simple goals.
Is Raegdan under the control of something? He is not sure. He thinks he might, but he also thinks he is just mad, that it's only a phantom to make him feel less at fault. If that thing is real, it is powerful enough that it doesn't care what Raegdan does to stop it. If it isn't real, then Raegdan might be doing damage for the sake of nothing. But I think it's pretty clear at this point that whetever that thing is, Raegdan thinks of it as Morgoth. I think that gives a scale of how bad it could be if real.
And yes, not enough info. I don't blame anyone for coming to this conclusion. I am very sorry for any disappointment and confusion, and I will address some of those issues in story as soon as possible, if given the chance. This "traumatic event" was supposed to work as a little prelude to another interlude(s) where we will see Luna in closer detail, start to finish, and how she came to work and think like that. Piece by piece, it will all come to a full tale. I know, it's a bad excuse to say "wait and see" but I don't have any other at this point. I will do my best to rush things and get these answers out as fast as possible.
In the meantime, keep letting me know of what you believe I missed or things I should fix. If I don't know what's wrong I can't fix it, and my view of the story is skewed, if only because it makes sense to me because I have all the pieces.
So here's a breakdown of my thought process as I read through this:
First few sentences, 'Huh, who the fuck is talking in this? Leaf Stream? Well she does seem the type to be putting on a faca-- nope this pony has wings that aren't useless stumps. Oh, Luna.'
'Awesome, I bet this is going to be a romantic date between Luna and Raegdan! He was the one who took the picture of Luna. I absolutely cannot wait to D'AWW.'
'Huh... this is getting heated-- is this fanfiction from Rarity?'
'Oh man was this story mature when I first entered? Fuck it,' mybodyisready.png *ziiiiip*
'Oh no... there are hints of failed attempts before this one... My balls are going to be bluer than Dash's coat.'
'Fuck damn shit cunt please no don't rape my woona god why pls.'
*reads ccomments* Oh thank heavens. While I was saddened heavily my mind was ready to reluctantly accept somepony raped my Luna...:( Interestingly enough I haven't really read a story to this date that had 'plot clop' that I felt wasn't completely unecesary, I was actually ok with this. It felt like this was something they tried in the past, failed at and just... idk, gave up. I was on the train with Twilight thinking it was platonic after realizing he sleeps with Luna to keep the night terrors away. Whatever, glad they didn't violate my Luna.
Also kind of Interesting that love is separated in Greek as well as a few other languages I've seen. Seems its only in English were you can love a book, slice of pizza, your wife and your kid. Also ty for that little bit about you not killing any of the mane 6. I will continue to read and love this story safe with the knowledge that I won't have to see Fluttershy or Pinkie violently killed (because its always those two, fuck you writers and your edgy kill a character for impact)
First off, I agree with wlam's comments, secondly
He should start off with a snap open double 12 gauge, a revolver, and a lever action rifle, or a pump 12 and rifle, or levers on both, bolts on both, or make them both crack open, all the simplest designs we've got. Make him a cowboy knight.
While instead of gunpowder, or as it seems black powder, they could use those magical rune charges from the bombs sized down and edited to what they're using. Primarily so it does not continuously absorb magicka to the point of mountain movers, and they should add a containment cap for consistency and a safe maximum output.
However an exact sized 12 gauge is not necessary as there are no shell standards to conform with, just nice to think big.
And if those runes don't fit they could make him a staff with which to rain astronomical proportions of ass whoopings. Or something.
I'm surprised they're turning, at least surprised at her. But I'll hang around.
Well, that is certainly a thing.
Its interesting to see this actually. I know Luna and Raegdan had planned to kill the main six for quite awhile.(I am fairly certain they actually said so at one point)
I am also fairly certain that Luna had a tipping point when Pinkie Pie was dying of the poison that was meant for her and Raegdan. When Luna froze I could just see her thinking. "This is it, this is my easy way out, fate is smiling on me for once. If I let one of the only ponies who has been unambiguously kind to me since my return die that's it, no more elements of harmony to worry about..."
