“It was you all along! You're "Anon-a-Miss"!
“We trusted you, Sunset! We thought you were our friend!”
“How could you do this? After all we've been through together?”
“Way to go, Anon-A-Miss, Keep it up.”
“Secret stealer.”
“LIAR!”
“TRAITOR!”
“Stop, please… I’d never…I couldn’t… I wouldn’t… Why won’t you believe me?” Sunset Shimmer practically screamed out in agony, yet she managed to keep the thoughts within her mind, despite the river of tears flowing down her cheeks. She found herself on her knees, surrounded, under the bitter, angry, hate-filled glares of the students of CHS.
The hallways seemed to resonate with a never-ending barrage of scornful words and insults directed at the fiery-haired teen, who futilely attempted to block out the stream of curses from her ears. With each verbal barb, the young girl could feel her fragile heart cracking, and any mental defenses she had left breaking with each passing second. It was simply too much to handle.
Without even thinking, Sunset got to her feet, managing to pick up her discarded book, and ran in the direction opposite the sea of venom-laced insults and looks of revulsion. She ran as fast as her legs could carry her, desperately searching for an exit, eyes stinging as her tears continued to blind her.
Her hand finally found a nearby doorknob, with which she practically the ripped the door open, and fled inside, before she shut it behind her. She slowly leaned against the only barrier between her and those who sought to shun her and quietly slid down, now able to sit and cry in silence.
“How did this happen?…After everything we’d been through, after all the progress I’d made. I thought our friendship was strong enough to weather anything. Was I wrong?”
Sunset continued to sob, her tears still falling, though not as quickly as before; the sharp pain that continued to pierce her heart remained.
Yet, in the midst of her efforts to hide herself, she remained completely ignorant to where exactly she’d decided to hide.
Granted, under these circumstances she honestly didn’t care if it was the janitor’s closet or a bathroom stall. As long as it kept the angry mob from swarming, it didn’t matter.
Of course, the trouble with that plan was that, when you opened a door, you ran the risk of running into someone else who happened to be on the other side.
Sunset of course, was so lost within her own thoughts of despair that she didn’t notice the sounds of heavy footsteps approaching her, or the large shadow that quickly encompassed her being.
“Um…Can I help you with something?”
A rather deep and somewhat dry-sounding voice, almost sounding like the individual had rocks in his throat, managed to break Sunset out of her mind enough to look up, some tears still leaking from her eyes.
The room itself was a little dark, but there was enough light from the overhead bulbs and a few open windows to get a good look at the source of the voice. It was a young man, about two to three inches taller than Flash and considerably more sturdy-looking in terms of build, if his surprisingly strong-looking forearms had anything to say for it.
Matched with a pair of sharp eyes and a wild grey mohawk like hairstyle, he looked fairly intimidating, which wasn’t helped by the somewhat blank look on his face, which made him difficult to read…And the fact that he currently had a rather large hammer in his left hand didn’t help much either.
In spite of the situation, he didn’t seem to react much to her presence, looking at her with a somewhat puzzled expression, seemingly trying to find the best way to approach what he was going to say. Thus, the pair sat in silence for a moment or two, which was enough time for Sunset to collect herself and calm down from her unpleasant excursion, and to manage to let out a somewhat weak, “Um, hello.”
The strange teen didn’t say anything at first, though his expression shifted back to a more neutral look as he spoke. “Hey. So um, is something bothering you? I mean, you ran in here crying, and people don’t generally come here to cry…Then again, people don’t usually come into the art room, unless class is actually in session.”
“This is the art room?” Sunset’s eyes widened a bit, her prior sorrow forgotten as she finally decided to properly scan the room she’d decided to hide in. The stranger was correct. The room itself was fairly large in size, with various portions of the room containing the necessary tools for different art styles, including painting, sculpting and the like. Truth was, she’d never paid much attention to the room itself, since art wasn’t exactly mandatory or important in her mind, partially because it wasn’t really something she had a knack for.
