• Member Since 14th Mar, 2015
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago

The Fan Without a Face


I am Faceless, hiding the truth, namely that I like this show due to fear of judgement from others, but I want to atleast share my ideas and hopefully make some friends as well.

E
Source

With her friends and the school seemingly turned against her, Sunset Shimmer flees, quickly finding herself in the presence of a strange student, whose views clash with everything Twilight and the others have ever taught her about Friendship.

However, does that make him wrong? Is Friendship truly Magic? Or can it be something much darker?

Thanks place during the "Anon-a-Miss Incident" from the Equestria Girls Holiday comic. Video link to the comic in the comments below. Check it out if you haven't gotten a chance to read the book.

Edited by: Spirit Shift and FabulouslyCynical

Proofread by: AlicornPriest

Review by geartechthelivingrobot, check out and support his channel https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4CAHo5ONJzg

Chapters (3)
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Comments ( 103 )

This... Was the best Fic I've read in this site... It's funny, really. Coalstone has the exact philosophy I have when it comes to Friendship.

ok that was surprisingly good. The theme of the story, coalstone, and sunset was all good. I just want to fucking know what's up with that anon-a-miss villain :twilightangry2:

5851644 "Anon-a-miss is from the Equestria Girls holiday special comic.

I was the pre-reader for this story, and it is as good as I thought it would be. Great job! :pinkiehappy:

5852330 hmmm.. i've got to check that out. Thnx for the info but what i was really asking was why anon-a-miss was doing what she(?) was doing.

5852436 ah, I see. Simple misunderstanding. :twilightblush:

The writing is decent. It's clear you're aiming to write artistically, but many of your sentences come off too long winded. The key to good writing is to brevity. Say as much as you can using as few words as possible.

Also, you mistake "defiantly" for "definitely".

5852448

Sorry, it's tricky with my writing at times. I wanted to make the story good, and I guess I got carried away with the descriptions. My dialogue has generally been my weakpoint when it comes to writing.

5852448

Well do you think you could help me with some of the editing or suggestions if possible.

5852452
There will be a sequel? :fluttercry:

5854142

Maybe, do you really want one? Mostly just asking what you like about the story, if you don't mind my asking.

5854409
Where do I begin...
First off, Coalstone is awesome. Because, of his point of view of friendship.
Second. The reason that I want a sequel, it's because of Sunset. I mean, in the end she wasn't reunited by her friends and that left me wonder if Sunset will change of point of view.

5854508

Haven't exactly thought that far ahead, I mean I had plans with Coalstone and the like, but was sort of planning to follow canon but I'm thinking a little more that it should be a little different.

Just not sure how.

5854529
Don't worry. Take your time.

Excellent story, i love how different points of view collide.
hope i could read the comics to have a better understandment of the situation.




but then again i don't really like the story in the comic.

Hmm... So sad, true, yet false.

I feel so torn right now.

5856444

Does that mean you like it, dislike it. Kind of hard to understand what you mean.

5856480

Like it? I love the story! I'm talking about friendship and how it's viewed.

5856490

Oh, well yeah, wanted Coalstone to sort of be a darker side of friendship, showing that it's not all happy times, memories and parties, like the mane characters usually show it to be.

Alright, finally got around to reading this story. Here is what came to mind.

Your original character, Coalstone, fits the bill of the dark, brooding, edgy character with the tormented background that so many OC pitfalls that many writers make. His appearance screams edge, as well as his personality.

However, in saying that, this character type fits that bill perfectly. But, in doing so, he plays the antithesis to what Sunset could be if she gave up on friendship. In a way, he plays a dark image of what she would be like if she were to give up on her friends over a disagreement. So while he teeters on that cliché line, it was what was needed for Sunset's growth. So in a rare instance, I find the character type fitting the story well. And that is something I don't say often. Well done.

Cheers!

-Zodiacspear.

5860476

Thanks I know the character is a bit cliche with the design and personality, but I figured that's kind of how a person whose gone through not having friends for so long might act.

There is more to him of course, but I figured it worked since I wanted to create a sort of dark side to friendship, showing that it has just as many dark shadows as it does light moments, something the show doesn't tackle as much as it could.

I appreciate the comment and glad you enjoyed it.

5860500 I would be extremely pleased if you would continue this story. This is starting out perfectly, and I would love to see more.

5862167

Can I ask what specifically you are hoping for in a sequel?

5863416 A resolution to the story. You have the setup perfect, with a conflict, at least two interesting characters, and a goal, finding this Anon-a-miss. You also have some side conflicts, such as Coalstone's anti social attitude and his past, which he'll have to confront at some point. There is a lot of potential in this story. It would be a shame to let it go to waste.

Yo yo, I remember ya, lol. I'm glad to see ya first story is a excellent one, well deserving of a fave and a thumbs up!

Keep up the good work.:twilightsmile:

Very interesting, well done dude :)

Hmmm... alrighty! Here's my take from this.

Well, starting off, I was just a tiny bit turned off by it seemingly being an OC focused story. I was honestly expecting "Ze tragic backstory alla Sue" walking in... but I was pleasantly taken by surprise. Coalstone was pretty restrained and had dialogue which told his backstory better then any flashback could. His outlook on friendship was also a treat to read as well, seeing how completely contradictory it is to what little Sunset understands of it at this point in her life. That was my other issue heading into this; I was worried that Sunset was going to fold and accept his views as being 'better' then her own... But again my prediction was happily off.

I quite like how Sunset handled things too; excepting Coal's views for what they are, acknowledging that he's right in some areas, but ultimately sticking to her own path even if it seems a bit bleak at the moment. This was a nice character piece for her, even if Coal did a majority of the talking.