That has been my favorite scene in the story so far, and what gives me hope for Luna and Raegdan. I'm sure Luna came up with some justification. But, They chose to save her, even though letting her die would have made their lives safer.(unless this is some elaborate plot on their part)
*would really like to see an interlude of this event from luna's point of view*
tinfoil hat time!*
I am also on the fence about whether or not Pinkie intentionally ate the poison to get this reaction from them. Pinkie sense works in mysterious ways! I'm not crazy!
At the beginning of the story they likely had a very firm idea of what they expected the main six to be like.(at least the ones who aren't twilight) But over the course of the story the main six have been chipping away at their worldview.
I THINK that L&R have gone from. "These ponies are wielding a horrible mind rape cannon and are probably evil". To "These ponies are wielding a horrible mind rape cannon and aren't evil, but life isn't fair." To "These ponies are being wielded by a horrible mind rape cannon and it would be really nice to know them if it wasn't hanging over them like the sword of Damocles."
On that note. I totally understand Raegdans desire to kill the main six. Even if its just one of them. He has killed so many Heroes in his time. Heck he and Luna tried to be Heroes. They have both lived "You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain." He wants so, so badly for Twilight and spike not to go through what he has, and he probably thinks that Celestia or these frickin magic rocks are going to drag them down that path. Killing one of the main six, or even letting one of them die by accident would, in his mind, save twilight from this whole heroic destiny BS that to him is a fate worse than death.
Also Ironic that Raegdan and Luna spend so much time trying to protect poniesbut almost certainly scorn the idea of heroics. I find it tremendously amusing to imagine Luna's reaction to finding a batmane comic. Maybe spike or one of the CMC give it to her.
Wow that was disconnected. Eh. been building this up for awhile.
Wrong or right, cant wait to see what comes next.
It is quite possible NMM made Luna experience fully the atrocities she committed in an effort to fully break down the alicorn and fully turn her.
That's my guess. Probably had sex with dead bodies of her enemies...
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There isn't really any separation between Nightmare Moon and Luna in this story. They're one and the same individual, which is exactly where a lot of Luna's character conflict comes from. All the atrocities she committed, she chose to commit.
I have to say I'm quite impressed not just with the story in general but with this interlude/chapter as well. Not bad for a semi clop/sexual scene. Kept it all classy like instead of the usual smut fest! It's nice to see a more...realistic version of bedding a foreign species. Not just a scene where the main character just "Captian Kirk's" it and dives into that sweet sweet pone-tang. I know you said you wouldn't do anymore "adult" scenes/chapters but as long as they're like this and few and far between regular chapters I think you can get away with it and have it add to story...because I mean. We were ALL waiting for this! (Don't lie) and ya don't really feel like a weirdo for reading it. A hard target to hit...well done sir, well done. As for the confusion about the time line I don't really get it. I mean I figured as much that this was a scene that happened in the past after the dragon hunt scene. But I guess I just assumed it as such with it being an interlude chapter. I think you're doing fine with the direction the story is going. Might have to add a more adult rating though haha.
7652290
My intention was to show it was awkward for both of them and had to force themselves into "getting into it". Not sure how well I've hit the mark compared to what I wanted to achieve, but this part's out of the way now at least. As for more... Nah, I don't think there's any possible way to add more without them being gratuitous clop. The fact that this is the latest attempt also inhibits me even if I had the intention to do so.
I assumed that people would assume it was after the latest one, just as you assumed. That assumption leads me to assume that I assumed wrong, assuming so by the large confusion. So... you know what they say about assume.
And I already added the sex rating on the story (grumble, rabble, stupid sexy Luna).
Oh, oh! I almost forgot! Thank you for you kind words, and I got loads more incoming! I'm pretty excited for what comes soon!
7650847
You've pretty much hit the nail on the head as to what they were thinking there at that moment. Not only that, but the rest of your comment as well. It would have made things so much easier for them, but so would a lot of things they did in the past. It was easy to think and plot killing them, and would have easily done so if they had sneaked into their houses and killed them, but the moment they started knowing them?