“Yep, pretty much abandoned when class isn’t in session. People seem to prefer either chatting it up with their respective groups or hanging out in their clubs to give it much mind. So, it’s usually pretty quiet.” The stranger stood still, crossing his arms as he continued to look at Sunset, who was still observing the room,
“Least I’m safe… For now.”
Her attention quickly turned to the other teen, who by this point had apparently lost interest in Sunset, having turned his back to her and headed to a nearby table, giving Sunset a view of his back, which revealed a rather large mark on the back of his black jacket. It was a sledgehammer and chisel crossed over each other, with a few stone fragments below them.
Taking a closer look, she noticed that he actually had several stone carving tools on the desk he’d taken a seat at, including at least three different-sized hammers, and more than seven chisels of various sizes, along with a pair of goggles and a magnifying glass.
Once he’d taken a seat, he proceeded to quickly place the goggles over his eyes before picking up a relatively small chisel and hammer in each of his glove clad hands and turning his attention to what looked like a statue about the size of a birdhouse.
The design itself wasn’t exactly something Sunset found…appealing. That was mostly because it was some kind of gargoyle-like creature, with a rather hideous-looking face, sharp, lizard-like eyes, large bat-like wings, and a mouth filled with fangs. It wasn’t necessarily the statue that was ugly, as even from a distance she could see there was an impressive amount of detail put into it. Just that…It didn’t exactly remind her of any particularly pleasant experiences.
Of course, she couldn’t really do much at the moment, not wanting to risk going outside and trying her luck with her still-seething classmates. Thus, she found herself alone with the strange young man before her.
“So, not that I don’t find your company riveting, but I seriously doubt you ran in here, with tears running down your face, because you felt like doing some afternoon art. Mind explaining yourself?”
Sunset found herself, surprised by the comment, hesitantly moving forward slightly while keeping an eye of the door, just in case people decided to enter.
“So wait, you aren’t going to start insulting me, threatening me, and calling me a secret stealer?”
At this point, the stranger actually turned around completely from his project, pulled his goggles up and looked at the red-haired teen like she was insane. “Why the heck would I do any of those things?”
“You mean you don’t know who I am?”
His eyes narrowed slightly, but his expression still showed he was lost in regards to the situation. “You’re a student at this school, and apparently you’re having a bad day. Other than that, I can’t say I recognize your face.”
“He doesn’t sound like he’s lying, but that doesn’t make sense, after everything that’s happened….”
She tried to collect herself as she moved closer to the teen. “I’m Sunset Shimmer; you know, former queen bee of the school. The Fall Formal, Battle of the Bands…” When she saw that she wasn’t getting anywhere, as he looked even more confused, she let out a sigh as she chose her next words. “I turned into a raging she-demon, and tried to take over the school.”
That last part actually managed to get a reaction out of him: his eyebrows shot up slightly at the demon part, though his visage remained still otherwise.
“I don’t know why, but for some reason I feel the need to say ‘No offence' to you for the whole ‘She-demon’ thing.”
Sunset, as if on reflex, actually muttered out, “None taken,” before pausing for a moment after she realized what she’d just said and proceeding to smack herself in the forehead. “And here I was hoping after the Battle with the Sirens that that little running gag was over and done with…And now I sound like Pinkie.”
Shaking her bizarre thoughts from her system, she continued to speak. “So you really don’t know anything at all, do you?”
At this point, the young man shrugged a little. “Well, it’s not really that surprising, considering I only started attending this school about a month ago. Haven’t exactly been around long enough for major school functions.”
Okay, well that at least served to explain how he’d actually managed to be completely ignorant of her prior exploits… Whether or not that was a good thing was completely up for debate. However, that raised another question.
“Wait, you’ve been here for a month? I don’t recall ever seeing you at any point during class, or in the halls, or anywhere.”
“Don’t know if you’ve noticed, but this is a pretty big school with hundreds of students; I seriously doubt you’ve managed to memorize every student’s name and face.”
