(Inspired by the art/comic by Mauroz) https://www.deviantart.com/mauroz
In her quest to find and destroy the Elemental Demons, Sunset Shimmer has crossed into a strange new world alone. In the midst of her search she is confronted by another from her world, one who had long forsaken her and embraced the power she seeks to destroy.
Can she convince him to see this dark power for what it is, or will she be forced to battle one she once called her friend?
Made this as a one-shot based on art I commissioned from Mauroz around my OC Coalstone and his connection with the Sunset Shimmer of his comic. Mainly did it to provide some context to the pictures, which I intended to tell a story themselves. Just did it for fun, so please enjoy.
Also check Mauroz's comic out, seriously it's amazing.
that coverart gives me Heroes of Might and Magic 5 upgraded succubus vibes
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It was art I actually designed myself, thought it looked badass and served as a nice hint at what would be revealed in later images.
That was a nice story. I particulary like the arguments of Coalstone. Athought Sunset is cearly in the right, you can understand his point of view and it's hard to not take his side. You did a good job job conveying their turmoil and I could feel the emotional charge in each of their attacks.
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Appreciated, I wanted to really sell the tragedy between the two, that Coal despite his violent outbursts was more hurt and sad that it had come to this and that he geuninely cared for Sunset. Also wanted to make it come across like they were true friends and that he had something of a legit complaint as opposed to possibly coming across as a stalker or something similar.
Ok, that was great. Sunset was in excellent form, and competent. Coalstone was pretty interesting. Kind of anime angst, but that makes a lot of sense.
The most impressive part of this was the chemistry between the two characters. Both were very lonely children that threw their everything into something to cope; Sunset with Celestia and her magic studies, and Coalstone with his art. This is a really good tragedy.
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Thanks glad it comes across more as tragic as opposed to mellow drama. That's what I was afraid would happen.
Finally got around to reading this. (Sorry it took so long.)
In short, it was a'ight. The fight was pretty good, and the emotions were believable. A few notes, though.
1) This has a hard time standing on its own. I feel like you need to be familiar with both Mauroz's comic and your other work with this OC (of which I am only familiar with the former) to get the most out of this story. It just feels like there's a world or two of context missing.
2) This is an OC in love with a major character thrust into another story. You addressed this in your author's note, so I won't dwell on that.
3) Your action scenes are a little wordy. In scenes of tense and intense action, it's usually better to keep sentences shorter. It helps to set the tone.
4) Overall, this story needs an editing run. There were a few spelling and grammar errors and a few points of confusing word choice.
5) I feel like Sunset was too quick to give up. There was a bit of a tonal whiplash between Sunset easily and casually taking out most of the gargoyles and her suddenly being on the defensive in a near-panic. It makes me wonder why he didn't just punch Sunset from the beginning. Also, the hammer did basically nothing.
All of that said, you've got some good foundations here. Coal in particular feels like a fleshed-out character, though this story is too short to confirm his depth. His power set is creative and intimidating and a good rival power against Sunset's fire.
Well, that's all I got.
At this point, he doesn't deserve mercy at all.