An English knight married a kindly woman, touched in the head, who thought she was an alicorn. She was right.
Then one day Cecilia disappeared.
He knew that Cecilia vanished into the side of the statue, the same place she lamented the 'mirror closing' two and a half years ago. He threw a rock at it... and it vanished. It was true. He had to find her.
He didn't care about Cecilia's madness, about this 'Equestria' or her obsession with ponies. He loved her. He loved her enough to walk into Hell itself. He would bring her back, no matter what.
Edited by: John Hood, OkemosBrony, Legion222 & Katherine Kerensky (Chapters 1-12)
Guest Editor: refferree
Chapters (20)
Hmm. Some minor capitalization errors and a few oddly phrased bits, but overall, I like it. Poor Gareth.
This is sweet.
Very interesting take on HiE stories, can't say I've read any like it so far. It's earned a like from me for being unique and well written. I'm also giving it a tentative fave in order to keep up on updates, really can't wait to see where does story goes.
I'll say this once and only once. This is probably one of the Celestia-Damn best love fic I have ever read!!! I absolutely love it and how it's going. I applause you my good person for creating such a fic.
So, Gareth is siding with the Yorkians? Hmm.... Works for me
Grats on the feature! I'm liking this!
I wonder how it will continue....
I REALLY like this fic, a very interesting storythat i have yet to hve read in any HIE fic so far.
I love how visceral all the little details made this. Small errors aside fantastic work can't wait for more.
I have to admit this is an interesting take on the HiE, PoE, and Human/Pony romance, though to be honest it was the shipping of Gareth and Celestia that got me, I'm a sucker for Celestia romance.
This is definitely a very interesting take on HiE. I like it!
I'll gladly go over this, fix the spelling and grammar, and then PM It back to. If that's ok with you, of course.
4470804
And I will gladly accept. I've got a couple of betas that... kinda aren't.
Duh duh duhhhh...
I don´t need to watch "The Last Unicorn" again to know this is going to end in tears.
One thing bothers me about this stroy.
A medieval Englishman would refer distances in imperial feet, not meters.
Other than that, I really like it!
4470875
Quite right! Forgive my provincialism, there's bound to be a few goofs like this.
If anyone else should spot mistakes like these, please PM me. This story isn't perfect, but I want it to be as close as possible.
4470830
Friends. Nice and all, and oftentimes will gladly look over your work, but not as great (usually) as editing editors that'd rather bitchslap you in the face with every mistake in structure and pacing and content that they can find.
I find this to be a rather intriguing story for a few reasons. You bring in the mirror that facilitated Equestria Girls (Or so I presume, given the 30 moons phrase) and use it in a time that almost no one ever writes in. By putting the story in a period that appears to be shortly following the banishment of Nightmare Moon, and Celestia using the mirror to simply escape for awhile (as that is the impression that I received from the story) and getting stranded on Earth in England, well... you've already got one hell of a plot there. Add in the fact that she apparently suffered a head wound accompanied with some form of memory loss / amnesia, and was forcibly extracted by her ponies come the next window of the mirror, and things really are taken up a level.
Sounds like you've got someone willing to go through the story though and help clean it up, which is always a plus. The only thing that really bugged me is that you are spacing your paragraphs inconsistently, I'd suggest picking one style and sticking to it. Either consistently give us that blank space, or none at all. I understand that you're trying to add emphasis or make a point, but you would probably be better off rephrasing stuff and tossing around some italics. After all, they serve to emphasize those pesky spots you want to stand out.
Besides that, everything seems to be flowing well enough. It does appear on the surface that Equestrian and English are two entirely different languages, which will only add to the complications and trials that our English protagonist will have to deal with once he realizes just what sort of rabbit hole he has truly fallen into. Plus the political situation within Canterlot and the surrounding areas sounds to be at a boiling point, so it is promising. I just urge you to be cautious and take your time writing and planning, I'm certain you know why though.
Best of luck, you've got a rather solid first go at posting fanfiction here.
4470892
YES. This is the kind of feedback I need. Thank you, Spacecowboy.
If you're open to it (I certainly don't want to wear out my welcome), I'd like to ask you to do me a favour and point out some examples of my pacing issues. While I think it's okay, that probably isn't the case. You know the old saying though; if you're satisfied with your skills, then you're stagnating.
4470892 THIS! THIS IS HOW YOU FEEDBACK GUYS
4470921
Your paragraph spacing is highly inconsistent. From the 1st chapter...
If you look in the above section, this is an exact copy and paste of a segment a little over halfway through the chapter. Looking through the chapter a bit more, it's almost as if you are using the [Enter] key in lieu of semi-colons or commas or periods.
I did a few other changes, but notice how easy it was to condense the paragraphs there. Since someone has offered to help clean things up, I'll skip mentioning the capitalization errors and other grammar related stuff.