Sunset blushed lightly at the comment, since what he had said made a fair amount of sense. “Fair enough. Though, I do have a friend who actually made it a habit of knowing everyone at the school, and on occasion throwing them a welcoming party. Something I assume she’ll probably try to do when she finds out she hasn’t met you yet.”
“Well, tell her no thanks; not very big on parties.”
His tone became somewhat more abrasive at that last remark: not enough to be considered rude but definitely close enough to get Sunset to feel a little offended. “I’ll keep that in mind, though I don’t suppose you could at least tell me your name. Feels kind of weird talking with you and not knowing that much.”
Letting out a loud sigh, he acted as though he was getting a tooth pulled. The unnamed teen looked up from his work and pulled off his goggles again. “Not exactly sure why you even want to know it. Odds are we probably won’t be seeing each other in the future, and, I doubt you’ll remember it for very long.”
Sunset could easily tell this guy wasn’t exactly the friendly type, and part of her was tempted to simply sit in the dark and wait for things to blow over outside, but a small part of her refused to allow it for some reason. “Well I’m not planning on going anywhere, and it’s not like I’m asking for much. I’d just like know what I’m supposed to call you, is all.”
The stranger continued to look at Sunset for a brief moment before letting out another sigh. “Coalstone, that’s my name.”
“Coalstone, huh?…I’ll definitely make sure I remember that.” She spoke with a degree of reassurance. She decided to walk around a bit more of the art room, admiring some of the different pieces that were being presented.
The now-identified Coalstone, meanwhile, had resumed his own pet project, using a much smaller chisel to hammer out more detailed parts of his small statue with a surprising amount of precision. “Since we’re exchanging information, I figure it’s only fair you give me some info. Specifically, answering my previous question of why exactly your reputation or name would give me cause to insult you.”
Sunset frowned at the question and turn her back to Coalstone. “Let’s just say I earned a not-so-stellar reputation when I first started out here, and people aren’t so quick to forget when you cause trouble for them.”
Coalstone looked up again, as her tone contained a fair amount of apprehension; it was made more apparent by her movement, as she seemed frozen in place and was almost looking down at the ground, as if bowing her head in shame.
“The way you make it sound seems like you aren’t the same person you used to be.”
He waited to see what kind of reaction it got out of the girl, quietly placing his chisel down as he stared at her. He watched her move her body ever so slightly, clutching one of her arms as if she’d been injured.
She managed to let out a few words, but her tone was much more strained, making it more obvious how upset she was about the situation. “Ever hear about the website MyStable?”
“I’ve heard a few people mention it. Never actually went on it before, and I don’t really have an interest, to tell you the truth.”
Sunset actually paused at the remark, but kept down any kind of reply she might have made and continued to speak. “Well, about a week ago, someone called Anon-a-Miss began posting people’s secrets all over the web; really embarrassing stories that people wanted to keep buried.” Sunset’s grip around her arm tightened and her eyes clenched shut as she slowly began to regress back to her experience in the hallway.
Coalstone, meanwhile, looked at her, his expression softening a fair amount, then took a slight glance at the door. He noticed a few shadows pass by it and heard one or two less-than-positive comments from the outside.
He raised an eyebrow. “They thought you were the one behind it, didn’t they.”
A silent nod was all Sunset could manage. “I thought I’d finally managed to show everyone in this school that I wasn’t the same Sunset I was before. That I had truly changed for the better, and only wanted to help people, not hurt them.” As she spoke, the familiar sensation of fear and sorrow slowly began to seep back in, and the feeling of the students’ hateful glares and venom-filled words closed around her like an ice-cold wind. “Even my friends, people who swore to stand by me, people I grew to love like family. They hate me now…Despite everything we’ve been through together! How could they just abandon me so easily?”
At the sound of Sunset whimpering slightly, the stone-carving teen let out a sigh as he looked back at the statue he was making. “Hate to tell you this, Sunset, but that’s not really surprising, all things considered.”
