You were not put on Equestria to "get it"
Ye Cannot Get Ye Flask
by Present Perfect
"Remember when Lemon Hearts got her head stuck in that beaker?"
Those eleven innocent words, spoken with a laugh by Minuette, were all it took for Twilight Sparkle to recall the scene. Sure, her nose had been buried in a book at the time, but it had been hard to not notice a yellow filly running around with her head jammed all the way inside a glass beaker, no matter how hard she may have tried at the time.
But wait. It wasn't a beaker. No, as Twilight recalled, it was actually an Erlenmare flask that Lemon Hearts had run afoul of. The distinct flaring was unmistakable to her mind's eye; beakers possessed a constant diameter all the way down. In fact, had Lemon Hearts gotten her head into one, it likely would have been no trouble to get it back out.
Twilight wondered for a second how Lemon Hearts had been extricated. She must not have been present for that.
Her thoughts turned to the mares she was once again trying to befriend. Science, logic and pedantry dictated she correct their oversight, since all three of them seemed to be sharing in the mistaken notion that a beaker had been involved. After all, hadn't a famous philosopher suggested that a pony consider truthfulness along with nicety, helpfulness and all that before speaking? When it came to statements, rightness was tantamount to kindness, at least as far as certain thinkers were concerned.
Twilight caught herself. This was one of those bad habits Spike was always nagging her about. Taking a breath, she put herself in Minuette's shoes for a moment.
Twilight couldn't be sure what it was Minuette did, per se, as the day's conversation had yet to turn to discussion of occupations, but scientific research was likely not a part of it. Indeed, the beaker/flask confusion spoke to a lack of the formal scientific education that Twilight had had. Mistaking a flask for a beaker was, she had to admit, a perfectly reasonable thing for a non-science-oriented pony to do.
What was a beaker to a laypony, really? Probably something along the lines of "science glass", if Twilight were being perfectly honest. They would have had to learn the difference back in elementary school science class, sure, but if she was the only pony among them who had kept up with her scientific studies, wouldn't it stand to reason that she was then the only one who knew the distinction? That it might not be too fine a point for a pony like Minuette to differentiate?
The next question came quickly: Wouldn't she want to know, then?
But no, Twilight was thinking too much like herself. She would want to know the details in order to correct her own ignorance. She had interviewed Zecora multiple times about Zebra culture, after all, hoping to atone for the faux pas she, along with her friends, had committed upon their first meeting. But Minuette, for all that Twilight had reacquainted herself with the mare for the last few hours, was definitely not Twilight Sparkle, and it was worth considering that a correction could be unwanted, leading perhaps to embarrassment or hurt feelings.
Thinking of Zecora reminded Twilight of another philosopher. Well, a psychologist, really, a griffon: Gerard the Gilded. He had postulated that all thinking creatures shared two very basic psychological needs: the need to be liked, and the need to be right. And while Twilight herself had met many a creature who made her question that notion -- a certain dragon, for one; a certain centaur, for another -- she nevertheless agreed that it served as a basis for approaching other cultures.
Culture changed the definition of "right" without removing either of those needs. So while a pony might balk at griffons consuming meat, for instance, and could return to Equestria to share her dismay at griffon culture -- assuaging needs of both like and right -- she would be "right" in the context of Equestrian culture. Likewise, the griffon chef in Griffonstone mocking her vegetarian lifestyle would find other griffons who shared that disdain, and together, they would be right, and they would like one another. It was a highly useful mental tool for working past ethnocentrism when dealing with other cultures, and she made a mental note to keep it in the forefront of her mind as her princess duties involved more and more diplomacy.
She tried not to think of yaks.
At this very moment, Twilight was balanced on the knife's edge of trying to be right. She wanted to intercede in the memory being shared among her three old friends, to show that she knew more, to help them learn. But she couldn't shake the notion that such "help" was rather condescending. Wouldn't it just be showing off? They already knew she was smart; they'd always known. She wasn't going to impress them by imparting the specifications that defined beakers and flasks as two very different subsets of glassware.