4470982
Hmm, very nice points. The paragraphs you've written do flow better. While I probably won't go back and change all these, I will try my best to be aware of this for future chapters.
Thanks again, Spacecowboy. You're one of the good ones.
Bah! A fiction involving effeminate and womanly englishmen!
But it has ponies I suppose, and ponies make everything better.
Faved
i like this story, keep it up and be careful not to rush it
Is there a reason he wasn't turned into a pony, as a reciprocal of ponies who cross being turned into humans?
Nitpick:
A draw bridge extend over a chasm to the front of the castle.
AFAIK "draw bridges" are retractable and unless I'm mistaken you're referring to the bridge we saw in the pilot. But I may be wrong!
I have a great need...... for MOAR!!!
Seriously though this story is awesome!
4470892 I would also add that the author should keep in mind whether or not this story is going to feature an Equestria that eventually becomes the canon world, or if it is meant to be a very different parallel world.
The story must maintain a particular tone and flow if Equestria is meant to be the same Equestria as the show in the future, otherwise events will ripple down through their history and induce radical alterations.
Cause and effect must always be kept in mind.
And that's where taking the time to create an event timeline and thorough outline comes into the worldbuilding. One must always be sure that the direction a story takes is one that leads where it needs to go in a plausible manner, otherwise simple common sense on the reader's part breaks the willing suspension of disbelief.
Uh... Not sure if you noticed, but in the description, Celestia's 'name' is Cecilia, but then this entire chapter Gareth's been calling her Ceclia... Is there something I am missing...?
4471139
Terrible spell checking, that's what.
*sigh*, thought I cleared all those up.
I noticed one oddity:
This is written as if it was her thoughts, but if that is the case then it should be "listen to me". And probably in italics or something.
I am definitely enjoying this story of yours. You've managed to create a believable atmosphere and background for what we've seen of Equestria thus far. And as a History Major, I can say that you seem to know your stuff pretty well, which is always good. Looking forward to seeing more of this story.
4470863
As a noble in the 1400's, Gareth's life expectancy is probably somewhere around 60-70 years, baring him having suffered any serious injuries on the battlefield or while hunting boar or some other dangerous beast of that nature. Given how he seemed to have experienced no major difficulties running around the Everfree, I'd say that either seems like it would be unlikely, despite his obvious PTSD symptoms manifesting from the stun-grenade spell. Now on the other hand, healthier eating from a diet lacking in much in the way of meat might extend that a bit. Alternatively, his lifespan might also be extended by some form of weird magical side effect or spells on Celestia's part. But at any rate, given the massive discrepancy between Gareth's and Celestia's probable lifespans, this ending tragically kind of goes without saying.
4471139 Cecilia was likely Celestia's nom de plume while in England
4470126 Right time period, but if you're going to post a Simon and Garfunkel song, how can you NOT post this one?!?:
Damn... now I have another awesome story to wait for an update.
BUT IT'S WORTH IT!
The action, feelings and describtions are wonderful.
A Song of Ice and Fire: Friendship is Magic?
Game of Ponies?
You have all my
with this story please please please do not let it die!
Faved
Upvoted
Watch
this. this is legit. I eagerly await more
This is the first featured story I've seen in days that I felt deserved the slot. Well done. Extremely well done.
I'm going to follow the hell out of this.
Also, I swear to everything that's holy, if you end up attaching a "Dark" or "Tragedy" tag to this...
OH MY GOD I NEED MORE OF THIS!!! this is so engaging and it's only just begun. I can't wait for the next chapter!
You write well, keep it up!
Keep this up PLEASE. I have never seen this angle of a HIE before and i want more of this breath of fresh air.
brilliant, absolutely brilliant
His chest bore a chain hauberk....
This story looks delightful.
Hey, an interesting and rather original premise. You're going on my "Read Later" list, so I don't forget to check this out.
4471616 You'll love it even more.
A Human X Celestia romance directly approved by Celestia's Paladin? Color me intrigued.
A good Christian medieval Englishman visiting Equestria, a land full of myths and magic, and being married to a "horse?" Heh. Now I'm really intrigued.
Well, I admit that I didn't particularly enjoyed the story, and I could just leave without saying anything at all, but...well, it does deserve a comment.
Don't get me wrong - the story is well written, it really is, and it is an interesting story twist to it, which is enough to get me to press the 'like' button. It is, however, not quite my cup of tea. I do hope you keep on writing though! You do have a good style, so keep at it.
I think I've seen this on SB recently.
Nice to find it here.
Should be "were", referring to the plural "signs".
Same problem here. Referring to the drawings in the bedroom. Also, I'm not sure if using "-..." is proper grammar.
This is confusing. Is Gareth suddenly thinking to himself? If so, you need to find a way to separate it from the rest of the story to show it's actually his thoughts, because I thought for a minute you had some perspective changes in the middle of the chapter. I'd suggest using italics.