Sunset quickly wiped up some of the tears that were forming on her face as she turned her head to look at Coalstone, who’d resumed work on his statue, though at a much slower pace, his mind clearly distracted. “Friendships sound nice on paper, and for a time they can certainly feel like a lot of fun. Having friends who stand by you, spend time and laugh with, promising to never leave you alone. Truth of the matter is, most of the time, that’s an empty promise.”
As he continued, Sunset noticed his tone gradually became much more bitter and even a little cold as his hands moved along the statue. “It’s easy to say that you’re someone’s friend, that you’ll stand by them through thick and thin, but people very rarely ever mean it. Make a few mistakes, maybe say something they don’t agree with, and slowly, that so-called ‘unbreakable friendship’ starts to fracture.”
The sound of his chisel striking part of the gargoyle echoed as he said the last word; a small crack actually started to form on the statue, but he continued in spite of it. “Sometimes, even if it isn’t a fight, you might end up having to change schools or locations, yet you promise to always stay in touch and never forget each other.” Another larger crack slowly began to form as he kept talking, seemingly blind to the destruction. “And while you continue to let their memory live on, you slowly begin to realize that, odds are, they’ve probably long since forgotten about you, and you’re left with an empty feeling inside of you that you can’t get rid of, as if someone ripped a hole straight through your soul.”
The cracks grew deeper, and Sunset actually felt herself both a little afraid and disheartened as she felt Coalstone’s tone grow colder, more bitter and even a bit angry as he remained blind to all that was around him. “Even after all that’s happened, you still believe that you might be able to have better luck with someone new. But you find it just gets harder, you’re more afraid they’ll reject you like your old friends did, and that fear keeps growing inside of you, until eventually you’re too afraid to speak with anyone, knowing you’ll more than likely say or do something for them to mock you for, or they’ll simply abandon you.”
By this point, the cracks had become so large that the statue began to break apart, yet Coalstone refused to stop, bringing his hammer up once more, his gaze a mixture of anger, bitterness and a degree of sadness as well. “In the end, friendships are nothing but hollow, empty words from people who’ll just as quickly turn their backs on you as stand by you. Very few people can ever say they’ve ever had true friends, as any relationship they ever had has fallen apart.”
With a loud smash, the statue shattered into countless fragments. Coalstone stood up. Sunset had covered her face to block some of the airborne shards, but she found herself shivering at the cold, almost dead look in the stone carver’s grey eyes.
“Friendships are fragile, and they almost always break, no matter what anyone says.”
There was a dead silence in the room, the only audible sound present being the footsteps of the people in the hallways. Sunset didn’t say anything at first, while Coalstone looked down at his destroyed statue with a small ping of sorrow, picking up what remained of the stone piece’s head.
“Kind of makes you wonder whether friendships are even worth all the pain you have to endure, just to even make one friend.”
“You don’t really think that way, do you?”
Coalstone looked up at Sunset, who seemed to have an almost pleading look on her face. “I mean, I don’t know much about friendship, but I do know what it’s like to have friends, and even if we’ve have a few rough patches, I’d never want to just throw them away.”
“Who’s to say it’s really your choice?” Coalstone quickly put the head on the table and started brushing away some of the stone fragments. “If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my life, it’s that people can just as easily be cruel as they can be kind.”
Taking another glance at the statue head, his eyes gained a distant look, as his mind seemingly slipped back into the past. “It's probably obvious to you by now, but I started getting into stone carving because I didn’t have many friends growing up."
Quickly pushing the stone fragments into the trash, he picked the head up and peered into its lifeless eyes, “Worst part, though, was everyone else. Can’t even begin to tell you how many people thought I was weird, creepy or even called me a freak because of the things I liked to make. And that only made things harder.”