Instead, by being a pedantic, condescending know-it-all, she risked sabotaging the primary goal that had driven her to Canterlot: remake some friends. That need to be liked would be thrown to the wayside, and for what? This was no high-minded moral conundrum, where she might become disgusted by her company, argue from a point of righteousness, go home, and find solace with those who shared her beliefs. This was about a beaker. And a beaker was not worth losing her chance to reunite with these three ponies.
Besides, one portion of the memory had resurfaced, and Twilight found herself with even more concerning angles to consider.
"Whatever happened to Moondancer?"
"Moondancer?" Lemon Hearts asked.
"Yeah," Twilight said with a weak smile. "You know. Our other friend."
The friend whom she had completely forgotten about, just like these three. The friend toward whom, as a filly, she had been awfully pedantic. She had ignored that friend and her needs in favor of showing off how much she knew about chemistry.
Granted, it was but a single slight that had happened years ago. With any luck, Moondancer was just like these three, living a carefree life, and would be happy to see Twilight once again. But it was stuff for consideration in her future travails as the Princess of Friendship; as this trip had already demonstrated, Twilight had rested far too easily on her laurels. She had a lot yet to learn.
Yes, the beaker thing still bothered her, but for now, Twilight held her tongue and concentrated on these new old friends. When she got home, she would write "Erlenmare flasks are not beakers" on the chalkboard in her castle until her horn hurt. Nothing made her feel like she had some control over the world quite like repeating true statements in the face of ignorance.
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Present Perfect, Princess of Pedantics
Ye are given ye upvote.
Twilight rambling internally about philosophy is always a win in my book, and the wisdom she tempers her eccentricities with is a good testament to how much she's grown over the seasons.
...I'm just going to come back in an hour and see if anything's still standing.
But why can't I get Ye Flask? Now I have to sit here and wonder why I can't get it without any fancy graphics to help. For sooth!
Also, Twilight would blow her horn right off her head if she saw how "right" people are online. Best if she doesn't know...
And, in a stunning twist, Moondancer possesses one of the legendary Flask-Getting Horseshoes.
An enjoyable moment in the mind of Twilight. Thank you for it.
Sheesh Twilight, stop being so reactive!
So this is why you needed the image.
>get beaker
Ye Can(not) Get Ye Flask
6178484
Great: now we have to wait four years for the Japanese version.
6178484 And you have to sit there and wonder why on Earth you can't get ye flask, 'cause the game's certainly not going to tell you!
How DID Lemon Hearts fit her head in there anyway?
Also, fuck those yaks.
Feature Box with 34 likes. You have the recipe, PP.
Rare to see Random without comedy — a breath of fresh air. And the philosophy is pretty profound, too!
In other words, thanks for a story that broke my expectations and left me satisfied anyway.
Could I do a reading on this, please?
6178840
I'll be. :O I ran afoul of featured downvoters, but it's in the shelf! :D
You can't explain thatIT WORKED AHAHAHAHA >:V
6178920
This is Random like Princess Cadence Takes One for the Team is Random: I tried writing something silly and failed. :B So the tag's just there to warn that this isn't my best work.
6179056
You needn't ever ask! :D Just link me when you're done!
6179174
Ok, thank you!
Awesome. Thanks for taking us into the mind of a well-learned scholar who uses a plethora of knowledge to answer a scientific mishap. It's just like Twilight to over think the simplest things.
Totally not relatable whatsoever.
Nope none. 
wow, great self control from Twily there
I don't like how you changed the final line. The way it's stated now gives it a comedic twinge that removes all the power of what it once was.
6179837
Comedic, really? My decision to change it was based on the fact that the previous version didn't sound much like a final line. It left sort of a "wait, that's it?" taste in my mouth.
6179996
The comedic power here comes from the juxtaposition of "Nothing made her feel" and "true statements... etc." The first part suggests that the second part is going to be big. Nothing else makes her feel this way... it must be big! But then we find out that it's the very simple practice of repeating true statements. The comedy comes from that subversion of expectations.
