• Member Since 23rd Mar, 2014
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RP writer and Spacebattles


A human is running Ponyville's first, heavily filtered, connection to the internet. It's only a matter of time before the ponies break through… and find out the truth.

Now with a dramatic reading by LandonWho!

Czech translation by Keranis

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 221 )
Seether00 #1 · Jan 9th, 2015 · · 2 ·

The internet is for porn

All together now, Avenue Q, we all know the words...
(ETA: Darn. Ninja'd.)


I have a fast connection so I dont have to wait...

At first, I expected something deep, something incredibly moving to read and a dramatic ending for all.

But then I read it

And I can say that this was incredibly better than any expectations that I had whatsoever.

I cant blame her, sex is the highest selling thing in the world and history

This... is actually highly amusing. And accurate.

Cynics would say that by searching on the internet, you'd end up exposed to "war" and what not... but the real truth is that a disturbingly large part of the internet is dedicated to porn, shipping, erotica, what not. As in, the largest part. Heck, just look at this site, search for the Romance/Sex tag (if you're old enough) and behold the sheer flood of stories you'll see dedicated to it.

We humans are pretty good at self-depreciation and often forget what is truly our biggest urges/instincts...

Oh and... funny that the moment Twilight accessed an unrestrained network, the first thing she did was make a beeline for porn sites. Could be luck... or could be that the ponies are not that different after all...

I'll admit I was a little dubious at first. Absolutely great short story :rainbowlaugh: Probably pretty damn accurate too.

Thumbs up.

This needs a sequel, as I found it severely lacking in sequels. (I also found it highly amusing.)

Hahaha the ending was the best.

Despite a widespread belief to the contrary porn isn't the most widespread content on the internet.
It only accounts for 4% of the sites and 13% of the web searches.

The actual most widespread thing on the internet, by bandwidth are comercials (and no not just for porn either) that is the thing the internet is used for the most is trying to get people to buy stuff.

Are we talking numbers? Oh boy oh boy oh boy, let's talk numbers.

Vege here is correct in that the amount of pornographic material on the intertubes is overstated. However, his numbers are a little off. According to the Daily Infographic, roughly 12% of websites have pornographic material along with 25% of internet searching being pornographic in nature. This is in addition to one in three people being exposed to unwanted sexualised imagery when searching the internet.

I'm not going to pretend that this crackfic I've written is anything really profound. I did it because the punchline made me laugh and not much else. That said, humanity's fixation on our (truthfully) sordid past may make some people a little blind to what we could be seen as.

5483984 For Porn

She had access to the biggest and most dynamic library and communications network in existence and she went straight for the porn?

I suppose Ponies and Humans are more alike than our poor narrator expected.

5485441 There's always some new site...

Underrated post. Just sayin'.

Also, I have considered writing more along this story's line. Mostly in 'Giving Ponyville a computer network' sort of idea. I'd be drawing from my actual experiences as an IT guy, so hey, maybe when I've finished S&R I'll try my hand at it.

Obviously, it would be a little bit more... uh, serious in tone than this silly little oneshot.

...so, how did Twilight know those sites existed?

Actually, I was thinking of having a wireless network for a temporary backbone because FUCK trying to wire up Ponyville. Not in just a few months time.

Anyway, all signals would have to go through the server room, which is located in the Sys Admin's office. From the office, a thick amount of fibreoptic cables take it straight into the portal. Cat 6 just ain't going to cut it.

I imagine that Twilight could maintain her own lab of computers, but she couldn't handle all of the LAN for ponyville.

And hey, if you want to steal this idea, by all means. It's not exactly original in the first place.

Ah, I miss-explained. I was thinking of having wireless access points scattered around Ponyville, mounted on top of buildings and such. These access points would then connect back to the main server room in the Sysadmin's office. As for the fiber optics vs Cat6 for your main uplink to Earth, well, it's a matter of opinion. From my point of view Earth certainly wouldn't want to spare any expense.

A part of me realizes this is a one-shot, but another part of me would love a series of silly snippets like this. In either case, very cute story. I can imagine this is how Twilight might really react.

That was hilarious. Absolutely hilarious. I think i damn near broke my funny bone when i saw the search history!:rainbowlaugh:

this needs an update 3:(

Hmm, yes, these are all good points. I've not been factoring in the need for electricity. A glib response of 'fuel generators' is a likewise short-sighted idea. I got it in my head of using solar-powered truck for Sysad to drive around in. The question is, just how economical is that versus digging up a crap load of dirt? Somehow I get the feeling that ponies, especially pegasai wouldn't care for all the wires suddenly springing up from powerlines alternative, either... especially if they happen to fly into one. Ouch.

Yeah, definitely want to use a cell site, especially when money is no object. I've been thinking too small with dinky APs.

As for Twilight's unfiltered interwebs, well, in the backstory of this world, humans made first contact when Twilight opened the portal to our world again. Everything worked out well, everyone was happen, DBZ/Jojo's Bizzare adventure/Lion King fight scene happened. Then Twilight went home. One problem, she couldn't close the portal anymore.