He quietly pulled out a small brush and proceeded to remove some of the dust and small stone bits still on the statue head. Sunset, taking a closer look, was surprised to find it was completely filled with all kinds of statues of different sizes and designs. Dragons, demons, serpents, monsters, all intricately detailed and beautifully crafted, so much so she actually was able to look past their somewhat frightening appearance.
Coalstone quietly turned the head this way and that, examining the surface of the stone. “I used to spend a lot of time by myself. So one day, on a whim... I decided to talk to my statues, since I knew they at least wouldn't be so callous as to mock or ridicule me for something so petty.”
Spinning it around, he saw that the back of the head had been horribly cracked from the fall. Wordlessly, he let the hunk of stone fall into the trash. “Of course, I'm not so crazy as to think they’re alive or anything like that. But when you are so afraid or just so tired of being alone and betrayed by the people around you, confiding in something you know will never abandon you, or act spitefully towards you, suddenly doesn't seem so bad, does it?” he asked, looking directly at Sunset.
Looking at the statues and then at Coalstone, Sunset actually found herself thinking back somewhat, mostly to how quickly her friends had turned against her, and how it’d hurt worse than any pain she’d ever felt before. But what really scared her was how easily it happened.
“All it took was a few bits of gossip on the internet to make them turn against me. Does that mean that even if I manage to turn things around with them this time, there’s little to stop this from happening again?”
The idea of going through that whole ordeal again was horrifying to even consider; it was the worst feeling in the world, and she’d willingly give up anything to make sure that it didn’t happen again.
Looking at the door and remembering what happened, the fear slowly began to regain it’s grip on her heart. “Maybe he’s right. If our friendship is so fragile, then why bother keeping it…?”
As her mind slowly began to accept this notion, another thought entered her mind, something she hadn’t quite considered. Quietly, she turned to Coalstone, still admiring his statues, a smile on his face…A sad, hollow smile.
“Don’t you ever wish they could talk back?”
His grey eyes opened slightly, looking to Sunset, who slowly walked towards him. “I mean, they might not act cruel or desert you, but at the same time, like you said, they aren’t alive. Don’t you still feel alone, spending all your time with things you know you can never have even a small conversation with?”
For a moment, Coalstone’s stone-like visage seemed to fracture, as a an almost broken look seemed to enter his eyes, looking again at his creations. Letting out a tired sigh, he replied, “Honestly, I don’t think there’s a day that goes by where that thought doesn’t enter my mind. To be able to talk, to laugh, to know that feeling of simply being around another individual, whom you can confide in. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to know that feeling again.”
“Then why not try?”
She quickly regretted her answer, as Coalstone’s face quickly grew cold and somber, looking again to the passage to the hallways of the school. “Because I’ve spent most of my life trying to make friends with people, and all I’ve ever gotten from it was pain, ridicule and misery. No matter what I try, it always ends the same. I end up hurt and alone, and I’m tired of it.”
He quietly walked to another part of the room, retrieving a large block of stone from a supply closet. “In the end, I’d rather be with those I know would never intentionally hurt me than go through that again. Besides…Didn’t the same thing happen to you? Your friends promised to stand by you, and yet here you sit with me, sad and alone. Do you really want to go through all of this again out of some bleak hope that maybe, just maybe, your friendship will endure through the ages?”
At first, Sunset didn’t say anything. She peered through her memories, all her experiences and everything that had led up to this point, until she reached her answer.
“Maybe you’re right. If I’ve learned anything today, it’s that friendships aren’t indestructible, and that sometimes they can hurt you far more than they help you… But...”
As she trailed off, her mind flashed back to when she first arrived in this world. “I also know what it’s like to alone, to have no one by your side, to help you, to comfort you. Even when I was in control of this school, I always felt empty inside, and no matter how much power I had, or how good I tried to make myself feel, I never felt even half as happy or as alive then as I did when I had my friends.”
