Twilight Sparkle, described by many as the brightest girl they know, decide to leave the prestigious school of Crystal Prep and go to a new school: Canterlot High. She wanted to a brighter and more relaxed setting for her education. However, even though she wanted to change school, Twilight does not have an interest in making friends.
But on her first day of her new school, Twilight come across a crown. Everyone told her that it's the crown that they gunna use for the upcoming dance; the Fall Formal. However, Twilight feels that there is something wrong with the crown. It didn't help matters that Sunset Shimmer, the ruler of the school, is being cruel to her for no adequately explained reason.
Will Twilight solve the mystery of the school? Will she discover a world that isn't too far from her own? What will become of the group of ex-friends that she is keep running into? Will Twilight Sparkle Learn the magic of friendship before the big dance?
I like how your cover art still says "pony" on it in big-ass letters.
No, that's a boring idea. Why would anyone read your story if they could watch the real Equestria Girls, which is something nearly identical to it, save for the setup? In fact, for those who don't share your dislike of ponies, the setup to Equestria Girls is pretty interesting. Twilight getting used to a world without magic where she walks on two legs? That's interesting. Some girl just moves across town? Less interesting, unless you spend the extra effort on characterization to make it engaging. You have not spent the extra effort, so this story is little more than a flimsy, artless novelization of Equestria Girls.
> professes to be writing Equestra Girls without Equestria
> still can't resist shoehorning Spike into a "speaking" role
Yep, seen all I need to see here. Shame; having a SciTwi-centric EQG actually would be an interesting premise, with the guidance behind it.
sorry man, bad premise. How can Twilight not follow after her crown.
Great idea but felt like it fell way short of intended goal but maybe with more chapters it'll get better.. Maybe...
Ow... just... ow. Synopsis, chapter title and first few paragraphs of the chapter have at least half a dozen errors between them. Of course this is without getting far into the fic. Seriously, double check your grammar, it helps.
I genuinely admire your persistence.
I like the idea. Just please fix the grammar.
Well you asked what is wrong and before I could even read it, I noticed you didn't indent. Were you using the site's writer, because something like Google docs or office are great although I would use google docs since they are made to be compatible with the site, I guess if you want to use office, you could copy paste it. "Wondering if there is any kind of dumb jocks that she would be 'smart' than. " I think you ment "smarter". Also,"Once she heard the sound of someone addressing her, the girl’s head shot up in surprise and 'saw some' that she never met before. I think you ment "someone". Once more you might a want to use some of these ' ' in the quotation marks inside the quotation marks:"She’s the “friend” that I mentioned earlier. She wants to make everything a crazy party and never takes anything serious.” Again you probably ment "one" here:"Once time, when I try to have a silent auction for the animals, she arrived with noise makers and balloons. She almost frightens half the animals to death.” And unless Fluttershy was trying to be Like Applejack this is wrong you should say "going" here:"I think that is the crown which they are 'gunner' use for the Fall Formal.” You also might want to capitalize this:"As 'twilight' was wracking her brain over this, Fluttershy told her: “I think we need to hand that to Principal Celestia.” "Will" doesn't need to be capitalized and "replied" needs to since it starts a new sentence:"Thanks! I Will!” replied Twilight as the girls went spate ways."You also misspelled "she" and added an "n" on it randomly and "understand" needs to be "understood" and "see" needs to be "saw" or "sees":" 'Shen' also 'see' the very same crown that was on her head and quickly 'understand' it was very important for the purple pony." Also "pull" needs to be "pulled":"There were more images, but Twilight could stand them no longer and pull the crown off her head." I'll just let you guess what's wrong here(hint, it's something you've done wrong before):"When she looks behind her and see a worried Spike, she imagines him saying:". I'm not sure if this is a mistake but it seems like you writing a sentence and gave up on it:However, Twilight does not begin to dare what mysteries the crown holds... at least not." Am I wrong? I'm sorry but your grammar is atrocious and I literally wanted to rip my hair out since this took so long to quote. You desperately need an editor, and I'll be happy to do that. As far as the story goes as long as it doesn't completely rip off the movie and has enough difference to make it worth writing then I might just like it.
6044894
Why did you click on this story, read it, and leave a comment?
6154747
Because, citizen dearest, criticism on the internet is in fact a thing.
The below comment was deleted by me, not the author.
6154784 The comment seems a little paradoxical to me. Criticism or not.
so just by reading something here and there I see that is technically a copy and paste (or maybe your intetions are others) only replacing twilgiht trying to adapt to a new world and saving everybody by twilight saving everybody.
You know... if you're trying to eliminate the influence of Equestria itself on the EqG story, why are Sunset Shimmer and the crown even there?
Yay, nice chapter!
6159592 - I'm not trying to eliminate Equestrian influence. I'm just trying to write a story were I replace Twilight with Twilight.
6160397 Except the change has absolutely no impact on the course of the plot itself, because nothing else is different. You didn't change the story at all, you didn't do anything fresh and exciting with it.
I think I can kinda see why you couldn't take Equestria COMPLETELY out of it. That removes most of the conflict the movies showed, since the girls would've been friends the whole time without Sunset's sabotage, and the Dazzlings would never have been banished to the other world. That'd basically be a high school story that maybe includes Twilight transferring, which doesn't have that same spark.
