Pinkie Pie is hired by Ponyville's local newspaper to write an advice column.
Don't worry, she knows what she's doing!
Also, a quick reminder that we are not yet accepting new questions. If you submit any, you run the risk of them being answered in many months. Currently enough questions for up to 24 weeks total (including already published columns).
Tagged random because I don't know what questions I'll be getting.
Edited by WinterPony, nomotog, spideremblembrony, and Darkswirl. Proofread by SirRage.
Cover art by xPesifeindx.
(Psst. Featured 9/14/15!)(And when I updated on 8/19/18, as I suspected.)
Chapters (7)
Hey Pinks I've been wondering do you have any advice on what jobs to look into for someone who just wants to come up with ideas all day long? Discord has the only one I can think of....
Dear Pinkie Pie,
I have a friend who keeps borrowing my tools, but not returning them for months at a time. I keep asking him, but he either ignores me, or makes up excuses. I want some advice on how to deal this problem.
Signed,
Annoyed in Appleoosa.
I LOVE the idea of this fic! I'm in!
Pinkie Pie,
I'm a filly and dont want to get my cutie mark. Am I weird? Cuz everypony thinks I'm crazy! Not that being weird ain't cool, but still, wanna know that I'm there in the head.
From a pony
Dear Pinkie Pie,
I'm a Griffin and have a super crush on this Pegasus. Thing is... I'm not exactly what you would call a "cool" guy, and the pony I'm into only dates the cool ponies. You know, the ones that are the stars of the party (always wanted to go to one), look cool and say cool things. Not me. Should I turn myself cool for her, because I really can't take not being with her anymore, but I also don't want to change myself like that. I like being me, even if nobody else does.
From a friend in need
You left the editor slot blank...
I'm full of them!
Pinkie Pie,
My parents think I'm crazy for my life choices and I'm thinking of running away to just get away from them. I want to love them, I really do, but I just can't be with them anymore. No matter what I do I'm wrong, even if I show them evidence and fuckin studies proving me right! I mean didn't you leave your parents? You're with me, right?
From a living thing
Dear "Advice Pinks" formally known as Pinkimena Dianne Pie,
I have a tendancy to make ponies absolutely despise me, and I don't do it purposely, it's all because of my very complex personality. What can I do? I don't want anymore ponies to hate me.
Sincerely,
BumbleFlow
Yo,
I got this problem see. I have a girlfriend, but I also wanna get with this other mare. And I also want to get with other mare. There's just so many mares I wanna get with, like all of them! When I walk to a store or some shit and see a mare I just wanna fuck her. I know I have a girlfriend and shit but my dick gets hard and just starts talking to me. Next thing I know I'm fucking some mare I just met and make sure to never see again. I even wanna fuck guys sometimes! I'm not gay, but sometimes my dick is hard and there's only guys available. The hell do I do?!
A Griffin with lots of experience.
My number is 656-888-9086
Hmu if you wanna good time. Trust me, I know how to show a mare a good time. You ain't lived till you been with me.
Dear Pinkie
I am not much of a dating kinda stallion but I have a huge crush on this mare I know, where really good friends and I have been trying to show her how much I like her but I can't find the courage to tell her and feel my lack of knowledge on relationships (I have never dated anypony before) that I might end up blowing it up and failing at being a good coltfriend, what should I do
From
Emerald Knight
A friend in need
Advice Pinks,
Any tips on how to get rid of haters? If not it's ok.
A Pegasister.
I ain't stopping. I'm having too much fun with this lol.
Pinkie,
I have this mare you see, this mare that I just have to get rid of... if you catch my drift. This mare has done nothing but shit one my life and take everything that was supposed to be mine! Because of her I'm stuck as some has been prodigy and will never get the recognition that I've been promised to all my life!
You know what, fuck Twilight Sparkle. There, I said it! Pinkie, if you wanna make big bits then help a pony out and kill Twilight for me. She'd never suspect it from you, and the authorities would never suspect it either. I got more jewels than you can imagine from the palace and you'll have every bit of them. Think about it, you can open up your own bakery instead of working for some fat balloon and
some orange loser that I don't even know what's wrong with him. You can even have your own house. Best part, no more Twilight! Be honest, Pinkie, her know it all, goodie too shoes attitude been old for a while now and Equestria would a less annoying place without her. So whaddya say, we down for this or what?
Sunset Shimmer, future Princess of Equestria and the world.
P.S. Twilight said you're annoying. She also sais that pink's her least favorite color.
P.P.S. Pink is my favorite color. Just sayin'.
I'll stop now
Ummm, Ms. Pinkie?
I have a little problem. I recently moved to Ponyville and met up with an old friend of mine. Diamond Tiara's her name. Of course we had planned on picking our friendship up where we left off...but for some reason ever since everypony in my new class found out Diamond was my friend, everypony's been avoiding me. And I mean EVERYPONY. I don't think I DID anything wrong...I'm starting to wonder if they just don't like Diamond or something. What do I do?!