Her words slowly gained greater strength as her darker memories quickly shattered, while the brighter times she’d managed to gain with her friends shone through. “Everyday I spent with them, I finally felt whole for the first time in my life. And I don’t want to go back, ever. Even if we may have some disagreements, that doesn’t mean I’m just going to give up on them, even if they may on me first.”
Looking back at the door, Sunset let out a calming breath as she readied herself. “Even if things are bad, I’m not going to just give up. I know there’s something up with Anon-a-Miss that I’m just not seeing, and I’ll find it. I won’t let our friendship die; not now, not ever.”
She took a moment and turned back to Coalstone, who was in the midst of working on another statue. “I want to say thanks for letting me stay here for a while and listening to what I had to say. I think this helped me more than I thought it would.”
Coalstone didn’t look up at her. “No problem, I guess. Hopefully things go well for you and your friends, but I wouldn’t be too hopeful. Didn’t take much to break your friendship before, and it’s not likely gonna be the last time this happens.”
Sunset only looked at the boy with a degree of pity before adopting a more confident gaze. “Maybe, but I’ll take that chance, because I know my friends are worth it.”
She made her way to the door and reached out for the knob. Yet as she began to twist it open and release some of the light of the hallway in the dark room, she took one last glance at Coalstone.
“Once this is over, I’ll come back and show you that friendships aren’t so fragile and that there are still people you can trust, to be with you no matter what. That’s a promise, Coalstone.”
With those last thoughts, she walked through the door and watched it close behind her. The darkness quickly consumed Coalstone, leaving him there once again alone, with only the cold, hard stone to comfort him.
This... Was the best Fic I've read in this site... It's funny, really. Coalstone has the exact philosophy I have when it comes to Friendship.
ok that was surprisingly good. The theme of the story, coalstone, and sunset was all good. I just want to fucking know what's up with that anon-a-miss villain
5851644 "Anon-a-miss is from the Equestria Girls holiday special comic.
I was the pre-reader for this story, and it is as good as I thought it would be. Great job!
5852330 hmmm.. i've got to check that out. Thnx for the info but what i was really asking was why anon-a-miss was doing what she(?) was doing.
5852436 ah, I see. Simple misunderstanding.
The writing is decent. It's clear you're aiming to write artistically, but many of your sentences come off too long winded. The key to good writing is to brevity. Say as much as you can using as few words as possible.
Also, you mistake "defiantly" for "definitely".
5852448
Sorry, it's tricky with my writing at times. I wanted to make the story good, and I guess I got carried away with the descriptions. My dialogue has generally been my weakpoint when it comes to writing.
5852448
Well do you think you could help me with some of the editing or suggestions if possible.
5852452
There will be a sequel?
5854142
Maybe, do you really want one? Mostly just asking what you like about the story, if you don't mind my asking.
5854409
Where do I begin...
First off, Coalstone is awesome. Because, of his point of view of friendship.
Second. The reason that I want a sequel, it's because of Sunset. I mean, in the end she wasn't reunited by her friends and that left me wonder if Sunset will change of point of view.
5854508
Haven't exactly thought that far ahead, I mean I had plans with Coalstone and the like, but was sort of planning to follow canon but I'm thinking a little more that it should be a little different.
Just not sure how.
5854529
Don't worry. Take your time.
Excellent story, i love how different points of view collide.
hope i could read the comics to have a better understandment of the situation.
but then again i don't really like the story in the comic.
Hmm... So sad, true, yet false.
I feel so torn right now.
5856444
Does that mean you like it, dislike it. Kind of hard to understand what you mean.
5856480
Like it? I love the story! I'm talking about friendship and how it's viewed.
5856490
Oh, well yeah, wanted Coalstone to sort of be a darker side of friendship, showing that it's not all happy times, memories and parties, like the mane characters usually show it to be.
Alright, finally got around to reading this story. Here is what came to mind.
Your original character, Coalstone, fits the bill of the dark, brooding, edgy character with the tormented background that so many OC pitfalls that many writers make. His appearance screams edge, as well as his personality.