In all honesty... I'd like more! This could be a nice prequel story to a larger story later down the line if you so wish for Sunset to follow in Twilight's hoofsteps in spreading the magic of friendship far and wide. It feels like you have more story left to tell, though this does end in a nice place as is; with Sunset respecting Coal's views and not pushing her own onto him. Continuing this story, and trying to give this character a 'happy' ending, could be difficult... but I think you could pull it off if you so wish. The writing is pretty darn good and the message carries clearly, so really it just depends on whether YOU want to write it.

Either way, great job :twilightsmile:

5867775

Well thanks I appreciate your honesty. I did plan to write more about this character and show there is a bit more to him than already seen, though I'm worried I might ruin the character if I continue forward. I suppose I'm a little like Coalstone in that I'm afraid of what'll happen if I continue. I do want to, just not sure.

Also any suggestions on how to improve the chapter as it is or perhaps if I do keep writing what to do with Coalstone as a character? Any advice would be welcomed.

Liked and fav'd.
I agree with a lot of what he was saying.
There's a big difference between someone actually being your friend and someone only being a person that you get along with.
I would've just said "I'm done with all of you" after proving that the cmc were the ones behind everything.

5868799

Also any suggestions on how to improve the chapter as it is or perhaps if I do keep writing what to do with Coalstone as a character? Any advice would be welcomed.

The advice I'm giving you is for if you intend to do more with this character.

The best way to build up a character is to have them interact with as many characters as possible.
The reason (one of them anyway) Flash Sentry is such a flat character is because he never has any memorable moments with any character besides Twilight. It's like he was literally made for her.

Stone can avoid this horrid fate if he has a few moments with each of the mane 6, so he can show off who he is and how acts in various situations. Have him interact with Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy a bit, they'd be wonderful foils.

Also, keep his past largely vague, that way you can change it if you aren't pleased with something.

Loved the chapter by the way, I'd like to see more of Coalstone.

this should seriously needs to me more then a one shot. The story potential here is great. Who actually is this Anon a Miss and how can she heal her friendships.

Great story and I hope there's a sequel to this one later on
this story gets 5 hearts (:heart::heart::heart::heart::heart:)

Ok, lets get this straight, I did not like the EQG annual. It ade so sense for the characters at that point, considering everything tht had happened and felt like the author went on an author tract and wanted to use this as a way to handle it. The message was sound and the story could've worked...if it was set before RR.

That said...this story far far far more than makes up for it. I love that Sunset was, at first, agreeing with what he said. And for the most part, he is right, friendships cna be eassy to break, but they are also very easy to mend. I love how Sunset basically broke through her own granite by remembering how alone she felt when she was evil, and that being with them was better than that. I love how she remembered that they are worth it and that it is something worth fighting for.

I am reminded of something that I read once from one of my favorite "Cantorlot Wedding fix fics"

We've hurt each other Sugarcube. An we'll hurt each other again one day, but we'll make up for it and become tronger than ever

I think that is what Sunset has learned here, and is a n improtant lesson for us all. No relationhip is perfect an you will be dissappointed if you think it is. the important thing is if you are read to ight for it and forgiv e and forget.

Coalstone makes me think of a troll I met once, and Sunset, well, me and how I can point out how much I love being here with these writers and this fandom

5851644 Oh it came from the winter annual mlp EQD comic where that SPOILER Anon-a-miss creates a fake page where everyone's secrets and hidden opinions are revealed. The villain frames Sunset to try to ruin her rep. Here

5956461 BTW FanFace, if you'd be alright with it i'd like to use Coalstone in Sunset Helper. Perhaps somewhere down the line in the next installation(after the Sirens)

5956484

Yes, yes, please, I'd love that. Just as long as you let me know how he'll be involved and everything, please yes, go ahead.

Also you can just call me Faceless for short if you want. But please, let me know what you had in mind, through private messages of course.

5956461 wow. Thnx spirit. Really appreciate this. :pinkiehappy:

5956616 Not a problem, mate. I warn you, it kinda sucks though.

Have you ever considered submitting this story to Equestria Daily? You can find out how to do so here.

5989264

Well, its just that it felt really out of place for where the characters were after RR. IT was like the author wanted to tell this story, but had it set in the wrong era of the character's lives. It didn't really feel organic or real to me for these characters or in that scenario. I it was during the six month break between the first movie and RR, then I woul be ok with it.

5989265

Um I didn't know I could. Why do you think it would be worth it?

Hmm, interesting subject. I didn't realize that this comic series existed. I learned something new today. Keep up the good work.

Well what an interesting take on friendship, I like that this plants a seed of doubt in her.
but I would added at lease put a summary of the event of t Anon-A-Miss because not everyone has read the comic based on it. If you have to read something else to understand what going than it's inconvenient for the audience.

6026250

Believe me I know, I've gotten that comment more than once here. I'll keep that in mind.

One tincy weency criticism, while you did make it very clear what the story came from and even gave a link to the comic. In a one off story like this the less the reader has to rely on prior knowledge the better. Not saying you shouldn't do what you did, but the more the reader can get from this one source the better.
But over all i really liked this story, it was composed nicely, the setting of a darkened art room was well realized. I liked how Sunset pulled herself out of this funk, and i would be interested in seeing more of this Coalstone fellow.

6055303

Thanks though It's not like I didn't mention in the story how the situation started. Sunset explained to Coalstone what the whole "incident" stemmed from.

What should I change, add a summary in the beginning or something?

6055337 Sorry i guess i was a little blunt, i meant to say you did just fine as far as story+backstory. I was more giving a general guideline. And it really is up to the writer him/herself to determine how much they want to rely on pre-established material. When you do though, you always run the risk of someone who is unfamiliar with that material getting lost or confused. To reiterate you did a fine job with this story.

6055375

Thanks I appreciate the compliment. Now I just have to ensure that any future stories or chapters are better.

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