-Beauty Split
Dat sig tho.
Dear Pinks,
I'm having trouble trying to find a proper plan for breaking to a select group of ponies that their entire world, it's parallels, and the Omniverse as a whole are all products of my creation without sending their society into chaos. I also have to break the new that their two supposed goddesses as well as their former-enemy-now-reformed-friend are all my children. Problem is that I've never met any of them and haven't even been to their universe since it's creation (Unfortunately there were far more pressing matters in other universes to deal with). You have plenty of experience breaking the 4th wall, so do you have any suggestions?
Sincerely,
A Dumbfounded Deity
I've got a question for you, pinkie!
WHY are you and your friends always running around or singing early in the morning or at night? Some of us acctualy like to, you know, sleep, like normal ponies!
Sincerly, a (totally sober) Berry Punch.
I got a question Pinkie
Im friends with many ponies but i tend to getlonely at times.do you have any advice to share on how to not be lonely.
by:Dizzy Twister(not the back ground character one)(btw ima white filly alicorn with dinky's hairstyle and tail style but in purple and wears a turquoise ribbon like applebloom)
4513564
I know, I'm sorry! I was tired and wanting to get the submitting overwith (?). I'll fix that.
Oh boy. I love love love interactive stories like this! Pinkie running an advice column is destined for awesomeness!
Okay, let's see here. Questions, questions... Ah-ha!
Dear Pinkie Pie,
Would you ever consider dating Spike if he asked you out?
Dear Pinkie: What would you do if a giant robot showed up?
Dear Pinkie Pie,
I have a question that is right up your metaphorical alley. My birthday is coming up in a few days, you see. And of course, I want it to be a good one. Problem is, most of my friends and such that I would be with are in far-away places. How can I get the most out of my birthday with having so few others close by to share it with?
Art Colter
Dear pinkie pie,
Has anyone ever told you that you have the most amazing name ever, anyway, have you ever met a golden because there's one that lives next to me and I want to befriend him without offending him. Can you help me?
From your #1 fan,
Sketch Artsmane
Dear Pinks: I am a reformed changeling. So, yay me i guess. But I am afraid of telling somepony I really really like that I am. he doesn't really like me anyway, he is in love with my sister... what should I do? we are still best friends but I feel I should say something.
~Shadow.
Wow...
Sure I'll bite...
Also, neat idea, I'll be interested to see how well you manage this
Dear Pinkie,
I am a Pegasus, and I live in a cloud house. Discord keeps messing with me and whenever I try to confront him, he disappears. How should I deal with this?
Your #1 fan,
NeonShadow
Congrats on the popular list #1
Dear Pinky is it true your dating Fluttershy
signed
Cranky in Canterlot
Dear Pinky have you ever met Molestia
signed
Batty in Baltimare
4515630
Wow, thanks! I haven't been on the front page all day.
Dear Pinkie
Sometimes I feel useless and like no one needs my help. And when I do help I just get in the way. What should I do?
Signed,
SpiA friendly fire breather.Pinkie.
I just moved into Ponyville. I sometimes get the urge to replace all of my limbs with mechanical substitutes. Then I get the urge to take over the world using said mechanical limbs.
What should I do about this, and should I seek psychiatric help?
-That punk from Canterlot
Oh. And uh... I'm keeping track of this.
4516214
Just to let you know, yours will be in a few weeks.
Dear Pinkie Pie,
How do I make myself feel less lonely online?
Yours etc,
2
Hey Pinkie how did it feel when you met cheese sand wich do you like him IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN
Dear Pinkie,
How do I find my smile again?
Signed, Anonymous
Dear Pinkie
Do you ever use magical ingredients in your baking? Have you ever made something that was literally magically delicious?
Dear pinkie
I am extremely imaginative and I have lots of awesome ideas for stories but I have trouble sometimes transferring that to paper
Ps. Tell gummy I said hi
By anonymoose
Dear Pinkie Pie,
I am currently being chased by bees. What do?
Sincerely,
Spazztic Shenanigans
P.S.
These bees are really gaining on me.
"Would you help me and Dash be friends again? I really have no other option but go for you,
dwePinkie"-Anonymous griffin.
My good writer, you had my curiosity, but now, you have my attention...
Dear Pinkie,
I am speaking to you across time and space to ask you this question:
I just ate the last slice of cake, and there is no ingredients left to make more. How do I hop across dimensions to find you and make cake with you?
Sincerely,
Surprise
A letter from Northern Equestria:
Dear pinke pie
I am a human on earth but i wont to be a unicorn in ponyvill what do i do?are you aware of bronys and if so what is your thots on it?
Frome
moonlight magic
How do you fit all that stuff in your party cannon?
Dear Pinkie Pie,
For quite some time, I've wanted to try and make my own comic series. I have lots of good ideas, but I have neither the skills nor the motivation to put them onto paper. I want to make a move, but I'm not entirely sure what to do. I thought about taking art classes, but I'm afraid it will cut too far into my time at my job. What do you think I should do?