However, in saying that, this character type fits that bill perfectly. But, in doing so, he plays the antithesis to what Sunset could be if she gave up on friendship. In a way, he plays a dark image of what she would be like if she were to give up on her friends over a disagreement. So while he teeters on that cliché line, it was what was needed for Sunset's growth. So in a rare instance, I find the character type fitting the story well. And that is something I don't say often. Well done.
Cheers!
-Zodiacspear.
5860476
Thanks I know the character is a bit cliche with the design and personality, but I figured that's kind of how a person whose gone through not having friends for so long might act.
There is more to him of course, but I figured it worked since I wanted to create a sort of dark side to friendship, showing that it has just as many dark shadows as it does light moments, something the show doesn't tackle as much as it could.
I appreciate the comment and glad you enjoyed it.
5860500 I would be extremely pleased if you would continue this story. This is starting out perfectly, and I would love to see more.
5862167
Can I ask what specifically you are hoping for in a sequel?
5863416 A resolution to the story. You have the setup perfect, with a conflict, at least two interesting characters, and a goal, finding this Anon-a-miss. You also have some side conflicts, such as Coalstone's anti social attitude and his past, which he'll have to confront at some point. There is a lot of potential in this story. It would be a shame to let it go to waste.
Yo yo, I remember ya, lol. I'm glad to see ya first story is a excellent one, well deserving of a fave and a thumbs up!
Keep up the good work.
Very interesting, well done dude :)
Hmmm... alrighty! Here's my take from this.
Well, starting off, I was just a tiny bit turned off by it seemingly being an OC focused story. I was honestly expecting "Ze tragic backstory alla Sue" walking in... but I was pleasantly taken by surprise. Coalstone was pretty restrained and had dialogue which told his backstory better then any flashback could. His outlook on friendship was also a treat to read as well, seeing how completely contradictory it is to what little Sunset understands of it at this point in her life. That was my other issue heading into this; I was worried that Sunset was going to fold and accept his views as being 'better' then her own... But again my prediction was happily off.
I quite like how Sunset handled things too; excepting Coal's views for what they are, acknowledging that he's right in some areas, but ultimately sticking to her own path even if it seems a bit bleak at the moment. This was a nice character piece for her, even if Coal did a majority of the talking.
In all honesty... I'd like more! This could be a nice prequel story to a larger story later down the line if you so wish for Sunset to follow in Twilight's hoofsteps in spreading the magic of friendship far and wide. It feels like you have more story left to tell, though this does end in a nice place as is; with Sunset respecting Coal's views and not pushing her own onto him. Continuing this story, and trying to give this character a 'happy' ending, could be difficult... but I think you could pull it off if you so wish. The writing is pretty darn good and the message carries clearly, so really it just depends on whether YOU want to write it.
Either way, great job
5867775
Well thanks I appreciate your honesty. I did plan to write more about this character and show there is a bit more to him than already seen, though I'm worried I might ruin the character if I continue forward. I suppose I'm a little like Coalstone in that I'm afraid of what'll happen if I continue. I do want to, just not sure.
Also any suggestions on how to improve the chapter as it is or perhaps if I do keep writing what to do with Coalstone as a character? Any advice would be welcomed.
Liked and fav'd.
I agree with a lot of what he was saying.
There's a big difference between someone actually being your friend and someone only being a person that you get along with.
I would've just said "I'm done with all of you" after proving that the cmc were the ones behind everything.
5868799
The advice I'm giving you is for if you intend to do more with this character.
The best way to build up a character is to have them interact with as many characters as possible.
The reason (one of them anyway) Flash Sentry is such a flat character is because he never has any memorable moments with any character besides Twilight. It's like he was literally made for her.
Stone can avoid this horrid fate if he has a few moments with each of the mane 6, so he can show off who he is and how acts in various situations. Have him interact with Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy a bit, they'd be wonderful foils.
Also, keep his past largely vague, that way you can change it if you aren't pleased with something.
