• Member Since 18th May, 2013
  • offline last seen Last Wednesday

Pump It Up

Dead, but also undead. It's complicated.


Twilight Velvet has a deadline coming up, and she still doesn't have a story written. Nightlight drags her away to get her mind off of it, and they talk some.

This story was written for the One-Shotober challenges started by CartsBeforeHorses and Redigar. I hope you enjoy!

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 20 )

I feel like this could easily continue or spin off into a "Last Crusade"-esque story for Daring Doo and Daring's mom.

The Templar Guard clicked her ancient tongue in a 'tut-tut' fashion, looked at Daring with the wisdom of millennia, and then returned her gaze back to the pile of dust on the ground.

"She chose poorly," the guard said simply.

I'm thinking of continuing the story, but I don't know if I could; I do have some of the beginning already started. But that would be a good thing to go by. :rainbowkiss: It's fun drawing parallels between Daring Do and Indiana Jones.

Eh, I dunno. This is a good premise, but I felt like the execution could've been a lot stronger. :unsuresweetie:

My big problem with this is that it's too short. The problem (Twilight Velvet's writer's block) is established, but it could've been expanded upon a lot more. Not just through her conversation with Night Light, but through her own thoughts and feelings. Since this is being told in the first person, we should be privy to those things. I got some of that in the middle and towards the end, but there wasn't enough at the beginning. :duck:

Now, again, I like the premise, and for what it's worth, it's actually not that bad. You just need to beef it up a bit. :twilightsmile:

Thanks for the feedback. I might flesh this out more (along with one of my other stories) after the One-Shotober challenge ends.

I'll read this one later:pinkiehappy:

I like it :derpytongue2:

Short but cute :pinkiehappy:

Comment posted by Timemaster deleted Oct 22nd, 2013

3378789 You were watching last night's episode of How I Met Your Mother, weren't you?


Story approved on appeal.

This is exactly how inspiration strikes me. I can try for hours to come up with something with no success. Later, doing something complete different, an idea will come to me due to some random thought or action.

I really like how you capture Velvet's relationship with NIghtlight. It's familiar, comfortable, and loving, while showing the pair can still get annoyed with each other.

I wish I could do what you can with one thousand words.

Thanks! :pinkiehappy: And everyone is different; if it takes you 5,000 words to do what I can in 1,000, that's fine. :twilightsmile:

Screw it, I just going to leave this hear ::pinkiesad2:

Nice story with just one problem to it: Daring Do (and A. K. Yearling) has been established as not only exisiting, but doing their own writing. Enjoyable nonetheless. :pinkiehappy:

Yeah, I know. :ajsleepy: I have to add the alternate universe tag.


Awesome story and cool idea for daring doo story

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