Perhaps there's a specific reason they both push everyone else away.
He has said, more that once I think, that what heroes do is die, and he shows complete contempt for them as he views them as idiots who don't realize what they're getting into. Which reminds me, I need to do another Interlude showing up what he was doing when Nightmare Moon returned.
I have a scene in the next chapter or the one after that is EXACTLY that.
*Engages Twilight Lecture Mode*
"Unconscious" acts can present themselves in any form of aware life (person, cat, dog, whatever) only while said life is not currently in a wakeful state. An unconscious act would be akin to a yawn, twitch, shifting of position, or other movement while sleeping, rendered unconscious via trauma, or even in a coma.
"Subconscious" acts are an impulse that the waking mind is likely unaware of, and powerless to stop simply by force of will (unless the person intentionally trains over and over and over again specifically to stop that one subconscious act via muscle memory to deny that movement, thus bypassing the lack of the conscious mind to influence the subconscious by using muscle memory which can interact ~for lack of a better word~ with both).
The word you're looking for is "involuntary".
An involuntary act is something that was not fully willed by the conscious mind, and can easily be overcome simply by one's intent to overcome it. It does not necessarily have to originate with the conscious or subconscious, it can originate from things like chemical imbalance in the muscles themselves, electrical shock, irritation causing changes to the body, or many other means for the body to be caused to move. In this case, most likely a high adrenaline content in the blood feeding the muscles, which constitutes chemical imbalance as mentioned above.
Of course, involuntary actions are not exclusively linked to non-mental causes either, so a combination of subconscious and chemical levels in the body would still fall closer to the definition of "involuntary" than the other options.
So while the above words are quite similar, in this case they aren't necessarily interchangeable.
"Involuntary" is the best fit for this circumstance.
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Gotcha! Already changed. Thanks, Twilight!
7652290
TBH, after over 10 years of conditioning via scifi entertainment (and around 6 years of watching FiM/reading fics about it), I could dive in "Captain Kirk style" with any female remotely imaginable as "sexy" by humanity today so long as it was intelligent enough to be on par with humans mentally.
The wonders of sapiosexuality.
7653829
The thing is, the time heroes are needed is when somebody screws up. A decent system, whether it is a police, or army, or secret service can win over a big number of lone heroes.
As an example, Japan-USA war. Japan had great commanders, good ships, trained sailors and samurai spirit. USA held economic advantage only. But due to that advantage, USA's losses were only minor setbacks, as new ships were built, and Japan's loss at Midway turned the tides. So USA war system rolled over Japanese genies pretty much with numbers only.
By the way, this is also why I don't really believe in Raedgan destroying worlds on his own. Worlds aren't diamonds, but they're not dry logs either. They're buildings. Inside there is a lot of fragile furniture, which gives comfort but is not necessary to live. If a foudnation is stricken, a part may fall, yes, like tmterrain.co.uk/historical-projects/ph.jpg
But to tear down this building completely - one man pretty much cannot do it, especially when somebody is resisting it.
i.imgur.com/zaVV5.gif
They are both all kinds of fucked up, and it just keeps getting better.
Though seeing how far Raegdan has been willing to go to protect Twilight in the past, I very much doubt that he will let Luna hurt her, regardless of how close he and Luna are.
When is it going to be finished? Its more than a year old, and its still not completed. I'm excited to see the ending though.
Yes~. Yes~!
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And the moment it comes, you'll wish there were another 10 or 12 chapters to go.
His love for Twilight and Spike is as strong as his hatred for Celestia. I really wanted to know what made 'em hate each other.
7654977 he did not tear the worlds apart he just set the charges and made sure they blew he was saying all is need is the right moved and boom the world kills itself
I'm sure I'm not the first person to ask, but why not put the link to the deleted chapter in place of the chapter, alongside the warning?
O...k...?