Loved the chapter by the way, I'd like to see more of Coalstone.
this should seriously needs to me more then a one shot. The story potential here is great. Who actually is this Anon a Miss and how can she heal her friendships.
Great story and I hope there's a sequel to this one later on
this story gets 5 hearts ()
Ok, lets get this straight, I did not like the EQG annual. It ade so sense for the characters at that point, considering everything tht had happened and felt like the author went on an author tract and wanted to use this as a way to handle it. The message was sound and the story could've worked...if it was set before RR.
That said...this story far far far more than makes up for it. I love that Sunset was, at first, agreeing with what he said. And for the most part, he is right, friendships cna be eassy to break, but they are also very easy to mend. I love how Sunset basically broke through her own granite by remembering how alone she felt when she was evil, and that being with them was better than that. I love how she remembered that they are worth it and that it is something worth fighting for.
I am reminded of something that I read once from one of my favorite "Cantorlot Wedding fix fics"
I think that is what Sunset has learned here, and is a n improtant lesson for us all. No relationhip is perfect an you will be dissappointed if you think it is. the important thing is if you are read to ight for it and forgiv e and forget.
Coalstone makes me think of a troll I met once, and Sunset, well, me and how I can point out how much I love being here with these writers and this fandom
5851644 Oh it came from the winter annual mlp EQD comic where that SPOILER Anon-a-miss creates a fake page where everyone's secrets and hidden opinions are revealed. The villain frames Sunset to try to ruin her rep. Here
5956461 BTW FanFace, if you'd be alright with it i'd like to use Coalstone in Sunset Helper. Perhaps somewhere down the line in the next installation(after the Sirens)
5956484
Yes, yes, please, I'd love that. Just as long as you let me know how he'll be involved and everything, please yes, go ahead.
Also you can just call me Faceless for short if you want. But please, let me know what you had in mind, through private messages of course.
5956461 wow. Thnx spirit. Really appreciate this.
5956616 Not a problem, mate. I warn you, it kinda sucks though.
5955868 Why didn't you like it?
Have you ever considered submitting this story to Equestria Daily? You can find out how to do so here.
5989264
Well, its just that it felt really out of place for where the characters were after RR. IT was like the author wanted to tell this story, but had it set in the wrong era of the character's lives. It didn't really feel organic or real to me for these characters or in that scenario. I it was during the six month break between the first movie and RR, then I woul be ok with it.
5989265
Um I didn't know I could. Why do you think it would be worth it?
You can has review!
Hmm, interesting subject. I didn't realize that this comic series existed. I learned something new today. Keep up the good work.
Well what an interesting take on friendship, I like that this plants a seed of doubt in her.
but I would added at lease put a summary of the event of t Anon-A-Miss because not everyone has read the comic based on it. If you have to read something else to understand what going than it's inconvenient for the audience.
6026250
Believe me I know, I've gotten that comment more than once here. I'll keep that in mind.
One tincy weency criticism, while you did make it very clear what the story came from and even gave a link to the comic. In a one off story like this the less the reader has to rely on prior knowledge the better. Not saying you shouldn't do what you did, but the more the reader can get from this one source the better.
But over all i really liked this story, it was composed nicely, the setting of a darkened art room was well realized. I liked how Sunset pulled herself out of this funk, and i would be interested in seeing more of this Coalstone fellow.
6055303
Thanks though It's not like I didn't mention in the story how the situation started. Sunset explained to Coalstone what the whole "incident" stemmed from.
What should I change, add a summary in the beginning or something?
6055337 Sorry i guess i was a little blunt, i meant to say you did just fine as far as story+backstory. I was more giving a general guideline. And it really is up to the writer him/herself to determine how much they want to rely on pre-established material. When you do though, you always run the risk of someone who is unfamiliar with that material getting lost or confused. To reiterate you did a fine job with this story.
6055375
Thanks I appreciate the compliment. Now I just have to ensure that any future stories or chapters are better.