But that still would have done so much more to make the story new than your impact-less pseudo-swap. If anything, you just sucked whatever magic and soul EqG DID have right out of it.
This story needs more love. Ya there are some errors, but the idea is really great.
6161686 thanks
6162373 your welcome. Just being friendly and supportive. Hope to see another chapter soon.
6160750
I DO have to agree.I mean if you're going make human Twilight be the one to experience the events of EQG ,there SHOULD be major differences story wise :In the plot,to the characters development,how they interact with each other and the conflict at hand. If you're only going to do the bare minimum to make this work,why bother in the first place? Human Twilight and Pony Twilight are completely different characters,such is the nature of different dimensions. Human Twilight SHOULD have different views and interactions with the conflict. She seems (to me) like Twilight before all the character development she went through. Antisocial,a jerk,studying being the only factor in her life,with an extra helping of skeptism given that her world doesnt have things such as magic or mythological creatures.Things need to play out differently because of the factor you introduced. I honestly like the concept,It's so simple I wonder why someone's never thought of it before. I adore AU fics because you can explore the characters and setting in a different way that canon wouldn't normally allow. There's so much you do with this concept if you allowed yourself to. If you're just going to rehash the same thing I can't read anymore of the story. Sorry.
This was amazing!
I love how Twilight only signed when there was no other option! 
6253516 Thanks. Honestly, I was afraid that there was a third option that she could have taken and everyone would be yelling at me about it
6280718 People often dislike my stories automatically just because of my username
The ones I corrected are in red
Ok , so for Spike's dialog I think(if you want) italicize it and 'quote' it like this. EX 'Twilight! Wait up!' Spike barked. Its better to do it this way so that it doesn't confuse the reader. Cuz we know that the dog/pup Spike in the EQG world doesn't really talk, so maybe add BARK, YELPED, or YIPED. it if you want to do it that way.
I hope this helps. Keep up the great work .
Such a sweet chapter!
So who is Twilight be paired up with? Heh curious!
Flash has a purpose?!
You DO realize this is an error, right? It's supposed to be, "Amending Fences".
6280778
So then change it! Clearly it's doing you poorly, so change it! Why have you not thought of this yet?
orig12.deviantart.net/5fdd/f/2015/099/7/5/jackie_chan_meme_by_firefox2014-d8p19a4.jpg
Twilight should put the crown on during the dance, then cripple over and fall to the ground as visions flood her mind.
Great chapter!
Or something less dark.
Why on earth does this story have so many downvotes? It's a good story! Not the best, but certainly worth the read. So what gives?
6497827 I know, right. This thing is as divided as the movie that it's based on
6280778 maybe u should change your username then(plus that profile pic is how anti-bronies represented themselves..u r giving others the idea your story are not worthwhile and misthought u as an anti-brony) ..because I really like your story so far and it should gets more attention Your only flaws are spelling and grammtical error put asides that you are a great writer
6497827 the author explained that people often diklike his/her of the username...
6525946 And you bought that?
Wait, that's it?! Well, I guess it is, but come on! I was hoping for the rest of the series.
Will you be writing the appropriate sequels to this story? I'd love to see a No-Ponies-Version of Rainbow Rocks and Friendship Games.
THAT'S SO AWESOME
6991677 Thanks
You posted the prologue twice.
If you ever make a rainbow rocks and friendship games version of this, I would really like to read it. This is a good story
7215664 Thanks. I'm currently taking a break from fanfiction, but I still like to continue writing the world that I made as I still has some ideas for it. Tell me, what was your favorite scene?
I don't know.
Reading this, I like the idea but somehow it seems almost.....
Like it's missing something, not sure what.
Maybe its the dialogue, or perhaps the pace.......
I'd suggest a bit more polish for next time. Perhaps a beta.
okay, between this...
...and this...
...well, I don't care if it's an overdone meme: I have to say it:
ER!!!
TASTE THE RAINBOW, MOTHER
(yes, I DID use a Flutter-censor: deal with it)
...let me guess...
(and because no one else has made this joke yet):tse1.mm.bing.net/th?&id=OIP.M7e2b2929a592a8aefc9ac7131a544f1cH0&w=192&h=198&c=0&pid=1.9&rs=0&p=0&r=0
hi there: my name is Dug...
tse1.mm.bing.net/th?&id=OIP.Mde42d85e8bbcc95d1943147d66b48339H0&w=299&h=284&c=0&pid=1.9&rs=0&p=0&r=0
hi there: my name is Spike: I have just met you, and I LOVE you...
tse1.mm.bing.net/th?&id=OIP.M2ea8d6914b922fb075ad8df9e580ca79o0&w=299&h=165&c=0&pid=1.9&rs=0&p=0&r=0
Wow. It's rare to see someone who DOESN'T display Flash Sentry as a douche, or write about him at all. I only know one other guy who did that, and his story is one of the best in my opinion
7417905 Can I please get a link?
7543949 A link to what?
7544339 A link to the story DarkSpider mentioned. Do you know what it is? Will this story have songs in it?