Then a fifty-car pile up of the CIA, FBI, NSA, CDC and a laudry list of other three-letter acronyms descended upon Canterlot High Schoool.

5485285 I wouldn't trust many of those numbers. They're old and from a source that has good incentive to overstate the case (a filtering software company). Also using a relatively small sample size and guestimating from there. More reputable and up-to-date sources agree with the number Vege states. And that 4% is of the top one million sites. Just think about how many local stores and such have a website and no shot what-so-ever to be in the top million. The actual percentage is most likely much lower.

And that makes sense if you think about it. The search thing, for example. How often do you do a search for some little thing? An address, some Wikipedia article so you can "win" an argument on the internet, a screen shot of Diamond Tiara being adorable, searching IMDB so you can find out who that actor was in that episode of some show you just watched, etc. And think about all the people with smart phones, looking up all sorts of things. Meanwhile, if you tend to look at porn, you probably have your favorite couple of sites and mostly just go there, with limited searching.

I'll concede that. I wasn't able to find any other sources than the one that I linked and stopped looking after that. I was probably just confirming my own bias.


I can understand Twilight's frustration at the restriction of information.
How, some in power, if they don't like the feedback they are getting from the populace, turn off certain venues of expression so they can steer the populace into venues something closer to what they think is reality.

An example:many times surveys are used, to instead of finding out what the consumers want, they are used to figure how they can sell the junk they thought would sell to consumers but are not at the moment sell at all. How to make the cold hot if you will.
Say like restricting access to fox-news and letting you only able to watch CNN, artificially jinning up the numbers so it looks like their view is popular and people like a style of news reporting that predates Reagan!

I am not advocating neutrality, it just seems stupid not to make money when the other side will pay money especially if the contents are harmless.

My suggestion to the administrator, if the rich and powerful are willing to pay to see that stuff, they will never tell, and honest ponies will never look, make up your mind either keep the door nailed shut or sell tickets

I was afraid this was going to go into much darker territory. I'm kind of glad it hasn't.

FROM internet

When I saw this, I expected something bad between humans and ponies.

Nope. All Twilight wanted was freaking porn. Not expected at all.


For porn!

You know, in that situation I would probably march up to Twilight's house with the stuff I meant for her to see, and tell her all about what was going on. I would be freaking pissed that I risked my job/life for porn. Seriously?

Yeah that's pretty much what I thought would happen!:rainbowlaugh:

At least she didn't find snuff porn.

Let me correct your SQL query:
select porn from internet
WHERE type equals 'freaky shit'

At least to the best of my memory, not really a SQL guy.

5487620 porn porn porn

I like it - and it points to an interesting variance in the evolutionary paths between these ponies and humanity. Though ... wait, do those websites exist? Aw shit son, whatchu been doin'?

5484371 Yeah, highly misleading to say that the Internet is nothing but porn (or rather, high percentage of it is). This article from Forbes is quite in depth in it's search for the answer to the question, and far more accurate. The vast majority of the Internet is actually for personal websites: blogs, vlogs, etc, that sorta thing.

5488020 *Snickers* Minalkra... I could probably find at least a dozen or more sites just like those without barely trying. Trust me, you can find all kinds of weird crap that you wouldn't even THINK there was porn for on the 'net.

I don't know Twilight!

Man you sure misled me and a lot of people around here.

Love it, pure genius.

Ow I think this story gave me whiplash. I came into it expecting the typical ' ponies find human porn' story, and was surprised to find a story that seemed to be taking it seriously (even if it was severely overestimating how much we fixate on conflict). Then I revised my expectations three more times over the course of the story. Still funny as hell, though.

Finally! full access to all the knowledge and dark secrets of humanity.... and she just goes straight to porn. lolz

Maybe I'm sleepy or just not thinking straight right now, but when I saw the title I, for some reason, thought this would involve sports. When the guy mentions war I'm like, 'Oh, okay. Don't show the innocent ponies the scary war shit, I'm down with that.' Then I finally realized just what was happening when all his history was deleted. After the reveal of the websites and Celestia in the ending I laughed my ass off for a full ten minutes at how great the story was and my own stupidity coming into the story.

Ah, the Internet. A place of wonders and abominations. A gold mine of information.

Twilight... what the hell.

She risked her friends life (maybe unknowingly but still, it was a government job.) for porn? That is the single most human thing I have ever seen any of the ponies done...

...I really don't know what to think. First thing is to collect a billion gigabytes of porn?



"So… when were you going to go into the server room?"


Ppphhhhfff...HAHAHAHA. :rainbowlaugh:

I don't think a fic has ever made me laugh any harder than this one.

Maybe I just have a really immature sense of humor. :twilightblush:

All in all, 10/10.

Oh, and...more, please. :yay: Th-that is...if you want to write more...

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