However, the final line as it was in the original fits with the very banal, yet very personal thoughts of Twilight. It detracts from the comedy--which, for all I know, you may want to keep--but adds to the intimacy of Twilight's revelations.
Does that make sense at all? Again, though, this is just my opinion. Feel free to ignore.
In case my name isn't evidence enough, you have managed to get my attention with that title.
So good
EDIT: Just finished reading now, and I can't help but think about Phoenix Wright. Great story though!
6180045
To me, it's more light-hearted, which I appreciate because I wasn't wanting to be all deep and morose. If others complain, I'll consider changing it. :B
(Also wtf happened to your damn underscore you're making me look like a jerk D:)
6180193
Well, considering almost no one else has seen the original, I doubt you'll have many complaints
Also, I've never had an underscore, mang. The only
reason I have it on the Writeoff site is because the site won't allow spaces.
You got an idea for a story where Twilight gets upset about improper use of a word and named it "You Cannot Get Ye Flask", and yet you didn't make it about the pedantic grammar of adventure games?
That is a crime against literature.
Ye can't get ye flask
oh man! A Homestarrunner- Strong Bad SBMail reference! The only place I have those was in FimFlamFolosophy's videos! You sir (or ma'am, just in case) get a like!
Huh. This was really quite good. Honestly, it completes the scene for me. Especially with the juxtaposition of the beaker/flask and salt/molasses confusion. I'll be honest, I'm probably not smart enough to get all the subtleties here, but...I enjoyed it anyway.
Having seen and enjoyed Big Trouble in Little China, I am curious where the reference is.
6180950
The chapter title. It's the only line I quote from that movie, and I quote it often. :B
I wrote a review of this story.
It can be found here.
Yes, I was among those who recognized that it was a flask, not a beaker.
YAKS SMASH
BEAKERSFLASKS!Twilight, the trio attach no value to it being a beaker or a flash. You can correct them over this tiny detail if you do so in a polite and cheerful manner as long as you don't come across as aloof. I'm sure they won't accuse you of nit picking.
This reminds of the fic Pinkie Pie Watches Paint Dry.
6185944
You're the second person to say so! :O It's high praise, though I think PPWPD is significantly better.
Hey, in case you are interested, I wrote a review for this which can be found here.
This was fun.
6178484 Get in the fucking robot, crap-for-brains!
40.media.tumblr.com/02db2e28dc8fcf2fab00354ee6cfaed6/tumblr_nr69mgqx3z1r4w6n5o1_500.jpg
6253050
This is now my favorite comment on this story. :D
I lost it right there
6284840 uh, I can't... I can't feel my laughing energy anymore today, I got a new dog and she made me laugh until I couldn't laugh anymore, and for me, I have to have energy to laugh that I call laughing energy. But the yak part is funny. I just need a laughing energy recharge, if ya read what I just wrote.
Very nicely done. I admit I pondered, but ultimately found it more amusing. I love your take on it. You really have an amazing talent for finding incredible depth in simple actions and events. May you never lose that.
6364912
Pshaw. :B But thankya.
6365848 It's true! You must come to BC again so i can properly sit you down and explain in great detail why the idea you have nothing to offer people is one of the most inaccurate things I've ever read. And I've read revisionist American history about the war of 1812.
Seriously, you guys have commemorative license plates...
Wisdom, there. I also try not to think too much about Yaks
6367751 Hey, it was, like, a moral victory or something, alright?
6671439 Uh huh. Was the moral victory when you invaded, we pushed back, invaded, burned down your whitehouse and left? Or was it when we both agreed one fort was worthless?
In seriousness, my issue is I think the war of 1812 was a giant pissing contest over who could screw over the blacks and natives the most.
...I may live near a famous battlesite and get sick of it. ^^;
6671876 Well, as a wise man once said, "War, huh, good God y'all, what is it good for? Absolutely nothing! (Sing it again.)"
6672051 Wholeheartedly seconded.
Oki. Doki. Loki. Great picture of Twilight's thought processes, but still random as hell.